Tag Archives: attitude

Silver lining vs grey cloud

I recently wrote this in a comment on LinkedIn, in response to my post, ‘Cruise ships and education‘:

“…the pandemic also has many thinking about coping and not thriving, being safe and not being creative.”

The pandemic has opened the door to look at things differently, but a year into this, my creative juices have slowed. I think about ideas and I see roadblocks. I tell students they can’t do things because of safety, rather than trying to get to ‘Yes’. I hold off on interesting projects that would add things to other’s plates. I feel my excitement wane when I get together for another online meeting, even if I like the topic of discussion.

I feel that opportunity is meeting fatigue. There is a saying that every grey cloud has a silver lining… but some grey clouds hide that silver lining. Sometimes the rain doesn’t even let you see the clouds. Right now the metaphorical rains are pouring for me. I’m getting work done, but I’m not thriving at work. I’m exercising regularly, but I’m going through the motions, in maintainance mode, rather than pushing myself. I’m writing daily, but I’m not getting lost in the creative act. I’m listening to a book, but not feeling like I’m enjoying it, and bouncing to podcasts that I’d normally love, but find my mind wondering, unfocused as I listen.

On Monday there was great news about how fast the vaccine would be coming to all Canadians that want it. It should have been exciting news, but I find myself doubting the timelines. In all honesty, I don’t know if I’m truly doubtful based on facts, or if I need to be doubtful because it would be painful to see that silver lining ahead of me and then be crushed that it does not come to fruition. I’d rather be pleasantly surprised than devastatingly disappointed.

“…the pandemic also has many thinking about coping and not thriving, being safe and not being creative.”

‘Many’ includes me. I’m seeing a lot of grey and not a lot of silver right now. I need to give myself permission to be in maintenance mode… To focus on caring for myself and those around me, and not beat myself up for coping rather than thriving.

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Postscript: I read this (long but well worth reading) article after writing the post above, and it struck a cord with me:

5 Pandemic Mistakes We Keep Repeating

…especially this part:

One thing that I didn’t balance with my thoughts above is that there are so many people who have handled this pandemic poorly, including those leading us, that in a way ‘coping’ is succeeding. We aren’t just fighting the pandemic, we are fighting misinformation, ignorance, and leadership choosing to follow the science only as far as political and economic agendas will allow… all clouds that hide the silver lining (and the hope for it).

My goal is to see some normalcy in early 2022. Anything before that isn’t just silver, it’s gold!

Going for walks

The best part of this whole pandemic has been that I have been outside on walks far more that I have in years. Just got back from the usual 5k walk I take with my wife, and we also did a masked walk with a couple, who are close friends, last night. There is something cathartic about walking and talking. Equally so, walking alone and thinking, or even listening to music, or a podcast or an audio book. I don’t know why walks are so enjoyable, but they make me feel great.

Get outside. Go for a walk. So what if it’s dark, take a flashlight or a bike light with you. So what if it’s raining or snowing, wear appropriately dry/warm clothing. So what if you don’t have someone’s go with, walk alone. Whatever the path you may be on, part of it can be walked.

Stop pig wrestling

Like my Papa used to say, “Never wrestle a pig, you both get dirty but the big likes it.”

I’ve shared that quote before and also said, ‘Bad ideas get unwarranted publicity when the battles get messy… and the weak-minded get fuel to oppose good ideas when those with the good ideas act in bad faith. You do not have to ‘turn the other cheek’ but you do have to act in a way that is decent and good, if you want to fight for things that are decent and good.‘

Recently, across many social media platforms, I’ve seen people using the strategy of sharing hurtful, mean, and ignorant comments from internet trolls, and doing one of two things: 1. Calling out the person for being mean (or essentially saying ‘ouch’ or ‘look at this idiot’). Or, 2. Sharing it to launch an attack.

While I get why, and understand that sharing like this can garner sympathy, or feel like a way to vindicate yourself, or attack the attacker… this is a bad idea! It’s pig wrestling.

These people aren’t worth your time. They don’t deserve you, or those who follow you on these platforms, as an audience. Don’t surrender your time and energy to them. They. Aren’t. Worth. It!

Delete the comment, block the idiot.

Let me say that again: You get a rude/mean/nasty comment on a social media post, so what do you do?

1. DELETE 2. BLOCK.

… and move on. They don’t deserve your time; they don’t deserve your attention; they don’t deserve your mental energy. So why give it to them? Why allow them more time in your thoughts than they deserve?

They are pigs. Don’t let them get you dirty just because they like to get dirty. And hey, I get that it’s hard to turn the other cheek sometimes, and if they threaten you in some way, then sure, take it seriously. But most internet trolls are playing a game, they are purposefully trying to engage and enrage you. To steal your time and attention, and to hurt your feelings. The act of mud wrestling with these losers helps them win.

