Tag Archives: balance

Must do vs want to do

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I can tell it’s close to March break because I feel like a holiday is due. The biggest signal in my brain for this is that I can feel the shift in my thoughts move from, ‘What do I want to get done?’ Move more to, ‘What do I need to get done?’

At this point I’m wanting to efficiently and effectively get through the ‘must do’s’, checking off the tasks and responsibilities essential to do a good job. But those other things I really want to do, the special projects I created for myself, the extra tasks I envisioned getting out of the way before the break… these things are no longer feeling like priorities. They’ve been put on hold until after the break.

I’ve written a lot about the difference between leadership and management over the years, and the challenges of a principal’s role to do management well enough that there is time for true leadership. I can often express the importance of the role being about the leadership beyond the management, getting the things you want to do to lead done, and not just getting lost in the things that need to get done to run an organization.

What I haven’t admitted yet is that sometimes the energy level just isn’t there… like a few days before a two week holiday. Which also happens to be a time when you aren’t the only one looking forward to the break. And at these times the most important thing is to get what needs to be done off of your plate.

There are still ways to lead, to show gratitude and appreciation for others, and to be present with others… but at these times it’s perfectly ok to put the ‘want to do’ projects and plans on hold. What you can’t do is disconnect from the important things that still need to get done.

Come back from the holidays refreshed and ready to take on the world. But if you drop the ball on the ‘must do’s’ before the break, the catch upon return will keep you farther still from the ‘want to do’s’ you love about your job.

So, don’t feel guilty about putting those special projects on hold, but also don’t forget about all the things that you can do now to reduce the friction and workload, and prime yourself for the stuff you know you want to do when you return after the break. Manage all the tasks you can, focus on being productive, and you’ll pave the way for more inspired work when you return.

Live a Lifetime in a Day

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I love this metaphor for how to live a meaningful life, “Live a lifetime in a day,” shared by Harvard physician Dr Aditi Nerurkar on The Diary of a CEO podcast. I took the liberty of emphasizing each of the 5 stages for easy reference:

“[w]hat creates a meaningful life… is to live a lifetime in a day.

And so that sounds like this big thing, but all it is, is that when you start your day, think about five things,

five things that you can do in your day to create an arc of a long and meaningful life in one day.

So what does that mean?

Spend a little bit of time in childhood.

So in wonder and play, even if it’s for a few minutes, do something that brings you joy for joy’s sake.

Spend a little bit of time in work.

We all know what that is, and for most of us, it’s a lot of time, but for, you know, it doesn’t have to be paid work, but just something that helps you feel a sense of productivity agency that I can do difficult things and I can overcome.

Spend a few minutes in solitude,

very important for all of the reasons that we’ve talked about today.

Spend some time in community,

so engaging with others, and then

spend some time in retirement or in reflection,

really taking stock of your day. So at the end of the day, when you’re going to bed and you’re putting your head on your pillow, you can say, okay, yes, I lived a meaningful life. I did all of those things.”

~ Dr Aditi Nerurkar on ‘The Diary of a CEO’ with Steven Bartlett: Brain Rot Emergency: These Internal Documents Prove They’re Controlling You!, Feb 15, 2026.

What a beautiful frame to start your day with. Usually I’ve got more reflection to contribute after I share something like this, but I really don’t this morning.

We’d all be a bit more happy, more appreciative of the life we live, if this was our daily goal.

Monday to Fried-day

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Getting up at 5am to start my routine, then doing a full day of work, I feel like I’ve got nothing left at the end of the day. The only saving grace is that my morning routine is fulfilling, it’s me doing something for me… Writing, a workout, and meditation. Except here I am at 8:30pm already lying in bed, writing instead of reading (like I said I would this morning).

Why? Because my morning routine feels too rushed now that I’m commuting to a gym rather than working out at home. Getting most if not all of my writing done now, in the evening, will make my morning a bit more enjoyable. And that’s a sacrifice I choose to make. My morning routine is the priority I want so that when I get to work, I can be the best I can be at work. And the price? My evenings.

From Monday night to Thursday night, evenings are about recovery. Limited activity, limited thinking. By Friday after work I’m still a bit fried… It’s not an active weekend night, it’s a reset night. Still, I prefer this to waking up later and trying to do things after a full day of work. I’d rather have my evening downtime so that my mornings are energized than not do my morning routine and then pack everything into the afternoon when I’m tired from work.

Energize the mornings, feel great at work, and crash in the evenings. This is what my work week looks like, and it works for me… even if I have to sneak a bit of my morning routine into the evening.

Maintaining balance

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I’ve written about finding balance many times before, and I think that in our busy lives finding balance of time is one of the most challenging things to figure out. Between work, family, leisure, and health, there is never enough time in the day. Today, I’m thinking about a different kind of balance, physical balance.

A few weeks ago on one of my Coquitlam Crunch walks I slipped on a small icy section. It was careless because it was my second trip past this area, and I had noticed the ice the first time, then walked right through that section blissfully unaware the second time. I took most of the fall on my hand, my wrist was a bit swollen and very sore for a couple days, and only recently I haven’t noticed it at all. I was lucky not to have broken my wrist.

