Tag Archives: mental health

Small reset

Leave a reply

I had a bout of food poisoning that put me out of commission for a good day and a half. While I am not yet 100%, I can say that other than my tummy feeling a bit off, I am not feeling any other effects. I wrote yesterday that I was in recovery mode, I realize that I was also in a bit of a reset.

I was getting swallowed up in news about the Canadian election and the goings on of US politics as well. I was swept up in the news and for me that’s never good. In the last 48 hours I just didn’t have the mental capacity to care, and so I haven’t been paying attention.

Refreshing.

I need to remember to take these small breaks, small resets, where I let the crazy news headlines of the day slip by without putting mental energy into them. I don’t need to be dismissive, just less sensitized to things beyond my control. Because when I’m paying attention, I get deep in because even my social media algorithms get pulled towards news and so even my mental breaks end up being more of the same information.

Reset completed, I’m going to try to stay away a little longer… there will be enough craziness happening next week that I can let this week’s news go for a little while longer.

Positive Observations

1 Reply

Have you ever noticed people‘s affinity to focus on the negative?

You say what a beautiful day it is to a stranger outside a coffee shop, and the responses you get is, “I hear it’s going to rain tomorrow.”

You say what a great price for eggs, (🇨🇦), and the response is, “I can’t believe how high prices all are these days!”

At coffee with a friend this morning, he commented that my ‘observations’ recently have all been positive:

‘Workouts are going great, and I feel stronger than I ever have.’

‘Things have been running really smoothly at work, and I’m enjoying connecting with students the past few days.’

‘I’ve felt a lot more present recently than I have in the last few weeks.’

Where I used the word ‘observations’ above, very often the term tends to be ‘complaints’… things that I notice which are not going as well as they could be, or even if they are going well noting afterwards how this is fleeting.

I’m going to bask in these positive observations for a bit. Let them soak in and appreciate them… I had the funny urge to say, ‘while it lasts’ but as funny as that might be, it totally misses the point. I’m enjoying staying positive, and I look forward to this feeling continuing!

The Curse of Competence

Leave a reply

“The Curse of Competence

If you are good at things, and have high standards, you assume that you should always do well. Which means that success isn’t a form of celebration, but it’s the minimum level of reasonable performance. Anything less than victory would be a failure, and victory itself becomes nothing more than acceptable.

Congratulations. You might be very successful, you also might be miserable.”

~ Chris Williamson (@chriswillx)

I came across this quote earlier today and it hit me like a punch in the solar plexus.

I have a weight training goal, I hit it, and moments later the celebration is gone and I’m wondering what my next, more challenging goal will be?

I foster and empower leadership of others at work, I have a bit more time on my hands… never mind that I’m still very busy, what new project am I going to take on?

With every success, a new target. With every achievement, a question of what the next achievement will be? Not for bragging rights, not for glory, not for accolades. Just for shear determination that another success is around the corner. Because standing still is losing ground. Pausing and breathing is for losers… except it’s not.

I’ve been in a challenging head space recently. I read and felt this quote. If nothing else I think I need to stop asking what’s next; to be present; to focus on what is happening here and now, and not what the next challenge is.

Easier said than done.

Hard to let go

Leave a reply

I had a very long and busy week last week, and that flowed into a long and busy weekend. I ended up with an empty tank, both physically and emotionally. I woke up Monday morning feeling awful and took the day off. My back ached, I felt like crap and I slept most of the day.

What I didn’t do was check my emails. I legitimately took a day off. Usually that means working from home, but I didn’t even open my laptop yesterday, and my phone stayed on ‘Do Not Disturb’. This morning I continued to feel bad and so I ended up taking a second day off (rare beyond a full back spasm or bad cold). Again, I stayed away from work much of the day, but I did put in a couple hours this morning to get some important communication out that was promised. And throughout the day I had a few things pull me into work mode via Teams and text messages.

And so I just looked at my email and I have 133 unread messages. That would have been higher without what I did today. This is the challenge of taking sick time… the work still comes your way. It’s like you take a sick day only when you absolutely need it, then you come back to so much work that you feel punished for taking care of yourself.

I’ve been working on this, trying to find balance. I will stay later at work and not look at email when I get home. I will add things to my ‘to do’ list at the end of the day and actually get home in time to make dinner. I will prioritize Teams, where my staff connect with me first and not look at email to start the day.

