Tag Archives: retirement

Still an excitement

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I’ve had zero regrets about choosing to retire. I was invited to visit my old schools on October 1st, and I stayed for about 3 hours. It was wonderful to connect with staff and students… and then I left.

No pangs. No doubt. No sorrow. And then I went to Ontario for 23 days. I had a very long October holiday, something I hadn’t done/couldn’t do in almost 30 years. It was wonderful.

Yesterday I spent a beautiful day on a boat with a friend. I ended up staying over at his place thanks to a flat tire. Today we had a workout when I’d normally be heading to work, then we had an in-depth conversation about education. I then came home and was looking for something I wrote on my blog. I followed a chain of posts that lead me to a post where Dean Shareski interviewed me for ‘The Canadian – Ed Leadership Show’. I listened to it while making dinner tonight.

The conversation this morning and listening to this discussion with Dean this evening made me realize just how much I’m still passionate about education. There’s more to think about, there’s more to write about and share … and now I have more time to do so.

The essence of flourishing

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I wrote a post recently, ‘I’m home’ where I said, “I’ve been retired for over three months and I don’t have a clue what a typical retirement day will look like? …That said, I do need to figure out some good routines. I know myself well enough that if I don’t have routines and systems in place, I can be very unproductive and ultimately unhappy. My extended summer was absolutely wonderful, it also wasn’t sustainable. It’s time to tune back into life at home…”

On LinkedIn Hannah Frostrand commented,

“What do you want to be when you grow up?” and “how will you fill your time when you’re retired?”.

Both feel like riding that miss the essence of flourishing…

I look forward to reading where you curiosity takes you, Dave!

I responded,

Hannah Flostrand ~ I love that you put those two questions together. For years leading up to retirement l’ve joked that I don’t know what I want to do when I grow up… yet, as you describe, that kind of misses the essence of the journey. I think it’s more about what do I want to ‘be’ rather than what I want to ‘do.

I think this might be a future Daily-Ink post:)

This is that post.

It has literally been for years that I’ve said, ‘I don’t know what I want to do when I grow up’. I’ve felt imposters syndrome, wondering how they let this kid run two and even three schools simultaneously, much less one? I’ve watched my hair begin to grey, still feeling like a kid who has stumbled into adulthood., parenthood, and a career with a lot of responsibility. And now I’m retired and I see that looking at my journey this way was making the journey smaller than it was.

I wasn’t a kid doing all of these things, I was (and am) those things. I really was missing the essence of the journey. That said, it’s not some profound difference, I don’t feel jilted for having the perspective I did… rather, seeing it now just allows me to feel freer about where I am now.

I’ve heard that some people struggle with retirement because what they did for work previously gave them meaning that was lost in retirement. I am happy, dare I say proud, with my past accomplishments. Whether I felt like a kid faking it as best as I could or not… I did good. But I don’t measure my worth to what has passed. Rather, I measure it to what I have become. I see the value in appreciation of the journey, to what got me here.

Like I said in my response to Hannah, “I think it’s more about what do I want to ‘be’ rather than what I want to ‘do.”

I want to be a good husband, parent, and friend. I want to be someone who still finds ways to contribute to the world around me. I want to spend time appreciating being present rather than scheduling time outside of a busy and exhausting schedule and being too tired to be present.

Last night I offered to pick my daughter up at the ferry late Sunday night, so that she could stay on the island to watch her cousin do a presentation and still get to school on Monday morning. Then I thought about it and decided that I’d go over to the island myself, take my daughter and her boyfriend out to lunch, watch the presentation with them, then take my daughter home that evening.

If I was working Monday morning, this would sound overwhelmingly exhausting. Now, I’ll do this and still meet my buddy for a 6am workout Monday morning, so he can get to work afterwards. Easy. If I’m tired, I’ll nap on Monday morning.

I get to be present for those around me in a way I never could before… that’s the essence of flourishing… and I like it!

I’m home

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I officially retired in July. My wife and I had a regular educator’s summer off, then I got busy. First it was Everest The Crunch, then 12 days away for Tofino and the West Coast Trail. Then it was 8 days at home, getting my house back in order after a renovation. Then I just completed 23 beautiful fall days in Ontario including 10 stops and driving over 2,000km.

In other words, I’ve been retired for over three months and I don’t have a clue what a typical retirement day will look like? That starts tomorrow when I head to the gym and get back into a daily routine with things like writing in the morning rather than before I head to bed. Regardless, I think it’s going to be December before I figure everything out.. and even then I’ll probably tweak my schedule well into the new year.

