Writing is my artistic expression. My keyboard is my brush. Words are my medium. My blog is my canvas. And committing to writing daily makes me feel like an artist.
I spent almost the entire day on the couch. I watched the NCAA Women’s Championship basketball game, the first full sports event I’ve seen on television in years. I slept. I left my phone charging away from me a good part of the day. I slept some more.
I finally got off the couch and got on the treadmill at 5:30pm, and I’m back on it an hour and a half later writing this. Now the day wasn’t a total waste, I had a great Zoom conversation with my uncle early this morning. And I had a bit of work that needed to happen, but beyond that the day was spent on the couch doing nothing.
Normally I’d look at this day and think of the time on the couch as wasted. But not today. I’ve had very little sleep the last few weeks thanks to a back and shoulder issue. I’ve felt like I haven’t been running on all cylinders, and I needed some flake out time.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’d like to get back to doing a whole lot of nothing for at least a couple more hours. Maybe I’ll end the evening with a hot tub. Guilt free pleasures on a Sunday night. And I have no regrets for taking the time to do not much of anything… completely guilt free.
In the last 3 nights I’ve seen my daughter in the musical Carrie, a Broadway Across Canada presentation of Pretty Woman the Musical, and my daughter again in her final performance of Carrie.
I was reminded of the Konstantin Stanislavski quote: “There are no small parts, only small actors”. A stage performance requires every actor to play their part big or small. When they all do, the performance shines.
How many people are there where we play a small role in their lives? Are we playing small but important roles? Or are we just small actors? I think we have the choice to do either… and while it may not seem like a big role to us, it can be for the others we have a role with.
I feel like in the last 5-10 years i’ve seen a shift in how time and attention are spent. Distractions are everywhere, especially in our phones that are almost always within reach. Distractions take time. Distractions draw our attention. But what about when we aren’t distracted?
When phones with on demand social media, streaming movies and series, and time sucking games or scrolling are not what we are doing, what then? Are we being efficient? Are we dedicating time to the right things, the things we say are the priorities in our life? And when we do spend this time, are we doing so with our full attention?
That’s the key question: when I’m giving of my time, am I also giving of my full attention?
What, and more importantly who, deserves your full attention?
It’s hard to grasp the idea that when we look at a star, we are looking at that star from an era long ago. Even when we look at our own sun, we only see it as it was 8 minutes ago, because that’s how long the light takes to get to us. The closest star to us is Proxima Centauri at 4.25 light years away. When we see the light from this star we are seeing it as it shone 4.25 years ago.
When we look at the night sky, we are looking at a history of the universe, with each distant star sharing a different part of its past with us.
We look at people who are close to us in the same way. We don’t just see them, we see our past with them. We see the last time we met. Did we get along or did we have a conflict? Did we create a fond memory or did we face a problem? Did we grow closer together or does the distance from our last meeting make us feel farther apart?
In a way, relationships can be like distant stars, fading into the past unless we make an effort to see people in a new light. Because our connection to people comes from the way we look at our previous interactions, our history together. This is all we have until we shed new light on one another. Glimpses of history that tell stories… be they stories of our universe or stories of friendship. In both cases we are looking at our past to make sense of our future.
Yesterday we took our students bowling. Our PAC, Parent Advisory Council, paid for the event. With my back issues I didn’t bowl, but it was great to see students and staff having a fun afternoon together.
Bowling is a fun sport where students are a lot more equalized in skill than many other sports. Most people don’t know how to bowl well, and while athleticism can help, being athletic doesn’t make you a good bowler.
For us, it’s an affordable, fun event and the bowling alley is a 5 minute walk from our school so there’s no transportation costs. I wish I got to participate, but it was still great to see students having fun in a completely different context. Sometimes we can take school too seriously, and forget that kids are still kids. An event like this is a good reminder.
I’m waking up between 3 and 4am with back and shoulder pain. It’s wearing me out. I had a great Physio session yesterday. I felt wonderful afterwards. I enjoyed a hot tub before bed, and I felt pretty good going to sleep. Then the ache creeps in.
I’ve suffered back pain for most of my life, but it’s usually muscular in nature and a good deep massage is all I need to make things better. This nerve/shooting pain is different. It sits in my brain as a constant distraction, with spikes of discomfort that consume my thoughts. Still, in the daytime I can handle it. I can stay distracted with work, I can pay attention to other things.
But at night anything I do to distract myself also keeps me up. I end up being too comfortable to sleep and so I get up. I try meditation, I try to focus on my breathing, and then I resort to looking at my phone or listening to music. What I don’t do is sleep enough.
Napping in the daytime just makes me less tired at night then I go to bed too late. I’ve got to break this cycle soon. It’s really getting to me. I think that’s obvious by how much I’ve written about it recently… I can’t help it when it’s the main thing on my mind.
I am fascinated by the US Congress hearings about banning TikTok. This speaks of how political issues are today. I don’t know enough about TikTok’s measures to ensure privacy of information but listening to the CEO, it sounds like they are doing what needs to be done and that is as much or more than Meta/Facebook.
Then there is the banning of books, and of drag Queen shows, that are both politically and religiously motivated. Meanwhile, some of the language of the book bans make the Bible a book that could be banned. As well, people protesting the drag show ban are bringing up current statistics of sexual abuse cases including many from the clergy and none from drag queens.
Each of these concerns are based on trying to block influence. These are concerns that come from fear, and lack of knowledge. They are about addressing politically and socially charged concerns and magnifying the fear of ‘outside’ influence.
Fear used to be battled with information, know more about the actual threat, and understand the enemy. Now information isn’t enough. The data is always interpreted and skewed so much that there really isn’t an opportunity to address the fear in a meaningful way. So instead ban, block, and legislate, not because it’s the best thing to do, but because it’s easy to implement.
