Monthly Archives: January 2021

Waking before my alarm

I get up an hour or more before my wife. She’s a light sleeper and even set at its quietest, my alarm will often wake her up. So every night I tell myself to wake up before my alarm. Probably 3 out of 5 weekdays I do. Most times it’s within 20 minutes of it going off, but some days, like today, it was almost 45 minutes early.

When I wake up way too early, I always have to juggle the decision of what to do. If I’m over an hour early, the choice is simple, I get up and go down to the couch. There I can sleep for another hour and let my alarm wake me. If it’s 20 minutes or less, I just get up. But those in-between days like today are tough to decide what to do?

If I head to the couch with only 40 minutes to spare, I will re-wake up after my couch nap feeling like I need more sleep. If I just wake up, I feel like my sleep was too short. A day like today means that I would have slept for less than 6 hours. But if I go back to sleep in my bed, there’s a good chance that I won’t wake up again before my alarm, and I know I’ll wake my wife up unnecessarily.

That window of waking up 25 to 55 minutes too early is a window that’s hard to deal with. Today I closed my eyes and ended up checking the time twice before getting out of bed 12 minutes before my 5:15am alarm. I came downstairs and set a timer to go off in 12 minutes, then started my 10 minute, timed meditation. I sometimes fall back asleep after my meditation, when I get up before my alarm.

These morning rituals that I have, for when I wake up before my alarm, have been developed over time. Sometimes the routine is natural, sometimes it’s a struggle. Part of the struggle is that I’m still half asleep when I’m making the decision of what to do. Sometimes I tell myself to get up, or to go downstairs, and I don’t. This could lead to my alarm going off, or to me half-waking up several more times and then waking up tired.

As I finish this, I hear my wife is up in the bedroom above. She has been getting up earlier than normal to work out. That’s what I’m headed to do too. Meditation, writing, 20 minutes cardio listening to an audio book, light stretching, and one or two sets of weights. By the time I head to the shower, I feel that I’ve already had a good day. It helps when I can start off getting up 20 minutes or less before my alarm.

Starting reference point

Shot some arrows again today. I’ve been shooting at very close range, and working on my release. Then I decided to go back to 18 meters and shoot a round: 10 ends of 3 arrows. The maximum score is 300. I haven’t shot a round in over a year and a half and my goal today was to get at least a 240. I shot a 252, on targets that go as low as a 6 ring, with only one of my 30 arrows not scoring.

(Some photo/scoring details: The cover photo with 3 bullseyes was taken at very close range, about 10m. The score card details: X is a bullseye and counts as 10. M is a miss. Scoring order is not by arrow order, but highest score first.)

My mentor/coach has advised me to make notes beyond my score and here they are:

I’ve started a photo album on my phone. I think that I want my notes to be pen on paper rather than digital, then I’ll take a photo of them and add them to my album after my score, or on the same page as my score. This may change over time.

What I’m most happy about, besides my initial goal of getting at least a score of 140 and getting a 152, is the 10,9,9 recovery after shooting a 8, 7, Miss. One of my goals with archery is to not let my previous shot affect my next shot. This is my favourite part about the sport… it’s unforgiving and doesn’t allow me to wallow and be upset, and still shoot well. I can’t stay ‘in my head’, and beat myself up, and shoot well.

So now I have a starting reference point for shooting a round at 18 meters. My next goal will be a 270, but I’m not putting a timeline on that target until I shoot and score a few more times. It would be arbitrary to set a timeline without knowing what my progression will be like. I could hit a lucky 270 in 2 weeks, or I could be stuck below 265 for the rest of the year. I have no idea where I’ll be or how hard this will be until I shoot and score a few more times.

It’s still early in the year, and enthusiasm is high, but I think I’ll hit my goal of 100 days of archery this year, and it will be exciting to see how much I can improve over this year.

Flaked out

I’m listening to music, slouched on a couch, in the living room I’ve barely left after running an errand with my daughter early this morning. I’ve dabbled in social media, eaten too much chocolate, and had to change couches to reach the phone charger. My only other task was changing a part in my coffeemaker that went faster than expected.

I’m now done with social media and will probably ignore the dense informational book I’ve been listening to and will download something fictional instead. I think I’ll take a day off exercise and just sit in the hot tub instead, if I can muster the effort to go upstairs and change. I’m doing my daily write. I’ll meditate. Maybe I’ll watch Matrix Reloaded, even though I’m not on my exercise bike. I’ll talk my wife into ordering in dinner.

It’s Saturday after the first full week back to school. I exercised the first 8 days of the new year. I struggled getting enough sleep. Some days you just need to give yourself permission to flake out.

Today is one of those days. Permission granted.

Living in the Matrix

I’m re-watching the Matrix 20 minutes a day. I hop on my exercise bike and start watching where I left off the day before. There is a lot to enjoy in this cult classic film. I forgot about the metaphor of the human race as a virus rather than a mammal. When you look at the way we spread, destroying our host (world), it’s a brilliant comparison.

