Monthly Archives: December 2023

Final countdown

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Two more days until the winter break. Tonight I’ll be at school until 9:30pm or so, because we have a school dance I’ll be supervising. Tomorrow will be a lot shorter, then we have a 2-week holiday. I’ve never been one to countdown, but this has already been a long week and I am really looking forward to the break.

The next countdown is Christmas Day, and I’m cooking a turkey for the first time in years. Then there is the countdown to a trip to Whistler for a couple nights, to new years’s eve, and then to a trip to Victoria for a couple nights.

I’m excited for the two trips because my mom is coming with us and she has never been to Whistler or Victoria. It will be great showing her around, and I’m glad my daughters will have done time with her too.

But first I’ve got to get to the break. Two more school days, one sleep, and the countdown is over. I hope everyone has a wonderful break.

Alien perspective

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I think jokes like this are funny:

…because they hold a bit of truth.

We aren’t all that intelligent.

We draw imaginary lines on the globe to separate us. We fight wars in the name of angry Gods that are more concerned with our devotion than for peace and love. We care more about greed than about the environment. We spend more on weapons of destruction than we do on feeding the needy. We judge each other on superficial differences. We have unbelievable intellect, capable of incredible technological advancement, yet we let our monkey brains prevail.

Sure we exhibit some intelligence, we are intelligent viruses.

At least that’s what I think an objective alien visiting our planet would think.

Conversation on an alien ship observing earth:

“Give them another 100 years… if they figure out how to not kill each other and the planet, then let’s introduce ourselves.”

Right now I’m not terribly optimistic about what those aliens will find in our future? ‘Civilized’ humans? A desolate planet? Artificial intelligence treating us like we treat ‘unintelligent’ animals? Or more of the same bickering, posturing, warring, and separatist views of humans trying to usurp dominance over each other?

It would be funny if it wasn’t sad.

Uncertainty and doubt

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I had a dream last night. In it someone I care about was asking my why I even bother writing my daily blog? She called it boring and a waste of time. In all honesty, this being said in my dream bugged me more than if the person in my dream actually said it in person. It bothered me because I am the author of my dreams, not the people I see in them.

So essentially I was casting doubt on myself. That’s harsh.

Why bother? Why make the effort? Who do I think I am, that anyone would care to read what I have to say? These are the internal voices of uncertainty and doubt. These are questions that tear me down rather than build me up.

These are the pangs that prevent people from sharing their ideas, their writing, their art, their creative expression, and even their love.

“I’m not good enough.”

“Other people are so much better.”

“I’m not creative enough.”

“I have nothing of value to say.”

It’s easier to silence the naysayers than it is to silence your own inner voice. I can handle all kinds of feedback. I can learn from the harshest of criticism. A perfect example is an angry, yelling coach never upset me, I just took the feedback.

But that inside voice… that nagging self-doubt, that self-uncertainty, that is something I do not always battle well with. It holds me back. It keeps me from speaking up, from stepping up, from confidently sharing my thoughts and opinions.

Why is it that the internal battles we face are so much harder than the outside ones?

What helps me is consistency. It’s developing habits where I can push through the uncertainty and doubt. It’s creating small accomplishments that lead me to successful outcomes. No, I’m not going to be the athlete I was in my 20’s ever again… but I’m fitter now than I ever was in my 30’s and 40’s, and I suffer less back pain than I did in my 20’s. Oh, and no one workout got me where I am today.

In fact it wasn’t the good workouts that got me here, it was the days that I didn’t want to work out, the times I had to talk myself into just going through the motions that made me get to this point. I’m floundering a bit right now with working out, but I still get my butt on my stationary bike or treadmill every day. I still don’t let myself miss 2 days in a row, and rarely let myself miss 3 days in a week.

Some days I might hit the publish button on my blog and think ‘that’s not a great post’. But I still hit the button, I still make the effort. I still read over my work and try to edit it. And I still get mad at myself when I see a typo or wrong word published. The same critic that tries to stop me can also be my friend. It doesn’t just shut me down, it adds an element of high expectations towards all my final work.

And that’s why my dream this morning hurt me a bit. It was my inner voice being a gremlin, trying to find fault with myself, my work, my creativity. Uncertainty and doubt are not usually our friends, they are the bedfellows of procrastination and excuses. They are the enemies of confidence and productivity. And while they may lay dormant for a while, they can creep up on us when we least expect it. Like in our dreams…

But I’m awake now. It’s time to hit the publish button. It’s time to get on the treadmill. There is work to be done and I’ll just tuck the uncertainty and doubt away.