You want to strike back at these mean people making mean comments? Diffuse their energy by not giving them any of yours: Delete. Block. And move on to spend time and energy on people that are better than them.

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Addendum: I’m not suggesting you delete and block people just because they disagree with you, this is only about comments with malice intent. We don’t learn from them but we can learn from people who disagree with us.

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I wrote this a decade ago:

I remember watching The Razor’s Edge years ago. Bill Murray plays Larry Darrell a taxi driver ‘in search of himself’ who at one point serves as an ambulance driver in World War II. His partner/co-attendant Piedmont is a sour man that is bitter and unpleasant.

If memory serves me correctly there are also two wonderfully optimistic, volunteer, British ambulance drivers that work with Larry and Piedmont. In a scene, these two happy-go-lucky ambulance attendants have engine trouble as they attempt to bring injured soldiers to safety while under fire. Stalled, the Brits attempt to repair their ambulance while enemy fire pinpoints their stationary location. Bombs get closer and closer until they blow up the ambulance, killing these two men. Larry is distraught and the bitter Piedmont says a few kind words about how nice these two were and then says, to Larry’s disgust, “They will be forgotten.”

Later, Piedmont is killed (I don’t remember how), and in a monologue Larry talks of this unruly, unkind and cantankerous man and then says, “He will be remembered.”

I was still a teenager when I saw this movie but it has a powerful lasting affect on me. I realized then and there that we tend to pay far more attention to people and things that are negative and annoy us than on the things we should be happy and appreciative about. I’d like to think that this is learned and not human nature. We don’t have to focus on the negative, and we are better people when we don’t.

Putting the work into a workout

Sometimes it’s ok to just go through the motions of a workout. Put your time in and get it done.

Maintenance.

But other times need to be dedicated and focused. Maintenance doesn’t move you forward. Status quo doesn’t invite growth.

Sometimes what needs to be consistent is effort. Sometimes dedication means putting in extra time, extra energy, extra focus.

I guess that I’m not just talking about working out.

Morning Jog

I’ve never been a fan of running. My running joke is that the only reason to run is that the there is someone chasing me… and he’s bigger than me, and angry at me. I’ll run on a treadmill, but only when I’m preoccupied with watching a show or listening to a book or a podcast.

That said, I really enjoyed my run this morning, twice around Alice Lake. I understand the appeal of running, it just hasn’t been something I really enjoy doing. Yesterday I went for a ride, and it was a challenging 10km but I could have easily done another 10km, and I hadn’t even taken water with me.

But this morning I did two laps of the lake and while it wasn’t long or hard, I would have really had to push myself to do a third lap. I’m not a runner, unless you are chasing me, angry, and want to harm me. Could I have kept going? Yes, I just didn’t want to.

That doesn’t mean that I didn’t enjoy my morning jog. That just means that running is not my favourite thing. Could I run faster? Yes, but I won’t. Could I go longer? Yes, but I won’t?

Will I complain about having to run because my options while camping are limited? No. I absolutely enjoyed my morning jog, and I’ll make the most of it next time too.

Some people

Today I had a funny interaction in a store. I was returning an item and an older gentleman decided that the lineup was too big and came along side me to make his purchase at the returns/customer service booth. Although he arrived just after me, I said he could go ahead of me. However Mrs. Persnickety working at Returns wanted to send him back. I was the only other person and I said it was ok, I’d wait. She rolled her eyes and let the old guy go ahead of me. When it was time for him to pay he struggled to find his Visa card and she helped him with another eye roll and an impatient tone.

When it was my turn, she curtly told me, the item had been opened, so I could only get exchange or store credit rather than a refund. I said I’d take a look around for exchange and her response was, ‘it has to be this value’ which I took as not getting store credit if it was less, so I took the store credit before looking to spend it, knowing I wouldn’t have to spend the credit all at once like I thought she was suggesting.

Overall Mrs. Persnickety was curt and a little unpleasant. She seems like one of those people who would be better off not working in the customer service department. Her exchanges with both the older gentleman before me and with me could’ve been a lot nicer with just a little bit of effort.

I went in the store and didn’t see anything to buy, so on the way out I saw that she was not serving anyone and so I asked her a clarifying question. “Is the store credit just for this store or can I use it in British Columbia as well?” I would’ve been happy with either response, if it was only the local store I would give the credit to my parents, and if I could use it across the chain, in BC, then I would take it home with me. Her response was that I can use it in any of the stores in Canada.

Then she asked me where in BC I was from, and started to tell me all the different cities where she had family in BC. We had a nice short conversation about how much she liked going there to visit, and how much she enjoyed the weather there. I said, “I used to live here in Toronto, however I have to say that the humidity is really getting to me this past week.”

She admitted that the heat was really bad this summer, and then said to me, “The worst part about the heat is how grumpy it makes some people.”

I agreed, with a little chuckle, and left the store.

