Tag Archives: advice

Final Advice

I have a friend about to be promoted from teacher to vice principal, and I offered some final advice yesterday. I shared that often people will come to you with a challenge or crisis and to them it will demand an instant response… but seldom does it require an instant response, and the response will often be better with a bit more thinking time.

Of course, emergency situations are different, and responses need to be instant in an emergency. But often the emergency being brought to your attention only requires an immediate response according to the person bringing it to you. Taking time, discovering nuances, and seeking more information will actually provide you with far more data to make your response appropriate.

So how do you slow things down?

First, acknowledge the concern. Then ask questions. And sometimes, take the time to repeat the concerns to confirm you heard them properly, and also demonstrate that you understand the issue. Then provide the person with a timeline that you’ll get back to them.

An example my friend shared was a concern of an angry parent expecting an immediate response. I suggested in this case to do what I suggested above but to take specific notes. This lets the parent know that you are taking it seriously and also allows you to feed back exact quotes at the end of the conversation to reiterate that you fully understand the complaint. Hearing the complaint read back in the exact words that it was stated in is a very reassuring way to end a meeting and let the parent know you understand why they are upset.

Once that’s done you can provide a guaranteed response that sounds something like this: “So do I have that right? Good. Obviously this is a delicate situation and I’ve got some follow up to do. I can’t promise you that I’ll have it resolved by the end of the day tomorrow (or another specific day), but can I give you a call then just to update you on my progress?”

Now you’ve got time to bounce it off of your admin team, and/or Human Resources, and/or to follow up with a teacher, and/or other students. Or at the very least you have a moment to think about the situation without it being delivered in ‘emergency mode’ when it’s not actually an emergency.

Essentially, think of it this way:

‘Your immediate urgency does not dictate the pace of my response.’

I didn’t share any of the following when giving advice but I’ll share this reflection here: Looking back at my career, I think this has been one of my superpowers. But like every comic book super hero power, there also comes a weakness. The metaphorical Kryptonite that comes with this superpower is that sometimes my reaction was too aloof. I did not address the issue with nearly enough urgency in the eyes of the person bringing it to me.

Here is a perfect example I learned from. I was a few months into running an alternative school and two boys got into a physical fight. When the teacher came downstairs to where my office was to tell me about it I asked, ‘Where are the boys now?’ One was in the downstairs lobby with the counsellor, the other was upstairs in the kitchen with the youth worker.

When I heard this, I said, ‘Ok, I’ll be there in a minute’, and quickly finished an email that I was sending to a parent. I literally took under a minute to do this, but that was taken as me not dealing with a crisis seriously. In my head, the situation was handled to a point of everyone being safe, but to my staff, who were all heightened by the very real crisis of a fight, I wasn’t prioritizing them… And upon reflection they were right.

In this case it was not just an urgency, it was indeed a crisis, and I should have responded immediately. Lesson learned. That don’t stop me from using this strategy many times later with the staff, but it reframed what they felt was a crisis rather than something they perceived as urgent but could wait. And by dealing with ‘crisis situations’ faster in the future, I was able to leverage those fast responses to delay and find out more, and respond more effectively, when I could and should give myself more time.

The real challenge is understanding not just my own sense of urgency versus crisis, but also that of the people I worked with. I’m not saying I always got it right after that, but I know that I was a much better leader when I remembered:

‘Your immediate urgency does not dictate the pace of my response.’

If it hurts…

I had sciatic pain from about December to March. It got bad enough that my doctor requested a pain specialist appointment for me, and I had it yesterday. Despite the fact that I’m no longer in pain, I kept the appointment so that I can learn more about my disc issues and maybe figure out some preventative measures to ensure I don’t end up in 4 months of pain again.

Have you ever seen that joke where a patient is talking to a doctor and says, “Doctor, when I poke right here, it hurts.” And the doctor replies, “Well then don’t poke there.” That’s essentially the advice I got.

The specialist said that I’m getting old, (it wasn’t intended as an insult, he told me we are the same age), and that the wear-and-tear that my back shows is typical for active people my age. He then said that of course I should stay active and keep doing what I’m doing. Then came the punchline: “If you do something and it hurts, then stop doing it.”

