Tag Archives: books I like

The impediment becomes the way

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I’m re-listening to Gary John Bishop’s book, ‘Unfu*k Yourself: Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Life’, which has a very stoic approach. One quote that speaks to me from the book is from Marcus Aurelius:

“The impediment to action advances action.
What stands in the way becomes the way.”

On a positive note, the obstacles to learning can become the impetus to new learning, like this example from a student at Inquiry Hub… where a roadblock to continuing a project led to new, creative approaches and learning.

But often the impediment or obstacle becomes the block to new learning, or new approaches, or different, better ways of doing things. The impediment becomes the way, it becomes what you do, or rather what you do to avoid change, or worse yet what you use to define yourself. “I can’t” becomes the mantra, the limiting thought that makes not changing, not improving easier than doing what’s best. “I’m too tired, too lazy, too fat, too stubborn, too ‘insert-excuse-here’ to change. You continue to do what you did before, or you try something new, but decide that what you are already doing is either easier or more comfortable than the thing you had hoped to do. What stands in the way becomes the way. Inaction becomes the action.

This reminds me of one of my favourite quotes, attributed to Jerry Sternin, but I read it in ‘Surfing the Edge of Chaos‘.

“It’s easier to act your way into a new way of thinking,
than think your way into a new way of acting.”

We often convince ourselves of things we should not do, we talk ourselves out of trying new things, and we limit ourselves by thinking something is too hard… we think our way out of acting differently. The reality is that we are quite good at that. Our thoughts themselves become the impediment. The trick to overcoming this is to act… to actually start doing regardless of the thinking. Start small. Start really, really small but start to ‘do’ the thing we want to do. We are far more likely to achieve our goals if we act our way into doing them rather than trying to convince ourselves that we can do them.

Our thoughts can impede us, or our actions can push our thoughts forwards so that the thoughts (eventually) follow our actions.

“It’s easier to act your way into a new way of thinking,
than think your way into a new way of acting.”

Otherwise, the impediment to action advances (non) action.  Start small… but start now.

Staying stuck

I’ve just finished listening to Jay Shetty’s audiobook, ‘Think Like a Monk‘, and I’m going through my bookmarks. One worth sharing is,

‘I wish’ is code for ‘I don’t want to do anything differently’.

The word wish is a verb, it’s an action, but a passive one. Wishing doesn’t involve planning, or taking action, or for that matter changing or moving in any way towards the thing you wish for.

Furthermore, the things we wish for often aren’t as desirable as we think. Like all the stories about genies that grant three wishes, the things we think we want might not end up giving us what we really desire. And again, wishing doesn’t make things happen.

Sure we can have positive affirmations, and wishing can help us envision a better future, but it’s our actions that define the kind of future you will have. This brings me to another bookmark,

Who you are is not what you say, but how you behave.

We don’t grow, we don’t ‘unstick’ ourselves from the patterns we are stuck in by wishing our way out. It’s our actions, our behaviours, that help us grow. Still, go ahead and wish upon a falling star or an eyelash, or blowing out birthday candles. By all means feel free to make a wish… but then make plans if you ever want to see that wish come through.

The death and rebirth of alone

I’m listening to Neil Postman’s ‘Amusing Ourselves to Death‘. I’ve shared the amazing cartoon based on the introduction before, looking at the contrast of the dystopian novels ‘Brave New World‘ by Huxley and ‘1984‘ by Orwell, and “the possibility that Huxley, not Orwell, was right.” I’ll share the comic again below.

But first, a thought about how we amuse ourselves with digital entertainment. I think that if Postman was alive today his fear of television as an entertainment distraction would have been exponentially magnified with the advent of the post Truth world that the internet and smartphone have propelled us into. In some ways this book feels dated, and in others prophetic. Television no longer has the grasp on everyone it did when this was written in 1985, but everything about Postman’s concerns are just amplified with entertainment and distraction constantly at our fingertips.

One thing this brought to mind is the fact that kids today are never bored, at least not bored like I was sometimes as a kid. I mean, I couldn’t contact my friends after school whenever I wanted, and I couldn’t choose something else to watch when nothing was on tv that I wanted to watch. I just got bored. Then I figured out a way to fill the time… by myself… all by myself as in ‘all alone’.

