Tag Archives: family

It’s not cold, it’s honest

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I have a strong childhood memory of my Grandfather – Papa B. – Leon Bernstein. I’ve previously shared how to me and many others he was a ‘giant’! He quietly helped hundreds of people, he was one of the kindest people I’ve ever known, and he was a people’s person… It didn’t matter if they were a gardener or a doctor, a grocery store clerk or a Prime Minister, Papa B. was someone who treated everyone with honour and respect, and everyone saw this in him.

One day a person in the community died and I was there when Granny B. told Papa about the person dying. My grandfather’s response surprised us both. Imagine a grey haired Polish Jew speaking with a West Indian accent saying, “Oh shite, bu(t) he was a real jack-ass!”

Granny retorted, “Leon, you can’t talk about a dead man like that, it’s rude.”

My grandfather responded, “What? If he was a jackass in life, you think he gonna be any different in death?”

At the time, this totally stunned me. I had always seen my grandfather as a person who only saw the good in people, I don’t think I ever heard him speak ill of anyone before this, it just wasn’t his nature. Now, older and maybe wiser, I understand this a little better.

When you spend your life seeking the good in people and doing good for them, you learn that not all people are the same way. You see the self-centred, the selfish, the assholes, and the jackasses, and you realize they don’t deserve the kindness you give others.

It’s not rude, it’s good calibration. I didn’t know the person who died, but if my grandfather called him a jackass, I’m glad I never met the man. The reality is that such a statement isn’t cold or rude, it’s just honest.

Some people carry with them anger, hate, selfishness, and/or a mean streak that creates more distress than calm, more hurt than joy. And quite frankly in death they deserve to be identified for the character they were in life.

No need to spend time harbouring their ill intent, just acknowledge that they are gone, and continue on as you were before you heard the news. There are so many good people in the world that deserve attention while they are still alive, spend time appreciating and respecting them. Leave the dead jackasses behind and move on.

Summer nights

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I’ve been staying at my cousin’s house, my sister is in town and we’ve had a couple wonderful days together. But more than the days, the evenings have been wonderful.

We’ve been hanging out in a beautiful back yard with comfy chairs and a fireplace. Shooting the breeze, laughing, and enjoying each other’s company.

When it’s warm, and still bright out until 10pm, summer nights hold a special kind of magic… and being with truly amazing people accentuates the experience.

One… final… celebration

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After what feels like more than enough attention on me, my wonderful wife has planned one more retirement celebration for me. This afternoon family and a few close friends will gather at our house to welcome me into the world of retirement.

As a last minute thing, my wife just had me staple this poster to our fence. Well, last minute for me, this was obviously planned. The adapted meme first showed up at my shared retirement with my buddy Dave, and I thought that was the end of it. Apparently not.

I truly feel blessed to be surrounded by such wonderful people, and I think this is a Canada Day I’ll remember for years to come.

Both good and busy!

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I’m exhausted. Thursday night was a late retirement dinner event, and so was Friday night. Then I finally got to the weekend. This morning, Saturday morning, I drove my mom to the airport. From there, I took my daughter into town to look at a rental apartment. We had 45 minutes to kill so we went for coffee and a couple scones. I didn’t realize that would be lunch. We viewed the apartment and walked around the neighbourhood for a bit. Then it was off to the next event.

We met my wife, in-laws, and youngest daughter at the theatre and we saw ‘Come From Away’. This was my second time seeing this wonderful play. Then I took my oldest daughter directly from the theatre to the Tsawwassen ferry terminal so she could head back to Victoria.

I was very hungry by that point and headed to the outlet mall to eat. I arrived home nine and a half hours after heading out this morning and walked straight up to my bedroom and fell asleep for 2 hours. I haven’t even been up an hour and I’m ready to go to bed for the night.

It’s June, school is busy, retirement celebrations are busy, family life is busy. Everything is going well, it’s just a lot of busy. I’m exhausted and I’ve got to get up early and do a few climbs up the Coquitlam Crunch tomorrow morning in training for Everesting the Crunch in August… again something good, going well… just a lot right now. Off to bed to ensure I get a good night’s sleep, because I need it!

Almost too much on the go…

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Yesterday I came back from a wonderful overnight school field trip to Merritt with a group of students, to go fishing for ‘Fish School’. I arrived home and was surprised by my mom, who came to celebrate my retirement, with events happening tonight and next week Thursday. I’m off with my wife and friends tomorrow night to see Mamma Mia! live at the theatre. And then I had planned to go to an event all day Saturday but I’m realizing that I need a break… and I’d like to spend the day with my mom.

Even when all the things that are happening are things you enjoy, sometimes they can feel like they are a little too much. I know this pace isn’t going to slow down too much (or at all) in June, and so I need to start really thinking about rest, sleep, and keeping up with all my healthy habits. The last thing I want to do is run myself down over the next month.

