Tag Archives: balance

Hard to let go

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I had a very long and busy week last week, and that flowed into a long and busy weekend. I ended up with an empty tank, both physically and emotionally. I woke up Monday morning feeling awful and took the day off. My back ached, I felt like crap and I slept most of the day.

What I didn’t do was check my emails. I legitimately took a day off. Usually that means working from home, but I didn’t even open my laptop yesterday, and my phone stayed on ‘Do Not Disturb’. This morning I continued to feel bad and so I ended up taking a second day off (rare beyond a full back spasm or bad cold). Again, I stayed away from work much of the day, but I did put in a couple hours this morning to get some important communication out that was promised. And throughout the day I had a few things pull me into work mode via Teams and text messages.

And so I just looked at my email and I have 133 unread messages. That would have been higher without what I did today. This is the challenge of taking sick time… the work still comes your way. It’s like you take a sick day only when you absolutely need it, then you come back to so much work that you feel punished for taking care of yourself.

I’ve been working on this, trying to find balance. I will stay later at work and not look at email when I get home. I will add things to my ‘to do’ list at the end of the day and actually get home in time to make dinner. I will prioritize Teams, where my staff connect with me first and not look at email to start the day.

Still, it’s hard to let go. It’s hard to not sneak work in when I’m home. It’s hard to think, ‘I can deal with this tomorrow.’ But this morning I could feel it in me, ‘Take the day today and you won’t need another one before Christmas break… go back too soon and your battery is going to drain again, you aren’t healthy enough.’

So I did the unusual thing and listened to my own advice. Usually I don’t let go, I push through. I’m realizing that’s not just hard on my physical health but my mental health as well.

Do I have a lot of emails to get through? Yes. Does that add to my stress? Yes. But tomorrow I’ll attend to people first and email later… and I’ll catch up. The important thing is that I gave my body and mind the rest it needed and I’m 95% sure I’ll be back at work tomorrow.

The right to disconnect

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I’ve already shared my vampire rule for email:

“After 6 PM staff only get emails from me if the email is invited in. In other words, if they have asked me a question and want an answer, then a response has been invited. But if that invitation for a response isn’t there, I delay email delivery until the next morning.

So like a vampire at the front door, I can’t enter (with email) if I have something to share that is not initiated (and therefore invited in) by my staff. New topics are set to be delivered early the next morning.”

Yesterday a parent wanted me to contact one of my online teachers, who is on her last week of summer holidays, to get her son started in a course. I said no. I told the parent that I would send a scheduled message to the teacher the first day back (and I did), but that I was not interrupting my teacher’s holidays.

The Australia government just protected employees “right to disconnect”. According to a CNN report, “As of Monday, people won’t have to answer out of hours calls, texts, or emails.”

Laws are one way to ensure it, but I don’t think we need laws to be thoughtful and respectful about work/life boundaries. I think we can choose thoughtfulness over convenience, and be respectful of people’s time and attention. Like I mentioned to the parent (who was very understanding), if I interrupt a teacher’s holiday for this, there is no specific line I can draw to respect the teacher’s rights to a holiday.

We can all probably draw better boundaries between work and the rest of our lives, but what’s more important is that no matter where we draw our own lines does not allow us to choose for others too. Regardless of where our lines are, we need to be respectful of other people’s rights to unplug and disconnect from work when they are away from work.

Leave a little undone

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Student leaders at my school planned a movie night and I ended up leaving school a little after 9pm last night. After I got home I decided to have a hot tub. With headphones on I slowly submerged myself, got comfortable, and put on some focus music on my meditation app. Why focus music? I was planning to do a meditation, but I was too tired and decided to reflect on the week rather than meditating, or listening to a podcast or to my book. I thought about a couple exchanges I had this week. One was feedback from a student. I love being in a school where students can give me candid feedback. In fact, we discussed radical candour and I have to say that the feedback he gave was very insightful. The other reflection is one I won’t share, because it would be too easy for the people involved to know that I was talking about them, and it’s not appropriate for me to share. 

That second reflection came shortly after I restarted my hot tub (after the 20 minute auto shut off). I thought I was going to sit for another round, but minutes later I felt too hot and that I was done. Yet, there I was pushing myself to stay in a bit longer. That’s when I realized that I was battling myself for no good reason. I was done, but I had just restarted the hot tub, and in my head it was my ‘duty’ to stay in it longer. This of course is a ridiculous thing to think, but I thought it. Then I reflected on how often we do this to ourselves.