That’s what I waited months to hear. He told me that he used to do a lot of running until he had a knee replaced and now he walks. I asked him if I should stop using a weighted vest to workout, something I was doing before the pain, but haven’t tried since. His response you can guess, “Try it. If it hurts, stop.”

“But if it hurts, the pain might come back for a while.”

“Oh yeah, it could be two to three months.”

It ended with him joking that he could write me a note to give to my wife to get out of doing dishes for a while. I wasn’t amused.

I don’t know exactly what I was looking for, but it wasn’t this. I suppose I’ll just keep doing my physio exercises, keep going to the gym, and if something hurts, I guess I just stop doing that thing.

Travel, travel, travel

I went to a 30th Anniversary celebration today and met someone I knew who retired 15 years ago. When she heard I was retiring this year she went directly into ‘advice mode’ and said, ‘Tavel!’

She continued, “Travel as much as you can. In fact, there is no such thing as travelling too much. Book more plans that you think you need to and you still won’t travel enough.”

She then explained how travel changes over time. Her husband has mobility issues now so they travel with that in mind. But in travels earlier in her retirement there were hikes, and walking tours, and even hostels. “Do the things you can’t and won’t want to do later right away. Travel, travel, travel.”

I love hearing this. There is so much of the world yet to see, and more places I’ve already been to and would go back to if only the unexplored world were not so big. I know that at 75 my travel plans will be much different than the plans I make in the next 5 years. And so I hope to be quite adventurous in my travel over the next few years.

Health advice rollercoaster

Coffee is bad for you, no wait, it’s good for you! A glass of read wine a day is good for your heart health, no wait, any amount of alcohol is unhealthy! Drink fruit juice, it’s high in vitamins, no wait, there’s too much sugar and not enough fibre in the juice alone! Creatine can damage your liver, no wait, it just spikes the creatine marker for liver issues, it doesn’t actually mean your liver is having issues, just that you have to look at different markers if you supplement your creatine.

From what food to eat, to what vitamins and supplements you should and shouldn’t take together, to exercises that are guaranteed to give you results, it seem like there is always a constant stream of new, updated research and information about improving heath which contradicts something we’ve heard (and believed) previously.

Here are 2 rules to follow as you travel the health advice rollercoaster:

1. The science matters. How big is the sample size, how many other studies suggest the same thing?

2. The messaging. When the threat is over emphasized, the message needs to be taken with a grain of salt. When a product is being pitched, there is an underlying benefit to exaggerating, either the cost of not taking the product or the benefit of taking it. This doesn’t mean that what is being said is true or false, it just means you need a good dose of scepticism unless you’re actually referring back to the science yourself.

Ultimately, it comes down to one question, are you getting research or are you being sold something? It’s not that you shouldn’t question both but rather if it’s advertising, this scrutiny should be significantly greater. And, no matter what it is, you can be certain that it’s probably going to contradict something you’ve heard previously. There are going to be a lot more twists, turns, and loops on this roller coaster before we truly understand how our body works and what benefits it the most.

Accept and place

I heard this phrase and it really struck a chord with me:

“Accept people as they are, but place them where they belong.”

There are 2 really big ideas here.

First, we are often quick to want people to change, and the disparity between who people are and who we want people to become is often too large of a gap. Step one is accepting people for who they are.

The next step is a bit more challenging. We often spend way too much time on people that are not worth our time. We don’t ‘put people where they belong’. We take amazing people for granted and we focus too much attention on people who aren’t worth our time.

The task sounds simple: accept people for who they are, then place them in your life accordingly.

There are people who would do anything in the world for you. And people who you in turn would do anything for. When that’s the same person, well then you need to prioritize your connection to that person. They deserve a special place in your heart and in your life. They deserve your attention and time. Not the person that cut you off in traffic, not the annoying co-worker, not the friend in need that is never there when you are in need.

“Accept people as they are, but place them where they belong.”

Wise words to live by.

Cognitive overload

I was tempted to start this by sharing a screenshot of my miserable sleep pattern, as recorded by my new watch. However that feels like I’m somehow bragging about how bad it is, and well, that’s not only nothing to brag about, it’s also not necessary. So just know that above everything else, my sleep cycles have been ‘off’ for a couple weeks.