It’s humerus to me that the approach of government is to limit the freedoms of citizens in the name of protecting them. But the same government that is protecting its citizens in these ways doesn’t increase health care or gun safety… two major concerns that affect the wellbeing of many US citizens.
Is it just me that doesn’t understand how politics can be so driven to address the concerns of a few? In the end I’m left wondering, ‘Who benefits?’ I’m not guessing it’s the typical citizen. No, there are political agendas at stake that have very little to do with people, and a lot more to do with money and/or politics.
The big question is, who has the political clout to address these concerns? Banning books, drag shows, social media apps, and although not mentioned yet, abortions… I ask again, ‘Who benefits?’ Because that seems to matter much more than the actual concerns.
It’s hard to believe I’m back to work tomorrow. I just wish I was running on all cylinders. My back and arm have been bugging me for weeks now and when the pain hits it’s all I can really think about. I have such incredible empathy for anyone who has to deal with pain every day. I know I’ll get through this and move back to normal, but for some people chronic pain is something they can expect every day.
The challenge for me is that unlike my usual back pain this is a pinched nerve and I’m getting referral pain causing my arm to ache. When it aches, that’s all I can really think about. It sits with me, both physically and mentally, taking up bandwidth in my brain.
My energy levels go way down and so does my ability to deal with things other than the discomfort I’m feeling. Today was a wasted day. I’d hoped to get a head start in things but I just didn’t have it in me. I have a Physio appointment set for after school tomorrow, I just hope the day goes better than today.
I’m reminded that I don’t look any different than I would if I wasn’t dealing with this pain and that’s something to remember when I’m at school… ready or not, students and staff will be showing up tomorrow, and some of them won’t be at their best, just like I might not be. We don’t always know the pain people are carrying, physically or emotionally. And that’s worth remembering even when I’m feeling great.
I’m back in Vancouver and went for my 8am walk with my buddy, Dave, up the Coquitlam Crunch this morning. It was slushy midway up and snowing at the top. Later in the day it snowed at my house.
Now, at shortly after 5pm, it’s gorgeous, sunny, and warm. It’s a beautiful spring day. That’s what you get in the Pacific North West near the mountains.
There are days when I’m scraping the frost off of my car in the morning, windshield wipers are going full speed at lunch due to rain, and I’ve got the air conditioner on or windows down in the late afternoon. I’m don’t know if I’ll ever get used to this wacky weather, it’s like experiencing completely different days within one day. It’s just wacky!
In the satirical mockumentaryThis is Spinal Tap there is a hilarious scene where the guitarist explains that their very special amps are louder and better because unlike all other amps that have a maximum setting of 10, these go to 11.
While I find this funny, I have noticed a troubling trend recently where issues that are minor in concern are elevated beyond what they should be. In other words, a problem that should be a 3/10 or even 5/10 concern gets addressed as if it’s an 11/10.
This is most obvious on social media. In the past few months I’ve seen silly issues like getting the wrong order at a fast food restaurant, or a dispute over a parking space, or neighbours not being neighbourly, all leading to confrontations that far exceed what should have been appropriate for the level of concern. Now, I recognize that in some cases the concerns are legitimate and deserving of escalating, for example if the issue is related to hate crimes, racism, or bigotry, so strictly speaking, I’m talking about minor issues that get exaggerated into issues far bigger than necessary.
This is something I’ve noticed which has significantly increased since the pandemic. The ramifications are that every little issue or concern becomes a big concern. This is harmful in a couple ways. First of all, the stress of making things bigger than they are is hard on everyone… especially for the person that made the mistake who might want to make things better. This is almost impossible online where people are relentlessly attacked for their mistake. A small issue becomes a mountain of concern that can’t be traversed. It could include personal attacks, such as death threats, which are far worse than the original transgression.
Secondly, when the response is the same whether it’s a person making a bad decision on their worst day or a bigoted jerk intentionally being hurtful, the idea that both of these are attacked with equal vitriol waters down the response to the truly awful act. Vigilante justice handed out without discrimination makes the response more about harming than helping the situation.
Not every issue is an 11/10. When issues are that concerning, they deserve being handled as such. But in many, many cases a small issue deserves a small response, and escalating the issue as if it’s far bigger than it is only makes the whole situation worse. Worse not just for the transgressor, but for the person who feels harmed. We need nuance when dealing with concerns. We also need to consider the impact of negative responses.
Here are two examples:
1. A well known Tiktok food critic disagrees with another food critic and while he does this respectfully, his (so called) fans proceed to attack the other food critic with negative comments and also give the restaurant hundreds of negative reviews, even though they never visited the place themselves.
2. A teacher tried to do a do a culturally based art project and a parent didn’t find it appropriate. The parent reacts on social media and the post goes viral with millions of views. The next day the parent addresses the concerns with the teacher, who was not only apologetic, but as the parent suggests in a follow up video, the teacher was gracious, thoughtful, and open for feedback. However this update did not go viral and only a few thousand people watched it, unlike millions who saw the upset rant.
It’s one thing when these negative responses are online, and still another when they are in person. Everything doesn’t need to be an 11/10. Save those for the kinds of things that deserve a serious response. And, address smaller issues in less public ways with more opportunity for an appropriate response that isn’t elevated and likely to cause harm as much as bring about a solution.
A 3/10 issue isn’t going to be resolved because it’s treated like an 11/10, and is far more likely to have negative consequences if it is elevated to that level.
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Somewhat Related: Last May I wrote a post about how when asking someone to rank something on a scale of 1-10, tell them, “You can’t pick 7“.
