Writing is my artistic expression. My keyboard is my brush. Words are my medium. My blog is my canvas. And committing to writing daily makes me feel like an artist.
I heard this in a social media post yesterday and it’s sticking with me:
You’ll never feel ready because ready isn’t a feeling. It’s a decision.
How many times have I planned to do something then thought, ‘I’m not ready’?
Sure, this might not help if, for example, I’m talking about a test I haven’t studied for. There are the kinds of ‘ready’ that require preparation, planning, and practice. But there are a thousand little decisions we delay because we don’t feel ready, when all we’re really doing is delaying for fear of failure or embarrassment or rejection or any number of negative rationalizations that we create in our head that tell us we aren’t ready.
Ready is not a feeling. So don’t wait for the feeling. Ready is a decision.
Every time I visit my mom I end up seeing an old photo I haven’t seen before. Today it was a photo of my grandfather holding my newborn dad back in 1944.
I also saw some pictures that I haven’t seen in years.
And at least a couple I never remembered at all.
Tomorrow I’ll be helping mom put some pictures on her wall. I imagine a few more memories with be stirred.
I spend so much time looking at digital photos these days, it’s actually nice to hold on to printed copies from back in the film days.
Talking to my wife tonight, I mentioned how things have slowed down now that I’m staying with my mom on my Ontario holiday. “No kidding”, she said, “You needed this!”
I really did. I’ve been kind of going non-stop since mid August. And between everything I did to make it busy, my time at home was dealing with our renovation and clean up after it was done or prepping for my next event. I’ve been moving fast for quite a while now and a slow down feels really good.
Sometimes you need to hear it from someone else to recognize you are right where you need to be.
A few weeks ago I made some travel plan changes. I was planning to travel to Ontario today, but I called friends to let them know I was headed this way and one told me that they had a big party planned for last night, so I moved my plans to a day earlier and joined the celebrations.
I met these friends in 1986, when I went to university… 40 years ago. A few of the couple s there, and their kids, I’ve visited or reconnected with on and off over the years. They are truly awesome friends that I wish I lived closer to. But I moved to BC in ‘93 and visits have been sparse.
Also at the party were some of my friend’s friends whom I haven’t seen since moving. I was catching up with people I haven’t seen in more than 30 years. More grey hair and wrinkles, and whole families of kids to learn about, but still very much the same people.
An experience like last night really puts life in perspective. I’m left wondering how so much time could have passed? This will sound weird, but I wonder how ended up my parent’s age? I say that because the party included a live band, (a friend of the hosts who also met them 40 years ago), and as I looked at my generation and the next generation (my friend’s kids & their friends) dancing to Tragically Hip, the Rolling Stones, and even Led Zeppelin songs, I felt young again. I wasn’t a near 60 year old guy at a friend’s party, I was a kid at a backyard party. No adult supervision in sight.
Will feeling like I’m not old ever get old? Or am I going to forever wonder why I feel younger than I am… asking myself, ‘Where does the time go?’
I’m on a plane headed to Toronto. It’s about to land. I’m going for a vacation to visit family and friends for a few weeks. The last time I did a holiday in October, I was living in China working at a school that had a week off in the month. It still feels weird taking a trip like this during the school year. I’m feeling like I’ve just had an extended summer, which will come to an end after this trip. It’s not.
In the coming weeks, I’ll be visiting at least 6 different cities/towns and will likely drive well over 1,500 km. The longest I’ll stay in any one place is 4 days, so I’ll be living out of a suitcase. Maybe this trip will be the thing that changes the gear in my head that feels like work is returning soon. Or maybe it’ll happen when I’m back home and into a routine?
Last Tuesday was the first time I went back into a school this school year. I visited a principal friend at a high school. Then on Thursday I visited my old school and spent some time with the new principal along with former staff and students. I had no pangs, I didn’t feel like I was missing out. The visits were great and then it felt good to leave.
Ultimately, I’m thrilled with my decision to retire. Zero regrets. I’m just not used to the fact that I’m this free to do what I want to do at this time of year. Thinking about it now, it’s nice to know that I don’t have to worry about a staff meeting on Monday. I just need to know if I’m sleeping on a couch or in a guest room? I like that question more than any that ever came out of a staff meeting.
I just read Chris Kennedy’s ‘The AI Crutch’ where he admits that he relies on AI to ‘sand the rough edges’ of his writing. He goes on to say, “That may be one of the more interesting unintended consequences of AI. We spend a lot of time asking whether it will make us better writers, worse writers, faster workers or lazier thinkers. The subtler question is whether it makes us less comfortable deciding that something is already good.”
