Tag Archives: friendship

Kids and sports

I don’t know Trevlyn, but she wrote this on Facebook, I re-shared it 4 years ago, and it came up as a FB memory yesterday.

“One of my friends asked “Why do you pay so much money for your kids to do all their sports”? Well I have a confession to make; I don’t pay for my kids to to do sports. Personally, I couldn’t care less about what sport they do.

So, if I am not paying for sports what am I paying for?

– I pay for those moments when my kids become so tired they want to quit but don’t.

– I pay for those days when my kids come home from school and are “too tired” to go to their training but they go anyway.

– I pay for my kids to learn to be disciplined, focused and dedicated.

– I pay for my kids to learn to take care of their body and equipment.

– I pay for my kids to learn to work with others and to be good team mates, gracious in defeat and humble in success.

– I pay for my kids to learn to deal with disappointment, when they don’t get that placing or title they’d hoped for, but still they go back week after week giving it their best shot.

– I pay for my kids to learn to make and accomplish goals.

– I pay for my kids to respect, not only themselves, but other riders, officials and coaches.

– I pay for my kids to learn that it takes hours and hours, years and years of hard work and practice to create a champion and that success does not happen overnight.

– I pay for my kids to be proud of small achievements, and to work towards long term goals.

– I pay for the opportunity my kids have and will have to make life-long friendships, create lifelong memories, to be as proud of their achievements as I am.

– I pay so that my kids can be out on the track instead of in front of a screen…

…I could go on but, to be short, I don’t pay for sports; I pay for the opportunities that sports provides my kids with to develop attributes that will serve them well throughout their lives and give them the opportunity to bless the lives of others. From what I have seen so far I think it is a great investment!” – By Trevlyn Mayo Palframan

As a former coach this really speaks to me. As a parent, I can say that this applies equally to sport as to dance and theatre when it comes to competition, tryouts, and your kid not getting the part they want and still performing at their best.

Putting kids into activities they love is so valuable. So too is them trying a sport and not liking it, but committing to the team anyway. One of my daughters started a sport and a few months in she realized she wasn’t enjoying it. We told her that her team needed her and that she had to finish the season. She kept a positive attitude and gave her best at practices and games. I was as proud of that as I have been of trophies and awards. And she knew in the end that it was the right thing to do.

Sports aren’t just about learning skills in that sport, they are also about learning life skills, and creating memories and friendships that can last a lifetime.

You can’t change the people around you, but…

I heard this brilliant quote yesterday:

“You can’t change the people around you, but you can change the people around you.”

It reminds me of:

“You are the average of the 5 people you hang around the most.”

Finding the right people to be around is a secret to life seldom discussed. We are blessed when those people are our family, and we don’t have to seek them out elsewhere. Being surrounded by people who make you a better person is a sure way to be a better person.

Choose your friends wisely.

First guests

Yesterday my wife and I went to a family member’s house for lunch. The family has immunocompromised members and have taken the lockdowns and social distancing very seriously. We were the first guests in their house in almost a year and a half. At one point, one of them said, “I’m having a moment, this is the most normal thing I’ve done in a long time!”

Although we are double vaccinated, we still wear masks in public places, and practice social distancing, and when we had friends over a couple weekends ago, we still held the gathering in our back yard. We are being thoughtful about how we move forward. But yesterday that quote kind of struck me. Yes, it was also our first time invited into someone’s house for lunch in quite some time, as well as their first time receiving guests… It was a first step towards normal.

Sharing meals is a special thing that brings us together, and being freer to do so now is wonderful. While caution is still needed, and being double vaccinated does not give us 100% immunity, we are on a path to ‘normal’. I fear that large pockets of unvaccinated people will prolong the need for caution, and we are not moving fully towards pre-covid normal any time soon, but this moment of being first guests was pretty special.

I’m not sure what the new normal will be, but at least we are moving in the right direction, and I think we will have a few more ‘firsts’ in the coming months.

