Tag Archives: challenges

Not the same mistakes

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Before I share this, no, it’s not a reflection on my parenting. I’m not wallowing in worry about how I’m messing my kids up. This is just one of the most powerful comics I’ve ever seen, and I think about it a lot as a school principal. Also, profanity warning for the comic below.

Now that I’ve got the disclaimer out of the way, let me share that I think this is one of the most challenging times to grow up in the last few decades. More young adults are living longer with their parents, or committing long hours to be able to afford rent. Many have not hit 25 yet and they don’t see themselves ever owning a house, or having a back yard like the one they had as a kid. Many more are disillusioned by what they see in the news and on social media.

Meanwhile, parents are doing their best not to make the mistakes of their parents, and yet struggling to navigate what that looks like. Some parents are doing all they can to help a disengaged kid stay in school. Others are lost trying to figure out inappropriate behavior. Still others are doing everything to protect their child, but preventing them from learning from failure. And still others are doing everything ‘right’, which works for one kid and doesn’t work for another.

And those are the resourceful parents that are trying their absolute best. They aren’t the divorced parents who fight in front of the kids every time the kids are passed off. They aren’t the ones struggling with their own demons of abuse, drugs, or mental illness. Still doing the best they can with the skills they have, but just not skilled in ways that support their kids.

We don’t want to make the same mistakes our parents did. We don’t want to follow the same patterns. That can be, but probably isn’t, a disparaging complaint about our own parents. Rather it’s a recognition that we want to do better, be better.

But try as we might, family dynamics is challenging, the world we live in is challenging, and this comic sums up the parenting challenge perfectly.

Team support

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When things are going well, it’s easy to compliment a team. Success and smooth sailing can make a team look good. Everyone is doing the role they should, and ‘results speak for themselves’. But what happens to that team when there is a crisis? How do they react then?

When things go wrong, when challenges arise, what does team support look like then? Does the team start to point fingers and blame others? Do they rally with or against each other? Do they seek advice from their colleagues or do they spew orders, demands, and/or expectations?

If you want to know how good a team is, watch them when things are tough. See how they support one another. Pay attention to how they deal not just with the problem but with each other.

Any team can handle success well, but it takes a very special team to deal with challenging situations in a good way.

Oh, can’t complain

Today on a stroll through a Saturday Farmer’s Market I passed an interesting character. He was on the obese side of heavy, in a motorized wheelchair, in loud checkered pants, and a colourful muscle shirt that revealed his diabetes monitor on his arm. Just as I was passing him, he bumped into someone he knew and I heard his response to her question, “Oh, can’t complain.”

I find it fascinating that people who suffer the most, and need the most, are often the most optimistic and generous. I worked in a school for very high needs students, many of whom came from very needy families, yet their parents were far more likely to donate their time to a shelter or volunteer kitchen than at any other school I’ve ever worked at.

My thought of the day, “Quit yer bitch’in.”

So many people have so much more to worry about and yet they live a life where they ‘can’t complain’… so really, what do we have to complain about?

Life is amazing, there is so much to appreciate, so much to value and cherish. Live, laugh, love, and for your sake more than anyone else’s… stop complaining.

Reexamining the term FAILURE

Six years ago in Philadelphia I ran a session at Educon on Failure. Bill Ferriter came to the session and after the interactive presentation he created this image:

This was the premise I was working from,

When is failure really a success? When we engage students in EPIC projects and challenges, the journey to success is often fraught with failures that can prove to be amazing learning opportunities. 

Do we need to reexamine the use of the term ‘Failure’?

Our present education system is built around always finding the ‘right’ answer, but when can the wrong answer be valuable? How can we provide rich, meaningful opportunities for students to make mistakes, iterate, persevere and develop alternative approaches to problems relevant to what they are learning?

4 years before this presentation I created this image:

I shared an acronym that I came up with:

F ailure
A lways
I nvites
L earning

I share in an accompanying post,

Think of this: If students (regardless of skills and abilities) have only ever met success, and accomplished every task, assignment and project they have needed to do for school, then they weren’t pushed hard enough. In this case, it is the program that is the failure, because the students were not challenged as much as they should have been.

The learning potential of failure is significant. If the work is meaningful enough, there can be more learned from an epic failure, than a marginal success, where the measure for success was set too low.

We talk a lot about ‘learning through failure’ in education, but we don’t really mean failure. Because when a student takes lessons from something not working, then it’s a learning opportunity and not actually a failure.

When you think about it, lack of knowledge is where the learning begins. If you give students the knowledge, they don’t really learn, you actually rob students of their learning. You want them to struggle and to find the learning challenging. And if the challenge is authentic, if it’s really a challenge, then it’s not something they’ll get on the first try. So hitting the ‘failure point’ is part of learning. Trying to achieve too much needs to be part of the process… and so bumping into failure is an essential part of learning.

