Tag Archives: love

Crossing the street for you

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Going back 25 years ago, I was in teacher’s college and did almost every project with two friends I met in the program, Andrew and JP. I was literally sandwiched between them sitting at 5’9 when both of the are well over 6’… and JP was the presentation opener, with a wicked sense of humour, while Andrew was the closer with intelligent and relevant ties to the curriculum and reading, all of which he had always done. So, once again I was stuck (comfortably) in the middle.

One day we were having lunch and planning an upcoming presentation when JP said, out of the blue, “Dave, I’d cross the street for you.”

“What?”

“Some people you see walking on the opposite side of the street, and you wave at them as they go by. And some people you take the time to cross the street and greet them. I’d cross the street for you.”

That’s a fond memory about friendship that I thought of this morning. There are probably a lot of quotes like the following but I’m on an airplane without wifi so I’ll take liberty to word a common idea and try to put my own twist on it:

It’s easy to be a good friend when times are easy, it’s a true friendship when times are hard and yet helping your friend out is not hard.

That’s the measure. It’s not about it being hard for you… if the friend is going through hard times you aren’t holding up a measuring stick to see how hard it is to help. There is a willingness to go to hard places without quantifying the effort… the friend is worth it.

You aren’t just crossing the street for them, you are going back the other way just to be with them.

Nuggets of happiness

My dad passed away last week. Today we did the paperwork at the crematorium, and we’ll do a family gathering in the fall. He had a stroke while I was visiting over the March break and he never left the hospital after that.

While at the hospital, my youngest sister was staying with dad late one night and she was feeling hungry. She said to him, “I’m heading down to Tim Hortons, do you want anything?”

My dad responded, “No thanks, are you going to get some nuggets of happiness?”

Puzzled, my sister asked, “Do you mean Timbits?

Dad smiled and nodded ‘Yes’.

Nuggets of happiness. This is a great metaphor for coping with my father’s death. There are a lot of emotions, and a lot to deal with. There is great sadness. But then there are also those moments of fond, joyful, and humorous times that I’ll enjoy remembering. Little nuggets to love. Little nuggets that remind me he is still with me as long as I choose to remember.

I don’t think I’ll ever eat a Timbit again without remembering my dad.

And while there are many other emotions right now, I know the memories I cherish, the memories I will share with my mother, my siblings, my wife, my kids, and even grandkids in the future, will bring me joy and happiness.

Parting is such sweet sorrow

It’s my last night in Toronto. While I’ll still talk to my parents regularly, and have a WhatsApp chat with my sisters that we use frequently, I find it hard to say goodbye.

It makes me wish I spent more time with my daughters too.

Looking back, I think there are many opportunities to make more of the time we have with family richer. We just don’t realize it when we are younger. But no matter your age, take the time while you have it, and make the most of it.

Give them hugs

I don’t usually share personal things like this, but it’s the only thing on my mind.

Just a friendly reminder to call your parents, and if you are close enough, visit them and hug them. I flew in to visit my parents yesterday, in time to see my father have a medical emergency, and I have spent most of my visit so far at a hospital. He’s looking a lot better this evening but will be in the hospital a few more days. I’m so glad that I arrived when I did, and it’s wonderful to have my sisters here too.

So take this as a public service announcement: Call your parents. Visit them. Hug them. Tell them you love them. And while you’re at it, do the same for your kids too!

Amazing Support

Isn’t it strange how we take the people around us for granted sometimes? It’s not intentional or hurtful. It’s not that we are taking advantage of them. We simply don’t recognize how the people around us support us, lift us up, nurture us, look out for us, and most importantly care for us. They are just there, doing what they do as a part of our work or family, and they make us better, make our jobs easier, and show kindness when we need it.

Remember to show your appreciation once in a while. Not because they went out of their way to support you… rather, just for consistently being there.

24 years ago

On the 26th of August 1997 I proposed to my wife. Today we celebrate our 24th wedding anniversary. If I were to pick something as my best life decision my proposal to Ann would be it. I remember when we started dating, I was talking to my mom on the phone and told her, “I think I met the girl I’m going to mary, she just doesn’t know it yet.” And while I try to be the best husband I can be, my wife is giving and caring in a way I always aspire to be.

I am blessed, and I hope the next 24 years bring as much or more joy to me, to us, that we have had in the last quarter century. We live in an amazing country with fantastic opportunities for us and our kids. We have two amazing kids that are delightful to watch grow up, and who have grown into fantastic young women. We have great jobs that we love, and a beautiful home. And we have great friends that we both enjoy being around.

Today I don’t just celebrate my anniversary, I celebrate the wonderful lives my wife and I have built together.

Family visit

Tomorrow will be the first time in years that I will be seeing my parents and all 3 sisters together.

