Tag Archives: sports

On Being Invisible

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At our school, when we run a special event the students are in charge of the sound system. My line to them is that their job is to: ‘Be invisible’. The best job they can do is not to be noticed. We notice the sound crew when we hear microphone feedback, or static, or music starts too early, too late, or too loudly. Or someone speaks but the mic is off or too quiet. If none of these hiccups happen, the sound team are not ever in the limelight… and they have done an excellent job.

At a dinner meeting last night a colleague reminded me of a different kind of invisible, and that’s being invisible until it’s important to be seen. The metaphor he used was a referee. A referee should be invisible or not a factor in the game, doing his or her job, making the right calls, and not disrupting the flow of the game. However, there are also times when refs need to be the center of attention. They need to stop the game and make the big call. At this point they are crucial, and the wrong call can be devastating for a team.

They can spend most of the game being somewhat invisible, and going relatively unnoticed, and then suddenly they are front and center, making a key call that could pivot the outcome of the game significantly. A lot of jobs are more like the referee than the sound tech, as long as the person in the job is focussed on wanting to be invisible.

A good teacher or school counsellor can invisibly be doing a fantastic job, handling behavioural or social issues that never reach the office to be dealt with by a principal. These staff members may not get a lot of attention but they are quietly doing an excellent job… and when they ask for help or escalate a situation, the leader knows to step in and support them. Rather than explain the opposite, just know that sometimes situations demand more attention regardless of how good a teacher or school counsellor is, and other times the attention is required because the ‘referee’ is making less than ideal calls.

The point being, it’s ideal in many positions to be invisible, to take care of issues in the background, unseen. But there are also times to make the tough calls and to be in front of the issues and addressing them head on. The magic is in staying invisible most of the time and knowing when to reveal yourself.

The Playmaker

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I watched a high school basketball game tonight. It was a blowout, ending with a score around 51-98. One kid on the winning team was a real highlight reel, with dunks, blocks, steals, 3-pointers, and despite being the biggest guy on the court, he’d bring the ball up the court sometimes, and even play the point guard position.

But of all the things he did, the highlight for me was when he’d penetrate the defence then find the open man and dish it to him for the easy basket. It wasn’t the dunks and blocks, it was being the playmaker and making sweet passes.

Teams need the clutch player that you can count on to score points, but when that clutch player is also a playmaker who makes his team play well, and who isn’t selfish, that’s a really great player. Then he’d be on the bench and he’d cheer like he’s the number one fan of the team.

In life, that’s the player to be.

This is just Canadian high school basketball, and while this kid will probably play university basketball, he’s probably not NBA material… but I’ll tell you one thing, whatever he does in life, I’d want him on my team.

Who I used to be

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One of the funniest ‘athletes getting older’ stories I know is one of a former national water polo player who was somewhere around 60 years old and playing in a game against an enthusiastic teenager. The old guy swam into the hole (centre position) and the you scrappy kid was all over him. The ball came into the hole and the overactive kid fouls the old guy… a normal thing in the game of water polo, but the kid was a bit aggressive. After the foul the old guy looks back at the kid and says, “Hey, don’t you know who I used to be?”

It’s fair to say that I used to be an athlete. I played water polo at a high enough level, and trained hard enough to say so. And while I’m pretty fit now, and probably in better shape than 70-80% of people my age, I am not an athlete. I don’t say that disparagingly, but I don’t play any sports, and I’m very much past my prime. Where this comes into play is in my inability to really push myself.

I see it specifically in training certain muscles. I struggle to go past 80% effort. That’s the challenge point for me. If I really like an exercise, I remember how to push hard, but if I don’t like it, I struggle. I’ve lost that ‘athlete’s edge’ where I can push through the discomfort and really give my maximum effort at will.

That’s why I say I used to be an athlete. It’s not about the fitness, it’s not about feeling positive about how well I take care of myself (I do). It’s about the lack of ability to really push myself to a point past the threshold of discomfort that athletes can do every workout.

Maybe I’m just out of practice, and I need to have a sport as a reason to train? Maybe it’s that I’m more externally motivated and I need a team relying on me? Perhaps if I joined a gym and was surrounded by people I’d push myself more than I can training at home alone.

In any case, I know who I am now and who I used to be, and I’m good with that. I might have been an athlete, but now I’m a guy who wants to still be fit and healthy in 25 years. I don’t want to run a marathon, and I’m too crappy a swimmer and not willing to do the work to get back in the pool and play water polo again… but I am going to push where I can, be smart about how much weight I move around so I don’t hurt myself… and every now and then push to my max and remember who I used to be.

