Tag Archives: attitude

Morning Jog

I’ve never been a fan of running. My running joke is that the only reason to run is that the there is someone chasing me… and he’s bigger than me, and angry at me. I’ll run on a treadmill, but only when I’m preoccupied with watching a show or listening to a book or a podcast.

That said, I really enjoyed my run this morning, twice around Alice Lake. I understand the appeal of running, it just hasn’t been something I really enjoy doing. Yesterday I went for a ride, and it was a challenging 10km but I could have easily done another 10km, and I hadn’t even taken water with me.

But this morning I did two laps of the lake and while it wasn’t long or hard, I would have really had to push myself to do a third lap. I’m not a runner, unless you are chasing me, angry, and want to harm me. Could I have kept going? Yes, I just didn’t want to.

That doesn’t mean that I didn’t enjoy my morning jog. That just means that running is not my favourite thing. Could I run faster? Yes, but I won’t. Could I go longer? Yes, but I won’t?

Will I complain about having to run because my options while camping are limited? No. I absolutely enjoyed my morning jog, and I’ll make the most of it next time too.

Some people

Today I had a funny interaction in a store. I was returning an item and an older gentleman decided that the lineup was too big and came along side me to make his purchase at the returns/customer service booth. Although he arrived just after me, I said he could go ahead of me. However Mrs. Persnickety working at Returns wanted to send him back. I was the only other person and I said it was ok, I’d wait. She rolled her eyes and let the old guy go ahead of me. When it was time for him to pay he struggled to find his Visa card and she helped him with another eye roll and an impatient tone.

When it was my turn, she curtly told me, the item had been opened, so I could only get exchange or store credit rather than a refund. I said I’d take a look around for exchange and her response was, ‘it has to be this value’ which I took as not getting store credit if it was less, so I took the store credit before looking to spend it, knowing I wouldn’t have to spend the credit all at once like I thought she was suggesting.

Overall Mrs. Persnickety was curt and a little unpleasant. She seems like one of those people who would be better off not working in the customer service department. Her exchanges with both the older gentleman before me and with me could’ve been a lot nicer with just a little bit of effort.

I went in the store and didn’t see anything to buy, so on the way out I saw that she was not serving anyone and so I asked her a clarifying question. “Is the store credit just for this store or can I use it in British Columbia as well?” I would’ve been happy with either response, if it was only the local store I would give the credit to my parents, and if I could use it across the chain, in BC, then I would take it home with me. Her response was that I can use it in any of the stores in Canada.

Then she asked me where in BC I was from, and started to tell me all the different cities where she had family in BC. We had a nice short conversation about how much she liked going there to visit, and how much she enjoyed the weather there. I said, “I used to live here in Toronto, however I have to say that the humidity is really getting to me this past week.”

She admitted that the heat was really bad this summer, and then said to me, “The worst part about the heat is how grumpy it makes some people.”

I agreed, with a little chuckle, and left the store.

Finding the good in people and in situations

I like to think of myself as an optimistic person. In my job I deal with a lot of students, teachers, parents, and principals. I start these interactions with a simple premise: ‘these are good people, look for the good in them’. When someone is upset, they don’t tend to express that upset well. That’s not a measure of their character, it’s usually circumstantial.

Yes, there are some angry people in the world, but most people are good. Some are more selfish (both knowingly and unknowingly); some are more single minded about certain issues; some feel like there are injustices against them (and some of these are well justified, while others aren’t).

But coming back to people being inherently good, and my usual disposition towards others, I think that I’ve been in a bit of a rut for a while. I know where it comes from, I’ve thought about this a lot. I was stuck in a spot where I was running three schools and always felt like I was letting two of the down, if not all three. I was exhausted. Two years in, I felt like I didn’t want to continue. Then in February I was given a few different responsibilities and one school was taken away from me. It was a sigh of relief. I thought, not only can I do this, but I want to do this (again). Then the pandemic hit and my responsibilities escalated again!

Last week was a bit of a crescendo. On top of my own duties I had to spend a good eight hours on something that fell on my lap. I found myself complaining in front of a teacher and stopped myself. I called a good friend and ranted. Then I asked someone to get me some work to do before Friday when I had support. That work arrived Saturday. It’s done now, and I’ve put in proper supports going forward. But that same good friend checked in on me and I ranted again.Admittedly, ranting to someone in confidence did make me feel better. But it also made me think, why is that now a thing I need to do?

The ‘thing that fell on my lap’, well if I look at it from the outside, my lap made the most sense, and part of the time I had offered up. The ‘work to get to me before Friday’, well the person who asked for it on Saturday is doing his best in a new environment.

These things always happen. The difference that has me upset isn’t about them, it’s about me… and I have the power to change that! Maybe that’s the only thing I can change. I can manifest anger and upset, or I can recognize that people all around me are doing the best they can with the skills they have. I need to reflect on who else I can empower to do some of the things I do. I need to contemplate what I can and should say ‘no’ to. I need to find ways to frame things so that I don’t need to vent as often as I have recently.