That said, I do need to figure out some good routines. I know myself well enough that if I don’t have routines and systems in place, I can be very unproductive and ultimately unhappy. My extended summer was absolutely wonderful, it also wasn’t sustainable. It’s time to tune back into life at home, and figure out this next year of retirement before my wife joins me.

I’m excited to start this new phase of my life. I don’t have everything figured out yet, but I have a good outline mapped out, I’m willing to experiment, make mistakes, and learn as I go. I’ve already given myself far more grace than I have in the past, so things are already going in the right direction. The big question is, am I going to enjoy the things I think I am going to enjoy or not? I hope so, but I won’t know until I try.

Giving myself a break

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I haven’t worked out in a week. Yes, I’m on holidays. Yes, I give myself some slack on holidays and don’t expect to work out as often as I usually do… but I haven’t missed 3 days in a row in years and years, and so this is very unusual for me.

That said, I’m not going to beat myself up about taking this break. I’ll get a couple workouts in over the next week, and I’ll be back on track next week when I’m home. I think a lot about habits, I like maintaining streaks, and I am usually really hard on myself when I miss two days, much less a full seven.

So what’s different now? I think it’s knowing that this break won’t change what I do going forward. I have the confidence that not only will I get back to my routine, I also won’t make this a habit on holidays either. This has been an anomaly, not a new pattern. Knowing this allows me to be kinder to myself than I normally am. I’d say that has to be one of the first real benefits of retirement that I’ve noticed. Feels good.

On the move

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I’m on a plane headed to Toronto. It’s about to land. I’m going for a vacation to visit family and friends for a few weeks. The last time I did a holiday in October, I was living in China working at a school that had a week off in the month. It still feels weird taking a trip like this during the school year. I’m feeling like I’ve just had an extended summer, which will come to an end after this trip. It’s not.

In the coming weeks, I’ll be visiting at least 6 different cities/towns and will likely drive well over 1,500 km. The longest I’ll stay in any one place is 4 days, so I’ll be living out of a suitcase. Maybe this trip will be the thing that changes the gear in my head that feels like work is returning soon. Or maybe it’ll happen when I’m back home and into a routine?

Last Tuesday was the first time I went back into a school this school year. I visited a principal friend at a high school. Then on Thursday I visited my old school and spent some time with the new principal along with former staff and students. I had no pangs, I didn’t feel like I was missing out. The visits were great and then it felt good to leave.

Ultimately, I’m thrilled with my decision to retire. Zero regrets. I’m just not used to the fact that I’m this free to do what I want to do at this time of year. Thinking about it now, it’s nice to know that I don’t have to worry about a staff meeting on Monday. I just need to know if I’m sleeping on a couch or in a guest room? I like that question more than any that ever came out of a staff meeting.

Weighing on me

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It has been almost 6 weeks since I did the Everest the Crunch challenge. I was about 3-4 pounds lighter than my regular weight when I started it and I lost almost 7 pounds over the 2 days. I also lost my appetite during that time. Other than overall fatigue, getting food into me at the top of the crunch was the hardest part of the event. And I haven’t regained my appetite since.

Then I went on an 8 day hike of the West Coast Trail, and I can tell that the past 6 weeks have taken a bit of a toll on my body. I’m the lightest weight I’ve been in over 4 years. I recently took a body scan at my gym and my body fat percentage was 11%. I’ll note that this was after a workout, which tends to lower the result, but quite frankly that’s too low.

If I was a high performance athlete training for an event, that would be great, but walking around day-to-day at under 15% isn’t really ideal in my eyes… and being about 10 pounds lighter than my usual weight is not where I want to be. But I’m also not walking around hungry or feeling exhausted, so while this isn’t ideal, I also don’t think this is detrimental.

That said, my goal starting retirement was to bulk and add 10 pounds and instead I went completely the other way. I’m not going to lie, that’s weighing on me. It tells me that if I’m not in the gym 5-6 days a week, my body wants to drop weight. And now I’m heading out on a 3+ week holiday where I’m not going to have access to a gym for most of it, and I’m going to be eating out a lot. I want to add weight, but not burger and fries kinda weight.

My goal over this holiday is to not miss a meal, make healthy choices, and not think about stepping on a scale until I return. I’ll reevaluate my goals in November when I’ll finally have time to establish a retirement routine. Until then I just need to let go of where I am and where I want to be with regard to my weight.