Watching Ted Lasso

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My wife and I were late to get started. All of our friends were watching and telling us how great the series was but the idea of an American Football coach going to England to coach soccer real football seemed pretty silly. But finally our friends talked us into it. Since it was already late into season 2, we were able to binge watch a lot of episodes in a row. And that’s exactly what we did.

My wife and I don’t watch a lot of shows together, mostly because she gets tired of waiting for me to join her in front of the television. I will go through long stints where I really don’t watch much at all. But Ted Lasso hooked me right in. The humour is so well written. The characters are absolutely wonderful, and the show has a way of being endearingly wonderful, and ‘feel good’ without being cliché.

It went from a show I hesitated to begin watching to one that is an all time favourite. You don’t have to be a sports fan, you will find yourself rooting for the characters more than the team. That’s what makes this show so great… it’s filled with characters you want to see succeed, and even when they don’t the show is heartwarming and funny.

This was easily one of my favourite television escapes in a very long time.

The effort of learning

As an athlete, I didn’t have very good body awareness. My swim stroke was awful and that’s tough to deal with as a water polo player. My coaches spent a lot of time trying to fix my stroke, and they’d have me try all sorts of drills and drill strokes, but I often wouldn’t feel the difference or wouldn’t be able to get my body to do what my coaches wanted it to do.

I was also a player who has no issue being yelled at. I listened whether the coach was speaking at a regular volume or yelling at the top of his lungs. Didn’t matter if it was encouraging or angry. I heard, I tried. I tried again. And often again because listening wasn’t doing, and I had to work extra hard on the doing.

For me, learning new skills was always something I had to work at, and the idea of learning being an effort has stuck with me. Maybe it’s not true for someone who finds that skills come easy to them, but for me if there isn’t a struggle then there isn’t much learning happening. That’s why I frequently go back to the ideas I shared in ‘learning and failure‘. We should teach kids to struggle through things that are not easy and not guaranteed to work. We should have them feel the struggle of failure… even if they are solid ‘A’ students (perhaps especially if they are – see #3 here).

I think sometimes we try to make learning too easy. We forget the sense of accomplishment that comes with succeeding at something hard. We forgot that the challenge is what makes the learning stick. Learning can be fun and hard. It can be challenging and rewarding. It is seldom effortless and still processed meaningfully. The effort is what helps make the learning stick, and while it need not be painfully hard, it does (often) need to at least be uncomfortable. Easily learned skills are not nearly as rewarding as the skills that are more challenging and harder to accomplish. Real learning comes with effort.

Blast from the past

Today I played water polo for only the second time this century, (my playing experience spanned the mid ’80’s to late 90’s). My buddy Ross, who was both my coach, and later who I also coached with is visiting… and he was invited to drop by and play with a masters team visiting from Calgary, doing a training camp before the US Open. And, as luck would have it, it was happening in a lake just 20 minutes from my house.

I was nervous. I haven’t played in years and have not been swimming either, so the idea that I’d be jumping in a lake and playing players that never really left the game like me was daunting. Water polo isn’t a sport you can easily leave for 20 years and then just start back up again like riding a bicycle.

It was so wonderful to play again, the guys were awesome. I got to get in the pool water with my buddy and play with him for the first time in 30 years. I’ve played in many outdoor pools, but we were at Sasamat Lake, which was warm and picturesque, and the entire experience was great.

That said, I thought I was fit, but this was humbling. For the last two and a half years my workouts have consisted of steady cardio on a bicycle, treadmill, or row machine. To switch to swimming, and add in starts and stops, sprints, and the taxing thinking process of doing something I haven’t done in years had me exhausted in no time at all. I spent a lot of time taking deep breaths and trying to lower my heart rate. It’s a whole different kind of fit to play a game like water polo. It also doesn’t help much that I never was a very efficient swimmer.

I used to have a resting heart rate between 35-40 beats per minute and it could get as low as 32 in the morning before getting out of bed. That was mostly because I trained a lot and my inefficient swim stroke meant that I was usually working harder than anyone else to do the same amount of work.

Add to that, I was never a great player to begin with. I was good, but not great. So a 20+ year gap from playing left me unable to do what I though I could do. On this topic, the Calgary team’s motto on their shirts gave me a good chuckle:

The Older I Get The Better I was

We might join them for one more practice tomorrow, we’ll see how my and my buddy’s bodies feel in the morning.

Kids and sports

I don’t know Trevlyn, but she wrote this on Facebook, I re-shared it 4 years ago, and it came up as a FB memory yesterday.