Still, it’s hard to let go. It’s hard to not sneak work in when I’m home. It’s hard to think, ‘I can deal with this tomorrow.’ But this morning I could feel it in me, ‘Take the day today and you won’t need another one before Christmas break… go back too soon and your battery is going to drain again, you aren’t healthy enough.’

So I did the unusual thing and listened to my own advice. Usually I don’t let go, I push through. I’m realizing that’s not just hard on my physical health but my mental health as well.

Do I have a lot of emails to get through? Yes. Does that add to my stress? Yes. But tomorrow I’ll attend to people first and email later… and I’ll catch up. The important thing is that I gave my body and mind the rest it needed and I’m 95% sure I’ll be back at work tomorrow.

Empty tank

1 Reply

It’s rare for both my physical and social batteries to both hit empty at the same time. I’m there now.

Normally I can’t sleep for very long during the day without inducing a headache and feeling like I’ve messed up my sleep cycle. But I’ve slept for most of the day and I don’t think I’ll have an issue going to sleep tonight.

I’m in slow (re)charge mode.

Rest Day

Leave a reply

I’ve been on a really positive tear recently in the gym. Both my cardio and weight training has seen positive gains.

And today I rest.

This has been an amazing year for consistency of workouts. Most weeks have been 6 or 7 days of working out at some level… 20-30 minutes of cardio, 5 minutes stretching, and then working a single muscle to fatigue. Or the 50+ minute Coquitlam Crunch walk, or a workout with my buddy at his gym.

Sometimes this year I’ve had weeks where I really didn’t take a break. That’s not hard to do when I’m only working one muscle strenuously besides doing my cardio. I can give my muscles a full rest before pushing them again, without having to take a day off. But my cardio always involves legs and when they get tight, my back gets tight.

This morning my body is telling me to take a break. I’m about to meditate and do a longer than usual stretch, and that’s it. It’s weird, I know how important rest is, but I usually plan my rest days before I get up in the morning and I can’t help but feel a little guilty skipping my workout today.

It’s a mental game I play with myself. It’s a fear of developing a bad pattern, of breaking the habit. So rather than just feeling good about my rest day, I sit with slightly guilty pangs. This is silly, of course, since what I’m doing is listening to my body. But part of me fears that an unplanned rest day like this is an excuse to have another one soon.

I should see my rest metaphorically as the space between musical notes, as the gaps that make the music. But instead I see my rest as a sign that I’m slipping, that my age is showing, that I’m getting soft. I’m not sure why I do this to myself? It’s a head game of rationalizations, rather than just letting go and enjoying the break. But maybe it’s also that I truly enjoy the way working out makes me feel, the sense of accomplishment before I even leave the house.

Still, I need to listen to my body, take the rest day… and feel good about it!

Mental motivation around maintenance

1 Reply

Good day or bad day, I work out an average 6 days a week. One day is usually just the 5km loop up the Coquitlam Crunch with a buddy, and the other 5 (or 6) days usually involve weights. I start with 20-30 minutes cardio, 1 day a week doing the Norwegian Protocol. Then I stretch for a few minutes, then I try to work one muscle group to fatigue.

That might look like 3 minutes of leg raises and crunches. A double set of fly and bench press. A tricep or bicep set, pull-ups, or weighted step-ups. But only one of these. So my full workout from cardio to stretching to weights usually takes about 50 minutes if I do 30 of cardio.

It’s not a hard routine, and while I’m working one set of muscles to fatigue, I don’t usually feel all that sore afterwards and it’s easy to work a different set of muscles the next day.

All this to say that I have a good routine, that I mostly enjoy (other than the Norwegian Protocol which kinda sucks every time). I get up, write, meditate, and start my workout. If I write for too long, I listen to a guided meditation while doing my cardio. I almost never miss a work day workout, my gaps tend to be on weekends or holidays.

So the habit is engrained, and I don’t need motivation to do my routine. I wake up and just start my routine, and don’t stop until it’s done. Easy.

What I do struggle with sometimes is how hard I push myself. For the last few days my ‘work one muscle group to fatigue’ sets have not been a push to fatigue. Mentally, I just can’t get myself to that place. Every set I do, I quit when my muscles should be pushed further.

