Tag Archives: advice

Put your own oxygen mask on first

Leave a reply

Arianna Huffington is 74 years old and she just recently started a new AI business. She started the Huffington Post at age 55 and sold it 6 years later for 315 million dollars. In this The Diary of a CEO podcast interview with Steven Bartlett she shares this gem of a story.

The moral of the story is simple: Leaders need to take care of themselves, and get enough sleep, in order to be at their best. She says, “All the science now makes it very clear that when we are depleted we are going to make bad decisions.”

Then quoting Jeff Bezos, “I sleep 8 hours a night… I’m judged by the quality of my decisions, not the quantity of my decisions.”

As the new school year begins, take this as a reminder to take care of yourself first, if you really want to take care of your staff and students. It’s not good enough to only exercise, and eat well, and get enough sleep when you are not busy. You owe it to yourself, those you serve, and your job, to treat yourself well. It’s not selfish to put on your oxygen mask first, it’s how you get enough air to take care of others.

Build good habits and take the time to care for yourself first, when you are busiest, and it will become very easy to do so all the time. You will benefit as a person, as a friend, as a partner, as a parent, as an employee, and as a leader. It starts with you taking care of you.

Trade your expectation with appreciation

Leave a reply

I was listening to The Tim Ferriss Show today and heard this great quote from Tony Robbins: “You want to change your life fast then trade your expectation for appreciation and you have a whole new life.”

(Listen to the full gratitude & appreciation quote by Tony Robbins here.)

It’s easy to forget sometimes how blessed we are. It can be all consuming as we seek and want more, while forgetting how much we have already.

Possible future you robs happiness from the present you.

Don’t let future you steal your happiness today.

Bask in appreciation of what you have: Family, friends, health, work, hobbies, food, health, wealth… you might not be exactly where you want future you to be, but if you take stock right now, you probably have a lot to appreciate and be happy about.

Rhyme (and) reason

Leave a reply

Sometimes something happens without rhyme or reason, with no logical reason for it to happen. Other times it is abundantly clear… to some people but not to others. So while an observer can see and make connections between events or experiences, the person in the situation believes there is no rhyme or reason, no connections at all. I witnessed this first hand in a conversation recently.

I was talking to someone who was very upset with the behaviors of another person. Why couldn’t this other person understand how to help themselves? Why did this other person not do what needed to be done? There was much frustration because this other person wouldn’t respond well to feedback. Then the person I was talking to shared a personal struggle, and it was abundantly clear to me that the rhyme and reason for their struggle was identical for them as it was for this other person. The situation was completely different, but the points of struggle were the same.

Isn’t that fascinating how we can see and be frustrated with the challenges we see others struggle with, and yet be blind to how we struggle in similar way? Simultaneously asking ‘Why can’t this other person see what needs to be done’, while being oblivious to the fact that we struggle in the same way in other areas of our own lives. Maybe I’m being unfair in saying they are oblivious? Maybe the frustration they see in themselves is precisely why there is frustration in the other person.

‘I hate seeing this other person struggle, because in this other person I see the thing I least like about myself.’

I saw the rhyme and reason. But that doesn’t mean I handled it well. On the contrary, and upon reflection, I could have navigated the conversation much better. I realize this only after the fact. The person I was talking to knew the other person wouldn’t respond well to feedback because they knew they wouldn’t. When I saw the connection, the parallel relationship, I should have realized the it was the wrong time for me to offer feedback. It wouldn’t be well received… it wasn’t well received. The pattern was there for me to see, but I missed it.

We don’t always see the rhyme and reason for why we do what we do. But maybe it’s easier to see this in other people… maybe we project our own insecurities and frustrations on others because we struggle ourselves. The very reason it bugs us in others is because it bugs us in us. But even knowing this, it hurts to hear it.

VO2 Max

3 Replies

When it comes to health and fitness, the two people I follow and learn from the most are Dr. Rhonda Patrick and Dr. Peter Attia. Recently I’ve been hearing them both talk about how important your Maximum VO2 is to improving you health. VO2 max is the maximum amount of oxygen your body can absorb and use during exercise. It is a great measure of both your aerobic fitness level and your overall health.

Here, Dr. Patrick shares information about a VO2 study as well as the Norwegian Protocol, to help improve VO2 Max:

I usually do 20 minutes of cardio, but yesterday I tried this protocol, and did 31 minutes on the treadmill: 3 minutes warmup, followed by: 4 minutes high intensity and 3 minutes cool down, repeated 4 times. It’s challenging, but totally doable. I’m going to commit to doing this at least once a week.

I was not going to get a heart monitoring watch until I retired, but I think I’ve changed my mind. I’d like to get one because my tracking has not been great and I’d really like to ensure that when I’m trying to get my heart rate up past 80%, I’m actually getting it there and not just guessing. I also want to get my maximum VO2 measured so that I can have a baseline for where I am.