I don’t think kids today know how to be alone, but they certainly know how to be lonely. They are always connected yet feel disconnected. They are always ‘on show’ but many just feel ‘off’. They see social media of everyone’s best self, and feel like they can’t be that person themselves.

The new ‘alone’ is constantly connected, but always feeling alone.

—– —– —–

Writing that last sentence reminded me of a poem I wrote, ‘A Life Consumed‘.

Below is Postman’s Huxley/Orwell comparison I mentioned above.

Beyond just keeping the streaks alive

One of the most influential books that I’ve read in a while is Atomic Habits by James Clear. I was already on my fitness path when I started listening to it, and ideas in this book cemented the patterns I needed to stick with. I’ve shared some tips before, and I’ll re-share them here after a few thoughts.

Usually I struggle during my busiest times. That’s when there is always an excuse not to work out or spend time writing, etc. However, recently I’ve struggled when I’ve had more time. It’s weird, when I’m busy, I make time… when I have time, I take too much time and wallow a bit. This has been hard with my workouts. I take my time between sets. I don’t push myself as hard as I should. I spend too much time on my phone and have to rush my workout. It seems that I’ve gotten into a rut where the workout doesn’t give me the satisfaction I usually get.

Part of the struggle is that when I push myself, I seem to stay sore for too long and my back tightens up. So, instead of going at 80%, and spending more time stretching, I just go at 60% and waste a lot of time. This isn’t as bad as not working out. And that’s an important point. I’m keeping my streaks going. Besides one ‘one dot day‘, I’ve been able to maintain an amazing record of workouts, I’m on track to meet my archery goal of 100 days of shooting this year. With a few lapses, I’ve almost done meditation every day this year, And I have a perfect record for writing every day. I’m keeping my streaks alive.

The part I’m struggling with now is that while I’m fitter than I was at 34, 20 years ago, I’m feeling like I need to inject something different into my routine. It has been a couple months now of going through the motions and while that’s better than not exercising, it’s also not very rewarding. I think I really need to re-evaluate what my targets are for 2022, knowing that I’m going to stick to my current targets until the calendar year is over. I need to think about what my fitness goals are going to be? I need to increase my meditation and do some in silent sessions rather than just guided ones, because I feel that I’m not getting a lot out of the 10 minutes that I try to meditate each day… and yes, I know meditation is about the process and the trying, but I’ve been doing this for a few years now and my monkey brain still treats each session like a contest to see how many things I can think about while trying not to think about so many things.

I know I’m always hard on myself. I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing. But right now it’s not enough to just keep the streaks going. I feel I need to do more. I need to inject a little enthusiasm into what I’m trying to achieve, and have some (realistic) targets to aim for. Keeping the streaks alive is extremely important, but the streak itself can’t be the reason I’m doing things. I can be both happy about my consistency, and wanting to focus more on my progress, and I guess that’s exactly where I am right now.

________

My tips I shared a while back:

1. A year-long calendar poster. You get to see at-a-glance how you are doing and you can motivate yourself to meet your goals at the end of the week if you are not on target.

2. The best time to start a new streak is RIGHT NOW. I mentioned this in the video, don’t wallow in disappointment. There are only 3 weeks (starred) in the chart below that show weeks that I didn’t get at least 4 workouts in. I didn’t let those weeks define me.

3. Reduce friction. Here are 3 examples:

  • My stickers and sticker chart are right next to my treadmill. I make it easy to track and see this.
  • I have a pair of runners and a shoe horn in my exercise room. I never have to look for my shoes, and I don’t need to tie them, the shoehorn allows me to slide my feet in while still being tight enough to run in. Also, my headphones, and all equipment are where I need them… Always ready, and I never need to search for them.
  • Don’t exercise at your maximum every day. Some days I push really hard, and some days I go at 75%. A day when you are feeling low, give yourself an effort break, but don’t give yourself a break from actually doing exercise. If you end up doing 3 workouts at a lower effort, you’ll have the drive to push when you feel up to it. Make the friction about how hard you work out, rather than if you are going to work out or not.

4. Share your goals with others. You are more likely to hold yourself accountable if you have made your goals public. That’s partly why I did my original post in January, and promised in that post that I would do this update.