*Note: I feel like a bit of an ass talking about accidentally losing 10 pounds when I know many people struggle to lose weight, but I’ve been there too. I was 20 pounds heavier than I am now and it took me 2.5 years to get to my current weight and another 4.5 to add 10 (desired) pounds. My experience has been that adding muscle is as hard or harder to do than losing fat, and watching myself lose 4.5 years of hard work is very discouraging. We are all on our own health journeys, I hope sharing mine doesn’t create unnecessary compressions in anyone else’s mind.

The life you want…

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I’m a fan of the comedian Jimmy Carr. I wasn’t really a fan until I heard him interviewed on the Diary of a CEO podcast and realized how insightful he is. He often shares his insights when he’s doing crowd work.

Tonight I saw a clip from his act and he said something quite profound. I don’t think it’s his original quote, I’ve heard variations of it before, but I like his version of the quote:

“The life you want is on the other side of the work you are avoiding.”

I spent a lot of years being a master procrastinator. I thrive on deadlines. I’ll meet them, I’ll do a good job. But I’ll stress the crap out of you if you are new to my last minute style. That’s not bragging, that’s not a superpower, that’s a coping strategy.

It’s also not the life I want. The problem is that my procrastination time is not always productive. My work avoidance leading up to an impending deadline is seldom time well spent.

Parkinson’s Law states that work will expand so as to fill the time available for its completion. Give me more time, I’ll fill it, but you won’t necessarily get a better result.

That said, time and again I’d get praise for the work I’ve done. But this quote is kind of a gut punch. It reminds me of all the things I’ve wanted to do, but avoided because I didn’t create the deadline and pressure to get things done.

To remedy this, I often share my goals publicly. This is how I hold myself accountable, how I stop avoiding the work I need to do. I announce my plans, share them widely, then I stop avoiding the work because I feel pressured to keep my word… and when I do this, I’m very effective.

I’ve been exercising regularly for years after putting it out into the world. I’ve written on this blog almost every day, minus a couple social media blackouts, since July 2019. I can commit to the life I want. I know I can. But that doesn’t mean that this quote doesn’t still hit me.

I know there are things I still avoid that I shouldn’t. I know there are times in my day and week that are very poorly used. As I head into retirement, I’m keenly aware that I’m going to have more time on my hands than I have had in the past. Am I going to fill that time unproductively, doing not much more than normal, with more procrastination time?

I’d like to think not.

I’m heading on holidays for a bit, but when I return, expect me to share some new goals… with deadlines.

Travel Day & Blog Delay

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We left the Tofino campground at 8:30 this morning and drove to, the northern tip of the West Coast Trail at Pachena Bay. After a quick lunch of heated up leftovers in the parking lot, we finalized our WCT backpack packing. Then we hoped on a bus to Port Renfrew/Gordon River, where we will start the trail after a night on the trailhead (followed by the mandatory, check-in and orientation).

But I’m still on the bus now, at 4:35pm with about 45 minutes to an hour to go and no cell service. The good news is the bumpiest 2+ hours are over. I’m so thankful that we are taking the bus today and not at the end of our trip. This would be a really hard ride to do after a 7-day camping trip.

Tomorrow we head out on the trail and I’ve heard cell service is spotty. I’m not going to try to post every day. I will still write every day, and I’ll eventually share my daily inklings, but I don’t know yet if they’ll show up as individual posts, or one post, or ???

So a heads up that my Daily-Inks are taking a hike, and will be not-so-daily until the 23rd or 24th.

Elk near Cowichan Lake,
taken from the bus.

Seizing, Not Squeezing

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Most of today was spent on the beach, listening to an audiobook. It was an absolutely beautiful sunny day in Tofino, and Dave and I took full advantage of the weather. This is our 3rd and final night van camping before our West Coast Trail adventure begins.

I am finding real value in having down time that doesn’t feel like it’s rushed. I’m not squeezing in down time, I’m making space for it… seizing, not squeezing.

It’s the most delightful part of retirement so far: Prioritizing myself rather than my calendar, (a calendar always filled with other people’s priorities).

Long Beach Wisdom

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Dave and I stopped at Long Beach on the way to Tofino just past noon today. Kristen and Paul from Boulder Colorado stopped to let us know that there was a black bear a little further down the beach.

We chatted for a bit then Dave mentioned that we just retired. Kristen said, “I’ll give you my Retirement speech: Retirement allows you to be in the moment for as long as the moment lasts.”

No reason not to extend the conversation. No reason not to have a serendipitous interaction. No rush.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to get back to watching and listening to the waves come in.