Today I’m not pushing like that again, my hips feel tight and I might just walk on the treadmill and increase the incline as I loosen up. One and maybe sometimes two Norwegian protocols a week will be enough. They aren’t fun. But if I’m going to commit to daily exercise anyway, at least once a week I should make sure I’m doing something to really push myself and maximize outcomes.

Watch the video above, and think about how you can exercise your way into being healthier… and quite literally younger at heart.

Easier and hard

Leave a reply

It’s easier to eat unhealthy. It’s hard to avoid unhealthy snacks.

It’s easier to watch TV. It’s hard to push yourself hard in the gym.

It’s easier to scroll on your phone. It’s hard to get to bed early and get enough sleep.

It’s easier to skip a day. It’s harder to start a new streak.

It’s easier to make excuses. It’s harder to stick to a disciplined schedule.

It’s easier to make excuses. It’s hard to avoid excuses and do what needs to be done.

It’s easier to make excuses. It’s hard to convince yourself that your excuses aren’t good.

In the end, doing harder things is more rewarding. Easy things just aren’t as memorable, and aren’t as rewarding, and the satisfaction they provide are fleeting. Harder things bring results that you can see, and feel… and done often enough, the hard journey itself gets easier, even if the individual tasks remain hard. That’s the end goal, to make the hard things that are good for you easier to do, than the easy things that aren’t good for you.

And remember, you are always a work in progress… as long as you are moving in the right direction, don’t be too hard on yourself.

Doctor’s visit

Leave a reply

I recently went to the doctor to request bloodwork. It had been a few years since my last one. The results were not great. With high cholesterol being a hereditary issue on both sides of my family histories, my results show concerning levels of LDL (bad) cholesterol. Levels weren’t great last time, and they are worse now.

I’m going to change my diet, but I’ve also booked an appointment with my doctor and I’m probably going to go on statins… A decision for my doctor to make, not me. The reality is that bad cholesterol is a silent killer because you don’t feel buildup of plaque and fatty deposits in your blood and so a medical emergency can be the first hint of how bad things are. That’s why things like blood tests are so important. That’s one of many reasons why doctor visits are important.

I work hard to stay fit and healthy. Obviously my diet could be and should be a bigger part of that equation. But that’s not enough. Another factor is involving health professionals.

My dad wore a “I haven’t seen a doctor in decades” badge of pride. It was stupid. He was not quite 80 and his body was that of an unhealthy 95 year old. About 5 years ago we went to see my uncle, dad’s younger brother, perform in a band at a local pub. When my uncle introduced dad to a friend of his, the friend asked my uncle if my dad was his dad… I’m not exaggerating about the age comparison I just made.

I’m excited about the diagnosis tools of the future. There will be many ways for us to monitor our health and even be preemptively warned of pending issues. But for now, and increasingly as you age, visit your doctor regularly.

Maintain and Sustain

Leave a reply

If you asked me, before today, I’d say that I was slumping with respect to my daily workouts. But what does that really mean? For many, slumping would mean that I’ve ‘fallen off the wagon’, or that I’ve stopped my habits and routines and need to get back into them. That’s not the case. I’ve only missed 2 workouts out of the first 32 days of 2024. That’s not a slump, that’s a great habit. One of those 2 days was a choice, the other was an unexpected day trip to the island, and I was either with people or traveling from 6:15am to after 11pm. So why was I thinking I was slumping?

Well, even though I’ve been pushing myself on my daily 20 minute cardio, my weights workouts have been tough. I tend to only do one muscle group every day, and so it’s not like I’m in my home gym for a long time. I’m usually in and out in less than 45 minutes, including my cardio and 10 minutes of stretching. So, basically I’m talking about 3 sets of 1 exercise, sometimes a bit more, but not much more. And this one part of my workout has been, well, ‘slumpy’. Normally I can get to my last few reps and really push hard. I can focus and push and grunt my way past the mental pressure to stop, and eek out reps that are unpleasant but very beneficial for growth and/or increases in strength. Recently I just don’t have what it takes to get those last few reps out, and I stop when I should be pushing through… that’s my slump, and it has been a challenge since the Christmas holidays.

The reframe for this, after talking to my buddy after our Saturday morning Crunch walk,  is that this is not a slump. He framed it as ‘the space between’. That didn’t work for me, because I think of those between spaces as sacred times that are productive. Still, I understood the message he was sharing, that I was beating myself up about not making gains, when I was still committed and showing up! I’m not running a sprint, I’m working on perseverance and the long game, and so 30/32 days so far this year is better than the start of any year so far. That’s not a slump.

