Tag Archives: Life Lessons

Good advice at the wrong time

“Good advice at the wrong time is bad advice. 

Life is full of seasons and each season has different requirements. 

Know what season you are in, and you can better identify which ideas to utilize.” – James Clear

The first line in this quote really hit me!

“Good advice at the wrong time is bad advice.“

My immediate thought was parenting, and then I thought of teaching. You know when a kid screws up and you ask, “What were you thinking?” Well, pretty much anything you say after that, no matter how good, will not be appreciated or learned from. At this point one of two things is happening in the kid’s brain: Either they have already got your point and now you are rubbing it in, or they’ve switched off.

Ever get in an argument with someone you love and live with? When you are right, and you know that they know you are right, is that enough to let it go? Do you let it go?

When advice, lessons, corrections… no matter how wise… are tossed around at the wrong time, how effective is it?

“Good advice at the wrong time is bad advice.“

Internal batteries

You are really excited. A friend you haven’t seen in years is coming into town, and you can’t wait to connect. Three hours before the visit you get a phone call, your friend is very apologetic, but can’t make it today. A future date is set, but the gas is gone from your talk and you feel sad, even defeated, for the rest of the day.

—

You are upset. You just had an disagreement with a friend. You are stuck in your head, wondering how the conversation could have been better, but you aren’t thinking clearly. Anger, upset, and disappointment drain you. Then the friend calls. You suddenly feel better, you realize your faults in the earlier exchange and start to apologize, but you are interrupted by an apology offered by your friend. The conversation ends and you feel great, your tank is full and you are full of energy.

—

In neither of these cases did you add more energy into the system, you didn’t eat, you didn’t increase your heart rate and tap another energy system stored in your body. No, you just changed your perspective … or rather you had it changed for you.

Maybe sometimes we should spend a bit of thought, time, and energy changing our own perspective.

This time of year people get gifts where ‘Batteries aren’t included’, but your batteries are always there, and you’ve got the means to charge them anytime. And even if you feel you can’t, you probably know someone that can help. It doesn’t matter where the charge comes from, what matters is knowing that the battery tanks are there, and they can be filled at any time.

“It’s not what happens, it’s what you do that makes the difference.”

Sometimes all you need to do is change your perspective.

🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! May these times bring you a much needed battery charge… enjoy the time with your family.

Either-Or-And

Sometimes we make things an ‘Either/Or’ when it is actually easy to be an ‘And’. This morning was a simple example: one daughter wanted pancakes, the other wanted French Toast. To do both was just a few minutes extra prep.

Two eggs, a bit of milk, some garlic powder and black pepper mixed together and the French toast was prepped. Then quickly make the pancake batter while the large electric frying pan heated up with some oil. Then it doesn’t really matter if I’m flipping pancakes or French toast, and both meals are ready at the same time.

This is just a simple example, but it speaks to the idea that sometimes we don’t have to choose between two options, we can do them both. We can eat healthy and enjoy our food. We can be busy and also take care of our health. We can do a good job at work and find time to spend with family.

We don’t have to create as many dichotomies as we do… we can be more thoughtful and we can think in terms of ‘and’ rather than ‘either/or’.

The 65 percent that makes it happen

I’ve been up for almost an hour and a half. On a regular work day, I would have written this post, meditated, and would be at least half-finished my workout. I’m still lying down with my phone in my hand. I barely have time to write this before heading out to archery (which is good because this is another healthy living goal that I have), But dang, this messes my day up. I’ll need to set a timer for tonight or I’ll forget to meditate. And I don’t know if I’ll have time to work out.

Before imbedding these habits into my work days, I used to only work out regularly during the holidays and would always stop my good routines during my ‘busy times’… and I seemed to get busy a lot! Now I know that my morning routine prepares me for a good day, and sets me up for success during my busiest of times. Then a get on holidays and my routines all fall apart.

This no longer works for me. I need to update my thinking and my habits and routines on my breaks. Saying this ‘out loud’ is a first step, but follow through is important. If I’m occasionally going to skip a workout, that’s ok. If I’m going to miss a morning workout and think about trying to make it up all day, that’s annoying and not very restful. I’m not on holidays from my healthy living goals, and I don’t want to be.

Knowing this isn’t half the battle, it’s the first 10% of the battle. Committing to a routine is the next 65% of the battle… that’s the real work. And the last 25%? That’s the effort put into the routine, and that’s allowed to fluctuate. Committing the time and getting there, that’s the work that brings the rewards… and lets me start my day in a positive way, whether I’m working or on holidays.

