Tag Archives: Life Lessons

Antecedent to: Forever or a Failure

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Yesterday I wrote:

It’s Not: Forever or a Failure

Starting something and doing it for a while, then changing your mind is often seen as a failure. When in fact, it’s very possible that continuing on and being unhappy would be far more of a failure. Yet from the outside, sticking with it looks more like success than the person who changes their mind, and is ready to challenge themselves in new, interesting, and exciting ways.

Today I share an antecedent to this:

Stick to it! Don’t quit too early. The forever analogy above, and trying something new instead, relates to things you’ve done for a long time and feel committed to. But new things deserve time, effort, and some fortitude in times of difficulty.

It’s easy to make excuses why the new path you are on, or the new hobby you are trying, is too hard or to decide the learning curve is too big. It’s easy to rationalize giving up too quickly. Any new and worthy task or routine takes some grit to stick with. When you’ve given the new thing a few months, or even a few years, that’s when the idea that it need not be ‘forever or a failure’ comes into play.

Before that, when things are still relatively new, there needs to be a time commitment. After time has permitted a long term cost-benefit analysis, only then is quitting not a failure, and continuing forever could be more detrimental and less rewarding than moving on.

Doing new things can be scary, and it can be easy to justify or rationalize or even irrationally reason that continuing on in an activity is too hard, or not worth the effort. Leave a new habit or practice or hobby too soon and a failure is a failure. Continuing on too long, or not quitting because you are scared to vary from your comfort zone can also be a failure.

It’s a delicate dance of time… don’t be afraid to put the time into something new, and really give it a chance… and don’t spend more time on something than is necessary just because these are the same dance steps you’ve been doing for a long time.

It’s Not: Forever or a Failure

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Starting something and doing it for a while, then changing your mind is often seen as a failure. When in fact, it’s very possible that continuing on and being unhappy would be far more of a failure. Yet from the outside, sticking with it looks more like success than the person who changes their mind, and is ready to challenge themselves in new, interesting, and exciting ways.

A Slippery Slope

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I’m at a conference downtown, but staying at a hotel a 10 minute walk from the conference center. On this rainy morning I checked out and made arrangements to leave my car in the parking lot until the conference was over. Then, listening to Peter Attia’s audio book ‘Outlive’, I headed to the conference center, umbrella in one hand and protein bar in the other.

Not 50 feet from the entrance of my hotel there is a field with a diagonal, muddy path.

Listening to the chapter on Stability, literally at the point where Peter is discussing how important stability is, and how falls can be the pivotal point in a senior’s health, I started down the grass rather than muddy trail… and I wiped out.

I muddied my pants and my hand that was holding my umbrella. Back to the hotel I went to change my pants and wash up. Thankfully they let me back into my room I had just checked out of.

I don’t think I hurt myself further but now I do feel a bit achy in my hips. It’s not serious but something that will need to be monitored, and I will need to think more about my stretching routine over the next few days.

Oh, the irony of listening to this chapter and specific content around falls exactly as I made the decision to take this muddy shortcut and fall myself!

But what a great wake up call this was. Two things come to mind. First, did I really need to take this muddy route and save myself 20-30 seconds? I should make better, safer choices. Secondly, I’ve just started doing some stability work, specifically implementing balancing on one foot with my eyes closed as part of my workout regimen… I need to do more stability work. It might not have helped with the choice I made to take this path, but it could help with my ability to fall a bit better.

In the end I got a life lesson with a small slice of humble pie, or actually mud pie. 😜

As I get older a careless slip or a poor choice to push my capabilities, or climbing a ladder, or paying attention to my phone instead of uneven pavement, can lead to an injury and a slippery slope towards a less mobile and less healthy future. My focus on fitness needs to include strengthening my muscles that support my balance and ‘training’ for everyday living, as described in Outlive by Peter Attia.

A Simple Shift in Perspective

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I woke up just after 4am this morning and thought to myself, ‘Nice, almost an hour more to sleep.’ Then I had this little inkling to check my alarm…

What? It’s not on?

Thinking for some reason it was a Tuesday rather than a Saturday, I turned on my 5am alarm and made sure the volume was low before snoozing until it buzzed in about 55 minutes. When it went off I hit the stop button quickly, but my wife still woke up, “Why are you getting up so early on a Saturday?” She asked curiously.

‘It’s Saturday?’

I had no idea. I was going to do my typical weekday morning routine, and head off to work. I wasn’t upset about this, it was just another normal school day in my head. I got up anyway, did my morning meditation and went back to sleep on the couch for a bit before heading to meet my buddy first our Saturday morning walk.

My buddy, also named Dave, inspired this Daily-Ink. He told me he struggled to be motivated to do our walk this morning, and I responded that I was excited to come, having realized that it was Saturday and not Tuesday. I’m not great at rehashing conversations, but this was Dave’s message in a nutshell:

‘Isn’t it interesting how that shifts your perspective. Think of how much better every day would be if you framed it the same way. What if next Tuesday you thought about what a great day it is, and ask yourself, who can I show gratitude to? Or, how can I make someone’s day great today?’

Pick any day in the last week, week day or weekend, and imagine redoing that day, but with a shift in perspective of how rich, engaging, and rewarding that day was going to be… What’s to stop us from doing this daily?

Easier and hard

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It’s easier to eat unhealthy. It’s hard to avoid unhealthy snacks.

It’s easier to watch TV. It’s hard to push yourself hard in the gym.

It’s easier to scroll on your phone. It’s hard to get to bed early and get enough sleep.

It’s easier to skip a day. It’s harder to start a new streak.

It’s easier to make excuses. It’s harder to stick to a disciplined schedule.