But the moment I love most is the choice Neo has to take the red or blue pill. Discover the truth and never be able to return, or return to ‘normal life’ oblivious to even having made the choice… go back and live in the matrix.

How many of us spend time stuck in the matrix? Wake up, go to work, come home, eat, watch entertainment on tv or our phones, go to sleep, wake up… repeat. I remember a friend telling me about his life after high school. He got a good job in a factory and him and two buddies would work, go home, have an early dinner, go to his friend’s house, get high, and just hang out. Weekends were just longer times of being high. He did this for almost 5 years before going to university and he describes these as his ‘wasted years’. No new life experiences, no memories to cherish, nothing but a blur of wasted time.

I remember when the kids were young and my wife and I were working full time. A month would go by where all we did was work and ‘feed and water’ the kids. We were coping, we were managing our lives, we weren’t ‘living’. It wasn’t always like that, we have some wonderful memories from that time, but we certainly had periods in the early years of having two kids where that was our reality.

I wonder how many people are living in that kind of world right now? The ‘wasted months’ or ‘wasted years’. Going through the daily motions of surviving and coping, but not really living. Consumed by the rat race. Here is a brilliant short movie Happiness, that shares exactly what I’m trying to describe about existing, but not really living, in the matrix.

They do not know

Children do not know they lack the wisdom of age.

An adult does not know when more information and knowledge has ceased to provide more wisdom.

When blind privilege provides an advantage it does not know that this advantage has been bestowed.

When ignorance is spoken it does not know that it is spoken while lacking relevant information.

Anger does not know how it clouds rational thought.

Hate does not know how to foster love or forgiveness.

A biased person does know their subjectivity lacks objectivity.

An irrational person does not know that their judgments are clouded.

The delusional does not know their view of the world is altered.

The hypocrite does not know their words do not meet their own standards or revered beliefs.

The fool does not know when they are being fooled.

To tell a child that they they are too young to understand; To tell an adult they are not wise enough to understand; To tell the blindly privileged that they are privileged; To tell the angry or hateful not to be angry or hateful; To tell the biased, irrational, or delusional of their faulty perspectives; to call a hypocrite a hypocrite, or a fool a fool… These are vain and futile attempts to share what you know with someone that does not know.

To be noble in principle, thoughtfully persuasive, and influential in a way that can be heard is no easy task. Knowing when you can be convincing and when efforts are futile is not always clear. To believe that you can change a fixed mind is a fool’s errand, but to give up on a fixed mindset that can be changed is a lost opportunity to have meaningful influence.

Related post: Ideas on a Spectrum

Covid daily routine

Early on in the pandemic, I read that ventilation and fresh air circulation was very good in helping to reduce spread of the virus. At that time my morning custodian was not consistent and so I had different custodians coming to the school, so I decided that I would go to each of our 5 classrooms at Inquiry Hub and open windows to start the school day. We have early morning principal meetings on Thursdays, and on that day I didn’t get around to opening the windows until just before classes started.

On this day I was able to see and chat with a lot of students on my route. So, that time slot has become my daily routine. In a couple of the classes I will end up asking students to open the windows if they are already seated nearby and I can’t access them and be socially distanced, while the other 3 room windows are always easy to access. But more than that, it puts me in every room, each morning, to say greetings and chat with students.

I know that I’m lucky to only have 5 rooms to do this in, with my other school being the online school with no physical classrooms to visit, and for some principals this would be a massive undertaking. But for me this is a wonderful way to start my day. Sometimes I just say quick good mornings, other times I get into full conversations with students.

Yesterday I spent time hearing about the progress of one of our grade 12’s who has been working on a massive project since grade 10. Monday was just a catch-up on the winter break. This routine can take me about 5 minutes or it can take over 15. No matter how long I spend, it has become a wonderful routine that starts my day off right.

Students are so confined in their movements now compared to pre-covid. Even in our small school they use 3 different entrances and have no common hallways. With things being so isolated between groups of students, this little covid inspired daily routine has really helped me connect to students in a way that I would have otherwise missed.

Restless nights

Yesterday was a good day back to work. It was great to see staff and students, and it was a productive day. But the last two nights have been restless. Bizarre dreams and many times awake through both nights. It doesn’t feel like my usual insomnia that I’m prone to, but it is exhausting nonetheless.

I tend not to remember most dreams, but the ones I do remember are often stressful and include me waking up several times then stupidly going right back into the dream to continue them. Cognitively, I tell myself it’s just a dream, but I’m not awake enough to realize that I don’t need to maintain continuity and can just let the dream go.

I had one such dream that kept going and going last night, until I finally woke up to go to the bathroom. This is something I very rarely do, but last night it actually helped me get out of the restless dream cycle. Yet still my night continued to be broken.

I even tried meditation. I did 10 minutes timed with my meditation app to start the night, and I just focussed on my breathing to get myself back to sleep a couple more times. While these helped, meditation didn’t break the pattern of their uneasy dreams and many more wake ups.