We push to finish… almost everything.

  • Crappy movie? Watch it all anyway. Why? Maybe it will get better? Or ‘I’ve invested this much time, may as well see it through to the end’.
  • Eating a meal? I’m stuffed but there are still 4 more bites… May as well finish my plate. Or, ‘I don’t really want fries, but it was part of the meal deal, so may as well eat them’. 
  • An online survey. A game of solitaire when you know you aren’t going to win. A boring book. A career. A course you thought would be interested, but turns out to be boring and unfulfilling. 

There are a lot of quotes and adages about sticking with something, showing grit and fortitude, and not being a quitter… but there is a difference between quitting or giving up, and being smart about recognizing when something is no longer benefiting you. This is especially true for things where the only person expecting you to finish is you. Why force yourself to finish a book that you know you’ll end up being disappointed reading? Why stuff yourself with those last 4 bites? Sometimes we need to give ourselves permission to leave a little bit undone.

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As an aside, the Northern Lights were out last night like I’ve never seen them before. (See my Facebook post.)

A Slippery Slope

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I’m at a conference downtown, but staying at a hotel a 10 minute walk from the conference center. On this rainy morning I checked out and made arrangements to leave my car in the parking lot until the conference was over. Then, listening to Peter Attia’s audio book ‘Outlive’, I headed to the conference center, umbrella in one hand and protein bar in the other.

Not 50 feet from the entrance of my hotel there is a field with a diagonal, muddy path.

Listening to the chapter on Stability, literally at the point where Peter is discussing how important stability is, and how falls can be the pivotal point in a senior’s health, I started down the grass rather than muddy trail… and I wiped out.

I muddied my pants and my hand that was holding my umbrella. Back to the hotel I went to change my pants and wash up. Thankfully they let me back into my room I had just checked out of.

I don’t think I hurt myself further but now I do feel a bit achy in my hips. It’s not serious but something that will need to be monitored, and I will need to think more about my stretching routine over the next few days.

Oh, the irony of listening to this chapter and specific content around falls exactly as I made the decision to take this muddy shortcut and fall myself!

But what a great wake up call this was. Two things come to mind. First, did I really need to take this muddy route and save myself 20-30 seconds? I should make better, safer choices. Secondly, I’ve just started doing some stability work, specifically implementing balancing on one foot with my eyes closed as part of my workout regimen… I need to do more stability work. It might not have helped with the choice I made to take this path, but it could help with my ability to fall a bit better.

In the end I got a life lesson with a small slice of humble pie, or actually mud pie. 😜

As I get older a careless slip or a poor choice to push my capabilities, or climbing a ladder, or paying attention to my phone instead of uneven pavement, can lead to an injury and a slippery slope towards a less mobile and less healthy future. My focus on fitness needs to include strengthening my muscles that support my balance and ‘training’ for everyday living, as described in Outlive by Peter Attia.

Being vs Doing

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I was listening to a guided meditation, and it mentioned that how we live in the world is more focused on doing rather than being.

This made me think about the multitude of tasks we do on autopilot, and how we aren’t always fully present when we do them. It made me think about my work day and how much of it is spent focused on tasks, and not at all on the experience.

Doing is an external experience focused on productivity and achievement. Being is intrinsic, it emphasizes awareness, mindfulness, and the value of life. Doing is all about chasing goals and getting stuff done, it’s what moves us ahead and lets us make things happen. But being… That’s about soaking in the moment, really living it up, and savoring life’s journey as it happens.

This isn’t an either/or thing, but I feel like we, I feel like I, could benefit from being more… More present, more aware, more in the moment. Whole days can go by where I’m task oriented, focused on what needs to be done, and not aware or appreciative of my experience. It’s really about valuing the life we have as it unfolds, rather than just checking off boxes of tasks and achievements mindlessly.

If we are too busy only doing, are we allowing ourselves the opportunity to value and appreciate this wonderful life we are living? Are we living at all, or just moving from task to task, like mindless robots. I laugh a lot more when I’m being and not just doing. I connect with people more meaningfully. I find joy in the tasks that I do. Being is an awareness that sits above the things we do, and it changes a life of activity for the sake of activity, to one where we can find meaning, and joy, throughout our day, and on days yet to come.