Where are my keys?

My wife and I are constantly asking questions like this since we started our main floor renovation. We usually have our spots for things as we enter the door and those spots have been replaced by plywood and empty rooms. This morning it was, “Where’s my wallet?”

But as I internally asked myself that question, I wondered whose voice do I here and who am I asking? Do I really need to verbalize that question to myself? Yes, I do. But why?

Our minds are fascinating. And they don’t come with a user guide. One important thing that I’ve learned about it though is that minds are powerful answering machines. My mind may not know where my keys or my wallet are, but it immediately starts to think of a possible answer when I ask.

So are we asking the right questions? I’m not sure we are most of the time?

Why do I always lose my keys?

Why do these things always happen to me?

What’s wrong with me?

Why me?

Ask and ye shall receive. Seek and ye shall find.

Ask the wrong questions, and your amazing brain will do its job and find you an answer.

So, are you asking your brain empowering questions, or are you asking it questions that undermine you, and give you reason to believe you deserve less, are worthless, (worth less)?

What did I do with my keys after I came through the front door?

What will make this situation better?

What can I ask myself, so that my brain gives me a worthy and self-enriching answer?

It’s time to find the key.

—

Crossing the Thin Line

Have you ever noticed that sometimes it feels like the days slip by. You follow a routine filled only with preparing for work, work, preparing and eating meals, your commute, and preparing for the next day? Sometimes there is a thin line between existing and living. This line separates what feels like a Groundhog Day from some simple things that make life great.

—

Crossing the Thin Line

A genuine laugh.

A shared smile.

A deep conversation.

A thoughtful contemplation.

A short walk.

A long reflective pause.

A delicious lunch.

A worthy cause.

A kind gesture.

A little surprise.

A random purchase.

A twinkle in someone’s eye.

It can be internally driven, it can be externally motivated.

It can be deliberately sought after, it can be accidentally activated.

It’s not a chasm to cross, just a simple fine line… Between a day lost simply existing, and a life sublime.

The most powerful paradoxes of life

I just read this thread of tweets by Sahil Bloom and it needs to be shared! Click on the tweet and read them all. More than one will speak to you. These are indeed paradoxes that you will have experienced and understood intuitively at some point in your life.

Beyond that, I’ll let them speak for themselves:

Pause and think

A few days ago a quote was said in my morning meditation,

“Mindfulness is a pause – The space between stimulus and response: That’s where choice lies.” ~ Tara Brach

It’s amazing how seldom we give ourselves the time and space to pause, especially when we are making decisions. We feel the urge to respond, to fix, to appease, to vent, to impose, and most of all to decide… without a lot of thought, without reflection, and without hesitation… without being mindful.

“Let me think about that.”

“I’m not sure, give me a bit of time.”

“Let me ask a few people how they’ve handled situations like this.”

“I’ll get you an answer by the end of the day.”

Often a thoughtful delay brings a far better response than a knee-jerk reaction. Gut instinct can work, but our gut need not be the default decision-maker, when contemplation can provide us with insights not immediately available to us.

Sometimes a slow and thoughtful response can help things settle down a bit and reduce the tension or the anxiety around addressing the actual problem, rather than creating more problems by dealing with the symptoms of an issue and not the underlying problem itself… a problem that would be easy to solve, if we just allowed ourselves a little time to think.

A short clip on kindness

Take a couple minutes out of your day and enjoy this story by @therichb on TikTok: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZM8xFUYDm/

It’s amazing how small acts of kindness can spread joy, not just for the person receiving the kindness, but for the giver as well… even if it’s done without recognition.

Here’s another video to make your day:

Spread love and kindness, it’s good for you!

We live in a time warp

When you are 10, 5 years is half a lifetime. 10 years is half your life at 20, and 20 years is half your life at 40.

By the time you hit 40, your first 20 years are a distant memory, and you remember choice moments, but you don’t remember those years like when you were younger. The distance in time causes you to lose your ability to hold on to old memories. You can’t hold an ever accumulating amount of memories, and so some fade away. So time stretches the past into a distance too far to see everything.

Meanwhile, 1 year at 10 used to be 1/10 of your life. A year at 20 is 1/20th of your life and a year at 40 is 1/40th of your life. Each year, the lengths of a year as compared to the rest of your life diminishes. So time also shrinks the future while it stretches the past. We live in a time warp, and time goes by faster every day.

Sometimes it’s good to reflect on this, if only just to appreciate the fleeting moments in a day, and know that unless we appreciate the time we have, we can only appreciate the memories that we know will fade away.