As we get older, falls become one of the biggest threats to our wellbeing. I have to wonder if I was 15 years younger, would that ice have caused me to fall, or would I have been able to regain my balance? Also, would my situational awareness have been sharper, since I should have already been aware that section was slippery?

Either way, I fell, and had the potential to do a lot more damage than I did. A few months ago I was regularly working on my balance. One thing I was doing was balancing on one leg with my eyes closed. I was getting better at it and then asked both my daughters to try and they had no issues doing it longer than I could. This is something that definitely decreases with age, and I want to add improving my balance back to my stretching routine.

My dad passed away at 79. At that time he was already shuffling around, unable to go up or down stairs without holding the rail and going one step at a time. My in-laws are in their 90’s and were far more mobile than my dad was at 79, but I can also see their struggles with balance now.

Physical balance is so critical to a healthy lifespan, and it’s something that is easy to take for granted until you no longer have it. And falls can be a quick way to hinder how well you can balance in the future, or at the very least they can disrupt your healthy routines with an injury. Yes, strength trading helps a lot, as does cardio training… but I think exercising specifically to maintain balance is something I need to pay a bit more attention to.

A disturbance in the force

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I’ve been feeling ‘off’ on top of issues getting a good night’s sleep, and that has thrown my schedule out of whack. Compounding this, I just joined a gym and the just over 30 minutes commute time to get there and back has thrown off my morning routine. I already get up at 5am and I’m not pushing this to 4:30 to compensate. So, I need to readjust my schedule. On top of this, I’m just 2 days away from winter vacation so my entire routine is about to get upturned anyway.

So what gives way to this? When there is a major disruption in the smooth running of my routines and habits, what breaks? Well, if I can help it… nothing. No, I won’t skip a day writing. No, I’ll never skip 2 days in a row working out. No, I won’t accept that this is a crazy time and I’ll just get back to my schedule when there is time.

That said, I’m probably going to end up moving something to the evenings. I actually have given up a puzzle I do each morning called Strands, and I don’t do Wordle first thing in the morning anymore. But more importantly, I won’t let scheduling be the reason that I don’t get my personal goals done each day.

I’ve said before that it’s the hard days that make you stick to a habit, but it’s also the way you handle your habits when your schedule doesn’t cooperate. When there is a metaphorical disturbance in the force, and things are not as they should be, these are the times habits are made or lost. Because habits are easy when they are neatly stacked into the routine of the day. But take away that routine and suddenly the habits take a lot more effort.

I guess I’ll just have to ‘use the force’… of momentum, of expectation, and of commitment to make sure that while my schedule and routines are totally disrupted, my habits will consistently prevail.

Flipping the switch

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My work switch used to be turned on all the time. I’d respond to an email after 11pm, or even during dinner. I’d get to work around 7:15am and frequently stay at work until I was late for dinner. Furthermore, not only did I wear this work ethic like a professional uniform, I also used the word ‘busy’ like it was a badge of honour.

What I lacked was balance.

I think I still struggle with balance but it is getting better. The place this really shows is when I turn the ‘work’ switch off. It started with my vampire rule for email, whereby like a vampire not being allowed to enter your house without an invitation, I do not permit myself to send anyone an email after 6pm unless I’m invited in… unless I am sent an email requesting a response. Otherwise, my email can wait until the morning, rather than interrupt anyone in the evening.

When my switch is on, I’ll give my all, but when my switch is off, this is where I’ve gotten better. Now I am better at not being a slave to email. I am also better at not perseverating over things I need to do at work while I’m at home.

The one challenge in getting here has been letting go of the guilt. I know it’s healthy to toggle the switch off, but for a long time I felt guilty doing it, and if I’m honest, I still struggle sometimes. It would be nice if it was as simple as literally flipping a switch, but it isn’t. Sometimes the work light still flickers when it is supposed to be off.

Work lurks

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I have gotten a lot better at leaving work at work over the last few years. I’d happily stay at work some days past 5:30 or 6pm, knowing that when I go home I can let things go until I arrive back at work the next day. That never used to be the case. I used to regularly respond to emails and continue to work well into the night.

What started to change this for me was my Vampire Rule for Email that I started for my staff, essentially never contacting them for anything work related after 6pm (unless like if I was a vampire, they invited me in… If they emailed me a question for example). After doing this for a few years, I realized I deserved the same courtesy. So, I’d stay at work a bit longer, knowing that if I was caught up enough on important matters, everything else could wait until the next day.

It’s a little different in the summer, when I’m off for so long. Today I looked at my growing unread emails, and realized there are a few things I need to deal with. Today I did a few quick ones, but I’ve got a few that need a more thoughtful or time consuming responses. Now it’s in my head and I know that if I don’t deal with them tomorrow, I’m going to spend some mental energy thinking about the fact that I need to respond.

Essentially, I either deal with it quickly, or work just lurks in my brain rent free, with niggling reminders that there is stuff I need to do. Because I don’t have an official work day coming up anytime soon, the idea that there is work on my plate stays on my plate and on my mind until I get it done. My choices are get it done tomorrow morning or think about it the whole weekend.