He linked to Dean Shareski’s post, ‘Delight #39 Spelling Errors’. Dean is more comfortable with the rough edges, and he states, “When I find a spelling error now in an email I’m kind of delighted. It means there’s a real human writing this. A human who was busy, in a rush, attending to other human things and clicked send before they fully read everything. I can’t ever remember being bothered by this but only delighted.”
I have enjoyed reading the writing of both Chris and Dean for about 20 years. I know their styles, and while Chris will use AI (and other people) as editors, and Dean is more like me, writing and posting with rougher edges, both of them have a voice and style that I enjoy… and more importantly, they share perspectives and insights that help me learn and grow.
I’m not remotely critical of their writing strategies. I love their writing styles. I don’t care if Chris improves a paragraph with the help of AI. I’d never think critically of Dean if I saw a typo or grammatical error in his writing because he didn’t use AI. Both of them have a distinct voice that I want to read.
I’m more like Dean. In a post like this one, I’ll publish with zero AI assistance. But occasionally I’ll write a paragraph, rewrite it, get frustrated with my inability to sound clear or succinct, and I’ll throw the paragraph into the LLM I’m playing with, (I only have free versions now so I bounce around). Unlike Chris, I won’t disclose my AI use at the end of my post. I also use it for definitions that I share and again, don’t always quote or identify the use of AI.
I’m not trying to be deceptive, in the past, I would do the same with a dictionary and not necessarily state where that information came from. I’m not writing academic papers, and I’m not being graded. Although sometimes I’m being judged.
I remember an example on my Pair-a-Dimes blog. I was writing about working with students on a project and a student made an error of about 100 years and I said she was off by a millennia. A commenter not only corrected me, but questioned whether I should even be a teacher if I’m going to make a mistake like that. In a subsequent comment I thanked him for correcting me.
I see the appeal of using AI as an editor. I probably would do so if I was writing for someone else, or if I was being paid, or had a specific audience where minor errors would matter. But I’m outputting a blog post every day, and I already find it hard to find time for longer posts like this one. Adding an AI assistant or editor would do two things for me, it would stretch the time required to write, and it would compete with my personal creativity and desire to write. So, for now, I don’t use much (if any) AI.
Besides, I break a lot of writing rules.
I’ll write a single sentence paragraph. I’ll write a one word sentence. Frequently. I absolutely love to use ellipsis… way more than they are required. An AI editor would have a field day correcting my writing idiosyncrasies… and sanitize my writing style. That would make me a different writer, but would my writing be better? Grammatically, yes. More enjoyable to read? I don’t know? Maybe. What it won’t make me is more likely to write every day.
So, you’ll catch the odd spelling mistake, although I tend to find those. What’s more likely is that you’ll catch a wrong word. You’ll find a ‘do’ instead of ‘so’ or heaven forbid a ‘then’ instead of ‘than’.
‘Fir’ the record, (left that in as an honest example that actually happened), I do reread my posts before publishing. However I’m notoriously bad at (or rather good at) seeing the word I think I wrote and skipping over the errors obliviously. If you want to judge me for that, it’s your prerogative, but do me a favour… please tell me. Despite everything I just said, it still bugs me that my writing has errors. I appreciate and never feel slighted by someone helping me out with a correction.
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Ps. I use AI a lot to create the images that go with my blog posts. Again, I don’t usually state this anywhere, but I try to add a consistent style to them, and believe the use is obvious enough that it doesn’t need stating. If it was a human artist I’d feel obligated to give credit, but I feel no such obligation with AI’s trained on humans and not giving them credit.
This was my prompt I put into Bing’s Copilot for this post’s image: “Draw a stylized, abstract, watercolour of a piece of writing with many errors being corrected like you would see on a term paper of a C+ student. However, make it such that you can’t actually read any of the writing, the words should be a little bit blurry and impossible to read, but the corrections should look quite clear in red ink.” … and I quickly edited out the ‘C+’ grade it added in the top right corner.
It has been almost 6 weeks since I did the Everest the Crunch challenge. I was about 3-4 pounds lighter than my regular weight when I started it and I lost almost 7 pounds over the 2 days. I also lost my appetite during that time. Other than overall fatigue, getting food into me at the top of the crunch was the hardest part of the event. And I haven’t regained my appetite since.
Then I went on an 8 day hike of the West Coast Trail, and I can tell that the past 6 weeks have taken a bit of a toll on my body. I’m the lightest weight I’ve been in over 4 years. I recently took a body scan at my gym and my body fat percentage was 11%. I’ll note that this was after a workout, which tends to lower the result, but quite frankly that’s too low.