Remembering No Office Day

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I forgot all about this until a Facebook Memory came up a few days ago.

“My ‘No Office Day’ Post , (December 11th, 2010) was inspired by a busy schedule whereby I promised my staff I’d see more of them and then promptly got stuck in an almost all-day meeting. The following day, I didn’t bring my laptop to school and spent the entire day in classrooms. I chronicled my day by taking some photos on my phone and uploading them to twitter with the hashtag #noofficeday.”

That quote was taken from my ‘International No Office Day’ post, at the end of August 2011. I feel like I wrote these blog posts a full lifetime ago. It’s kind of neat that this one No Office Day that I had in Dalian, China became an international event. It was fun to read blog posts, news clips, and even watch YouTube videos about other principals spending the full day in classrooms and not their office.

I just dug this up with a Google search. Beyond the Open-Door Policy, and I chuckle at the reporting which stated I had only done ‘scheduled walkthroughs’ for nearly a month. I tried to visit every classroom every day, and said that visit could be a simple walkthrough, but I didn’t have a formal schedule. I also remember this day getting a bit of criticism too, but I don’t remember the specifics.

Still the experience I shared was a wonderful event, and I love looking back at the pictures I took in classrooms. The fact that it became an event and was shared by many others makes me smile. I think some day early next year I might hold another one of these days. I might only do a morning because my one school is so small, I can hit all 4 grades in 4 blocks… and my online school doesn’t have classes I can join.

It will be fun to revive this day and spend a bit more time in classes with kids.

Buh-dub. Buh-dub.

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Lying in bed, ear against my pillow. Buh-dub. Buh-dub.

My heart beats in my head. Buh-dub. Buh-dub.

Soothing, calming, an orchestra of internal activity embodied in a single, reoccurring beat. Buh-dub. Buh-dub.

A primordial drum, beating in each of us. Buh-dub. Buh-dub.

Our personal metronome, our connection to musical beats. Buh-dub. Buh-dub.

Listen to your heart. Buh-dub. Buh-dub.

Listen to silence between the beats. Buh-dub. Buh-dub.

The spaces between the beats are what makes the beat musical. Buh-dub. Buh-dub.

Our personal connection between our thinking mind and our physical body. Buh-dub. Buh-dub.

Our personal connection to the universe, and our very existence. Buh-dub. Buh-dub.

I shift my head and can no longer hear or feel the beat. Sleep prevails in silence. I will forget the sound. I will not pay attention to my heartbeat again until my ear sits on my pillow in just the right way. Or when I vigorously exercise.

My heart will continue to work, to sustain me, to feed my cells with oxygen. I don’t need to hear it for it to work. I don’t need to hear it, but when I do it reminds me of how lucky I am. It reminds of how connected I am. It calms me and reminds me that I am grateful to be alive.

Buh-dub. Buh-dub.

Buh-dub. Buh-dub.

Buh-dub. Buh-dub…

Stolen moments of time

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One of the illusions of a busy life is that there is never enough time:

“I would love to… (insert desired outcome here)… if only I had the time.“

But the ‘if I had the time’ narrative is a myth. That’s not why you haven’t reached your desired outcome, you haven’t reached it because the outcome isn’t important enough yet.

A perfect example: Someone with an unhealthy diet says, “I would love to eat more healthily, if only I had the time.” Then they have a health scare and are told their unhealthy diet is killing them. Suddenly they find the time to make better meals instead of eating fast food. Things like grocery shopping, food prep, and planned meals become a time priority. The difference was information, not time. The day didn’t suddenly become longer to fit these things in, the time was ‘found’ despite all the other things that demand time.

Here is author Julia Cameron on finding time to write:

“The “if I had time” lie is a convenient way to ignore the fact that novels require being written and that writing happens a sentence at a time. Sentences can happen in a moment. Enough stolen moments, enough stolen sentences, and a novel is born — without the luxury of time.”

Creating stolen moments is the path to desired outcomes. “I would love to…” is a prompt to actually do whatever comes next. Would you really ‘love to’? Really? Then find the time. Steal enough moments to make it happen. If not, admit that you really wouldn’t ‘love to’, and that you are lying to yourself. How do you know if your are lying to yourself? If you are saying “if only I had the time“, well then you really don’t want to do it. It’s a wish, not a goal. It’s a lofty aspiration, not an intended outcome.

Not many people have the luxury of time. Life gets busy. Yet, everyone has moments that can be stolen and directed to something they love, something they desire, something they think they don’t have time for. There is a quote by Ryan Blair that speaks best to this, “If it’s important you’ll find a way. If it’s not, you’ll find an excuse.”

