Unzipping my lips

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After writing my last post, I recognized something that I haven’t thought about in a while. Being in a role as a principal of a public school, I’ve held a responsibility to ‘hold my tongue’. There are many blog post ideas I wanted to share but couldn’t. There are many points of view I would have loved to have expressed that I chose not to. I’ve had a responsibility to my position that has prevented me from being controversial.

Not too long ago I learned that a tiny reference to something that wasn’t even central to the point of a post I wrote was brought to the attention to one of my superiors. That person mentioned it to me, to make me aware, but did not ask me to change my post. I appreciated both the heads-up and the fact that I wasn’t asked to change anything I had written. In fact, I’ve never been asked to change my words on a blog post (though admittedly I was for both a Facebook post and a retweet many years ago).

While I’ve never been asked to change a blog post, I have on this blog, and my Pair-a-Dines blog, written posts that have ‘walked a fine line’, but I don’t think I’ve ever crossed that line. I didn’t cross that line in my last post either, but I did write something that could be interpreted as showing a patronizing attitude of superiority, with no real attempt at being humble. That’s not usually my writing style.

Reflecting now, I recognize that retiring and no longer having a role in a school, and a larger district, I am probably going to be able to be a bit freer in my choice of topics, and the stances I choose. No, I’m not going to be taking my metaphorical gloves off, but I am going to be able to unzip my lips a bit where I might have kept them zipped in the past.

I’m not sure how this will unfold yet, but at this moment I’m looking forward to being a little freer with my thoughts and ideas than I have been in the past… with less concern about my words misrepresenting others whom I might represent. Don’t expect instant controversy, but after retirement don’t be surprised by me being a little more loose lipped about things that I might have been more careful and cautious to share in the past.

Wrong with conviction

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I was going to share a social media post that basically called science a religion and argued that people who ‘believe in science’ are in a cult and so it doesn’t feel like worship, it feels like sanity. I only just decided that I don’t want to bring attention to this post, because when I went back to the post, my comment was gone.

I found it in my activity stream, but on the post itself, it wasn’t there. My comment didn’t fit the narrative so it was deleted. I don’t want to participate in sharing this drivel when it was shared only to promote a biased and grossly misleading narrative, with no intent to stand on its own merit against a disagreeing comment.

Meanwhile the post has over 150,000 views and 10.4K likes. I’m tired of seeing people spew convincing sounding nonsense with conviction, and spreading bad ideas that gain traction. And this is getting worse, not better.

We have access to almost unlimited information, and yet so many people just ride out their biases and beliefs, standing their ground on topics they only have a tiny understanding of… Sharing half truths, misleading ideas, and exaggerated lies that sound as if facts are factored in, but they are not.

We’ve entered an era where being wrong with conviction will gain traction simple because it fits a narrative that is appealing. We are living in a post truth era and I’m struggling to see how we escape this? And there’s no way to say this next part without sounding condescending but I’m going to say it anyway.

I think we’ve reached a point in our civilization where you have to have a certain level of intelligence or you are doomed to get dumber. Either you pass a threshold of intelligence or you succumb to stupidity shared online that simply traps you in the stupidity zone. I used to have faith in humanity but if I use what’s shared on social media as a litmus test then a very, very large number of people are doomed to stay stupid.

Where it all started

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Facebook reshared a ‘Blast from the past’ post with me, it was a Daily-Ink post titled, ‘I teach leadership not followship’. This title is a quote from friend, and first teaching mentor, Dave Sands. What I enjoyed most about seeing this post again was the Facebook comments on it. Here are 2 from colleagues and one from myself:

Dave MacLean:

l’ve drawn from so many experiences from our days as Lakers. Truly the environment that pushed all of us in such a healthy way. So many strong leaders with such mutual respect for each other. I would be lying if I said there weren’t days where I pang for those days of pedagogical debate and learning. Tha for the trip down memory lane. I was recently at Como for an articulation meeting and our legacies are still present in the culture 15 years later.

 

David Truss:

Dave MacLean I can’t think of a richer learning environment than what we had. I believe that more than 1/3 of the teachers we worked with in the first 5 years at Como Lake became administrators… yet it was always about collaboration not competition, and servant leadership, by staff as well as students.

 

Elaan Bauder Gudlaugson:

Dave MacLean, David Truss

Como Lake was my first experience in education that taught me about how I wanted “school” to be. The staff made all the difference.

 

I’m fortunate to have reunited with Elaan, and we have worked together again at Inquiry Hub for the last 5 years. And she’s right… the staff really does make the difference!

It’s hard not to get a bit nostalgic as I head into retirement. And this is a good thing. To this day my closest friends are still people I connected with in those early years of teaching. We knew we had something special going on. We still see former students in the community who tell us things like, “We could tell you liked each other and that you liked us.” And, “Those were the best years of school for me.”

I entered education with an inspiring group of people who were also amazing educators and leaders. We grew up together as educators and we watched our families and children grow up too. I wish every educator could find a community like this in their early years, because I know I had something special.