I’m definitely better at letting go and having mental breaks during the school year, but on holidays I still need to do these mental gymnastics to keep work from lurking in my mind when I should be enjoying my break.

Your ‘B’ Game

You can’t always bring your A game to everything. This is something we try to teach kids with a perfectionist streak. We run scrum projects where we give a clear ‘definition of done’. We encourage them to choose where best to focus their perfectionism, because trying to be perfect everywhere is debilitating, and students tend to get overwhelmed and not get everything done.

This is an aspect of the gifted student profile that can be both a superpower and also the Kryptonite that weakens the student. Perfectionism can be the thing that makes a student produce exceptional work, and it can be the reason they give up, or end up handing something in late, because while the project or assignment is good (even very good), it isn’t meeting a high or previous standard already achieved and so it’s just not good enough to complete, or sometimes even to try.

And so sometimes you need to teach kids to bring their ‘B’ game. Show us what you’ve got right now, because it’s probably good enough. Let’s see it? Great, you’ve met the outcomes, let’s move on. No, it’s not your best work, yes, if you put more hours into it, it could get a higher mark. If you want to improve it later… and if you have time… then go ahead, but why don’t we just focus on the next assignment now, and not fall behind again.

It sounds like easy advice to give, but to a perfectionist kid, this is hard work. What’s even harder though is expecting that you can bring your ‘A’ game to everything you do. Because this isn’t just debilitating as a student, it’s hard as an adult too.

When you’ve got more tasks on your ‘to do’ list than you can achieve; when email seems insurmountable; when meetings fill your schedule; and when getting one task done is taking time away from two or more other tasks, well then bringing your ‘A’ game is impossible. Sometimes you have to just embrace you ‘B’ game and give everything you do just enough to get it done… and save your ‘A’ game only for things that really matter.

Hard to let go

I had a very long and busy week last week, and that flowed into a long and busy weekend. I ended up with an empty tank, both physically and emotionally. I woke up Monday morning feeling awful and took the day off. My back ached, I felt like crap and I slept most of the day.

What I didn’t do was check my emails. I legitimately took a day off. Usually that means working from home, but I didn’t even open my laptop yesterday, and my phone stayed on ‘Do Not Disturb’. This morning I continued to feel bad and so I ended up taking a second day off (rare beyond a full back spasm or bad cold). Again, I stayed away from work much of the day, but I did put in a couple hours this morning to get some important communication out that was promised. And throughout the day I had a few things pull me into work mode via Teams and text messages.

And so I just looked at my email and I have 133 unread messages. That would have been higher without what I did today. This is the challenge of taking sick time… the work still comes your way. It’s like you take a sick day only when you absolutely need it, then you come back to so much work that you feel punished for taking care of yourself.

I’ve been working on this, trying to find balance. I will stay later at work and not look at email when I get home. I will add things to my ‘to do’ list at the end of the day and actually get home in time to make dinner. I will prioritize Teams, where my staff connect with me first and not look at email to start the day.

Still, it’s hard to let go. It’s hard to not sneak work in when I’m home. It’s hard to think, ‘I can deal with this tomorrow.’ But this morning I could feel it in me, ‘Take the day today and you won’t need another one before Christmas break… go back too soon and your battery is going to drain again, you aren’t healthy enough.’

So I did the unusual thing and listened to my own advice. Usually I don’t let go, I push through. I’m realizing that’s not just hard on my physical health but my mental health as well.

Do I have a lot of emails to get through? Yes. Does that add to my stress? Yes. But tomorrow I’ll attend to people first and email later… and I’ll catch up. The important thing is that I gave my body and mind the rest it needed and I’m 95% sure I’ll be back at work tomorrow.

The right to disconnect

I’ve already shared my vampire rule for email:

“After 6 PM staff only get emails from me if the email is invited in. In other words, if they have asked me a question and want an answer, then a response has been invited. But if that invitation for a response isn’t there, I delay email delivery until the next morning.

So like a vampire at the front door, I can’t enter (with email) if I have something to share that is not initiated (and therefore invited in) by my staff. New topics are set to be delivered early the next morning.”

Yesterday a parent wanted me to contact one of my online teachers, who is on her last week of summer holidays, to get her son started in a course. I said no. I told the parent that I would send a scheduled message to the teacher the first day back (and I did), but that I was not interrupting my teacher’s holidays.

The Australia government just protected employees “right to disconnect”. According to a CNN report, “As of Monday, people won’t have to answer out of hours calls, texts, or emails.”

Laws are one way to ensure it, but I don’t think we need laws to be thoughtful and respectful about work/life boundaries. I think we can choose thoughtfulness over convenience, and be respectful of people’s time and attention. Like I mentioned to the parent (who was very understanding), if I interrupt a teacher’s holiday for this, there is no specific line I can draw to respect the teacher’s rights to a holiday.

We can all probably draw better boundaries between work and the rest of our lives, but what’s more important is that no matter where we draw our own lines does not allow us to choose for others too. Regardless of where our lines are, we need to be respectful of other people’s rights to unplug and disconnect from work when they are away from work.