Tag Archives: love

Unselfish Giving

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I have a family member who isn’t a doctor but has volunteered to go help doctors provide surgeries in a rural part of a poor country, where the locals can’t afford or don’t have access to some of these lifesaving procedures. It will be a very rewarding experience, but it’s also something that won’t feel like a vacation. It will be challenging, especially during triage when some patients will be turned away. Still, I know that this will be a very rewarding experience for her.

That’s the amazing thing about unselfish giving. The reward is worth the sacrifice. Unselfish giving is innately rewarding. On the other hand selfish giving comes with an expectation of reward: Accolades, attention, recognition, appreciation. These things might also come with unselfish giving, but they aren’t expected. And for an unselfish giver, there is no false modesty in receiving recognition, in fact there might even be embarrassment.

The difference between unselfish and selfish giving is in the external expectations. Selfish giving needs the external reward and unselfish giving only requires internal rewards. Both can get the external rewards, however when the selfish giver doesn’t get them, they feel cheated and less joyful, whereas the unselfish giver can receive no external rewards or attention and be equally if not more joyful for not having to face the unwanted attention.

Ironically whether a kindness is given for selfish or unselfish reasons, a good is still being done. And recognition is probably deserved either way. It’s only when the recognition isn’t received that the true value of giving unselfishly really shows up.

In the end, I believe that unselfish giving is inherently more rewarding, more joyful, and more fulfilling. But motives are not that important as long as good is being done… and so if someone wants praise for doing something good, well, do the unselfish thing and give it to them.

What I wouldn’t do

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What would you do if you were a God? That’s a challenging question. An easier question is what wouldn’t you do?

Here is what I wouldn’t do:

  • I wouldn’t wait thousands or hundreds of thousands of years to present myself to my ‘subjects’. (Or I would wait longer so that my message could spread more easily, and in high definition.)
  • I wouldn’t root my religion in superstitions about the natural world.
  • I wouldn’t write my holy book with references to social norms and practices that will date themselves and become embarrassingly outdated.
  • I wouldn’t introduce my religion to only one geographical location and leave many others clueless to my existence. (If I did pick just one geographical location, I’d choose one where my subjects were the most literate and able to share my words more consistently and precisely.)
  • I wouldn’t punish my subjects for being unbelievers, I would let their good or bad actions be the measure of their right to eternal life after death.
  • I wouldn’t expect obedience, I could have created slaves rather than self-conscious beings if obedience was really important to me.
  • I wouldn’t want anyone to fight expansionist wars in my name. Why pit my subjects against each other? This seems a bit egotistical for a god!

I’m not wise enough to list all the things I would do, without contradicting myself or being in some way myopic, selfish, or egotistical… that said, I could probably get together with a team of thoughtful people and improve on any and all holy texts. It would take equal or less effort compared to the apologists who defend and justify the contradictions in these texts, rather than admitting that a wise and benevolent God would never had allowed such poorly written scriptures to be written either by Him or in His name.

I have not yet seen a scripture or text written to this day that I believe a benevolent and loving God would have written. But there are many holy texts that such a kind and worthy-of-worship God would never have written.

So delicious

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We are in Mexico and tonight we went to a small restaurant with an octopus in their logo. I took that as a hint that this might be their specialty and so I ordered an Asian Octopus appetizer. Spicy and served in a mild soy sauce it was a mouthwatering treat. I also ordered the Octopus ceviche, which again was a real palate pleaser.

I was not disappointed! The meal was wonderful. And so was the service. And so was the company. There is more than just good food that makes a meal delicious, and tonight’s meal really had everything I could ask for.

Sometimes life can be just so delicious!

Surprise gathering

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I’m on a ferry heading to Nanaimo to surprise my father-in-law for his 91st birthday. My wife is already there but he has no idea that his two other children and 7 more family members are also joining him today.

Moments like this are golden. We can get lost in the bustle of day to day things and opportunities to come together can be rare. Today my father-in-law is going to be delighted, and so will the rest of us.

Call someone you love and don’t see often today, and maybe plan the next get-together… or better yet, pay them a surprise visit! 💜

Merry Christmas

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I grew up in a small Jewish community in Barbados. It seems like an odd place for Ashkenazi Jews to be located, but there is a Jewish cemetery on the island dating back to the 1400’s.

However we weren’t Jewish, we were Jew-ish. I shared this previously,

And as for being a Jew, I think most Jews would say that I am not Jewish. You see, Judiasim is a matriarchal religion and my Grandmother, my Mother’s Mother, is to this day a Catholic. She was happily married, a role model marriage like few I’ve seen, to my Jewish Grandfather until he died.

So my mom grew up with a Christmas tree and told my dad that having a Christmas tree was something she and her kids had to have. My dad, esoteric rather than religious, was fully on board. In my childhood there were a lot of jokes about our Hanukkah bush (Christmas tree), and my dad’s favourite joke, telling the more Jewish members of the family that they could eat the Christmas ham because the pig was circumcised.

No matter how I look at it, Christmas, Hanukkah, Pass-over, and Easter were no more religious than Thanksgiving. They were opportunities for family to gather and to celebrate each other’s company.