So a failure is only a failure if the challenge lacks reflection, resources, support, or effort. If these things are provided (by the teacher and more-so by the learner) then the learner didn’t actually fail. They may not achieve their original goal, but they invited learning into the attempt… and learning is achieved. That is not a failure.

The idea of learning through failure is actually not a failure at all. It is accepting that there are opportunities for learning in not achieving the intended goal but still identifying that there was learning to be acquired and often the struggle is something that makes this kind of learning stick.

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Related: This Ignite presentation on Transforming Our Learning Metaphors:

Who isn’t playing Wordle?

I am not someone that keeps up with trends. Never have been. Right now it seems that many, many people I know are playing Wordle daily. Not me.

From what I understand, you are trying to find a 5 letter word, you start with a guess, and if you get a letter that’s right, but in the wrong place, you get a yellow square over that letter. If you get the right letter in the right place, it becomes a green square.

Basically this is the game Mastermind with letters in instead of colours, only the setup of the hidden pieces isn’t random, it has to be an actual word. And your game card is only 6 words long.

It looks like fun. People seem to be connecting over it. I have nothing bad to say about it… I’m just not adding it as yet another digital distraction to my day. At least now I have enough knowledge about what’s going on so that when I see something like this, I actually understand it.

If like me, you aren’t playing along, now you know a bit more about it. For those that are playing daily… I saw a TikTok that said IRATE was the best starting word, but no! According to a computer scientist that did the calculations, it’s LATER. You are welcome, and have fun!

Memory challenges

I was searching for a song on my phone and couldn’t remember the artist. That’s an issue with me, I struggle with proper nouns… not just people’s names, but street names, titles of songs or books, basically any noun that is specific to a person or an item. It’s not a fun thing to struggle with.

I can remember times in my teaching career when I’d look at a kid in my class in June, after seeing the kid every weekday for 10 months, and draw a blank on their name. I know them, I can tell you about their Grandmother’s pet dog’s surgery they told me about back in September. I know exactly who the kid is, but I’m cycling through the alphabet in my head hoping either a first or last name will pop into my brain.

I describe it as when a proper name gets filed away in my head, that file doesn’t get stored with all the other files related to that person or object. My family are used to it, they will try to fill in the gap when I have a long pregnant pause. One example is that we live next to a No Frills grocery store. It has been there for over a decade, and my daughter worked there for about 3 years. But the name will slip my mind and it’s just gone. I can see the sign with the bananas on it in my head but even the words in the sign don’t show up as part of my recall.

The worst is introductions. The closest I ever got to a panic attack was as a VP at a teacher night. My principal said in front of the audience of parents that I would introduce the teachers. This wasn’t part of the plan and I freaked out (on the inside). He and I were both comfortable in front of an audience and he knew that, and didn’t think anything of tossing this my way. But he didn’t know what a challenge this was for me. I was looking at the row of teachers and one name would not come to me. It was painful because I knew this teacher better than most of them. I was wracking my brain for her name from about 3 introductions before hers. As I was introducing the person that was just before her, it clicked and I made it through the list. I begged the principal never to do that to me again and explained how hard it was for me.

My wife knows that, in social situations, if I don’t lead with an introduction, to step in and introduce herself. It usually goes really smoothly because when she does that, I continue on and tell her what the connection is, because I know the person and it’s just the name that’s a blank. And so in this interaction I don’t come off as not knowing the person, instead it just comes off as my wife beating me to the introduction.

I’ve read books about remembering names, and I do all the tricks when I meet someone. And for that first interaction, it’s in my short term memory and I’ll remember the name. But a few days later I’ll draw a blank. The most embarrassing moment is when I forget a name and ask, and it’s David. That’s awful. Can’t even remember their name and it’s my name.

Of all the things that hinder me the most day to day, it’s not names of people but names of streets. Someone will give me directions and throw a name of a common street at me, and the map in my head would not include that street… a street that I might travel on all the time. Google maps helps me out with that though. And giving directions to my own house, I sometimes forget the name of the cross street right in front of my house, and I’ve lived here for 23 years.

I look forward to the time when I’m wearing glasses that will recognize people for me and project their name inside my glasses. Until then, if I blank out on your name, it’s not about you, it’s my issue. I know who you are, I just filed your name in the wrong place.

Oh, and that musical artist I was looking for, it was Tori Amos. I didn’t end up remembering myself, I described what I was looking for and my wife told me her name.

Puzzled

Today my family went to an Escape/Breakout room. A fun place where you work in small groups to solve puzzles and escape the room(s) before time runs out. Along the way, you can ask for help a couple times.

We asked for help, we didn’t break out, we ran out of time.

I find that I enjoy puzzles, but I’m not good with time limits. I slip down rabbit holes and spend a long time on cold trails, hoping they’ll get hot. I will spend way too long looking for clues where they are none, while oblivious to the clues right in front of my face.