There is nothing wrong with being nostalgic when I can frame it as being lucky and blessed to have had the opportunities to learn and grow within the community that I got to. It paved the way to a career I can look back on with love, warmth and fondness.

____

Update: Two more posts where I share this perspective.

Right and wrong

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I was talking with a colleague yesterday and he shared two interesting things with me. The first was that he has a friend who works for a large company, I think he said Oracle, but I’m not 100% sure. He told me that this friend has unlimited holidays, but the output expectations are so high that she can’t really take advantage of this. The premise is that you can take more time off than just the designated 10-15 days a year (as a traditional US company would allow) as long as you get your job done. The catch is, the workload probably doesn’t even allow that much time off.

That’s a case of ‘The right idea but the wrong outcome’.

The other thing he said was a prediction that I agree with. He predicts that very soon we’ll see the implementation of 4-day work weeks. The reason he thinks this will happen sooner rather than later is AI and robotics. Essentially the economy requires citizens to have buying power, and so you need a paid workforce… but there won’t be enough jobs to sustain everyone putting in 40-hour, 5-day work weeks, and there will also be efficiencies each worker has, thanks to their use of AI and robotics.

That’s a case of ‘The right idea but for the wrong reason’. The societal benefits of a 4-day work week shouldn’t have to wait for technological advancement in my humble opinion.

I would like to think that we are advanced enough as a species that we could do the right things for the right reasons, but more often than not we have to accept the wrong to get the right. We have ‘just’ wars, citizen surveillance to fight terrorism, over-censorship to reduce perceived conflict… the morality of these is dependent on how one is affected.

If you live in country where you have many freedoms but fear violence, you might appreciate heavy surveillance. If you live in a country where expressing your opinion could get you jailed, surveillance feels Orwellian.

‘The right idea but the wrong outcome.’

‘The right idea but for the wrong reason.’

Right and wrong.

Own it

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We all make mistakes. Sometimes we say or do things that we might believe is true or that we think is right, and instead we were wrong. No one is immune. Everyone errs at some point.

But not everyone understands an apology:

“I’m sorry that you didn’t understand me.”

“I made a mistake but…”

“I’m sorry you feel that way.”

“I was just joking.”

“You’re overreacting.”

“I didn’t mean it that way.”

“Ok, ok, I’m sorry, are you happy now? “

None of these are an apology. None of these accept real responsibility. If you really want to apologize, own it, don’t justify or belittle it. Own it. Or be a jerk and don’t apologize, because apologies that are excuses or explanations make you a bigger jerk.

Own it. Own your mistakes. And while you are at it, you’ll probably earn some respect.

_____

Related: ‘3 parts to an apology’

Breakfast for dinner

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Tonight I made breakfast wraps for dinner. Bacon, eggs, veggies, grated cheese, garlic mayo, cilantro, and some hot sauce, all wrapped up in a tortilla. It was delicious.

This got me wondering, why don’t we have more crossover meals? What would be wrong with a healthy granola cereal at lunch? I’d love to have steak frites for breakfast. What about pancakes for dinner, or a nice hot soup on a cold morning?

I think this could be a good challenge to kind of spice up meal time. Pick a food you love and enjoy it for the first time at a meal time that you’ve never had it in before.

Transparency Versus Need To Know

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There seems to be an inverse relationship between the higher up you go in an organization and how transparent decisions are. Yet most organization claim to be striving for transparency.

“It gets complicated.”

“We can’t appear to…”

“We don’t want people thinking that…”

“We wouldn’t get buy-in if we admitted these are the reasons…”

“Our customer wouldn’t understand…”

“That wouldn’t align with our messaging…”

These are all justifications while simultaneously touting that, “We value transparency.”

No you don’t. You value being perceived as valuing transparency. But the reality is that transparency means that you admit that you were wrong. Transparency is explaining an unpopular decision because you feel it is the right decision. Transparency is not hiding the uncomfortable truth.

Sure, there are things that should only be shared on a need to know basis, but other than for respect and privacy reasons, most of those less frequently shared things would not be a secret in a truly transparent organization. And it’s not just customers but employees who would appreciate transparency, and maybe feel more valued in the process.

The lone principal

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I have been the lone administrator for my schools since September 2009. In fact, I only ever had one Vice Principal position for a year and a half before that, with a principal in the building, and so I’ve been ‘on my own’ for over 90% of my time as a school leader.

In February a vice principal was given a district level role in my building and we both learned that he was going to be my replacement when I retired at the end of this school year. While his current role did pull him out of our building a fair bit, we had regular meetings that allowed us to have time together that is almost never available with a traditional transfer of school principals. This time has been an absolute gift.

Even more than the transfer of knowledge around two programs outside of the traditional school setting, what I’ve really enjoyed is the collegial conversations and support. There are a lot of challenges to being the lone administrator in a building and to have a colleague to work with over the past few months has been very special.