5. Be vigilant at your busiest times. It is really easy to say, “September is too crazy”, or “I’ll get started as soon as things calm down.” There will always be an upcoming busy time to deal with. Things won’t calm down (sorry, but you know this is true). If you want this to work, make it work when you are busiest and the rest of the year will be easy.

The secret to happiness

It always seems to be one or the other, (read the parable below). This truly is the secret to happiness. I read The Alchemist a half a life ago, but this parable has never really left my thoughts. I’m going to listen to the audio version again this year, in fact, I have an Audible credit and think I’ll get it after posting this.

Also, if you read the parable below and want to read the book, I’ll buy it for the first 3 people that contact me. It will be my pleasure to share this book with you.

The two drops of oil

By Paulo Coelho

A merchant sent his son to learn the Secret of Happiness from the wisest of men. The young man wandered through the desert for forty days until he reached a beautiful castle at the top of a mountain. There lived the sage that the young man was looking for.

However, instead of finding a holy man, our hero entered a room and saw a great deal of activity; merchants coming and going, people chatting in the corners, a small orchestra playing sweet melodies, and there was a table laden with the most delectable dishes of that part of the world.

The wise man talked to everybody, and the young man had to wait for two hours until it was time for his audience.

The Sage listened attentively to the reason for the boy’s visit, but told him that at that moment he did not have the time to explain to him the Secret of Happiness.

He suggested that the young man take a stroll around his palace and come back in two hours’ time.

“However, I want to ask you a favor,” he added, handling the boy a teaspoon, in which he poured two drops of oil. “While you walk, carry this spoon and don’t let the oil spill.”

The young man began to climb up and down the palace staircases, always keeping his eyes fixed on the spoon. At the end of two hours he returned to the presence of the wise man.

“So,” asked the sage, “did you see the Persian tapestries hanging in my dining room? Did you see the garden that the Master of Gardeners took ten years to create? Did you notice the beautiful parchments in my library?”

Embarrassed, the young man confessed that he had seen nothing. His only concern was not to spill the drops of oil that the wise man had entrusted to him.

“So, go back and see the wonders of my world,” said the wise man. “You can’t trust a man if you don’t know his house.”

Now more at ease, the young man took the spoon and strolled again through the palace, this time paying attention to all the works of art that hung from the ceiling and walls.
He saw the gardens, the mountains all around the palace, the delicacy of the flowers, the taste with which each work of art was placed in its niche. Returning to the sage, he reported in detail all that he had seen.

“But where are the two drops of oil that I entrusted to you?” asked the sage.

Looking down at the spoon, the young man realized that he had spilled the oil.

“Well, that is the only advice I have to give you,” said the sage of sages.
“The Secret of Happiness lies in looking at all the wonders of the world and never forgetting the two drops of oil in the spoon.”
~ from the book “The Alchemist”

Level 5 Leader

One of the big takeaways from Jim Collins book Good to Great: Why Some Companies Make the Leap and Others Don’t is the idea of a Level 5 Leader. The biggest feature of this leader is that they strive to develop those around them, and they want nothing more than to have the company do better after they leave than when they led. This is a noble and truly desirable thing to want. It’s not always what we see though. Lee Iacocca left a vacuum of leadership behind him. Donald Trump wants to be known as the greatest, and today emphasized wishing Joe Biden ‘Luck’, because in his eyes only luck could explain any future success.

It’s sad to see leaders who care more about themselves and their image than the successful path they leave behind. These are not people you want to be led by, or even associate with. They poison the environment rather than nurture it.

Mentors that I’ve had have always looked to not just help me, but let me stand on their shoulders. They have desired to see my success. When this is authentic, it is inspiring. This is behaviour we want to see emulated in the world.

It’s interesting that when a leader’s intentions are not in servicing those they lead, it shows, even when they are doing or trying to do something good. I’m not talking about just making good versus bad decisions, every leader does that at some point… I’m talking about intentions and motives not being right. I’m talking about making selfish decisions, or choosing notoriety over shared success. These are not actions of a Level 5 Leader.

I don’t understand the draw of loud, bragging leaders, but many seem to find their way to the top. The challenge is that while they may make it to the top of a good company or organization, they are not the leaders that will make the company or organization great.