We live our lives with expectations of always improving. The whole 1% better every day, fake it ’till you make it, push, persevere, strive, and even ‘try-try again’, are all messages that we have to keep going and we have to be better than we were yesterday. These make for wonderful quotes on posters, but the expectation is unrealistic. What about the spaces in between the 1% improvements? What happens there really matters. Are we maintaining and sustaining our previous gains or are we slumping and letting things slide?

I’m not slumping, I’m just not making fast gains. I’m maintaining my positive habits, I’m sustaining my routine so that when I’m both physically and mentally ready I can and will be able to make small, incremental improvements. I’ll repeat that for emphasis: small, incremental improvements. I’m no longer that guy that went on holidays in March of 2018 and couldn’t see the strings on my bathing suit because of my belly paunch. I look better at 56 than I did at 36, (well maybe not my hairline, but everything else).

Right now I can’t seem to get that extra push at the end of my workout sets… the sets I do almost every single day, even when I don’t want to do them. I’m not slumping, I’m just in between gains, I am maintaining and sustaining awesome habits and more improvements are in my future. The more I let go of the expectations, while keeping the positive habits, the happier and healthier I’ll be!

Advice for everyone, and no one

A frustrating if not comical aspect of social media are lists and advice that are so banal they actually hurt to watch or read. I just saw a content creator give her “Top 3 tips for getting back on track with your credit.”

This was to:

1. First create a budget. Stick to it. And update it regularly.

2. Make cutbacks to save at least 3 months worth of monthly income.

3. Only spend what you already have.

The worst part of this ‘great advice’ is that it was sponsored by a bank. This was basically a paid advertisement from a savings bank, spewing trite and wasting our time and attention.

Here’s my advice to quit smoking: Don’t buy cigarettes.

Here’s my advice to lose weight: Eat less, exercise more.

Here’s my advice to get more sleep: Go to bed earlier.

Here is my advice to giving advice: State the obvious and you’ll always be right!

…But the advice won’t be taken, because that’s not really advice. It’s hopes and dreams. It’s laudable, wishful thinking. It’s not actionable for anyone who the advice is directed at. I’m reminded of a Derek Sivers quote, “If information was the answer, then we’d all be billionaires with perfect abs.”

I don’t know too many billionaires with perfect abs, and facts disguised as advice won’t get you there either.

Interview time

Yesterday I interviewed 3 people for a teaching position. I took extensive notes. All 3 interviews were good, and I could see value in hiring any of them. I ranked the candidates 1-3 then I sent my notes to a colleague. I didn’t share any personal information with the colleague, just my notes. He ranked them in the reverse order that I did.

Very interesting.

I looked over my notes again, thought more about how the answers fit with the position and I can totally see what my colleague saw. Now I’m really stuck. I have no idea which way I’m going to go? I have one more interview today, then I’m going to call my colleague and hear his thoughts.

I don’t think bias plays into it. Both the candidate he and I liked are the same gender, and he had no idea based on the answers shared. But this really has me questioning my skills at hiring. Again, it’s hard because all 3 candidates are good. I think my bias, if I have one, might be experience, and both of these candidates have a lot more experience than the one we didn’t choose, what my colleague made me realize when reading over my notes was how much more relevant his choice’s experience was compared to my choice’s.

My lesson learned from this is that if I’m going to take notes, I need to take the time to read them. When I’m asking questions and trying to capture their responses, I’m not committed to analysis of the answer. Also, when I’m interviewing, the order I interview in matters because I have less to compare to with my first versus my last interview and that may create bias.

I need to do the final interview today, then I need to take the time to go over my notes one more time with an objective eye… and I’ll also call my colleague and confer with him. It’s hard to make a decision like this yourself when you don’t have a gut instinct or glaringly obvious choice to make. Sometimes it’s good to ask for help and get a different perspective.

Attend and amplify

One of the guided mediations that I listen to is Jay Shetty. This morning the topic was ‘Making Memories’. His message: Be present and attend to the experience, amplify your awareness of what you are feeling in the moment, and you’ll have better access to those memories. They will be richer and more powerful, if you attend and amplify.

One of the downsides to this is that traumatic and trying times also tend to heighten our attention and be amplified. That’s why they get played back in our minds so vividly. Then there is the playback that never happened, the dealing with a crappy situation over and over in your mind, wishing you did something differently. Sometimes that playback feels almost as real, and just as frustrating.

Those are the moments I most attempt to control. I work on seeing them in the distance, and in black & white. I try to make them grainy still photos and forgettable. Too many people that don’t deserve my thoughts and attention can take both because dealing with them is a ‘rich’ experience in my mind. Becoming aware if this is key. Recognizing that they are not worth my time and energy is the trigger to un-amplify. Then I have more time to appreciate all the positive things that I should attend to and amplify.