To all the principals and vice principals who get to team up in a school, never forget what a privilege it is to have colleagues that you get to work with directly on a daily basis. And to all the lone administrators out there, find your people and book time to spend with them.

Besides these past few months, I also had 2 meetings a month with our principal of the adult learning centre & summer learning. She and I worked together when I first started with the online school and she was the department head.

Also, for the past few years I have had 2 other principals running completely different programs in my building. Although most day to day activities keep us apart, we still occasionally have time to connect, share, and even support each other.

I can’t express how valuable these meetings have been. Lone administrators need to seek out other lone administrators and find a reason to connect regularly. Not something ad hoc, but something scheduled. These past few months have really made me appreciate just how valuable it is to have a colleague you can really talk to and work through things with. It has been an absolute blessing to have this collegial opportunity to end my career.

Missed the point

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One of the most challenging things about being a leader is watching a simple miscommunications lead to big issues that could have easily been avoided. It’s watching people come from different points of view, all with the same objectives, all wanting the same goals, but approaching the issue believing that the end goal is something they want but others don’t. Or just failing to see a similar perspective from a vantage point other than their own.

I’ve tried to live by the mantra, ‘The meaning of your communication is the response that you get.’ …Putting the onus of responsibility on myself when my message was not received the way I intended it. Yet I too still mess up. I have to take a step back and question where my error was? And when I don’t see an error in thinking, I can still often see an error in my communication.

But ‘error’ might be too strong of a word. It might only be a mistake after the idea was shared and received. Only after an unexpected response am I able to look back and see how my words could be misunderstood, how my message could be perceived differently than expected. This is the work I try to do.

However, when the miscommunication happens before I’m involved my entrance is even more delicate. When the temperature has risen before I enter, it’s often hard to get others to see that their communication did not align with their intended message. It becomes an issue where even to suggest some responsibility for miscommunication can seem like blame, rather than a means to reach a resolution. And so my communication becomes even more challenging. If my point is missed then I’m not being supportive, I’m not helping the issue, I’m missing the point.

And if that’s the message I’m giving off, then that’s the meaning of my communication, and the undesired response is my fault. If I’m not willing to take that responsibility, then I’m not modelling what I’m expecting of others.

How you react

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Epictetus wrote:

“It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.”

The phrasing I prefer is:

‘It’s not what happens, it’s what you do that makes the difference.’

This isn’t original to me, it’s simply the way I prefer to think of the same idea. I think I got it from an NLP course or book back in my early 20’s, and it has been a bit of a mantra ever since.

Yesterday was a great example of this. Driving home, we were an hour away from the border in northern Washington, after heading down to Seattle to watch my daughter’s boyfriend play in his first professional Ultimate game. The game was great, and everything went wonderfully up to this point. Then my engine light went on. Then I started to feel a vibration in the steering that quickly developed to a full front end vibration. The next 5 hours didn’t really go as planned.

We pulled off the highway at the next exit and there was a bit of smoke coming out from under the hood. I’m about 1,000 kilometres overdue for an oil change, so we checked the oil, which was very low. After adding more we headed back on the highway and two short exits later we pulled off again and called our road side assistance insurance number.

The call took almost an hour, no local mechanic shops were open, none of them had Sunday hours, we got ripped off paying way too much for some roadside vendor burritos, we had no way home, the first shop our car got taken to was closed, out of business. And I would definitely be carless for most of the coming week, not even knowing the cost or timeline to get my car back until some time on Monday… if we are lucky.

Here is the thing, all four is us, me, my wife, my daughter, and her boyfriend, took everything in stride. I didn’t even notice this until the drive home when my daughter mentioned it. She said, “Considering everything that happened, we all handled it pretty well.” And we did indeed.

Tempers didn’t flare even when we disagreed on what to do next, or when we waited two and a half hours for a tow truck when we were told it would arrive in an hour. When we changed our order for food and the math of the new price didn’t math, we all greed we were hungry and we’d just enjoy the food even if it was overpriced. Whatever came our way was dealt with, no whining or complaining, simply dealing with things, in a neutral or positive way, as they arose… and in the end, a few things did work out for us.

The tow truck driver problem-solved for us and ensured our car got to a reliable place that he vouched for. The burritos were delicious. We got picked up by my sister-in-law who drove over an hour to pick us up, and longer to drop us home before going home herself. And while contemplating riding my bicycle to work tomorrow I remembered that my daughter was picking up a used car she purchased today and her current car is in working order, so I’ve got a car while we figure out what will happen to mine.

Still, this was a less than ideal end to the day and week. We didn’t get home until after 11:30 last night. I still have a car to pick up that’s at a shop I’ve never been to, an hour into the US after getting to the border. I have no idea what the cost will be? But we could have had a miserable experience and instead we had a bit of an adventure. Hopefully my car repairs won’t be too costly, but I’ll do my best to take that in stride too.