For example, yesterday I was doing bicep curls with a slightly lighter weight than I usually use, and yet I wasn’t able to get many reps in. I would think, ‘I’ve got at least two more reps in me’, I’d do one and just decide that I would stop. Physically I could have done more. And even if I couldn’t, the half rep more trying would have meant that I took the muscle to fatigue. But I quit. I didn’t truly complete the set. I couldn’t mentally get myself to push hard enough.

And of course I beat myself up about it. Especially since I’ve felt like this for a few days. The reality is that it’s damn hard to push to fatigue every day. Especially when I’m not doing this to be a bodybuilder. I’m not on a mission to bulk up. I don’t have a race or a sport I’m training for. I’m just trying to be a bit fitter than I was yesterday.

So I’m at a point now where I’m in maintenance mode. I’m not taking a break, I’m not slacking in my routine, but I’m cruising a bit on my overall effort. And yet, despite recognizing all this, I’m still hard on myself when I can’t push to 100% for just a few minutes in the day.

I believe it would be healthier for me to think of this as a regular cycle of maintenance rather than a failure to push myself. I understand this intellectually. Yet I struggle. I feel like I’m letting myself down. I feel like I’m getting old and forgetting how to push as hard as I could before.

It’s an internal battle that I think I should have figured out by now. Sharing it ‘out loud’ feels a little embarrassing, because it feels like I’m seeking empathy or condolences or a pep talk, but I don’t want or need that. What I need is to be easier on myself as I cycle through this, knowing that the ability to push myself hard will come back.

The challenge is that I fear being easy on myself. I fear that this easing up can become more frequent… That maintainance mode can easily become my default mode. And deep down I want to keep this fear. Because that fear will reduce the amount of time that I spend in maintenance mode, and the fear reminds me that I know how to push myself. I’d rather be upset at myself and strive for improvement, than be more self-forgiving and also more likely to accept mediocrity and maintenance as my default.

It’s time to put on my weighted vest and get on my treadmill, and listen to a guided meditation. I have a routine I have to keep.

Trade your expectation with appreciation

Leave a reply

I was listening to The Tim Ferriss Show today and heard this great quote from Tony Robbins: “You want to change your life fast then trade your expectation for appreciation and you have a whole new life.”

(Listen to the full gratitude & appreciation quote by Tony Robbins here.)

It’s easy to forget sometimes how blessed we are. It can be all consuming as we seek and want more, while forgetting how much we have already.

Possible future you robs happiness from the present you.

Don’t let future you steal your happiness today.

Bask in appreciation of what you have: Family, friends, health, work, hobbies, food, health, wealth… you might not be exactly where you want future you to be, but if you take stock right now, you probably have a lot to appreciate and be happy about.

Empty Cup

Leave a reply

The timing was perfect. I was not feeling well and took the day off. Then I saw this later in the day:

There was a bit of work that still had to be done, but I needed this day… and I took it. I think now of all the times I didn’t. I’m not sure I was my best, and it probably showed. We can’t be at our best when our own cup is empty.

A Simple Shift in Perspective

Leave a reply

I woke up just after 4am this morning and thought to myself, ‘Nice, almost an hour more to sleep.’ Then I had this little inkling to check my alarm…

What? It’s not on?

Thinking for some reason it was a Tuesday rather than a Saturday, I turned on my 5am alarm and made sure the volume was low before snoozing until it buzzed in about 55 minutes. When it went off I hit the stop button quickly, but my wife still woke up, “Why are you getting up so early on a Saturday?” She asked curiously.

‘It’s Saturday?’

I had no idea. I was going to do my typical weekday morning routine, and head off to work. I wasn’t upset about this, it was just another normal school day in my head. I got up anyway, did my morning meditation and went back to sleep on the couch for a bit before heading to meet my buddy first our Saturday morning walk.

My buddy, also named Dave, inspired this Daily-Ink. He told me he struggled to be motivated to do our walk this morning, and I responded that I was excited to come, having realized that it was Saturday and not Tuesday. I’m not great at rehashing conversations, but this was Dave’s message in a nutshell:

‘Isn’t it interesting how that shifts your perspective. Think of how much better every day would be if you framed it the same way. What if next Tuesday you thought about what a great day it is, and ask yourself, who can I show gratitude to? Or, how can I make someone’s day great today?’

Pick any day in the last week, week day or weekend, and imagine redoing that day, but with a shift in perspective of how rich, engaging, and rewarding that day was going to be… What’s to stop us from doing this daily?