I’m planning on retiring, I’m trying to document the uniqueness of my job(s) for the next principal. I’m dealing with a second family loss in just over 2 years. A close family member had a scary medical issue this summer that is only now coming to a (thankfully positive) end, and a good friend just started chemotherapy.

Cognitive overload is the term that was shared with me by my counsellor. I dismissed it. That’s not my problem, I’m a high functioning individual, I’ll be fine…

What finally gave? My sleep and my health. And now my ego. Admitting that I pushed too hard has been way too hard. I need to be quicker to listen to my counsellor and to my body.

Im happy to offer advice about the importance of taking care of yourself, but the last to take the same advice myself. The easy excuse this time is that I was in cognitive overload, the honest excuse is that I’m stubborn and believe these kinds of things are what others deal with, not me.

I hope sharing this will help someone else listen to their bodies and the people that support them.

I’ll come out of this just fine, the question is, will I learn from this or just let myself get to overload again?

Walk the talk

Question to ponder: Would you hire a fitness coach that wasn’t physically healthy?

I had an interesting conversation today with a buddy. It was about the dance between personal bias and expectations that isn’t an easy conversation. Reflecting now, the main issue was a question of how important it is that someone helping you is ‘walking the talk’.

Question to ponder: Would you hire a swim coach who can’t swim well, but really knows how to coach?

Where is the line that you personally draw when it involves coaching and advice, when it comes from someone that doesn’t necessarily follow the same advice?

Question to ponder: Would you hire a marriage coach who has been divorced twice and was not in a stable relationship?

I think these are messy questions with no clear line to be drawn. Ultimately it comes down to personal biases. I’d sooner accept a swim coach who has a crappy stroke and doesn’t swim well themselves, before I’d hire an obese fitness coach or a marriage coach with a poor relationship history.

Question to ponder: Would you hire someone to help you quit smoking if they smoked? Would your answer change if they had a 90% succeed rate when most other strategies and coaches max out their success rate at under 50%?

In the end we need to recognize our biases and follow our instincts. Whatever line we draw in one area of our lives might not be the same line we draw in others. It’s not a question of if we have biases, we do. It’s a question of where we draw the line, and are we happy with our biases? Because in the end, if I’m putting time, effort, and/or money into a coach, or counsellor, or taking advice from a friend, I’m the one that needs to feel good about it… given the biases I hold.

Question to ponder: How important is it that the coach, counsellor, or confidant giving you advice walks their own talk?

Making Progress – 11 Tips to Success

Yes, another fitness post. Yes, another post about building good habits.

Is it just my algorithm or is everyone getting a lot of posts, reels, TikTok’s, and/or YouTube shorts about fitness, wellbeing, and longevity?

Everyone is an influencer now, telling you how to drop weight, tone abs, and build muscle.

Here is what I’ve learned… none of this is mine, it’s all learned from others. These are 11 things that can help you transform your body for the better. (Disclaimer: I’m not a doctor, don’t play one on the internet… these are things that have worked for me. Consult real experts, especially if you have health challenges.)