Sharing again

Revisiting my uncle, I was reminded of this story, and my post, forgotten dream:

From my earliest memories I can remember our house containing numerous bookshelves with books double stacked, one in front of the other, with whole sections having books stacked horizontally, so that 6 or 8 horizontal books could take the place of 4 or 5 vertical books.

And I read almost none of them.

The dream was a dream of lost opportunity. Of being blind to the ocean of information that sat before me metaphorically unseen, and literally unread.

Adding to this we need to spend quality time with people we care about… and not take them for granted. It’s easy to think the people closest to us will always be there and forget to treat them the way they deserve to be treated.

Inversely it’s a good thing when we remove people from our lives if they are not worthy of our time. I love this quote by Isaiah Frizzelle about creating boundaries for people that don’t deserve access to your life, “Time does not allow reentry and an apology does not always allow access.”

To the fish, water is invisible. It’s fine for us to ignore the oxygen around us, but we need to pay attention to, and show love and respect to, the people we care about.

People are Blackberries

This is a silly metaphor, but it works for me.

Blackberries are a unique fruit. I can eat a handful of raspberries, strawberries, or blueberries, and it doesn’t matter how many I put in my mouth, I enjoy them all the same. That’s not the case for blackberries. Blackberries taste better when you have one at a time. Two blackberries in your mouth are not as enjoyable as just one.

I think this is the case because individual blackberries have distinct taste profiles and these unique qualities get cancelled out when you taste too many of them at once. The collection of taste profiles isn’t as good as tasting them individually.

I like people the same way. One at a time. I enjoy conversations with a single person far more than with a group. I want to hear their profile, I want to focus on the individual. At parties I seldom seek out a group of people. I’d rather have a one-on-one chat.

To me, people are blackberries, not any other berry… and I enjoy them most, one at a time.

Connecting with friends

Since the pandemic hit, I’ve been on a group chat on WhatsApp with my sisters, and have communicated with them more than I have in years. It has been wonderful. But beyond that my circle of communication has been really small.

Yesterday I was playfully called out by a presenter that I know, before his presentation started, for not connecting. He was right. I knew he was presenting, and knew he probably wouldn’t realize that I was going to be in the audience, and yet didn’t reach out before the presentation started. Truth be told, I hadn’t even signed up until 2 days before even though I’ve known I’d attend for months. But that’s not my point. The point is, while I’ve been really good at connecting with a very small group of people, I’ve been a bit closed off beyond that circle. I haven’t really reached out to very many people.

I’d like to blame the pandemic, but that’s not being honest. The truth is that I can live a little too much in my head, and not outside it. I might think of someone, but I don’t reach out and call them. If I’m honest, I don’t often make the effort I should.

I’ve got one really good local friend that’s the same and when we connect, it’s like a minute has gone by since we last spoke or saw each other. But then we go a month or two not thinking to call or text. My friends that I do connect with often usually make the first contact, or more of an effort to connect. This isn’t a really flattering thing to admit, but it’s true.

I know it’s a two-way street when it comes to regular communication with friends, but when I’m not someone that puts forth enough effort, I can only expect the same from others. It’s easy to point your finger outwards, a lot harder, but more sincere, to point inwards. I need to realize that I’ve got to make the effort, it’s on me… if I value the friendship.

That said, reach out if you read this feel it has been too long since we connected. 😃

Reconnecting with friends

Yesterday I was listening to a podcast and there was a poem on Friendship by David Whyte. I shared a minute of it on Twitter and a few other places.

I think that the absolute hardest part of the pandemic has been the challenge of not seeing friends and family. Yes, we can connect digitally, but I miss those face-to-face connections. However, if I’m honest, I am missing an opportunity that I didn’t take full advantage of before the pandemic. I didn’t take enough time to see friends even before restrictions were in place.

Life gets so busy and we all get caught up in our own worlds. This is a lame but honest excuse. We spend our days without filling it with the company we enjoy. We get caught up in routines and recycle our days rather than plan them. I hope to be more intentional when things open up.

I have a buddy that I see and don’t see in waves. Sometimes we get into a rut where we see each other and just sit and chat about life and the awesome history we have together. Sometimes we get bored with that and plan experiences because we want to make new memories rather than rehash the old. Right now, I’d like nothing better than to sit and have a beverage with him and just be in his presence.