I can remember an age where I could metaphorically ‘burn the candle at both ends’ but I’m not that age anymore. No, I’m used to one, maybe two events a week. This non-stop series of events in a week is making me want to crawl under a blanket for 2-3 days… And yet I’m looking forward to the next couple days. That said, I am cancelling my event Saturday, I’m understanding the need to find some more down time… and I’m going to attempt to burn only one end of my candle at a time doing all the rest of the coming events.

A wonderful surprise

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I knew my oldest daughter was coming home from Victoria. She came over to the mainland for a retirement celebration I’m having tomorrow. So when I got home and she was there, it was nice to see her… what I wasn’t expecting was that my wife had flown my mother out from Toronto for the celebration as well. This is the second time my wife has completely surprised me. The first time was with a trip to Vegas for my 40th birthday… 9 months before my birthday!

Well, she did it again. Here is the video:

I feel so blessed. This is wonderful. <3

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Here it is again from my younger daughter’s angle:

Proximity matters

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I got to see my sister and cousin this weekend. It was so nice to connect. My sister flew in, but my cousin lives 40 minutes to an hour away depending on the time of day I’m travelling there. It’s not far, and yet it is. I remember reading a stat that if you move just an hour away from someone you are likely to see that person more than 80% less than when they lived closer. My visits to my cousin would suggest that stat is higher.

I enjoy the company of him and his wife very much. Good people. Yet I barely see them. It takes my sister flying in to make it happen. Why? Busy lives. Time flies by and an hour drive is 2 hours travel when you also have to go home… well a little less because an evening drive is usually shorter, but still, it’s a lot of driving. It’s the end of April and the next time I’ll see my cousin is probably early July, when I have a gathering planned.

People have asked when I decide to downsize, where would I want to live? I might fantasize about living somewhere tropical but the reality is my wife and I won’t move that far from our kids, and also, we’d like to stay pretty close to where we are now. Why? Because we already don’t see our friends enough, and moving away will just make this harder. Finding time for friends and family is a lot easier when you’re close.

Proximity really matters.

Game night

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When I’m visiting my mom, every night is game night. The game of choice these days is Rummikub. This has been played by our family in the early 1970’s when it first came to North America. It was my Papa Truss who introduced it to us.

However, after moving to BC, I forgot about the game. Then a few years back my mom played it with me, my wife, and my girls when we visited her in Toronto. Now we all have our own copies of the game and sometimes my daughters play online.

What’s fun about this game is that the tiles played can be reused to create alternate sets using additional tiles from your hand. So the game evolves and changes with each play. Sometimes you’ll have great plans only to have them completely disrupted by the player before you. Other terms you think you aren’t close to winning and one round later you’re able to get rid of most of your tiles.

But the best part of the game is playing it with family. I’ve had a lot of fun this holiday and a big part of that has been playing Rummikub with my wife, sister, and mom. For now, it’s our game of choice.

Duffy and Crab

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Today was a wonderful first day of holidays, visiting my mom and sister in Tustin. We went for a cruise on a Duffy boat then enjoyed a bag of seafood at a restaurant called Kicking Crab.

What’s a Duffy? It’s a fully electric boat that travels at 5 mph at its maximum speed. I got to captain it, with my wife, sister, mom, and an aunt who I haven’t seen in over 25 years. We circled protected a harbour in the boat, then drove around the beaches before going for a crab, shrimp, and clam feast.

A late afternoon nap was the final part of a wonderful day. I could get used to this!

Parenting adults

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As an educator, I’ve seen the struggle some parents have with creating boundaries. For example, there are parents who don’t parent because they don’t want to undermine their friendship with their kid. They don’t parent their kid, they raise a buddy. From my experience, this is not good parenting of a school-aged kid. Kids need parental guidance, not just a supportive friend.

As a parent of two young adults, things change.

My wife and I took our youngest out for a birthday dinner last night. It’s hard to believe that my baby girl is 24! During the dinner she made a simple statement, “I’m so glad you two aren’t just my parents but friends I want to be around too.”

That hit a chord with me. My kids aren’t just my kids anymore. They are adults who I enjoy being around, who I want to spend time with, who I miss when I don’t see them. It’s not just that they are my kids, it’s not just that I’m their parent, they are amazing people I want in my life.

That simple statement said so much. It made me feel lucky, blessed. My wife and I raised two awesome kids, and they in turn have given us the ultimate gift in return… they enjoy our company as much as we enjoy theirs. ❤️

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Ps. All that said, I’m still Dad, they are still my kids, as my youngest reminded my by sending me a TikTok about all the things she’ll never learn to do… because that’s a dad’s job! 😆