Seizing Moments

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Yesterday I had the opportunity to have lunch with my admin team. Now when I say that I’m talking about 3 ‘teammates’ that do not work in the same building as me. So when we can get together and enjoy a meal it’s a special moment. The moment was made that much more special because two of the three people I met are moving on… one to a new position, and the other one retiring. Then, after work, I connected with some other administrators for a wellness gathering. It was wonderful to spend that time connecting with colleagues that I don’t always see during my typical work week. And when I came home, my wife and I had a wonderful evening together. We both seem to have a little more energy than we usually do on a Friday night. It was a fun night of laughter and conversation.

This morning I did the Coquitlam crunch with my buddy, and while it was cold and early, and we were the only ones in the parking lot, it was a ‘seize the moment kind’ of opportunity. This was our 120th Crunch since we started 3 years ago in January 2020. My buddy suggested that the title of this post should be “Just Do It”, and that was the initial plan, but my thoughts go a little beyond that this afternoon.

After our walk and coffee shop social, I went home and said bye to my wife and helped her pack the car to head over to the island to visit her parents. Then my daughter called and asked for a ride because she spent an anniversary night out with her boyfriend and they were heading home from downtown. After dropping her boyfriend at his house, my daughter and I decided to go and enjoy a sushi lunch at a wonderful restaurant. I can’t express how wonderful it is to have grown-up kids who still look forward to a meal with their father (and yes, especially when he’s paying).

Now I am sitting in my hot tub, penning my ideas using voice to text, and even enjoying a little visit for my cat.

Visits with colleagues, chats with my wife, walks with friends, meals with family, and hot tubs on a cold winter day, these are all small little moments individually… But weave them together, and they make for an absolutely wonderful life.

We sometimes go headlong into work, and bury ourselves in busyness, not realizing that we don’t have to put everything on hold until our next vacation, or gathering with family or friends. Tiny moments, planned, and unplanned, are the moments we need to seek and enjoy.

4-day work weeks

An interesting article, ‘Employees are so sick of the five-day workweek that most would take a pay cut to make a four-day week happen‘, by Ryan Hogg, states: “In the battle for a four-day workweek employees seem ready to put their money where their mouth is—they’ll take a pay cut if it means having an extra day of free time.”

At a time when inflation and cost of living is extremely high, people would rather sacrifice money for time. This isn’t about a lack of ambition or drive, it’s about wanting balance. It’s about prioritizing wellbeing over profit.

The article continued: “Last year, the U.K. piloted the world’s biggest-ever four-day week trial, made up of more than 60 companies and nearly 3,000 employees. Most businesses maintained or improved their productivity, while the trial also revealed that quit rates among staff plummeted.

Of the businesses involved in the survey, the majority chose to continue with the scheme.“

It can work.

I read another article, which I can’t find to source right now, and it was mentioning how many big companies are struggling with high absenteeism, with employees taking more sick time than they ever have before. Employees are taking days off in far greater quantities than my generation and our parent’s generation ever did, and these absences are costing companies far more than expected. Apparently this isn’t just an issue if people being sicker, but rather employees taking more time for ‘mental health days’. Essentially just taking a break from the grind of a 5- day work week. A shorter week could work to reduce this.

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I think the 4-day week could work for schools too. Add one hour to each of the 4 remaining school days and you’ve got 2/3’s of the missing school day covered. Add 30 more daily minutes of collaborative/prep time and teachers would be working the same hours, and embedding some needed prep time to their schedules. Same hours of work, close to the same number of hours of class, and so not even a reason to reduce pay.

Doing this, students and teachers would have 4-day weeks and 3-day weekends. I wonder what that would do to student absenteeism? I wonder how well students would perform? This year our senior PE classes start an hour early, and we haven’t noticed an issue with students struggling through a longer school day.

It could be piloted in a high school, but probably not the younger grades because it would be challenging to arrange for child care/supervision on the weekday that students don’t have school. I’d be happy to volunteer my school to try it out… I wonder what teachers, students, and parents would think of this?

Eight days a week

I can’t believe it’s Thursday morning. It feels like I’ve already worked a full week. I know it’s because I’m getting over a cold and I’m not 100%, and I’m just exhausted. This will sometimes happen when I’m super busy and I come home from work and I just keep working. Yet that’s not what I’ve been doing these last three days. I’ve been coming home and just flaking out.

