Tag Archives: self-awareness

Final Advice

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I have a friend about to be promoted from teacher to vice principal, and I offered some final advice yesterday. I shared that often people will come to you with a challenge or crisis and to them it will demand an instant response… but seldom does it require an instant response, and the response will often be better with a bit more thinking time.

Of course, emergency situations are different, and responses need to be instant in an emergency. But often the emergency being brought to your attention only requires an immediate response according to the person bringing it to you. Taking time, discovering nuances, and seeking more information will actually provide you with far more data to make your response appropriate.

So how do you slow things down?

First, acknowledge the concern. Then ask questions. And sometimes, take the time to repeat the concerns to confirm you heard them properly, and also demonstrate that you understand the issue. Then provide the person with a timeline that you’ll get back to them.

An example my friend shared was a concern of an angry parent expecting an immediate response. I suggested in this case to do what I suggested above but to take specific notes. This lets the parent know that you are taking it seriously and also allows you to feed back exact quotes at the end of the conversation to reiterate that you fully understand the complaint. Hearing the complaint read back in the exact words that it was stated in is a very reassuring way to end a meeting and let the parent know you understand why they are upset.

Once that’s done you can provide a guaranteed response that sounds something like this: “So do I have that right? Good. Obviously this is a delicate situation and I’ve got some follow up to do. I can’t promise you that I’ll have it resolved by the end of the day tomorrow (or another specific day), but can I give you a call then just to update you on my progress?”

Now you’ve got time to bounce it off of your admin team, and/or Human Resources, and/or to follow up with a teacher, and/or other students. Or at the very least you have a moment to think about the situation without it being delivered in ‘emergency mode’ when it’s not actually an emergency.

Essentially, think of it this way:

‘Your immediate urgency does not dictate the pace of my response.’

I didn’t share any of the following when giving advice but I’ll share this reflection here: Looking back at my career, I think this has been one of my superpowers. But like every comic book super hero power, there also comes a weakness. The metaphorical Kryptonite that comes with this superpower is that sometimes my reaction was too aloof. I did not address the issue with nearly enough urgency in the eyes of the person bringing it to me.

Here is a perfect example I learned from. I was a few months into running an alternative school and two boys got into a physical fight. When the teacher came downstairs to where my office was to tell me about it I asked, ‘Where are the boys now?’ One was in the downstairs lobby with the counsellor, the other was upstairs in the kitchen with the youth worker.

When I heard this, I said, ‘Ok, I’ll be there in a minute’, and quickly finished an email that I was sending to a parent. I literally took under a minute to do this, but that was taken as me not dealing with a crisis seriously. In my head, the situation was handled to a point of everyone being safe, but to my staff, who were all heightened by the very real crisis of a fight, I wasn’t prioritizing them… And upon reflection they were right.

In this case it was not just an urgency, it was indeed a crisis, and I should have responded immediately. Lesson learned. That don’t stop me from using this strategy many times later with the staff, but it reframed what they felt was a crisis rather than something they perceived as urgent but could wait. And by dealing with ‘crisis situations’ faster in the future, I was able to leverage those fast responses to delay and find out more, and respond more effectively, when I could and should give myself more time.

The real challenge is understanding not just my own sense of urgency versus crisis, but also that of the people I worked with. I’m not saying I always got it right after that, but I know that I was a much better leader when I remembered:

‘Your immediate urgency does not dictate the pace of my response.’

The ego and the way

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Intelligence is blind to ignorance. While it is true that the smarter you get, the more likely you are to realize how little you know; It is also true that the smarter you get, the less likely you are to listen to opinions and ideas which you do not agree with. You easily dismiss opposing views, you do not challenge the ideas as much as you challenge the intelligence of those that share them.

Imagine an upside down bell curve. On the X-axis is level of intelligence, on the Y-axis is knowledge of your intelligence.

I think both extremely intelligent and unintelligent people are aware of where they are on the scale, but most people are in the middle. They are somewhat intelligent, and yet blissfully unaware of where they are on the scale. They don’t know what they don’t know, and so they think they are more intelligent than they are. Their knowledge of their intelligence does not match their actual intelligence. I think here, where most people live on the scale, their egos get in the way. Not too many people think, “I am dumber than most people think,” while many would consider, “I’m smarter than people give me credit for.”

And so most people in the world think they are smarter than they are. For that reason, their political, scientific, economic, technical, social, and cultural perspectives are ‘correct’. For the same egotistical reasons, the views of others that oppose them are perceived as less intelligent. I fear that sometimes I too may be guilty here.

And so we live in a world we’re people are egotistically unaware of their lack of intelligence. Crazy conspiracies fool them. Legitimate conspiracies are dismissed. Intelligent sounding pseudoscience convinces them while counterintuitive facts and evidence get easily dismissed. They are smart enough to think they are smart, while scoring high enough on the Dunning-Kruger scale to be easily fooled. Smart enough to do their own research, but not intelligent enough to evaluate that research with intellectual rigour.

And so egos grow with intelligence, and in turn intelligence wanes when the ego interferes with the wisdom that should come with intelligence. Meanwhile, the best and the brightest, the ones who are truly both intelligent and wise, they know just how little they still know. They give up trying to convince the ones who let ego cloud intelligence.

They find themselves lonely, uninterested in bickering over opinions that dismiss and alter facts to win petty arguments. They are labeled as the crazy ones. Their wisdom ignored; they are helpless to bypass the egos and support intelligent growth. Because for most of the world the ego gets in the way.