  1. Weight Loss: The only thing that matters, more than fitness, more than what you actually eat, is being in a calorie deficit. That’s it. If you are in a deficit you will lose weight. Period. Full stop. End of story. So choose an app that tracks what you eat and use it religiously. Want to eat more? Exercise, burn calories, and you can have more calories that day, and still be in a deficit.
  2. Track your workouts. Choose a minimum amount that counts as a workout and track them. Here is one rule that is simple if you build a routine, and hard if you aren’t actually tracking: Never miss 2 days in a row. You can make up other rules or requirements as you see fit, so long as you NEVER break your own rules. One break gives permission for other breaks, then habits are lost and you are stuck trying to be disciplined. Habits are easy, discipline is hard. Track your progress and you will ‘see’ your habits, which will help you perpetuate them.
  3. Protein and Creatine. There is a 99.9% chance that you are not eating as much protein as you should. Quite literally if 1,000 people read this, there would only be one of you actually eating as much as 1 gram of protein per pound on the scale. That’s my goal and I still don’t regularly hit it. Protein is good for the body AND the brain. Same with creatine. Creatine reduces muscle soreness after workouts, and is one of the most studied supplements. Less than 1% of the population can have digestion issues with it. Probably not you and there is literally no other down side and huge upsides to taking it.
  4. Train most of your cardio in ‘Zone 2’. What is Zone 2? If you tried to talk normally while in that zone, it would be challenging to catch your breath, but if you were told at the end of your workout that you had to keep going at the same pace for 5 more minutes you could maintain that pace. So many people think they have to kill themselves with high heart rate cardio blasts. Still do this once per week to improve your Max Vo2, but 80+% of your cardio should be in Zone 2. My tracking requirements are a minimum of 20 minutes. I walk on a treadmill, on an incline, with a weighted vest most days. This is much lower impact than running, and I can still get in the zone. You want better weight loss gains? Cardio tip: Don’t eat before cardio. You want to drain your glycogen reserves and get to fat burn. Food reserves will be used as energy before fat. No food reserves means your body gets to fat burn faster. Mind you, this is moot if you aren’t in a calorie deficit.
  5. Weight train. Lift and carry heavy things. Muscles are quite literally things that you use or you lose. Research shows a direct correlation between larger muscles and longevity. Grandma or grandpa who can do a pull-up and deadlift their own weight are not the ones who are going to stumble and break their hips. They are also more likely to be cognitively’ ‘there’ compared to their sedentary peers.
  6. Weight lift your muscles completely to fatigue. This is called hypertrophy training, you are wanting to build muscle. First, because larger muscles means a longer (healthier) lifespan. Secondly, you are literally telling your body to stay young. Building muscles demands your body to be in ‘growth mode’ rather than in sunset mode on your way to the grave. Pick at least one muscle group and work it to failure. Personal secret: 90% of my workouts are done in 40-45 minutes with 20 minutes cardio and 5-10 minutes stretching. How do I get it ‘all’ done so quickly? Besides cardio and stretching, I just work one muscle group but I work it really hard. Yesterday was shoulders. I did 4 sets of free weight shoulder press (1st one at 1/2 weight for warm up, then 3 progressively heavy sets to 10-12, but the last set I could only get to 9). Then lateral raises, again ending with a set to failure. Today was biceps. Seated curls, then standing hammer curls, then 1 set of elastic ban Bayesian curls to fatigue. In both day’s examples the sets took 20-25 minutes. Tomorrow I’ll do abs and legs to give my upper body a rest, then chest the following day. I love when I go to the gym with a budy and workout more body parts in a workout, but I share my example to emphasize that you can make progress doing an entire workout in less time that it takes to watch a show on Netflix. That said, this is minimal volume and I know I’d make more gains if I did more.
  7. Stretch. I don’t believe you should ever stretch cold. That’s why I do cardio first. Research says that to slightly improve muscle gains, do weights before cardio. But on my daily (early morning) routine, I want to stretch before weights, and I want to be warm when I stretch. I’ll pass on tiny gains to get a routine that works for me. Stretching makes you feel better and more mobile, and helps to reduce injuries. It’s also a way to feel a connection to your body.
  8. Meditate. I cheat and meditate on the treadmill. I clip the emergency stop clip on me, hold the rails, close my eyes, and do a guided meditation. I find the physical activity a distraction that helps me reduce my mind wandering, and this also gives me more time in my tight morning routine because I’m double dipping. Meditation is not a state of quiet mind, it is a continual state of quieting the mind. It’s not about no distraction, but a state of coming back from distraction. Beyond that I’m years into my practice and still a rookie. Get meditation advice elsewhere, but take my advice and start a regular meditation habit. (I track this like I track my fitness, with stickers on a year-long calendar.)
  9. Have a workout buddy. I only get to workout with someone about once every couple weeks. I wish I could do more because being with him pushes me to be better. But even when I don’t work out with him, he and I keep each other accountable. We can share our highs and lows. I tell him I had a shitty workout, he congratulates me on showing up. I hit a personal best, I can share it with him and he’ll celebrate it with me, without it feeling like bragging. It’s our victory. Find someone to share you journey with.
  10. Routine, routine, routine. Build your habit so that you don’t require discipline. My favourite example of reducing workout friction and thus making my routine easier is my workout shoes. In my small basement gym I have workout shoes and a shoehorn. My shoes are pre-tied tight enough to walk (or run) on the treadmill, and I can still slip them on with the shoehorn. Why? Because I hate tying shoes and I hate getting on the treadmill with one shoe feeling tighter than the other. This was a pain point. What are your pain points? Remove them. You workout after work? Routinize having your workout bag by the front door the night before. Then put it on the passenger seat as a visual reminder when you get in the car after work. Reduce the friction and the habit will form, and then you’ll get used to showing up.
  11. JUST SHOW UP! The most important days in the gym are the days you don’t want to show up and you do anyway. These are the days that make the habit an actual habit. These are the days that make a routine an actual routine. The days you had to drag your ass into the gym and do the bare minimum are more important than the days you hit a personal best. And as a bonus, some of the days that you drag yourself in might also be a personal best day when you finally got there. Showing up then becomes a habit, and it no longer feels as hard to do on the hard days. Because if you ‘just show up’ enough on the hard days then showing up no longer feels like work. It’s a self-perpetuating cycle… But the early hard days are the toughest. Go back to tip 2 and Never miss 2 days in a row.

