Tag Archives: Life Lessons

How can I add value?

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I have a friend that always asks this question. He would come over for a BBQ, and I’m cooking. The first thing he did was ask, “How can I add value?” Then “Can I get you a beer?” Or, “Is there anything you need?”

It was sincere, it was simple: ‘I’m here, and if you need anything, just let me know. ‘

He wasn’t trying to fix anything, he wasn’t trying to draw attention to himself, he was just trying to be helpful. It’s an endearing quality that is appreciated and valued.

Be helpful. You provide value by offering value.

Fit for life

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I listen to a lot of podcasts about healthy living. It’s amazing how some key topics keep coming up again and again. it’s like there comes a point where collective knowledge just compounds and evidence piles up to support some key ideas. Here are a few things that I have been hearing repeatedly, which all suggest ways to live a long and healthy life. (Not in any order of priority.)

1. Eat more protein. We don’t tend to eat enough, and we tend to eat less as we grow older, but protein is important for both muscle and brain health.

2. Do cardiovascular exercise regularly. At least 5 days a week for the rest of your life. Don’t like to run? Then don’t run! Find something you like to do, spend a minimum of 20 minutes doing it. It doesn’t matter if you like intense cardio, or if you prefer low intensity, what matters is staying active and getting your heart rate up. It’s also important for burning calories, especially if you like food a bit too much.

3. At least once a week get your heart rate up to about 80% of your maximum. This can be done in bursts, like sprinting for 2-3 minutes then slowing down for 2-3 minutes and repeating a few times, or just pushing yourself with a consistently faster pace, or maybe walking on an incline on a treadmill. One thing that really matters for healthy longevity is your maximum VO2 (the max amount of oxygen your body can absorb during exercise). This is maintained and improved primarily by pushing your body past this 80% mark.

4. Do some sort of strength training 2-3 times a week. Constantly remind yourself body that it is not yet in a period of decline. Remind your body that it is a muscle builder. Do this by pushing at least one muscle group completely to fatigue.

5. Take creatine and vitamin D. I’m not a doctor, and you should seek medical advice for supplements, but these are two supplements I feel safe to recommend because they both have tremendous upside and are extensively researched with no downside unless you are an idiot and take extreme doses. Creatine really helps with muscle soreness and seems to have many other upsides too, including for menopausal women. This is not the ‘bodybuilding guy’s supplement’ people think it is, but one everyone can benefit from. Vitamin D is both a vitamin and a hormone used by your immune system. And unless you live in a tropical climate, 90+ percent of the population is low in vitamin D, or at the very most not at the highest levels recommended by health experts.

6. Reduce sugar intake. Our bodies crave sugar. An interesting thing that I heard recently is that this might be something ingrained in us from our monkey heritage. Fruit goes bad, and so when fruit ripens, it’s important to get a lot of it before the fruit rots. Therefore when our ancient ancestors had access to sugars, our bodies made sure to crave more while the supply lasted. Whether that’s true or not, we currently have convenient and continuous access to too much sugar and our cravings for it are unhealthy. I’ll leave you with a simple public service announcement: processed sugars are food for cancer.

7. Stretching and balance are important. It’s not enough to do the same exercise 5 days a week and not work on your overall flexibility and balance. Falls are more common as you get older, and stiff joints don’t help. Breaking a hip vastly shortens life expectancy. Keep nimble, and do things that challenge both flexibility and balance.

8. Self image is important. If you see yourself as someone who exercises regularly, you don’t have to work to get a workout in. To build a habit of good habits, create identity based habits. I am a person who works out regularly. I stretch as part of my routine. I make healthy eating choices. I enjoy doing things that keep me young.

9. Meditate. Find time for gratitude and awareness. Find time to focus on your breathing.

10. This one hasn’t been in on the health podcasts, but it’s a great place to end: Seek laughter. Find joy. Spend quality time with friends and family. Explore new ideas, and keep learning. If you are not finding ways to appreciate the life you have, you aren’t adding value to the life you are trying to extend.

Positive Peer Pressure

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I think part of growing up involves being peer pressured into doing something stupid. It doesn’t have to be big and life-altering. It can be as simple as being pressured by friends to ask someone you like out, but you knew all along you were going to face rejection. Or you were pressured to go first off of a giant toboggan ramp you and your friends built on an icy day. The dumbest things I was peer pressured into are not going to make it into a list of things I plan on sharing, so the above examples are going to have to do.

When you get into adulthood peer pressure doesn’t have as strong a hold on you, and so in most cases you really aren’t going to be pressured into doing something stupid, or something you really don’t want to do. But what about things you do want to do? I think here we have amazing opportunities to use peer pressure to our advantage.

A perfect example is that I never would have done 2,000 pushups in February without my buddy Dave challenging me. And we held each other accountable, checking in with progress and reminders. Another great example is a spotter in the gym. Done well, spotting isn’t just about safety, it’s also about encouragement and motivation. I know that I push myself much harder when I’ve got a workout buddy telling me to push one more rep out when I want to just give up and end the set.