I’m glad tomorrow is a Professional Development Day, and I’m excited about my plans… because I know I can get through today, but I don’t know if I could run on all cylinders tomorrow like I need to today, with 3 meetings that need my full attention and participation. If I had to continue my pattern and pace of today and the last 3 days again tomorrow, I think I’d crash.

So, head down, chin up, and muscle through the day today, and hopefully remain positive about my plans tomorrow. Tonight I’m turning work off and maybe the TV on. I’ll have some nice homemade soup my wife made for dinner, and have an early bed time. Because this has been a loooong week and it isn’t nearly over yet. Some weeks feel a lot longer than others and this one was, and is, a doozy.

Energy flow

Some things take a lot of energy to perform, and some things give you energy.

Here are a couple opposing examples:

Meeting new people can take a lot of energy. There is the nervousness of not being sure what to say, the struggle to find common interests, the uncomfortableness of awkward silence. Meeting new people can be draining.

Working out requires a lot of energy output, but at the same time there is an endorphin surge that provides a positive feeling. The net energy you have after a good workout is fulfilling.

While both of these experiences require energy, one leaves you feeling depleted, sucking your energy batteries dry, while the other replenishes your batters and leaves you feeling charged and ready to go.

In a way, the cumulative sum of draining versus charging activities determines what kind of day you have. At the end of the day you can feel like the day wiped you out or it left you with some reserves.

You can do challenging things emotionally or physically (or both) and end your day feeling very accomplished or just exhausted. The big question is, did the day just happen to you, were you just a victim of the positive and negative energy flows, or did you help to determine them?

In other words, did you seek to perform more positive energy experiences than negative ones? Did you find moments in your day where you filled your batteries? Did you feed your mind and body with joyful moments that charged your energy reserves? Sometimes it doesn’t take much: a delicious meal, a shared joke, a 5 minute walk, a deliberate conversation, a compliment given, even a few deep breaths.

Simple, intentional things that bring you energy rather than drain energy can be the difference between coming home feeling accomplished and coming home with an empty tank. Be intentional in seeking out things that give you a positive flow of energy during the day.

Everything in moderation

I enjoy being in the sun. I feel energized by it. But my days of spending hours in the sun are over. This is magnified by the fact that I really hate wearing sunscreen. Maybe it’s because I grew up on a tropical island and used very little of it. Maybe it’s just the oily feel of it, but I just don’t like putting it on and having it on my skin all day.

So, I sit in the sun for 15-20 minutes with no protection, then I move to the shade. I get a nice dose of Vitamin D but I don’t overdo it, and I don’t need to layer on the sunscreen. Sun exposure has become one of many places where I practice the idea of ‘everything in moderation’.

Everything in moderation works so well on many fronts. Food and alcohol are other great examples. I eat very little treats and don’t eat a lot of sugary items in general. I don’t stuff myself even with my favourite foods. I usually only have one cup of coffee in a day, but if I’m at a breakfast meeting I might splurge and have 3. I rarely have 3 alcoholic drinks in a night and very seldom have a drink two nights in a row. In fact I can go a week or two without alcohol without realizing it or missing it.

Still, an occasional drink is nice to have, and so is a piece of chocolate cake, or some well seasoned potato chips. Moderation takes a lot less discipline than hard restrictions and I think generally leads to a more balanced and happier life. I think that’s why many diets don’t work, because they are about forced abstinence from foods you love and this is hard to continue over any extended time.

The way I cut down my sugar intake years ago was to try time restricted eating. I realized that I never ate anything healthy after dinner do I simply stopped having anything to eat after dinner, and would break-(my)-fast with something healthy in the morning… usually a protein shake with berries (natural sugars) in it. Delicious and enjoyable as well as healthy.

All this to say that it’s easy to find balance when balance is important to you. It feels healthy and enjoyable to moderate when moderation doesn’t feel like a hard restriction. I could spend longer in the sun but I then need to put sunscreen on or feel the pain of a sunburn. I could have a third drink in a night, but then I feel the pain of a hangover (because that’s all it takes to make me feel like crap).

Even exercising is something I do in moderation. Sure, I try to be active every day, but a full cardio work out for me is 20 minutes, and only ever an hour when I go for walks with my wife or a friend… not runs, walks. And recovering from a herniated disc, which I think might have been initiated from shovelling snow, not from working out, has led me to moderate my strength workouts even more. I have no desire to put myself back into pain under the guise of getting stronger.

Everything in moderation seems like such a good way to balance living a healthy life, and still enjoying life.