Writing is my artistic expression. My keyboard is my brush. Words are my medium. My blog is my canvas. And committing to writing daily makes me feel like an artist.
Isn’t it strange how we take the people around us for granted sometimes? It’s not intentional or hurtful. It’s not that we are taking advantage of them. We simply don’t recognize how the people around us support us, lift us up, nurture us, look out for us, and most importantly care for us. They are just there, doing what they do as a part of our work or family, and they make us better, make our jobs easier, and show kindness when we need it.
Remember to show your appreciation once in a while. Not because they went out of their way to support you… rather, just for consistently being there.
Imagine a happiness scale from Depressed at the bottom to exhilarated at the top:
– Exhilarated
– Very Happy
– Happy
– Content
– Wanting
– Bored
– Unhappy
– Depressed
I think too many people get stuck expecting most of life to be spent on the high end of that scale and so when everyday life doesn’t meet that expectation, they end up unhappier than they should be… and this can spiral into disappointment and depression.
If you aren’t content with everyday events, then you are left wanting more. If your hobbies and interests only bring you joy when you accomplish something, and not in all aspects of the experience, including the challenges, or prep work, or practice, then the joy is fleeting.
In this TikTok, David Bederman describes ‘the surfer’s mentality‘:
Some people only find joy when riding the wave, and not also the paddling out to catch the wave. Some people compare their daily life to the best life of others shared on Facebook and Instagram. Some people don’t consider a chat with a friend, a laugh at a social media post, or an hour spent lost in an engaging activity as happy times. They perceive happiness as more than that. Happiness is fleeting.
Finding happiness in your everyday life is a way to tip the scale in your favour. A way to spend more time on the upper end of the scale, to not measure yourself as less than happy, wanting more, and feeling like less. Expectation of more than this leads to seeking greater peaks, like holidays, adrenaline rides, and unsustainable nights out of entertainment to pull yourself out of wanting more.
Are you waiting for special moments to be happy, or are you looking for happiness in every day life? Are you comparing yourself to others and what they share publicly, or are you seeking moments in the now that can move your daily life to being content with happy moments interspersed throughout the day?
Because the happiness scale isn’t sustainable if you always desire to move up the scale, that expectation leads you further down the scale more often than not. Instead, the happiness scale is sustainable when you find ways to simply be content, and let happiness find you when you are doing the small things that make life interesting, challenging, enjoyable, playful, and fulfilling.
When I look up, I see the tree that my feet point to:
Although the tree is vertical and I am horizontal, I am cocooned into the hammock and can’t see the ground, so my perspective is that I’m standing and I can just walk along the horizontal tree in front of me. This shifts the entire world 90 degrees. It looks like I can walk the tree plank over the sky. I simply raise my head to see the ground and this perspective just disappears.
In how many ways can we intentionally do this to gain new perspectives on our world?
That person at work or that student at school who you find annoying, what if you knew more about the struggles they face?
That traffic jam slowing you down, what if it was your car that was rear-ended unexpectedly and you were going to have to deal with months of physiotherapy?
That chore you hate doing, what if you found some pleasure in doing it? What if you could also use that time to listen to something interesting while you completed the task?
So many experiences can be more tolerable, interesting, engaging, or enjoyable, simply by changing perspective. The world doesn’t need to shift 90 degrees to achieve this. In fact, the change can be minor, but the experience can be significantly different… Changing our breathing, tilting our head, looking up, listening intently, smiling, seeking rather than settling, questioning rather than accepting. Everything is a matter of perspective, and perspectives are not hard to change, if change is what you seek.
Pull out a ruler and measure how happy you are. Start a stop watch to measure your success. So many people measure success by their ability to achieve goals, but many of these same people reach their goals only to realize the goal wasn’t enough, they need more:
You won a tournament, but you still aren’t world champion.
You made your first million, now you need to make 10 million.
You a ran a personal best time, what’s the next goal?
Target reached? Look ahead to yet another target you haven’t yet achieved.