We can really use positive peer pressure to our advantage. Want to build a powerful habit? Do it with a friend or have your friends hold you accountable. Want to try something for the first time? A friend or life partner’s encouragement is invaluable. Increase the pressure when things don’t go as well, or there is a slip, and praise the behavior when things are going well.

As a kid, peer pressure is usually something to avoid. But as an adult it’s something to seek out… as long as the outcome is positive.

Appreciation for what we have

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It’s easy to complain. To be frustrated. To want things to go faster, to want more, to want better.

It’s much harder to appreciate what we have.

Appreciation doesn’t require settling. It doesn’t mean we don’t strive, it doesn’t mean we don’t have desires. It means we acknowledge that what we have now is good. Not ‘good enough’… good.

What do we have to be thankful for? How can we show our appreciation to others? How can we share our gratitude for what we have?

If all that matters is what’s next: the next plateau, promotion, or praise for a job well done… then we aren’t being present.

What are we lucky to have, grateful to experience, fortunate enough to share? What can we appreciate about our experience right now? Because if we can’t figure that out right now, we probably aren’t going to figure it out when we reach our next target or goal. We will just be looking forward to the next step instead.

Meanwhile there is opportunity to enjoy the journey, the moments along the way… and not just the next destination on a long path of next destinations.

Is it really harder to show appreciation, or do we just not spend enough time practicing?

Habits and goals

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I know setting goals works. I have a few fitness goals and they inspire me to work harder. But I’ve never really been someone who sets a lot of goals and I am not overly goal driven. I can remember teaching students SMART Goals and watching them create goals that I just knew they wouldn’t hit… SMART or not.

Habits are what get you to your goals. Habits are the repeated patterns that lead you to improvements. Goals are just lofty ideas until you build systems and habits that move you towards them.

A career goal doesn’t happen if you haven’t built solid habits and routines to consistently do your current job well.

A diet weight is a goal you want to hit. A habit of regular exercise and a habit of eating well are what get you there.

Goals are important, but it’s the habits you create that get you to those goals.

An attitude of gratitude

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Sometimes the universe sends you the message you need to hear. I was listening to my meditation app this morning and it asked me to think of three things I’m grateful for. I thought of family, a friend, and my body. The first two are obvious. I thought of my body because only a year ago I was waking up in agonizing pain every day, and now I’m in such a better place.

The meditation ended suggesting an ‘attitude of gratitude’, and my mind drifted to a Facebook post from my friend and former professor, Al Lauzon. He shared this beautiful post of appreciation, which ended with,

“…I look out the window and see the blue sky and the nakedness of local deciduous trees, I feel an overwhelming emotional response. Despite the challenges we collectively face, the world is both a beautiful and mysterious place and for that I am filled with gratitude. Perhaps take a couple of minutes today and look so that you too might feel the gratitude I do as you take in the beauty and mystery of the place we are privileged to call home.”

It’s easy to forget the beauty of the world, to take for granted the things and the people we should value and appreciate. It’s also easy to frame your thinking around gratitude… to take a minute , or five, to appreciate that we are sentient beings in a vast universe filled mostly with emptiness, and that conscious thought is a rare and beautiful gift. A gift given to only our species for thousands and perhaps millions of light years in every direction.

We are alive, we are on a beautiful planet, with beautiful people. There is a lot around us to appreciate, to enjoy, to delight in. An attitude of gratitude costs nothing, but the rewards are tremendous.

Ego in the way

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This is one of the most enjoyable graduation addresses that I’ve ever heard. Rick Rigsby’s “Lessons from a third grade dropout” shares some wonderful insights with a delivery that leaves you wanting more.

Two ‘truth bombs’ that he delivers are the following quotes:

“Ego is the anesthesia that deadens the pain of stupidity.”

And,

“Pride is the burden of a foolish person.”

I see it more and more, people’s egos and their pride get in the way of many things ranging from being a lifelong learner, to being a decent human being. Rick got to experience the wisdom of a 3rd grade dropout who was one of the smartest people he knew. That’s a gift, an opportunity for insight.

We often see social media posts where someone mistreats or underestimates a person with lower social stature, and then learns the errors of their ways when this person is smarter or more helpful than expected… or that ‘lowly’ person outwits the more affluent or pompous person.

This ‘underdog as hero’ message is prevalent in movies too.

The other message in these stories is ‘don’t be a jerk’.

Despite all these social media and movie ‘lessons’ we see shared, there seems to be no shortage of egotistical and pride filled people in the world. In fact many people think you need this to be great. Where would some of the most noted (and notorious) athletes, movie stars, and politicians be without there inflated egos? You don’t get attention when you are selfless. Maybe you can, and maybe if more people did, this would trend more, and the big egos would get less attention. Maybe.

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But there’s a lot more to this speech than just those two quotes. There are also valuable lessons on failure.

“Wisdom will come to you from the unlikeliest of sources. A lot of times from failure. When you hit rock-bottom, remember this: while you’re struggling, rock-bottom can also be a great foundation on which to build, and on which to grow.