So no matter what your faith, or what holiday you celebrate this time of the year, have a wonderful time with family and friends.

Cheers to you!

Making gratitude a habit

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My wife is a pretty awesome human being. I have so many reasons to feel lucky that she said ‘Yes’ when I proposed to her on a beach in Ucluelet many years ago.

One thing that I often marvel at is how generous she is in showing appreciation to others. She labours and worries about giving just the right gift. And she writes more thank you notes than anyone I’ve ever met.

Me? Not so much. But I’m learning. The hard part is that sometimes I’m a slow learner. I get stuck in between the knowing/doing gap. I know that there is a big difference between being appreciative and showing appreciation, and yet I don’t always show my appreciation and gratitude.

And with that I thank you, dear reader. Thank you for allowing me to share my thoughts with you. Thank you for giving me a tiny part of your day. Thank you for the comments and likes on my Daily-Ink social media posts as well as on my blog. And thank you for the in-person comments about reading my blog.

Those small interactions are part of my own personal growth and recognition that these moments of appreciation we share enrich our lives.

Thank you!

Simple little things

A happy thought,
A quiet walk,
A restful pause,
A candid talk.

A social night,
A laugh out loud,
A mutual friend,
A gap in the crowd.

A good book,
A favourite meal,
A restful nap,
A bargain deal.

Simple little things
that come our way.
Simple little things
that make our day.

We can appreciate
what we’ve got.
We can be happy
with our lot.

As long as we
are aware,
that we really
needn’t care…

About things we lack,
and things we dread.
And avoid negative thoughts
in our heads.

As long as we
are aware,
that we really
should care…

About the people we love,
and people in need.
About doing what’s right,
and doing good deeds.

Simple little things
that help us cope.
Simple little things
that bring us hope.

Appreciate the little things
that come our way.
And remember to cherish
each and every day.

The best gifts we have
are love and time.
A life well lived
is truly sublime.

Life need not be filled
with accolades and aclaim,
It need not be a life of
excessive wealth and fame.

What makes us rich are
the simple little things,
that bring us joy
and make our hearts sing.

Simple little things.

One world under God

Imagine a world where everyone who prayed believed that no matter what religion anyone practiced, that the higher being they prey to is The Creator. Can an all powerful God not manifest Him/Her/Itself in many ways to many peoples? Does this God need to share their understanding with every tribe, in every language, and in every culture identically? Would that even make sense?

If there is One God then could we not see the Good in all holy texts, and recognize our similarities? Recognize the kindness to strangers all these books profess? Recognize that living a spiritual life means spreading love and kindness rather than raising arms against our brothers, sisters, and other children of the same God?

If The Creator is the same creator, no matter the religion, then why would we be fighting? It can not be in God’s name. So it must be a weakness of our species that creates the hatred. It is the territorial animal in us that overpowers our humanity.

A spiritual, kind, and loving being does not attack fellow beings; does not send their children to war; does not treat children as pawns or collateral. Since religions can not bring our world together I have to wonder what can? What can bring our people, all of our tribes together?

I want to believe that we can see ourselves as a species that is kind. I want to believe that we can see ourselves as a species that is loving. I want to believe that we can see ourselves as a species that is peaceful. I want to believe that humanity is more powerful than our animal instincts and that we are wise enough to solve our problems without the need to kill our neighbours, here on this planet with so-called ‘intelligent’ life… that one God created.

The inhumanity

Today there was more strife in the Middle East. Innocent lives lost in the Gaza Strip. Two warring sides with no foreseeable compromise. No peace to be found. More bloodshed to come.

I’ll never understand man’s inhumanity to man, and can’t get over the fact that for Gaza, and many other zones of conflict, both sides think they are fighting in service of God. Really? A benevolent god or a tyrant? How many must die to appease this ‘heavenly’ being? What’s the finally tally going to be?

We are at an impasse. We need to decide if it matters whether we are religious beings or spiritual beings. We have to decide if being a good person means following a faith blindly or believing we are all one species that needs to coexist? We need to choose between being spiritual and ‘humanly’ connected or being segregated by angry Gods who demand selfish obedience. Because these selfish gods are inhumane… and I for one want to see us coexist as a species that is more concerned with being peaceful and loving than a colonies of ants fighting over territory.

Are we really just animals fighting for dominance and territory or are we self aware beings that are seeking rich and fulfilling lives? It’s our actions and not our words that reveal the answer to this question… and right now, I don’t think our actions reveal the answer I’d hope for.

Heading home

Tomorrow I leave for Toronto for my dad’s memorial. It will be the first time in over 10 years that my parent’s grandchildren will all be together. All 8 cousins under the same roof. Growing up I got to spend a lot of time with my cousins, but my kids have not had that opportunity. Now they are all young adults, the last time they were together as a full group they were kids. It’s amazing how time flies.

It’s hard to say goodbye to a parent, but getting together as a family makes it a bit easier. In the end our children are our greatest legacy, and so are their kids. My grandfather used to call us, his grandkids, his ‘second crop’. He’d frequently say about his second crop, “If I knew they were going to be this much fun, I would have had them first.” 😂

In the coming days my parent’s first and second crops will all be together. I’m really looking forward to this celebration of life, and legacy.