Tag Archives: self-care

Updating my profile picture

When you live it, you don’t see it. Maybe you feel it… we are all getting older. I had my photo taken for work recently and realized that I look quite a bit different from my online profile pictures I have been using.

The one on the left is not from too long ago (2018 or 2019), but long enough that I’m no longer that guy. More grey, higher hairline, a few deeper lines. These things are beyond my control.

What is within my control is that I’m fitter than that guy. He had about 15 unwanted pounds on him and yet weighed less than I do now. I’ve lost the unhealthy weight and added muscle.

I can’t stop time, and my face will show my age in the coming decade much more than it did in the past decade. I accept that. But I’m working on being Younger Next Year, and slowing down the ravages of time on my physical and mental health. Part of that is not pretending I’m something that I’m not… so a new profile picture is something I plan to do a bit more frequently than every 3-4 years.

Unrealistic expectations

It has been over 2 months since I shot an arrow. No surprise that my session today went a little rough. It was going to be a total bust until I decided to halve my usual distance and start shootings at 10-ish yards rather than my usual 20 yards (18m). Then I was able to relax a bit more and focus on the finer details of my shot rather than trying to hard to shoot well at a longer distance.

I lowered my expectations of what I could do and suddenly I shot better… still not what I used to be able to do, but I could hit the 10-ring consistently enough to relax my focus on the target and pay attention to my shot process. When expectations are too high only disappointment prevails.

I realize now that I need to think of my workouts the same way. Recently, while cleaning out my garage, I spent some time looking back over old photos. These included ones from the Maccabiah Games in Israel back in ’93. I trained the hardest I’ve ever trained and was the fittest I’ve ever been.

Seeing these photos, I looked down at the small donut ring below my belly button and it got me feeling crappy. I was literally thinking over the past few days, “I’ll never look like that again!” And honestly, it was getting me down a bit.

But the archery session has helped me reframe this. I don’t need to be the fittest I’ve ever been at 54, I need to be fit for 54. Big difference. It’s not about having low expectations, no, it’s about not having unrealistic expectations. I’m not going to be 26 fit. I’m not going to shoot a great round in archery after taking more than 2 months off.

I will have fun with my archery and make myself a little better each time. I’m going to keep working out and taking care of my aging body by keeping it fit and healthy… and again, have fun doing it. I’ll set goals for myself, but I won’t set myself up for failure with unrealistic expectations.

A little too sore

A couple days ago I did an 8-minute leg workout that I haven’t done in a while. I pushed hard like I’ve been doing this regularly. By mid day I knew that I’d overdone it. My hips and upper butt were sore. I also did a hard tricep workout that day. Then yesterday I worked my chest and biceps, but chest re-worked my triceps again too.

Today I’m just sore. My hips and legs are sore, my arms are sore, my chest is sore. I’m full body sore. It has been a long time since I did this to myself. This morning I’m going to do a walk on the treadmill, not a run, not a fast walk, a nice slow walk to get my body moving, then stretch. Long slow stretches, and full motion exercises with a 5lb weight, not 15, not 25, just 5 pounds, to go through the motions and activate my sore muscles.

I used to get sore like this a lot when I worked out, then I’d do more to ‘get the lactic acid out’ but end up pushing myself a bit too hard and staying sore longer. Then I’d hurt myself, and need to stop working out. Often my back would seize up and I’d be in pain for days or even weeks. I can feel the fatigue in my back, muscles stiff and inflexible. My hips are already letting me know that I’ll be standing at my desk all day… no sitting for me today. So I need to listen to my body.

No weights today. Tomorrow I’ll do my walk with my buddy and nothing else. I know the two hot tub visits over the last couple days helped, so I’ll squeeze in a couple more soaks this weekend. The point is that I’m too bloody old to walk around with a full body sore from working out.

I’ve made some great progress in the last 9 months, actually in the last 3 and a half years since I started my healthy living journey. But I can’t get stuck in a pattern of pushing myself too hard. I’ll hurt myself to the point of having to slow down significantly. I’m not training for anything other than feeling healthy and good… and a full body ache doesn’t feel good. I’m going to take it really easy the next few days. If I don’t, my back just might force me to take a break. I’d rather slow down on my own terms, and this soreness is a good hint that I’ve got to slow down a bit.

Younger me would have muscled through. Dumber me would have kept going and hurt myself. I guess I’m a little wiser now, but not too wise or I wouldn’t be sore all over right now. 🙃

The shade of our minds

My morning meditation included this quote:

“We are sitting under the tree of our thinking minds, wondering why we’re not getting any sunshine.” ~ Ram Dass

It’s interesting to think about some of the negative loops we play in our mind:

Self doubt – I’m not good enough. I can’t do it, it’s too hard for me.

Regret – Both for the things we’ve done, and the things we wish we did.

Sadness – for things we’ve lost, for uncomfortable moments that happened in our lives, and also just in our minds.

We put up our own shade while wondering why the sun doesn’t shine on us… and we do this without ever leaving our own thoughts. But we aren’t always in control. The dark spaces can grow, the shade can seem to be daunting. Grey, stormy clouds do not allow the sun through, even if we get out from under the tree.