“One of my friends asked “Why do you pay so much money for your kids to do all their sports”? Well I have a confession to make; I don’t pay for my kids to to do sports. Personally, I couldn’t care less about what sport they do.

So, if I am not paying for sports what am I paying for?

– I pay for those moments when my kids become so tired they want to quit but don’t.

– I pay for those days when my kids come home from school and are “too tired” to go to their training but they go anyway.

– I pay for my kids to learn to be disciplined, focused and dedicated.

– I pay for my kids to learn to take care of their body and equipment.

– I pay for my kids to learn to work with others and to be good team mates, gracious in defeat and humble in success.

– I pay for my kids to learn to deal with disappointment, when they don’t get that placing or title they’d hoped for, but still they go back week after week giving it their best shot.

– I pay for my kids to learn to make and accomplish goals.

– I pay for my kids to respect, not only themselves, but other riders, officials and coaches.

– I pay for my kids to learn that it takes hours and hours, years and years of hard work and practice to create a champion and that success does not happen overnight.

– I pay for my kids to be proud of small achievements, and to work towards long term goals.

– I pay for the opportunity my kids have and will have to make life-long friendships, create lifelong memories, to be as proud of their achievements as I am.

– I pay so that my kids can be out on the track instead of in front of a screen…

…I could go on but, to be short, I don’t pay for sports; I pay for the opportunities that sports provides my kids with to develop attributes that will serve them well throughout their lives and give them the opportunity to bless the lives of others. From what I have seen so far I think it is a great investment!” – By Trevlyn Mayo Palframan

As a former coach this really speaks to me. As a parent, I can say that this applies equally to sport as to dance and theatre when it comes to competition, tryouts, and your kid not getting the part they want and still performing at their best.

Putting kids into activities they love is so valuable. So too is them trying a sport and not liking it, but committing to the team anyway. One of my daughters started a sport and a few months in she realized she wasn’t enjoying it. We told her that her team needed her and that she had to finish the season. She kept a positive attitude and gave her best at practices and games. I was as proud of that as I have been of trophies and awards. And she knew in the end that it was the right thing to do.

Sports aren’t just about learning skills in that sport, they are also about learning life skills, and creating memories and friendships that can last a lifetime.

Axe throwing

I went axe throwing for the first time today. It was a lot of fun. It’s the kind of activity where a little coaching and a little practice can go a long way. I really enjoyed throwing one-handed as opposed to with two hands over my head.

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One of the coaches showed us an underhanded technique as well. I was far less consistent with most shots going too low, and some too high, but I found the bullseyes a few times with that technique too.

This would be a lot harder if the target distance changed, they set you up at a perfect distance for one full rotation of the exe. But even for archery I do the same thing, shooting again and again from the same distances. I imagine that after 1,000 throws, changing distances would be easy to learn.

For anyone that wants to try a fun activity with an easy entry point, this is a great activity to do with your family.

Winning at all cost

One day I’ll share the story of how I got my nickname in water polo. It was in a game that didn’t matter in the standing at Nationals, but it mattered to me. I wanted to win.

I was a defensive player, not a playmaker, or a goal scorer. I wasn’t talented, but rather a hard worker… and I always wanted to win, and was willing to do what needed to get done. I’ll share the full details another time, but I was reminded of this today and wanted to bring this idea up.

I just finished Episode 7 of The Last Dance on Netflix.

‘The Last Dance is a 2020 American sports documentary miniseries co-produced by ESPN Films and Netflix. Directed by Jason Hehir, the series revolves around the career of Michael Jordan, with particular focus on his last season with the Chicago Bulls.’

I don’t know if anyone had both the desire to win and also the ability to put themselves into ‘the zone’ and perform at their peak like Michael Jordan did. This got me thinking about the athletes that I worked with as a coach. If they showed this drive during the game, they usually showed it elsewhere too.

In the past 20 years I’ve seen a drop in competition and opportunities to compete (beyond sports) in school. With most sports seasons cancelled this year, its even more obvious. I also see a huge increase in anxiety from students put into competitive situations. I’m not saying we need to create win-at-all-cost opportunities in schools, but I think we need to keep some level of competitiveness in schools. Things like the YELL Entrepreneurship Venture Challenge pit students from different districts against each other in a Dragon’s Den style pitch-off. The students put everything on the line and often aspire to pursue their ideas beyond the competition.

We need to foster teamwork and collaboration and maximize participation in schools, but we also need to create situations and scenarios where competition and competitive drive are encouraged. We need to allow the Jordan’s in our schools the opportunity to excel in their areas of passion, not just on sports fields, but in academics too.