There’s nothing wrong with trying to be better. Nothing wrong with creating smaller targets on a path to larger targets. It’s good to have goals that push you to be your best. But what happens when you reach a final target? Is there always one more target to add? Is there always one more achievement you haven’t measured up to yet?
Maybe. And that’s ok, because that drive is what makes you so successful. But what does success feel like? Is it a sense of achievement or a sense of never being enough? When you hit a critical target on your journey ‘to’ success does the celebration feel great, or empty?
Who helped you along the way. You did you hurt or lose along the way? How much do these other people matter? How much of your time was focussed on your targets versus the people that helped you reach them? What else did you have to sacrifice?
Is success measured by what you did, or how you feel about it, or how others perceive you? What does success look like and feel like to you? How do you measure success?
How long does it last?
Who else benefited?
Where does happiness or fulfillment fit in? What achievements really matter? And how do you really measure these things?
Take a moment and celebrate where you are right now. Maybe, just maybe, success is reaching a point where you don’t have to do more to feel good? Maybe, just maybe, success is not a destination you haven’t yet reached… because if every measure of success has another target ahead of it, you’ll never feel successful enough. I may or may not know you, but I’m willing to bet you deserve more than that. If you don’t feel successful, maybe you are measuring the wrong things.
“I feel like the greatest human need is people want to feel seen. But really when it comes down to it, what I’ve also noticed is that the opposite of depression isn’t happiness, it’s purpose. And so somehow when we help other people feel seen, and we give that to other people, that’s like the greatest feeling and then you do feel seen.”
A lightbulb went off in my head when I heard, “The opposite of depression isn’t happiness, it’s purpose.”
Happiness is fleeting. It doesn’t sustain itself, not like depression can. Happiness isn’t a formidable foe to depression. But purpose is. Purpose can be maintained, and sustained. Purpose doesn’t dissipate when something goes wrong, like happiness does. Purpose forces you to look forward, to look ahead, to see promise beyond the moment.
Have you ever noticed that sometimes it feels like the days slip by. You follow a routine filled only with preparing for work, work, preparing and eating meals, your commute, and preparing for the next day? Sometimes there is a thin line between existing and living. This line separates what feels like a Groundhog Day from some simple things that make life great.
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Crossing the Thin Line
A genuine laugh.
A shared smile.
A deep conversation.
A thoughtful contemplation.
A short walk.
A long reflective pause.
A delicious lunch.
A worthy cause.
A kind gesture.
A little surprise.
A random purchase.
A twinkle in someone’s eye.
It can be internally driven, it can be externally motivated.
It can be deliberately sought after, it can be accidentally activated.
It’s not a chasm to cross, just a simple fine line… Between a day lost simply existing, and a life sublime.
We have a student at our school with the most delightful laugh. She spends her day in the classroom across from our office and she finds many times during the day to share that laugh. My office staff have told me that the same students have to stay in that room, Room 8, next year, because they want to keep this student close (our other classrooms are quite far from the office). While this won’t work with our planning, I totally agree with them.
Isn’t it amazing how influential and powerful a wonderfully contagious laugh is? It makes us happy just to hear her, we don’t even know why she is laughing most times, and it doesn’t matter.
And for those wondering how there is ‘room’ in the day to hear so much laughter, the students in this class are working independently for about 30% of the day, and for up to 3/4’s of that time there might not be a teacher directly in that class… so is this student off task? About 90-95% of the time, I’d say ‘no’. How do I know this? Because this student and all the peers that sit around her get their work done on time and do a great job. Their report cards are great, and the presentations they do are outstanding. And when I randomly visit the class, I catch them on task rather than off task. They have created a culture where being self-directed learners is fun, and where laughter is part of their learning experience.
We are going to have to really appreciate the laughter this month, as the year comes to a close. We can’t keep this class in this room when they will be collaborating and taking senior courses with the grade above them next year. But I’m willing to bet we will miss and talk about that laugh next year… and when we do hear it, we will reminisce about the year of laughter in Room 8.
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As a fun aside, this is the same student that called me ‘The Big Shebang‘.
