Tag Archives: love

Falling fairies

It was meant to be funny, but it was mean. Not one of proudest moments as a dad.

My oldest daughter was three, and we were outside, playing in the fresh snow on a weekend morning. The snow was deep, but way too fluffy and soft for a snowman. I went over to the huge tree in our front yard, covered in snow, branches laden with powdered snow, and decided it would be funny to shake the snow onto my daughter. A harmless joke.

I called here over. ‘Come here’.

“Why”

I gently pulled a branch lower. “Come over here.’

“Why”

‘If you listen carefully you can hear the tree fairies sing.’

My daughter came over, trying to listen, and I shook the branch. Puffy snowflakes came falling down into her. This wasn’t a dump of snow, it was a powdering, but still, a solid covering of her toque and face.

And then the tears came so fast that I couldn’t even laugh. Thank goodness because that would have been meaner that it already was. I gave her a hug and she cried on my shoulder. I realized my mistake and hugged her tight. At this point I did laugh embarrassingly, but held it in, my body shaking as I held back the noise, still hugging her and hiding my guilty grin. ‘Oh, I’m so sorry sweetie, it was just a joke.’

My mistake wasn’t dumping snow on her, that would have been funny. It was the comment about the fairies that was hurtful. I played on the gullibility of a three year old who really believed she was going to hear a tree fairy. When I tricked her, it wasn’t just a prank by dad for the sake of a joke, it was a betrayal, and a disappointment that made the betrayal actually hurt.

She got over it pretty quickly, and we were back to playing and having fun a few moments after the tears. Now that she’s almost 21, I’m sure this isn’t a scarring memory that she’ll end up needing therapy for, but it was not a great parenting moment for me.

We don’t always realize the way we hurt people with the things we say. To us it’s nothing but a lighthearted joke, a little poke, a passing comment. But to the receiver it can be more. It was falling fairies, not falling snow, that really hurt my daughter.

We don’t always see how our words and actions can really affect others. We say ‘It’s not a big deal’, others feel it really is. We see misunderstanding, others see malcontent. We see honest mistakes, others see betrayal. What others hear and feel is far more important than what we think they hear and feel.

And sometimes a sincere apology, or even a hug, can go a long way in mending fallen feelings.

—– —– —– —– —–

A related story, “T’was two nights after Christmas… A story of lost innocence.“

A simple question

It’s a simple question, but one that somebody you know needs to hear.

How are you doing? Really?

I’m not sure who it is you need to ask this. It might be at home, at school, at work. Just follow your instinct and ask the question.

Then listen. Full on listen, without judgment or a desire to share how you can relate. Just listen.

And if it’s you that needs to hear it, how are you doing?

Goodbyes are tough

No matter how long I visit with family, the goodbyes are hard to do. I don’t know if anyone handles them well?

I’m not one that shows my emotions externally much, and this isn’t because I’m holding anything in… I am introverted and I internalize a lot. That doesn’t mean I don’t feel it.

It’s so much easier these days to say goodbye, with instant contact available at any time, but there is something special about giving your parents a hug. Sitting with them. Laughing with them.

Every opportunity is a treasure.

Appreciating your family

Sometimes it’s easy to take advantage of the people that are closest to you; to leverage the fact that they are just ‘always there’. The very people that would do anything for you in a time of need are the same ones who you expect to be there without showing any gratitude.

Sometimes it is easy to get frustrated by your family; to roll your eyes and think ‘here we go again’, rather than seeing things from their perspective. The very people that most appreciate you for who you are do not always get treated as nicely as a stranger would be treated.

Sometimes it is easy to be triggered by your family; to be immediately upset by something they say or do, something that you would tolerate far more by someone unrelated.

There is the saying, ‘familiarity breeds contempt’, think of the first word in the phrase: familiarity. It is the family, that you are in close association with, that you know best, that can lead to a loss of respect, or lead to disrespect, from close awareness of faults or repeated behaviours that you don’t like.

It only takes an absence of these people in your lives, through time, geography, or death, to help you recognize that your familiarity also breeds love, compassion, and appreciation for those that love you, and that you love. Familiarity breeds love. Familiarity breeds compassion. Familiarity breeds appreciation. Or at least is should.

Who in your family can you show gratitude for today? What’s stopping you?

7-Sins-Collage

Here are the 7 Sins, and here come the 7 Virtues?

In January, I wrote a series of posts called the 7 Sins:

  1. Gluttony
  2. Envy
  3. Pride
  4. Lust
  5. Wrath
  6. Greed
  7. Sloth

I plan to write a series of 7 Virtues over this coming week, in addition to my regular daily posts, then auto post them the following week while I take a social media break. I will be deleting my Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram Apps off of my phone and only using my phone or a laptop with notifications turned off for my sabbatical. On that note, if you regularly read this blog from my Facebook Story or Facebook Timeline, please ‘Like’ this FB page, because during my social media break I won’t be manually adding the posts to my Story or Timeline. You can also get Daily-Ink by email.