If I was a high performance athlete training for an event, that would be great, but walking around day-to-day at under 15% isn’t really ideal in my eyes… and being about 10 pounds lighter than my usual weight is not where I want to be. But I’m also not walking around hungry or feeling exhausted, so while this isn’t ideal, I also don’t think this is detrimental.
That said, my goal starting retirement was to bulk and add 10 pounds and instead I went completely the other way. I’m not going to lie, that’s weighing on me. It tells me that if I’m not in the gym 5-6 days a week, my body wants to drop weight. And now I’m heading out on a 3+ week holiday where I’m not going to have access to a gym for most of it, and I’m going to be eating out a lot. I want to add weight, but not burger and fries kinda weight.
My goal over this holiday is to not miss a meal, make healthy choices, and not think about stepping on a scale until I return. I’ll reevaluate my goals in November when I’ll finally have time to establish a retirement routine. Until then I just need to let go of where I am and where I want to be with regard to my weight.
*Note: I feel like a bit of an ass talking about accidentally losing 10 pounds when I know many people struggle to lose weight, but I’ve been there too. I was 20 pounds heavier than I am now and it took me 2.5 years to get to my current weight and another 4.5 to add 10 (desired) pounds. My experience has been that adding muscle is as hard or harder to do than losing fat, and watching myself lose 4.5 years of hard work is very discouraging. We are all on our own health journeys, I hope sharing mine doesn’t create unnecessary compressions in anyone else’s mind.
Sometimes you learn a hack that you just have to share… this is one of them!
Ever go beach camping? Setting up a tent on a beach can be challenging for a couple reasons. First, the sand can be so soft that the tent pegs don’t really feel secure, even when you drive them completely in. Secondly, the ideal location above the tide line can often be tight, with a lot of logs around. A really cheap, easy, and lightweight hack is to bring along a few screw-in hooks.
They are perfect for tying down your tent fly and they are very secure, even in windy situations. We used them at almost every beach on the West Coast Trail and I’m keeping the hooks with my tent pegs.
I’m a fan of the comedian Jimmy Carr. I wasn’t really a fan until I heard him interviewed on the Diary of a CEO podcast and realized how insightful he is. He often shares his insights when he’s doing crowd work.
Tonight I saw a clip from his act and he said something quite profound. I don’t think it’s his original quote, I’ve heard variations of it before, but I like his version of the quote:
“The life you want is on the other side of the work you are avoiding.”
I spent a lot of years being a master procrastinator. I thrive on deadlines. I’ll meet them, I’ll do a good job. But I’ll stress the crap out of you if you are new to my last minute style. That’s not bragging, that’s not a superpower, that’s a coping strategy.
It’s also not the life I want. The problem is that my procrastination time is not always productive. My work avoidance leading up to an impending deadline is seldom time well spent.
Parkinson’s Law states that work will expand so as to fill the time available for its completion. Give me more time, I’ll fill it, but you won’t necessarily get a better result.
That said, time and again I’d get praise for the work I’ve done. But this quote is kind of a gut punch. It reminds me of all the things I’ve wanted to do, but avoided because I didn’t create the deadline and pressure to get things done.
To remedy this, I often share my goals publicly. This is how I hold myself accountable, how I stop avoiding the work I need to do. I announce my plans, share them widely, then I stop avoiding the work because I feel pressured to keep my word… and when I do this, I’m very effective.
I’ve been exercising regularly for years after putting it out into the world. I’ve written on this blog almost every day, minus a couple social media blackouts, since July 2019. I can commit to the life I want. I know I can. But that doesn’t mean that this quote doesn’t still hit me.
I know there are things I still avoid that I shouldn’t. I know there are times in my day and week that are very poorly used. As I head into retirement, I’m keenly aware that I’m going to have more time on my hands than I have had in the past. Am I going to fill that time unproductively, doing not much more than normal, with more procrastination time?
I’d like to think not.
I’m heading on holidays for a bit, but when I return, expect me to share some new goals… with deadlines.
I often wonder what ordinary moments weren’t ordinary at all?
Here are 3 examples to think about:
1. The era specific moments.
Remember those times as a kid when you were on your bicycle and you felt a cool summer breeze brush across your face? You didn’t have to be home until the street lights came on and you and your buddies were riding fast and free. Those were special moments never to be recaptured.
2. The decision.
You finally quit the job you didn’t like. You decided to go back to school. You quit something and it’s either a big mistake or the best choice you could have made.
3. The oblivious moments.
It’s just pure luck. You forgot your car keys and had to turn around. Or you looked down at your car radio and didn’t take off right when the light turned green… You did something to delay you and because of that simple moment you avoided an accident.
I wonder how many extraordinary moments we have, which we think are just ordinary?