“Smile.”

“Snap out of it.”

“Just think happy thoughts.”

It’s so easy for someone who sees sunshine to toss out simple advice to those who are stuck in the gloomy shade. But it’s so hard to have the advice of others penetrate the shade we cast on ourselves. When we are stuck in the shade, we do not feel in control of navigating to brighter spaces in our minds. If we did… we would, if only it were so simple.

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However it is important to remember that we are not our thoughts, our thoughts are not us. If we can recognize this, we can create some cognitive dissonance. We can separate the elements of shade we create in our heads from the shade we are experiencing. We can have doubts and still move forward, we can fake confidence and pretend we are more capable than we feel. We can act our way into a new way of thinking. We can choose to do something that reduces regrets from the things done and not done. We might not feel happy, but we can choose to see our sadness rather than live it, to observe it from a place where it does not grip us so tightly.

So easy to say, when one is not feeling down, when not depressed, when we see potential in ourselves and others… So far away from achievable when we are in the midst of shadow, gloom, and despair. We do not think our way out of bad thinking so easily, we do not break the loop from within the loop. When everything is spinning around us, it can feel like nothing stops moving even if we can stand still. We can’t un-think our own thoughts so easily.

Yet we can act differently, we can choose what to do when we can’t choose what to think. We can take a walk in nature, we can connect with a friend who makes us feel better. We can read a book that takes us to places our minds didn’t know we could go. We can dress in a way that makes us feel empowered. We can do a kind act for others and feel the endorphins that is the reward for selflessness… for not just thinking for and about ourselves.

We can exercise, not to transform our bodies but to transform our minds… not a gruelling workout to make ourselves more fit, but short spurts of activity to change our heart rate and clear some clouds. Activity vignettes that alter our physiology, and get us out of a rut.

We can pattern what we do to pattern what we think, rather than the other way around… Routines can be ruts, and routines can be grooves. We can find physical grooves that helps us out of mental ruts. We can act our way into new thinking when we can not think our way into new action… because the shade won’t think itself away, and sunshine does not fill the shadows when we choose to create our own clouds.

It’s not what we think, but what we do that makes a difference, and action is what moves us from underneath the shady trees of our minds.

Sometimes the path forward means…

Recently I was chatting with one of my teachers and we were talking about some issues and challenges we are dealing with. She said something simple but it was timely and I needed to hear it. She essentially said, ‘Yeah, I know some of these issues are creeping up, but we are in the middle of a pandemic, and sometimes we just need to remember that, and give everyone a little slack.’

Sometimes the path forward is more about taking care of the present, and supporting rather than pushing. Caring rather than cajoling. Listening rather than leading. Sometimes we need to give others, and ourselves, some slack.

Now is one of those sometimes.

TGIF

In BC, Canada we have a Family Day holiday on Monday. It’s a long weekend. I am not someone who counts down to the weekend or to the next long holiday. I don’t begrudge workday Monday mornings. But right now I’m looking forward to having the extra day off next week.

No, I don’t have any plans. Pretty sure it’s going to be a catch-up-on-the-cleaning weekend at home. But it’s going to be nice and relaxing too. It’s going to be at least 2 days not thinking about work. It’s going to include walks, and maybe some fun shooting arrows.

Sometimes, it just feels wonderful knowing that it’s the Friday before a long weekend. I’m going to take that feeling with me to work today, and as busy at it might get… it’s going to be a great day.

TGIF!

Balancing fitness and wellness

On January 19th my brother-in-law and I bet that we would be able to do a couple fitness challenges by February 19th. The first one is 60 push-ups, and the second one is 30 pull-ups.

I began at a point where I was regularly doing 25-30 push-ups and 10-12 pull-ups, and felt that 60 consecutive push-ups was easy to get to, but the pull-ups would be a challenge. I was right, and while a week ago I was able to do 60 push-ups (the last 15 very slowly and more vocal than I would have liked), I was only at 18 pull-ups and knew I would struggle to hit my goal by the 19th.

Then my upper back started to tighten up. I have always had to take special care of my back, dealing with issues since I grew 7.5 inches in a year as a teenager. I have mild scoliosis, and deal with discomfort daily, and pain when I’m not caring for myself, or when I do something silly or accidental. This upper back pain wasn’t an injury feeling, just an overall tightness that wouldn’t go away.

So, last week Wednesday I had a very deep massage that was one of the more uncomfortable ones I’ve had in ages, and came home had a hot tub after dinner. In the hot tub, finally feeling normal, I decided I needed to give my shoulders a break and I paused my push-up and pull-up regimen. I’ve kept up my cardio, I took Saturday off, I took it easy yesterday, and will do so again today when I head down to my home gym after writing this.

The reality is that I’m stubborn and I plan on meeting the pull-up challenge eventually. I’m fitter than I’ve been in a couple decades. I’m lighter than I’ve been in a couple decades. And half a life ago I used to do 3 sets of 28 chin-ups with a 25lb weight hanging off of me. I know 30 pull-ups is something I’ll be able to ‘pull off’. The challenge is that I can’t live my life trying to meet unrealistic fitness goals, and feeling like my back is in a constant state of flexing too hard. I can’t sacrifice my wellness for a fitness goal.