It’s easier to make excuses. It’s hard to avoid excuses and do what needs to be done.

It’s easier to make excuses. It’s hard to convince yourself that your excuses aren’t good.

In the end, doing harder things is more rewarding. Easy things just aren’t as memorable, and aren’t as rewarding, and the satisfaction they provide are fleeting. Harder things bring results that you can see, and feel… and done often enough, the hard journey itself gets easier, even if the individual tasks remain hard. That’s the end goal, to make the hard things that are good for you easier to do, than the easy things that aren’t good for you.

And remember, you are always a work in progress… as long as you are moving in the right direction, don’t be too hard on yourself.

Being vs Doing

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I was listening to a guided meditation, and it mentioned that how we live in the world is more focused on doing rather than being.

This made me think about the multitude of tasks we do on autopilot, and how we aren’t always fully present when we do them. It made me think about my work day and how much of it is spent focused on tasks, and not at all on the experience.

Doing is an external experience focused on productivity and achievement. Being is intrinsic, it emphasizes awareness, mindfulness, and the value of life. Doing is all about chasing goals and getting stuff done, it’s what moves us ahead and lets us make things happen. But being… That’s about soaking in the moment, really living it up, and savoring life’s journey as it happens.

This isn’t an either/or thing, but I feel like we, I feel like I, could benefit from being more… More present, more aware, more in the moment. Whole days can go by where I’m task oriented, focused on what needs to be done, and not aware or appreciative of my experience. It’s really about valuing the life we have as it unfolds, rather than just checking off boxes of tasks and achievements mindlessly.

If we are too busy only doing, are we allowing ourselves the opportunity to value and appreciate this wonderful life we are living? Are we living at all, or just moving from task to task, like mindless robots. I laugh a lot more when I’m being and not just doing. I connect with people more meaningfully. I find joy in the tasks that I do. Being is an awareness that sits above the things we do, and it changes a life of activity for the sake of activity, to one where we can find meaning, and joy, throughout our day, and on days yet to come.

Writing your own chapters

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If your life were a chapter book, how many chapters would it have?

Would you choose to write about long periods of time in a single chapter? Would you provide vignettes? Would you think of your life as seasons or interludes or would it have features and long gaps between stories shared?

How complete would the story be right now?

What chapters are waiting to be written? And how long have you waited?

What would highlight in the current chapter?

Start writing.

Knowing/doing gap

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It has become abundantly clear that the old adage that, “Knowing is half the battle,” is a pile of BS that should never have become a knowable quote. People know that smoking is bad for them; they know that second serving of desert is not a good idea; they know that they should work out. The only time knowing matters is after a life-threatening experience, a kick in gut that says ‘get your shit together or else.’

Prior to that, knowing is maybe 5% of the battle. Doing is the real threshold to get more than 1/2 way to the goal you are hoping for.

Doing something to change, no matter how small, is how you get to the goals you want to achieve… to accomplish positive change.

What you do could be less than 1% of what you hope to accomplish. It could be a small step in the right direction. It could even be an initial step in the wrong direction (but with the right intention). What matters is action.

Doing is more than half the battle.

Change doesn’t happen because you know it should, it happens because you took action.

Gone in an instant

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It’s tragic when it happens. Most recently in the news it was a bridge in Baltimore. A barge lost power and hit a bridge and it collapsed, killing several workers on the bridge. One minute they are going about their job, and then their lives are over. No warning, no forethought. Living one moment, gone the next.

I was recently on vacation and watched a few sunrises. That time of day is busy for birds on the hunt for fish. There is no glare from the sun, and many small fish are feeding near the shore. Here is a slow motion video of a bird diving for food.

Imagine the life of a small fish. You are among many other fish, feeding and going about your morning, and suddenly, most abruptly, a foreign beast plunges into your world and snatches you up. Seconds later you slide down inside of a bird’s neck and into its stomach where you suffocate before being digested.

No warning, no hint of pending doom. It’s part of the life cycle of many living things. We are fortunate that it is not frequent for us as apex predators. Still, it happens, and it’s totally unfair, even random. A fall from a ladder, a car accident, an allergic reaction, a plane crash, a freak accident.

We are fortunate not to be small fish, with far greater likeliness to come to a tragic, early, unexpected demise, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be thankful for the time we are given, and appreciate the luck we have to live a good life every day that we are given. It can be seen as scary or it can be seen as cathartic… knowing that we can be gone in an instant.

Delight in the moment

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It’s 6:17 and I just got off of a Stair Master. When I am at a gym with cardio equipment I don’t have at home, I like to use it. I was contemplating heading out to the beach to see the sunrise at 6:21, but it would be a rush to get to a good viewpoint from here just in time.

Then in my head I saw the sunrise I took a picture of yesterday. Then I saw an image of the sunset I took the day before. Beautiful. Serene. Majestic.

Running from here to capture the moment today would not have been the same. It would have felt like an effort, and the moment would have been more about documenting that I saw it again, rather than appreciating it.

Tomorrow I’ll plan to be at the water, coffee in hand. I will not lift my camera as I have on previous mornings, instead I’ll just enjoy the moment. Un-rushed, appreciative, and listening to the waves crash.

You can rush to an event, but you can’t rush a feeling you are seeking. You can race to a meeting, and be present, but you also have to be aware of your presence.

I missed the sunrise this morning, but if I rushed to see it, it would not have added value to the memories of sunrises I already hold in my mind. There is the idea of watching the sunset, there is the actual viewing of it, and there is the experience it evokes. Today would have been all about the first two… and so I really didn’t miss all that much.

Tomorrow I’ll delight in the moment.

Now back to my workout.