I’m not worried that you’ll be successful, I’m worried that you won’t fail from time to time. The person that gets up off the canvas and keeps growing, that’s the person that will continue to grow their influence.”

Truth.

Watch the video and enjoy this inspirational speech.

James Clear on hats, haircuts, and tattoos

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I love this! James Clear has a weekly email, 3-2-1 Thursday, with 3 ideas from him, 2 quotes, and one question. I have shared this a few times because I think this weekly email is one of the only subscriptions I read every single time I get it.

A couple weeks ago this was one of the items from him:

“I think about decisions in three ways: hats, haircuts, and tattoos.

Most decisions are like hats. Try one and if you don’t like it, put it back and try another. The cost of a mistake is low, so move quickly and try a bunch of hats.

Some decisions are like haircuts. You can fix a bad one, but it won’t be quick and you might feel foolish for awhile. That said, don’t be scared of a bad haircut. Trying something new is usually a risk worth taking. If it doesn’t work out, by this time next year you will have moved on and so will everyone else.

A few decisions are like tattoos. Once you make them, you have to live with them. Some mistakes are irreversible. Maybe you’ll move on for a moment, but then you’ll glance in the mirror and be reminded of that choice all over again. Even years later, the decision leaves a mark. When you’re dealing with an irreversible choice, move slowly and think carefully.”

How often do we think of hat decisions as if they are haircut decisions, or haircut decisions as if they are tattoo decisions? I think that we tend to overdramatize or exaggerate the consequences of small risks or decisions, and this holds us back from a lot of opportunity for adventure, growth, and learning.

Try some different hats on… and don’t worry so much about the ones that don’t fit.

If I never fail…

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I’ve written a lot about failure. Just click the ‘failure‘ tag under this post and you’ll see my most recent thoughts (including this one).

But today I actually share the words of someone else. I saw a video clip of Adam Grant on LinkedIn, where he said the following:

If I never fail, it means I’m not challenging myself. I actually set a goal that I would start at least one project every year that didn’t succeed. And let’s be clear, I’m not aiming for failure. What I’m doing is creating an acceptable zone of failure to know that’s going to motivate some risk-taking and some experimentation and hopefully some growth. If you succeed on 90% of your projects, that should be a hugely successful year. If you succeed on 100%, I think you’re aiming too low.

Brilliant!

This is what I said in a post a few years back, about how even ‘A’ students should have tried at least one epic thing and failed:

Every student will encounter failures later in life, ‘in the real world’, so if we don’t challenge them in school, we have not given them the tools to face adversity later on. The question we have to ask ourselves is, “Are we challenging students enough, so that they are maximizing their learning opportunities?” 

Two sides of the same coin. But I like Adam’s framing of it a lot better than mine. I prefer to think of it as failure brings growth and inspires new experimentation rather than failure prepares you to face even greater failure in the future.

Bad choices

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We all make bad choices. The collective ‘we’ do so in so many categories: Food, exercise, sleep, relationships, procrastination, gaming, social media, alcohol & drugs, even hygiene… Did you know that flossing your teeth can increase life expectancy?

The operative word in ‘bad choice’ is choice. Choice suggests that we have power, we have control, and we can make other choices. That’s easier said than done. It’s easy to skip a workout, to buy a fast food meal, to distract yourself with attention seeking media, and avoid doing something harder, even if it’s better for you.

For me, that’s where my healthy living calendar comes in handy. I can see my progress, and I can see when I’ve made a mistake. I can see the bad habit repeating itself… and I can actually stop it. I’ve missed two daily mediations so far this year. I’ve chosen to take just 2 days off from working out so far (which is still an average of more than 6 days a week). I’ve written every day. I don’t lie to my calendar, and my calendar doesn’t lie to me.

But I have other goals, other good habits that I want to implement, and a few bad habits I want to reduce. I’ve put the dental floss in front of my toothbrush, so I actually have to move it to brush my teeth, but I still don’t floss regularly. I’ve put a mid-week 30 minute time limit on TikTok… my version of watching TV, but I’ll often end up distracted watching similar videos on other platforms. Easy entertainment and also an easy distraction from some of the other things I want to do.

I still make some bad choices. I still distract myself with everything from watching videos to work emails. I still stay up way too late and still get up early to start my routine. I’m writing this late at night, past my bedtime goal. Like I wrote yesterday, the impediment becomes the way. But when I wrote that I made it sound like I had my shit together… I really got the point of the book, and I was living by the quote, “It’s easier to act your way into a new way of thinking, than think your way into a new way of acting.”

However, while it’s easier to act your way, rather than think your way, into doing better things, it’s also easier to embrace the impediment: To live in the status quo and continue to make bad choices. I’m not beating myself up about it, I’m just admitting that it’s hard to change, it’s hard to make good choices when the bad ones are so easy and even attractive. Still, I’m winning a lot of battles. I write every day. I exercise and meditate almost every day. I feel fit, healthy, and even happy. Yeah, I’m still going to make some bad choices, I’m just not going to make really bad choices, and I’m not going to let the bad choices define me. The good things I’m doing are pretty good, and pretty good is a pretty good place to be.