Connecting for the sake of connecting… that’s what I’m looking forward to. Hugs, clinking glasses, and sharing time in the presence of friends.

Giving myself a break

Yesterday after school I had a long conversation with a friend, and he shared some feedback I really needed to hear. I’ve been on a healthy living journey for a couple years now, and things have been going well. But as we opened up to each other about how things are going, I mentioned to him that there is a goal that I’m just not moving forward with. I told him that despite 2 years of things being positive, I can’t seem to make a shift with this goal.

That’s when he told me to give myself a break.

He reminded me that although I’ve been improving my health, I have not been on a fully positive journey for two years. He remained me that it wasn’t until February, just under a year ago, that I was running 3 schools, working ridiculous hours, and feeling overwhelmed. He reminded me that only a few weeks after that we were on lockdown for a global pandemic we are still dealing with.

He acknowledged that I’m in a good place, meeting many of my goals and that even now work is extremely busy. And he told me that he has mentioned me to his partner, telling her that I’m someone that is really doing well right now. And he told me that he knows many others not doing nearly as well right now.

I needed to hear this.

I can’t beat myself up for not doing more right now. I need to give myself a break.

A 30 year tradition

It was either Christmas Eve 1989 or 1990 and I was home from universtiy for the holidays. My friend Ross and I had yet to do any Christmas shopping. We drove to a huge mall with a restaurant, ordered lunch and had a few beers, then started shopping. At first we shopped together, but that wasn’t working so we split up. This was the pre-cellphone era so we made plans to meet in an hour. At that point we talked a bit about our purchases, gave each other ideas, and planned a second meeting.

I don’t remember if we split up again or just stuck together after that, but we ended up back at the restaurant, ordered coffees, and then started being brutally honest with each other about how good (and bad) we thought our purchases were for our family members. This resulted in a return or two, and some more purchases, before eating again and heading home.

By 1993 I was living in Vancouver and the commute to Toronto was a bit too far to make Christmas Eve plans with Ross. I have spent a few Christmases ‘back home’ and sure enough we still kept the tradition going, but we’ve celebrated this day many more times at a distance. So, every Christmas Eve morning I get a call from Ross. Every Christmas Eve for 30 years. And hopefully for 30 more.

Charge your batteries

I went for a walk this morning. Met two friends and we had a social distance walk. We chatted about work to the halfway point then I instituted a push-up rule on the way back: first person to talk shop does 5, next one 10… etc. One buddy did 5, I did 10, and we talked about family and favourite movies and series the rest of the time. First face to face connection with anyone outside my family in weeks.

Came home and showered and went for another walk with my wife. Just did my meditation and cleared my mind some more.

Beyond that I had more than 5hrs sleep last night for the first time in a week, as it seems my insomnia is lifting. Even with the lack of sleep through the last week, Friday at work was incredibly productive. I haven’t had a day with so many things checked off my ‘to do’ list in months.

And now I’m m listening to one of my new favourite songs on repeat, created by one of our students at Inquiry Hub. I find that a single song on repeat helps me write. Usually I pick one without lyrics, but this one works for me.

Even though I missed my workouts Wednesday and Friday from shear exhaustion from insomnia, I still made my 5-a-week minimum. And, I can feel that my period of maintenance is ending and I’m ready for another push. I’m a year and a half behind my goal to do a one-minute unsupported handstand… maybe that’s my goal again after finally feeling fully recovered from a shoulder injury.

Traditionally this weekend is a wipeout. I’m exhausted and the Christmas break can’t come fast enough. I already have at least 55 hours of work scheduled next week with after school meetings booked, and I can’t think too much about the break because it is still far away. So I won’t think about that.

Instead I’ll think about my batteries feeling charged. I’ll do a chore I had put off until the holidays, and get that out of the way now. I’ll write some more… and hopefully sleep for a solid 7 hours tonight. Despite feeling fully charged, I’m going to keep myself metaphorically plugged in, while I feel the power surging in.