Here are 7 Virtues that I am thinking of writing about: (The order might differ.)

  1. Love (including Chastity and Loyalty)
  2. Discipline (including Patience, not just Diligence or Temperance)
  3. Empathy (including Compassion)
  4. Integrity (including Honour and Courage)
  5. Kindness (including Charity),
  6. Humility
  7. Forgiveness

Am I missing anything? Any suggestions?

Adding a little extra

I don’t know if I’ve ever seen a recipe where the amount of garlic ‘recommended’ wasn’t less than I wanted to (and probably did) put in. My whole family loves garlic and despite adding more garlic than suggested, in our house a meal has never been ruined by too much garlic. You can’t say the same for salt, or dill, or oregano.

Some things you can add a little extra, some things you can’t:

You can add some genuine compliments, be careful how much criticism you add.

You can add generosity generously, but just a pinch of selfishness.

You can add copious amounts of love, but only a sprinkling of animosity.

There isn’t any one recipe for living a good life, and so the ingredients we choose to put in can be played with… if we are thoughtful and liberally creative with the right ingredients, we can end up with delicious results!

How important is it?

How important is your health to you right now? It becomes more important when you feel an ailment.

How important is money to you right now? It becomes more important if you are struggling financially?

How important are your friends to you right now? They become more important when you are in need of one.

There are so many things that we don’t readily recognize as important until there is a deficit pointing out our concern. Food, shelter, affection, love… all things we value/desire/need, and all are taken for granted except for when we notice their absence.

It’s good to be thankful when we have these things. To recognize what’s important to us when we are fortunate. To remind ourselves that we are lucky, appreciating what we have rather than only paying attention when there is a shortage.

How important is it to appreciate the positive people and circumstances that surround you, when things are going in your favour?

And how important is it to be charitable to those who are less fortunate?

7 Sins, Part 4 – Lust

“Sex sells.”- We have grown used to this phrase in words and in visual form through advertising. Sexual tension and the fantasy of unreachable desire are invitations to lust… to the craving for physical intimacy that is not rooted in love.

Love is exploited in movies and television by intertwining it with lust, and making the two seem interchangeable. Storylines are fraught with sexual tension and the importance of the first physically intimate moments being consumed with lust. Plots are fast-forwarded by showing lust-filled intimacy to establish the love two people have before a plot twist. Infidelity is ‘explained’ by lack of lust and intimacy.

Action films are no better. If the action star is put into dire straits, it is likely for the love of a child, or if it is for a love interest then that person is as likely to betray the star as to find happiness. Infidelity is a plot developer, love is fleeting and easily lost.

What are the stories of lust, of unrealistic desires, of sensual intimacy, and of sexual passion that we are exposed to in story plots, magazines, and social media? How does that contrast with stories of love? For even stories of love suggest loss (think Romeo & Juliet) or betrayal (think Indecent Proposal or Fatal Attraction).

Sex sells. Lust sells. Romantic love is reserved for comedies and for overcoming the pain caused by lust. Romance, heartfelt caring, and devotion to a loved one are things to be destroyed and devoured in modern day stories.

Our media outlets and movie plots may not share this, it does not sell in the same way, but in the end, lust leaves one feeling empty and alone, while love prevails.

7 Sins Series

  1. Gluttony
  2. Envy
  3. Pride
  4. Lust
  5. Wrath
  6. Greed
  7. Sloth

Giving from the heart

I love this video:

I’ve consistently noticed that kids will be selfless when they have an opportunity to show their love and appreciation for family. I’ve also noticed that this generosity increases with students who have less than most. That’s worth reflecting on!

On the topic of giving, here is a wonderful story about how an Inquiry Hub student, Andrew, ended up raising an incredible amount of money for Covenant House.

Andrew is continuing to raise money for them this year. If you are inclined to support homeless youth and youth in need, please consider a contribution.

Thank you and happy holidays ahead!

Love, work, and being human

This is a very powerful movie: HUMAN Extended version VOL.1

Most of it is subtitled, and so be prepared to read what you are listening to. Make yourself a coffee, or pour yourself a drink, sit back and step into the lives of some people that you would not otherwise get to meet. Share in the humanity, the struggles, and the hearts of some people from many walks of life that are significantly different than yours. What does it mean to be human for people that did not grow up the same way you did?

Here is the description:

What is it that makes us human? Is it that we love, that we fight ? That we laugh ? Cry ? Our curiosity ? The quest for discovery ? Driven by these questions, filmmaker and artist Yann Arthus-Bertrand spent three years collecting real-life stories from 2,000 women and men in 60 countries. Working with a dedicated team of translators, journalists and cameramen, Yann captures deeply personal and emotional accounts of topics that unite us all; struggles with poverty, war, homophobia, and the future of our planet mixed with moments of love and happiness. The VOL.1 deals with the themes of love, women, work and poverty.

This is a powerful look at love, at work, and at the heart of what it means to live life bound by geographical, cultural, and economical status.