It has been very long since we grew up under one roof, and opportunities like this don’t happen often. I wish my wife and kids were here with me. I can remember being a kid and rolling my eyes because we had to go to yet another family gathering, now I wish we had these opportunities more often.

We’ve bantered before about everyone going on a big family vacation, but it’s never easy trying to coordinate everyone, and I am not sure if it will happen. So for now, I’ll just have to appreciate that we will have a rare opportunity to be together tomorrow, and make the most of the time we have.

Holiday greetings

My parents were Jewish in background, but not really in faith. They decided when we were young that we would celebrate Christmas ‘like the other kids’, and so we always had Christmas trees and gifts from Santa. We had so many gifts from our grandparents, aunts, and uncles that it was embarrassing to have friends over to see half a tree above a massive pile of gifts.

My grandfather called our tree the Hanukkah bush. We would have turkey and a ham, and my dad would tell the same joke every year about the pig being circumcised, so the ham was kosher. So, (totally tongue-in-cheek) Christmas was about consumerism and blasphemy in our household.

But above and beyond that, it has always been about the spirit of giving and spending time with family. It’s about love and memories. It’s about being grateful and feeling blessed.

No matter if you celebrate Christmas or not, whether it’s a religious holiday for you or not, or whether you celebrate a different holiday around this originally pagan mid-winter holiday… season’s greetings and happy holidays. May the holiday season bring you joy, and may you find hope and promise in the year ahead.

Be well, be strong, and be kind.

Potential Humanity

We live in an era of incredible potential. And yet when I opened my news feed this morning this is what I saw:

A misogynist Op-Ed that was clearly written with malice.

A racist group causing harm and violence.

An extremist left group doing the same.

An anti-mask gym owner saying he’ll continue to pay fines to keep his gym open.

A politician calling covid a ‘hoax pandemic’.

The largest iceberg ever, that broke off in 2017 thanks to global warming, is heading to islands likely to cause an ecological disaster.

Crazy.

When I think of the potential of humanity, I think of benevolence, creativity, generosity, love, and kindness.

When I open the news I see hate and ignorance. Today these stupid headlines came (except for the iceberg) from the country south of our borders. A country that’s supposed to be about equal opportunity, liberty, and justice. A country divided into two camps so opposed to the other side that they see the other as enemies more than neighbours (or I should say neighbors).

What does it mean to be human? What potential do we have as a species? What could we accomplish if we work together? What kind of world would we live in if we focused on what’s possible?

We can be better as a species. We can be peaceful. We can be kind. We can be loving. We can be more human.

Falling fairies

It was meant to be funny, but it was mean. Not one of proudest moments as a dad.

My oldest daughter was three, and we were outside, playing in the fresh snow on a weekend morning. The snow was deep, but way too fluffy and soft for a snowman. I went over to the huge tree in our front yard, covered in snow, branches laden with powdered snow, and decided it would be funny to shake the snow onto my daughter. A harmless joke.

I called here over. ‘Come here’.

“Why”

I gently pulled a branch lower. “Come over here.’

“Why”

‘If you listen carefully you can hear the tree fairies sing.’

My daughter came over, trying to listen, and I shook the branch. Puffy snowflakes came falling down into her. This wasn’t a dump of snow, it was a powdering, but still, a solid covering of her toque and face.

And then the tears came so fast that I couldn’t even laugh. Thank goodness because that would have been meaner that it already was. I gave her a hug and she cried on my shoulder. I realized my mistake and hugged her tight. At this point I did laugh embarrassingly, but held it in, my body shaking as I held back the noise, still hugging her and hiding my guilty grin. ‘Oh, I’m so sorry sweetie, it was just a joke.’

My mistake wasn’t dumping snow on her, that would have been funny. It was the comment about the fairies that was hurtful. I played on the gullibility of a three year old who really believed she was going to hear a tree fairy. When I tricked her, it wasn’t just a prank by dad for the sake of a joke, it was a betrayal, and a disappointment that made the betrayal actually hurt.

She got over it pretty quickly, and we were back to playing and having fun a few moments after the tears. Now that she’s almost 21, I’m sure this isn’t a scarring memory that she’ll end up needing therapy for, but it was not a great parenting moment for me.

We don’t always realize the way we hurt people with the things we say. To us it’s nothing but a lighthearted joke, a little poke, a passing comment. But to the receiver it can be more. It was falling fairies, not falling snow, that really hurt my daughter.

We don’t always see how our words and actions can really affect others. We say ‘It’s not a big deal’, others feel it really is. We see misunderstanding, others see malcontent. We see honest mistakes, others see betrayal. What others hear and feel is far more important than what we think they hear and feel.

And sometimes a sincere apology, or even a hug, can go a long way in mending fallen feelings.

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A related story, “T’was two nights after Christmas… A story of lost innocence.“