I’ve been on a 2-year healthy living path. My back has been better than it has been in years, but I would still be lying to myself if I said my back didn’t give me issues. Stretching and very deep massage help a lot. Staying fit helps a lot. But over-exertion and pushing myself doesn’t help. I can progress and improve slowly, but I can’t race.

At 53, I don’t plan on slowing down and taking it easy. I plan on reaching new fitness goals… but I need to be the tortoise and not the hare. Slow and steady progress is what will benefit me, while pretending I’m youthful and invincible will cause avoidable injury. This will hurt both my overall wellness and my ability to not just improve but also maintain my fitness. I won’t be doing 30 pull-ups any time soon, but I will work to get there, and I believe it’s achievable… without sacrificing the well-being of my back.

Going for walks

The best part of this whole pandemic has been that I have been outside on walks far more that I have in years. Just got back from the usual 5k walk I take with my wife, and we also did a masked walk with a couple, who are close friends, last night. There is something cathartic about walking and talking. Equally so, walking alone and thinking, or even listening to music, or a podcast or an audio book. I don’t know why walks are so enjoyable, but they make me feel great.

Get outside. Go for a walk. So what if it’s dark, take a flashlight or a bike light with you. So what if it’s raining or snowing, wear appropriately dry/warm clothing. So what if you don’t have someone’s go with, walk alone. Whatever the path you may be on, part of it can be walked.

What the new year does and does not bring

The new year brings an end to a difficult year.

The new year does not bring any tangible changes as a result of our planet crossing an arbitrary point in our rotation around the sun.

The new year brings hope, for a heard immunity against Covid-19, thanks to a number of different vaccines.

The new year does not bring any immediate relief from the spread of Covid-19, with a greater threat of spread due to a more contagious new variant coming out of the UK.

The new year brings resolutions and promises of self-improvement and ambitious goals.

The new year does not bring any promise of fulfilling these new goals without a dedicated effort to change habits and behaviours.

The new year brings a political and ideological shift in power in the United States.

The new year does not bring a promise of less divisiveness in the American people who seem too ideologically divided.

The new year brings inconsistent approaches to dealing with the virus, from being scarily too open to being confusingly too locked down.

The new year does not bring any promise of clarity about how best to deal with the virus while we wait for widespread vaccine distribution.

The new year brings continued paranoia and conspiracy filled misinformation, shared virally on social media.

The new year does not bring any way to meaningfully combat the spread of bad ideas.

The new year brings anticipation for a better year than 2020.

The new year brings promise of post pandemic world.

The new year brings opportunity for positive change.

The new year brings us more of the same, unless we choose to think, say, and act differently.

Let’s be different, better, more loving, kind, and caring… to ourselves, our community, and our environment. We do not get to choose the world we live in, but we do get to choose our impact on it and those in our community we share it with.

Walk with a friend

Yesterday after work I went for a walk with a buddy. It was damp and a little cold out, but I overdressed and was comfortably warm with a couple layers open/unzipped. I’ve always been someone more comfortable warm than cold, and believe that there is no such thing as bad weather, just bad clothing for the weather.

One of the topics we discussed was that while on the outside everyone is coping and doing the best they can, the long game of dealing with Covid-19, which probably isn’t even half over, and the social effects of dealing with a pandemic are wearing people down. Pretending we are ok isn’t enough, when so many of us are struggling for such a long time.

I spoke to a firefighter recently and asked him what keeps him most busy at work right now. He said 3 things: Car accidents, overdoses, and suicides. Overdoses and suicides have gotten a lot worse since the pandemic started.

And we aren’t close to things getting better. Yesterday there were almost a half million (recorded) new cases of Covid.

I believe this was the worst one-day increase we’ve ever seen!

This is a depressing statistic that flies in the face of people who downplay the seriousness of the pandemic we are facing.

So things are not getting better, and people are struggling. What can we do?

First, take Vitamin D.

Next, check in with friends or family that might be really struggling. I saw this Facebook post from a friend today,

“Phone is always on, and coffee can easily be brewed. I’m doing a brother/sister check in. Especially this time of year. Showing support for one another…”

And one more thing I strongly suggest is getting outside with a friend. My walk yesterday was rejuvenating. My buddy and I talked openly and honestly about how we are doing, what we are struggling with, and what we just needed to vent about. But it didn’t feel like a rant. It was an opportunity to be honest about how we really feel right now. It was better than a phone call, although a phone call or video call can be good too. Meeting and doing something active was wonderful.

When I wrote “It’s just this” a few days ago I said,

We might have made these adjustments fairly quickly on the outside, but ‘this’ is still not normal, and so it’s draining, and requires more effort than usual. ‘This’ will take a bit more time to fully adjust to… We will get used to ‘this’ eventually, and when we do, we will find ways to thrive.

If we want to find ways to thrive, we need to first take care of ourselves. Go do something active with family or friends (within your bubble). Find reasons to be outside. Walk and talk. Connect with someone who you can be honest with about how you are really doing. Lean on those who can support you and let others lean on you if they need the same.