In our busy lives stolen moments are the way. Steal enough of them and you have a habit of getting the things you really love (not just say you love) done.

Embarrassment is the cost of entry

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I love this quote,

“Embarrassment is the cost of entry. If you aren’t willing to look like a foolish beginner, you’ll never become a graceful master.” ~ Ed Latimore

How many times have I not tried because in trying I might look bad? How many times have I hesitated to learn, because I would look foolish in my attempt? How many times have I let the fear of embarrassment get in the way of beginning something new?

Probably more often than I’d like to admit.

This was especially true as a kid. This is especially true of many kids today.

How about you?

Festive feelings

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Yesterday I went to two different social gatherings, a breakfast and an after work event. The day before I was at a big Christmas dinner. It’s that time of year when we get together to celebrate, socialize, and fill our bellies with food. This past weekend I wrapped presents and stockings. Although my daughters are in their 20’s, they still get stockings to open on Christmas Day.

It’s wonderful to gather and spend time with family and friends. It makes me feel blessed to work in an environment where I feel helpful, useful, and productive. I feel blessed to be in a loving family that actually likes spending time together. And I enjoy the festivities that we hold this time of year.

Gathering with people you care about and enjoy being with is special, and it reminds me how important it is to find the time to connect and to be social. It makes me wonder why I don’t make more of an effort to do so when it’s not for a special occasion. There are good reasons to connect all year, we don’t need to wait until a holiday, or year’s end to feel festive and to gather with friends… we can be festive any time of year.

A five minute job it wasn’t.

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Yesterday I changed a toilet seat. It’s a 5 minute job… until I tried to do it. Unfortunately for me one of the old metal screws was rusted and even though the head could take both a flathead and the Robertson square head, they were both stripped in a matter of minutes of trying to use them. Then the plastic bolt got shredded and I was stuck. Exasperating the issue, the toilet is in a tiny alcove and I had to use my phone like a mirror just to see the bolt.

I spent way too long trying to somehow grip the screw head and undo the bold, leaning over the bowl and messing with the bolt I couldn’t directly see. It was futile, but I’m stubborn and continued to waste my time. But it actually wasn’t a complete waste because I shredded the old washer and that provided a little room between the toilet top and the screw head.

What was my next step? I took a new hacksaw blade and stuck it between the toilet top and the screw, and with a tiny 2 to 3-inch back-and-forth motion I cut the screw. It was a process that took over 10 minutes to do. The whole process left an absolute mess to clean up behind the toilet, and from start to finish I was there for close to an hour and a half.

I seem to be cursed when it comes to doing anything ‘handy’. It doesn’t matter what the job is, I end up taking much longer than expected to complete it. Eighteen times longer in this case. I made about 7 or 8 trips to the basement. At least it was only one trip to the hardware store to buy the seat, usually it ends up being 2-3 visits. I always end the job just relieved it’s over rather than having any sense of accomplishment.

My rule of thumb is, don’t start a a quick handyman job unless I have at least two hours to get it done, because for me there is no such thing as a 5-minute repair.

The sci-fi try

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I don’t usually listen to fictional books during the school year. I usually wait for the breaks, in summer, winter, and March, to pick up a ‘fun’ book. But I started a sci-fi that is about the moon breaking up from a mysterious and sudden catastrophic event. The earth then has roughly 2 years to get as large a community into space before being destroyed by moon debris crashing into earth at a rate that makes earth a fiery hell.

The technical aspects of the book are great. It’s easy to nerd out on the science and to imagine the challenges the survivors must face. The only issue I’m having with the book is that it doesn’t share the loss of life in a compassionate way. The story lacks heart.

It tries, but fails to put loss of life in a way that lets the reader feel grief over the loss. The author is more interested in the science than the humanity. He makes attempts but they aren’t great. Yet the book is still good. I’m only 1/3 of the way through and it will be the Christmas break before I get through it. I’ll let the shortcomings go and enjoy nerding out on the science and the idea of the future of humanity and civilization resting on an ad hoc space colony.

Not all stories need to be perfect to be enjoyable. Sometimes you have to make choices. This book lets me geek out without getting too heavy into the devastation of the entire earth… and I’m just one generation in. From what I understand the story spans a few thousand years. I won’t be putting the story down just because it feels a little clinical in how it deals with death. Because ultimately (so far) it’s a story about survival in desperate times, and under dire circumstances, and I’m hooked on finding out what this dystopian future holds.

I chose a science fiction, not a romance novel, and I’m getting a good dose of both science and fiction. For those interested, the book is Neil Stephenson’s Seveneves.