One final thought. While I’ve seen significant progress in the past 2 years, I’ve been on this path for 6-and-a-half years. I initially saw a good weight loss and small muscle gains, but it took the addition of creatine and a higher protein diet before I saw the most recent gains. Day-to-day I really haven’t seen a lot a gains anywhere. I share this because many people get discouraged when they don’t see the gains or fat loss immediately. Here are two things to think about related to looking for gains: First, if you are gaining muscle while losing fat, muscle is heavier than fat. Don’t focus on the scale, focus on the habits. And second, if you aren’t getting stronger, you are not really training your muscles to fatigue. These gains are slow too, but if you can only do 10 pushups and 2 months later that’s still your max, you probably could be training harder. If you walk on the treadmill at the same speed and incline every week, with no incremental increase and it still feels just as challenging, you probably aren’t working hard enough. Don’t look for gains weekly, but set goals for progress and even if you don’t hit them, make sure you are trending up. Trending up is often slower than you hoped, but as long as the trend is up… you are doing great!

And finally… if you see something that I’ve gotten wrong, please tell me and help me in my learning journey.

It’s good for you

A new study shows the benefits of creatine for women, (Study, TikTok summary). We already know the benefits for men, it’s nice to see specific research for women, and specifically menopausal women, who tend to be under-researched.

I’m not a medical doctor, I don’t pretend to be one. But I’ll share three suggestions that I have followed, based on my research, that can improve long term health.

  1. Take creatine.
  2. Take far more protein than is suggested in daily recommendations.
  3. Exercise regularly, for both cardio and strength.

These are all things that are good for your health… and the health of your brain. But don’t take my word for it. Look into to these things yourself. Check out doctors Rhonda Patrick, Peter Attia, and Gabrielle Lyon. Oh, and when I went to Instagram to make sure of Gabrielle’s first name, the first video that came up was her talking about women increasing protein intake.

I love seeing how the science of healthy living is becoming mainstream.

Put your own oxygen mask on first

Arianna Huffington is 74 years old and she just recently started a new AI business. She started the Huffington Post at age 55 and sold it 6 years later for 315 million dollars. In this The Diary of a CEO podcast interview with Steven Bartlett she shares this gem of a story.

The moral of the story is simple: Leaders need to take care of themselves, and get enough sleep, in order to be at their best. She says, “All the science now makes it very clear that when we are depleted we are going to make bad decisions.

Then quoting Jeff Bezos, “I sleep 8 hours a night… I’m judged by the quality of my decisions, not the quantity of my decisions.

As the new school year begins, take this as a reminder to take care of yourself first, if you really want to take care of your staff and students. It’s not good enough to only exercise, and eat well, and get enough sleep when you are not busy. You owe it to yourself, those you serve, and your job, to treat yourself well. It’s not selfish to put on your oxygen mask first, it’s how you get enough air to take care of others.

Build good habits and take the time to care for yourself first, when you are busiest, and it will become very easy to do so all the time. You will benefit as a person, as a friend, as a partner, as a parent, as an employee, and as a leader. It starts with you taking care of you.