I think I’ll try a hot tub before bed tonight. I’ll shut down my devices early. I’ll listen to some music without lyrics. Hopefully I can break the cycle and get a good night’s sleep. While I know I’ll be fine today, and I have a schedule that will prevent me from napping after work (which is a good thing), I know I’ve got to break my restless sleep schedule. It will lead to some very tiring days if I don’t.

I’m ready for some sweet dreams tonight.

My 2021 #OneWord is Thrive

Last year I chose Resilience as my #OneWord 2020. At the end of this post I said, “Resilience allows us to be strong, flexible, and engaged in a society that is the kind of society we want to live and thrive in.”

In October I re-shared the post adding, “Right now it seems like I chose the right #OneWord for 2020: Resilience. But as you read my last post of 2019, written before we learned about the impending pandemic, remember something… We are social beings and we are not incredibly resilient on our own. We need a community, we need friendship and love, we need each other.

Relationships, be they with family, friends, co-workers, student/teacher, and even pets, build our resilience, and our ability to not just cope, but to thrive.

Let’s support one another and show our resilience together!”

Reflecting on this now, I realize that resilience is a word like endure: We want to be able to do it, but we don’t want to have to do so more than necessary. I want to be resilient, I don’t want to be constantly needing to show you how resilient I am. I don’t want to continually demonstrate my resilience… like I and many others have had to do as the world deals with this pandemic. So this year I want my #OneWord to be something I actually want to do, and to show.

Thrive!

Thrive is the word I have chosen for 2021. I want to feel like I’m thriving with my healthy living goals. I want to thrive at work and watch our students thrive too. I want my wife and daughters to thrive and feel like their work and school experiences are not just about coping, or showing resilience, but about feeling successful and accomplished.

I know the pandemic is far from over, and that we must continue to be diligent, careful, and safe going forward. That doesn’t mean that we can’t also make the most of things and live our best lives. That doesn’t mean that we can’t thrive. This is a power word, filled with the promise of doing well, no matter our consequences. There are circumstances and things we must deal with that are be beyond our personal control, and there are things we have control over and that we can do to make the most of our circumstances.

May 2021 be a year where you stay healthy, and positive, and find ways to truly THRIVE!

Old home movies

Recently my wife had our home made DVD (digital) tapes converted to MP4 so that we could watch them on our computers. Last night we watched a few. The videos ranged from 15-20 years ago. With my daughters now at 21 and almost 19, it was a wonderful trip down memory lane.

Taking videos like these really dropped off after those early years. I think this was a combination of two things happening. First, the kids were older and in school, which made for changes in the dynamics at home. Next, the iphone came out and suddenly you always had a video camera available. However, as convenient as this was, it also made me less likely to record everyday activities, when I knew that I’d also have my recorder ‘right there with me’ the next time. So, video became reserved for happy birthday wishes, and graduations, and ‘special’ experiences like these.

When I was watching these videos last night, I was so thankful for the experiences I recorded. I was sharing snippets with my parents and siblings, laughing with my family, and making comments about how young my wife and I, and my parents and siblings, looked. Moments in time captured and then re-lived.

With the advent of 3D video and fully developed 360° immersive cameras, I wonder what home movies of the future will look like? Will we be able to put on some immersive goggles and enter a scene from the past? Will we be able to enter a scene, turn our heads and see the expression on our own faces as we take the video? What will the experience of looking at ‘old’ home made videos look like for our grandkids?

It’s exciting to think how the experience could be different in the future, but for now, I’m quite grateful for what we do have. It’s nice to have easier access to our old videos, and we are going to enjoy the fond memories for years to come.

What the new year does and does not bring

The new year brings an end to a difficult year.

The new year does not bring any tangible changes as a result of our planet crossing an arbitrary point in our rotation around the sun.

The new year brings hope, for a heard immunity against Covid-19, thanks to a number of different vaccines.

The new year does not bring any immediate relief from the spread of Covid-19, with a greater threat of spread due to a more contagious new variant coming out of the UK.

The new year brings resolutions and promises of self-improvement and ambitious goals.

The new year does not bring any promise of fulfilling these new goals without a dedicated effort to change habits and behaviours.

The new year brings a political and ideological shift in power in the United States.

The new year does not bring a promise of less divisiveness in the American people who seem too ideologically divided.

The new year brings inconsistent approaches to dealing with the virus, from being scarily too open to being confusingly too locked down.

The new year does not bring any promise of clarity about how best to deal with the virus while we wait for widespread vaccine distribution.

The new year brings continued paranoia and conspiracy filled misinformation, shared virally on social media.

The new year does not bring any way to meaningfully combat the spread of bad ideas.

The new year brings anticipation for a better year than 2020.

The new year brings promise of post pandemic world.

The new year brings opportunity for positive change.

The new year brings us more of the same, unless we choose to think, say, and act differently.

Let’s be different, better, more loving, kind, and caring… to ourselves, our community, and our environment. We do not get to choose the world we live in, but we do get to choose our impact on it and those in our community we share it with.