It always seems to be one or the other, (read the parable below). This truly is the secret to happiness. I read The Alchemist a half a life ago, but this parable has never really left my thoughts. I’m going to listen to the audio version again this year, in fact, I have an Audible credit and think I’ll get it after posting this.
Also, if you read the parable below and want to read the book, I’ll buy it for the first 3 people that contact me. It will be my pleasure to share this book with you.
A merchant sent his son to learn the Secret of Happiness from the wisest of men. The young man wandered through the desert for forty days until he reached a beautiful castle at the top of a mountain. There lived the sage that the young man was looking for.
However, instead of finding a holy man, our hero entered a room and saw a great deal of activity; merchants coming and going, people chatting in the corners, a small orchestra playing sweet melodies, and there was a table laden with the most delectable dishes of that part of the world.
The wise man talked to everybody, and the young man had to wait for two hours until it was time for his audience.
The Sage listened attentively to the reason for the boy’s visit, but told him that at that moment he did not have the time to explain to him the Secret of Happiness.
He suggested that the young man take a stroll around his palace and come back in two hours’ time.
“However, I want to ask you a favor,” he added, handling the boy a teaspoon, in which he poured two drops of oil. “While you walk, carry this spoon and don’t let the oil spill.”
The young man began to climb up and down the palace staircases, always keeping his eyes fixed on the spoon. At the end of two hours he returned to the presence of the wise man.
“So,” asked the sage, “did you see the Persian tapestries hanging in my dining room? Did you see the garden that the Master of Gardeners took ten years to create? Did you notice the beautiful parchments in my library?”
Embarrassed, the young man confessed that he had seen nothing. His only concern was not to spill the drops of oil that the wise man had entrusted to him.
“So, go back and see the wonders of my world,” said the wise man. “You can’t trust a man if you don’t know his house.”
Now more at ease, the young man took the spoon and strolled again through the palace, this time paying attention to all the works of art that hung from the ceiling and walls.
He saw the gardens, the mountains all around the palace, the delicacy of the flowers, the taste with which each work of art was placed in its niche. Returning to the sage, he reported in detail all that he had seen.
“But where are the two drops of oil that I entrusted to you?” asked the sage.
Looking down at the spoon, the young man realized that he had spilled the oil.
“Well, that is the only advice I have to give you,” said the sage of sages.
“The Secret of Happiness lies in looking at all the wonders of the world and never forgetting the two drops of oil in the spoon.”
~ from the book“The Alchemist”
I’m re-watching the Matrix 20 minutes a day. I hop on my exercise bike and start watching where I left off the day before. There is a lot to enjoy in this cult classic film. I forgot about the metaphor of the human race as a virus rather than a mammal. When you look at the way we spread, destroying our host (world), it’s a brilliant comparison.
But the moment I love most is the choice Neo has to take the red or blue pill. Discover the truth and never be able to return, or return to ‘normal life’ oblivious to even having made the choice… go back and live in the matrix.
How many of us spend time stuck in the matrix? Wake up, go to work, come home, eat, watch entertainment on tv or our phones, go to sleep, wake up… repeat. I remember a friend telling me about his life after high school. He got a good job in a factory and him and two buddies would work, go home, have an early dinner, go to his friend’s house, get high, and just hang out. Weekends were just longer times of being high. He did this for almost 5 years before going to university and he describes these as his ‘wasted years’. No new life experiences, no memories to cherish, nothing but a blur of wasted time.
I remember when the kids were young and my wife and I were working full time. A month would go by where all we did was work and ‘feed and water’ the kids. We were coping, we were managing our lives, we weren’t ‘living’. It wasn’t always like that, we have some wonderful memories from that time, but we certainly had periods in the early years of having two kids where that was our reality.
I wonder how many people are living in that kind of world right now? The ‘wasted months’ or ‘wasted years’. Going through the daily motions of surviving and coping, but not really living. Consumed by the rat race. Here is a brilliant short movie Happiness, that shares exactly what I’m trying to describe about existing, but not really living, in the matrix.