2nd place

It’s the proudest I’ve ever been as a coach. But we didn’t win the game. I was coaching the York Maverick Juvenile (17 and under) Girls Water Polo Team, in the gold medal game, at the Provincial Championships in Guelph, Ontario. It was a round-robin tournament and we came in first in the preliminaries, and then won against the 4th place team to get to the finals.

The other team, that got second in the prelims, and was competing against us for gold was Ottawa. The Ottawa team was significantly more experienced than us and we were the underdogs when we beat them in the preliminaries. We had never beat them in the regular season, and my girls played amazing, shocking everyone by winning that game. It was the early 90’s so this next point might be off by a little bit, but I recall that with a dozen 17-and-under year old players on each team, Ottawa had about 27 more years playing experience than us. They were expected to easily sweep the tournament after a perfect season. That didn’t happen. My girls played the game of their lives to that point and we went into the gold medal game having beat them once the day before.

A couple hours before the gold medal game I held a team meeting in one of the hotel rooms. We were packed in, and actually had to go into the hallway to demonstrate a defensive move we needed to work on. One of the Ottawa plays they were doing was this pick or screen that I thought was illegal. One of their players would swim away from the play and do this screen, with the sole intention of impeding one of my players covering another player. I thought it was illegal, the referees wouldn’t call it. So we went to the hotel hallway so that we could see and feel what needed to be done to prevent this from working as well as it did in the previous game. We also had an impromptu violin performance from one of the girl’s boyfriends, and the girls were pumped to go play, and hopefully beat, this previously intimidating Ottawa team again.

The gold medal game was intense, it was exciting, and it was nerve-wracking! My girls were once again playing the game of their lives. We were even up by a couple goals at the half. But the Ottawa team was well coached, very good, and they didn’t panic. They played their own experienced, confident game and half-way through the final period they took a one goal lead.

I called a time-out, and gave my starters a bit of a rest. I can’t say that I gave them any kind of special pep talk, simply telling them to rest and keep playing the strong game that they played all along, and to muscle through that illegal pick that was still causing us grief. Good defense means less goals for them and more time on offence for us. Our team tied the game pretty quickly and every play going into the final minutes of the period were anxiety-filled and intense. The period ended on a tie.

The overtime rules for the medal round was two 3-minute periods, then if still tied, the game went into 5-minute sudden death periods. In the first overtime period Ottawa scored and we couldn’t answer. In the second overtime, Christine drew a kick-out (penalty) from the hole (the centre offence) and she scored on the power play. The two timed overtime periods ended in a draw, now came the sudden death rounds.

So many years later, I don’t remember how long they played in this final period. I only remember the final sequence that ended the game. We were on offence and our shot clock was running out. Arianna caught a pass from about 7 meters out and we were all yelling, “Shoot!” Arianna took the shot, the ball hit the crossbar and floated on the goal line. I remember seeing the goal judge, on the same side of the pool deck as us, stand up out of his chair, flag in hand ready to wave it if the ball fully crossed the goal line. It didn’t. The goalie reached back and plucked the ball from its precarious spot, half-way into the net. We were literally centimetres away from winning the goal medal game… millimetres if you consider the location of the ball as it hit the crossbar.

The goalie then passed the ball down the right wing, it was passed further down to one of Ottawa’s strongest players. She had a slight lead on my player, but my player was swimming hard and taking good position to prevent a breakaway to the net. The Ottawa player picked up the ball and took a hard shot across the net. My goalie, Titia, made a great save. She had the angle covered and had to reach across the net to block the shot. She did, but the rebound landed right on the hand of an Ottawa player, who did a quick wrist-shot before the defence could react. With such a quick rebound shot, Titia was still out of position from the previous shot and the wrist shot went easily into the unprotected side of our net.

We lost.

I remember tears welling up in my eyes. Yes, it hurt to lose. Yes, it was gut-wrenching to think how close we came to winning less than 20 seconds earlier. But as much as that hurt filled me, I also felt joy. I felt proud of what my girls had done. They played their hearts out. They put everything they had into they game. I remember Christine holding on to the edge of the pool, my fittest athlete, asking for help to get out. After helping her, she lay on the pool deck exhausted, defeated, having put everything into the game. I remember seeing the tears in everyone’s eyes and just being overwhelmed, not in disappointment as much as in pride. These girls did everything they could to win. They played for the second game in a row against a much more experienced team, and showed that they were worthy opponents. They were silver medalists with hearts of gold.

I’ve coached gold medal winners. I’ve played in gold medal games, and worn the gold medal around my neck as a player and as a coach. I’ve never had a moment in sports that I’ve been more proud of a team than I was in that tournament, and that second place finish.