Finding the good in people and in situations

I like to think of myself as an optimistic person. In my job I deal with a lot of students, teachers, parents, and principals. I start these interactions with a simple premise: ‘these are good people, look for the good in them’. When someone is upset, they don’t tend to express that upset well. That’s not a measure of their character, it’s usually circumstantial.

Yes, there are some angry people in the world, but most people are good. Some are more selfish (both knowingly and unknowingly); some are more single minded about certain issues; some feel like there are injustices against them (and some of these are well justified, while others aren’t).

But coming back to people being inherently good, and my usual disposition towards others, I think that I’ve been in a bit of a rut for a while. I know where it comes from, I’ve thought about this a lot. I was stuck in a spot where I was running three schools and always felt like I was letting two of the down, if not all three. I was exhausted. Two years in, I felt like I didn’t want to continue. Then in February I was given a few different responsibilities and one school was taken away from me. It was a sigh of relief. I thought, not only can I do this, but I want to do this (again). Then the pandemic hit and my responsibilities escalated again!

Last week was a bit of a crescendo. On top of my own duties I had to spend a good eight hours on something that fell on my lap. I found myself complaining in front of a teacher and stopped myself. I called a good friend and ranted. Then I asked someone to get me some work to do before Friday when I had support. That work arrived Saturday. It’s done now, and I’ve put in proper supports going forward. But that same good friend checked in on me and I ranted again.Admittedly, ranting to someone in confidence did make me feel better. But it also made me think, why is that now a thing I need to do?

The ‘thing that fell on my lap’, well if I look at it from the outside, my lap made the most sense, and part of the time I had offered up. The ‘work to get to me before Friday’, well the person who asked for it on Saturday is doing his best in a new environment.

These things always happen. The difference that has me upset isn’t about them, it’s about me… and I have the power to change that! Maybe that’s the only thing I can change. I can manifest anger and upset, or I can recognize that people all around me are doing the best they can with the skills they have. I need to reflect on who else I can empower to do some of the things I do. I need to contemplate what I can and should say ‘no’ to. I need to find ways to frame things so that I don’t need to vent as often as I have recently.

It’s not what happens, it’s what you do that makes a difference.

Positive shifts

Recently I’ve seen a lot of companies giving away resources and services for free. There has been a significant shift in thinking about how we are all in this together. This has been spurred by the now over 1.1 million people who have been struck with COVID-19, and the realization that this number is going to rise significantly before we see a slowdown in its spread.

Community members are helping each other. Birthday wishes to strangers are spreading like crazy. People are helping elderly neighbours. There is widespread appreciation for health care workers, and custodial workers that support them, and for people working in grocery stores and jobs like delivery drivers.

When I’m out for a walk, people are politely keeping there distance, but also looking up and acknowledging me. I’m not saying this didn’t happen before, but it’s much more obvious now.

I think things are going to get a bit harder before they get better. I think more than ever we need to be a society that supports the most vulnerable. I think we need to invest more in social services, and find ways to make basic needs more equitable. We have a lot to do to make the world a better place.

But maybe, just maybe, there are enough positive changes happening to shift our world to a better place, after the concerns about the virus decrease and the economy rebounds. These aren’t small things that need to happen, but I like to think that some positive shifts will eventually come from this globally unifying experience.

What becomes of us?

What becomes of an idea unshared? Where do interesting and insightful thoughts go to die? Do they collect in a forgotten part of your brain, or do they just fade away? Can ideas be retrieved and revitalized?

What becomes of a ‘Thank You’ unshared? Does the appreciation diminish, or just the showing of gratitude? Might you be less thankful, having not had the opportunity to make that connection with the person or the kind gesture? Is it too late or can you still express your thanks?

What becomes of feelings of love unshared? Might you feel empty, feel unfilled, or feel less loved? Will the connection be as strong later on? Is it worth your trying to share again?

What becomes of your next mistake? Is it the beginning of a failure, or the launching point of a lesson, a new idea, a different approach? Will the mistake define you, or will your resilience strengthen you?

What becomes of missed opportunities? Do they spur you to seize the next moment, or do they convince you that your misfortune will repeat itself again? Can you create a new opportunity, now?

We decide what we become. We decide how to act, how to react, and how we feel about the choices we make. We can become victims of circumstance, or designers of our own reality. Be bold, be brave, believe in yourself.

Go Fish

Isn’t it funny how we can lack perseverance and grit with some challenges while with others our attitude is completely different?

We can learn a lot about this from fishing hobbyists. Anglers will go to a lake or river and cast for hours with no luck. They will try different lures and techniques, and they will move to different areas, but they won’t give up. And then, if hours later they are packing up, and they still haven’t caught anything, well then it was still a good day.

I’ve heard it said that ‘the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result’. But sometimes we just need to go fishing a little. Maybe some time, patience, and perspective is all we need… Along with the attitude that a little fishing expedition can be fun, even if the immediate results aren’t what we are looking for.