Sometimes I can solve complex puzzles and sometimes I miss the simple solutions to easier puzzles. Sometimes I can get stumped again and again and persevere without success. Other times my perseverance is rewarded. I’ve learned that there are certain puzzles that captivate me, and some I have no patience for. But I do love to be puzzled, and I get a lot of joy out of solving complex puzzles, or at least trying.

Beyond just keeping the streaks alive

One of the most influential books that I’ve read in a while is Atomic Habits by James Clear. I was already on my fitness path when I started listening to it, and ideas in this book cemented the patterns I needed to stick with. I’ve shared some tips before, and I’ll re-share them here after a few thoughts.

Usually I struggle during my busiest times. That’s when there is always an excuse not to work out or spend time writing, etc. However, recently I’ve struggled when I’ve had more time. It’s weird, when I’m busy, I make time… when I have time, I take too much time and wallow a bit. This has been hard with my workouts. I take my time between sets. I don’t push myself as hard as I should. I spend too much time on my phone and have to rush my workout. It seems that I’ve gotten into a rut where the workout doesn’t give me the satisfaction I usually get.

Part of the struggle is that when I push myself, I seem to stay sore for too long and my back tightens up. So, instead of going at 80%, and spending more time stretching, I just go at 60% and waste a lot of time. This isn’t as bad as not working out. And that’s an important point. I’m keeping my streaks going. Besides one ‘one dot day‘, I’ve been able to maintain an amazing record of workouts, I’m on track to meet my archery goal of 100 days of shooting this year. With a few lapses, I’ve almost done meditation every day this year, And I have a perfect record for writing every day. I’m keeping my streaks alive.

The part I’m struggling with now is that while I’m fitter than I was at 34, 20 years ago, I’m feeling like I need to inject something different into my routine. It has been a couple months now of going through the motions and while that’s better than not exercising, it’s also not very rewarding. I think I really need to re-evaluate what my targets are for 2022, knowing that I’m going to stick to my current targets until the calendar year is over. I need to think about what my fitness goals are going to be? I need to increase my meditation and do some in silent sessions rather than just guided ones, because I feel that I’m not getting a lot out of the 10 minutes that I try to meditate each day… and yes, I know meditation is about the process and the trying, but I’ve been doing this for a few years now and my monkey brain still treats each session like a contest to see how many things I can think about while trying not to think about so many things.

I know I’m always hard on myself. I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing. But right now it’s not enough to just keep the streaks going. I feel I need to do more. I need to inject a little enthusiasm into what I’m trying to achieve, and have some (realistic) targets to aim for. Keeping the streaks alive is extremely important, but the streak itself can’t be the reason I’m doing things. I can be both happy about my consistency, and wanting to focus more on my progress, and I guess that’s exactly where I am right now.

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My tips I shared a while back:

1. A year-long calendar poster. You get to see at-a-glance how you are doing and you can motivate yourself to meet your goals at the end of the week if you are not on target.

2. The best time to start a new streak is RIGHT NOW. I mentioned this in the video, don’t wallow in disappointment. There are only 3 weeks (starred) in the chart below that show weeks that I didn’t get at least 4 workouts in. I didn’t let those weeks define me.

3. Reduce friction. Here are 3 examples:

  • My stickers and sticker chart are right next to my treadmill. I make it easy to track and see this.
  • I have a pair of runners and a shoe horn in my exercise room. I never have to look for my shoes, and I don’t need to tie them, the shoehorn allows me to slide my feet in while still being tight enough to run in. Also, my headphones, and all equipment are where I need them… Always ready, and I never need to search for them.
  • Don’t exercise at your maximum every day. Some days I push really hard, and some days I go at 75%. A day when you are feeling low, give yourself an effort break, but don’t give yourself a break from actually doing exercise. If you end up doing 3 workouts at a lower effort, you’ll have the drive to push when you feel up to it. Make the friction about how hard you work out, rather than if you are going to work out or not.

4. Share your goals with others. You are more likely to hold yourself accountable if you have made your goals public. That’s partly why I did my original post in January, and promised in that post that I would do this update.

5. Be vigilant at your busiest times. It is really easy to say, “September is too crazy”, or “I’ll get started as soon as things calm down.” There will always be an upcoming busy time to deal with. Things won’t calm down (sorry, but you know this is true). If you want this to work, make it work when you are busiest and the rest of the year will be easy.

Necessary evil

Life isn’t always great. Sometimes things don’t go as planned. Tragedies happen. Friendships fall apart. Misunderstandings cause discomfort. And sometimes you have to interact with people who just aren’t nice.

No one likes situations like these, but we don’t strengthen our character or our convictions when everything is going our way.

We don’t learn perseverance, perspective, fortitude or patience without encountering challenges. We don’t build resilience or resolve when the stars align and our universe is unfolding ‘as it should’.

When we face challenges, by nature they are not easy, they are not desirable.

Yet they are necessary if we want to learn and grow.