It’s not what happens, it’s what you do that makes a difference.

Positive shifts

Recently I’ve seen a lot of companies giving away resources and services for free. There has been a significant shift in thinking about how we are all in this together. This has been spurred by the now over 1.1 million people who have been struck with COVID-19, and the realization that this number is going to rise significantly before we see a slowdown in its spread.

Community members are helping each other. Birthday wishes to strangers are spreading like crazy. People are helping elderly neighbours. There is widespread appreciation for health care workers, and custodial workers that support them, and for people working in grocery stores and jobs like delivery drivers.

When I’m out for a walk, people are politely keeping there distance, but also looking up and acknowledging me. I’m not saying this didn’t happen before, but it’s much more obvious now.

I think things are going to get a bit harder before they get better. I think more than ever we need to be a society that supports the most vulnerable. I think we need to invest more in social services, and find ways to make basic needs more equitable. We have a lot to do to make the world a better place.

But maybe, just maybe, there are enough positive changes happening to shift our world to a better place, after the concerns about the virus decrease and the economy rebounds. These aren’t small things that need to happen, but I like to think that some positive shifts will eventually come from this globally unifying experience.

What becomes of us?

What becomes of an idea unshared? Where do interesting and insightful thoughts go to die? Do they collect in a forgotten part of your brain, or do they just fade away? Can ideas be retrieved and revitalized?

What becomes of a ‘Thank You’ unshared? Does the appreciation diminish, or just the showing of gratitude? Might you be less thankful, having not had the opportunity to make that connection with the person or the kind gesture? Is it too late or can you still express your thanks?

What becomes of feelings of love unshared? Might you feel empty, feel unfilled, or feel less loved? Will the connection be as strong later on? Is it worth your trying to share again?

What becomes of your next mistake? Is it the beginning of a failure, or the launching point of a lesson, a new idea, a different approach? Will the mistake define you, or will your resilience strengthen you?

What becomes of missed opportunities? Do they spur you to seize the next moment, or do they convince you that your misfortune will repeat itself again? Can you create a new opportunity, now?

We decide what we become. We decide how to act, how to react, and how we feel about the choices we make. We can become victims of circumstance, or designers of our own reality. Be bold, be brave, believe in yourself.

Go Fish

Isn’t it funny how we can lack perseverance and grit with some challenges while with others our attitude is completely different?

We can learn a lot about this from fishing hobbyists. Anglers will go to a lake or river and cast for hours with no luck. They will try different lures and techniques, and they will move to different areas, but they won’t give up. And then, if hours later they are packing up, and they still haven’t caught anything, well then it was still a good day.

I’ve heard it said that ‘the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result’. But sometimes we just need to go fishing a little. Maybe some time, patience, and perspective is all we need… Along with the attitude that a little fishing expedition can be fun, even if the immediate results aren’t what we are looking for.

Interrupting a Pattern

Recently, traffic has been getting to me. I know this because I speak out loud to the other drivers, in my car, with my windows rolled up. No chance of them hearing me, thankfully because I’m not being kind.

I didn’t notice my uptake of nasty remarks, my daughter did. “Dad, what’s with you? Chill.”

This reminded me of an event that happened about 25 years ago. I was driving my girlfriend’s car, she was in the passenger seat, and there was construction ahead. I was in the right lane, which was closing, and the cars started to ‘zipper’ into one lane, a car from the other lane followed by a car in my lane, back and forth.

As I approached the end of my lane it became obvious that the driver that should have let me zip in front of him was not going to participate in the established pattern. He kept his front bumper less than an arm’s length from the back bumper of the car in front of him, moving quickly as the car in front moved.

‘What a jerk’, my girlfriend said. She might have used an expletive, and her tone was upset.

I let him ahead of me, not that I really had a choice. And a few feet further we came to a stop due to the construction. At this point, I saw his eyes in the rear view mirror. I waved, gave him a thumbs up with a huge smile, and I dramatically mouthed the words, ‘Thank you’!

He stared at me through the rear view mirror, I repeated: wave, smile, ‘Thank you’. A little further down the road, I saw him look again, I repeated. He rolled down his window and flipped up his middle finger angrily. We laughed, I repeated: wave, smile, ‘Thank you’.

We got through the the construction and as luck would have it, I caught up to him in the reopened right lane. I looked at him through my window, smiling and waving. He clearly said a profanity and gave me a passenger-side middle finger. He was literally steaming red, his face and neck completely flushed. We laughed.

Then he beeped his horn a couple times as he moved ahead and switched into the left turn lane, sticking his left hand out of the car window in a repeated middle finger gesture. I couldn’t hear him, but it looked like he was yelling, and I’m pretty sure what he was saying wasn’t polite.

We laughed, and laughed.

I’ll openly admit that killing him with kindness was not a kind thing to do. We were having a wonderful time, fully at his expense. But it was a valuable lesson for me about how our disposition towards an event can change our experience. My girlfriend and I had a wonderful time laughing at a traffic incident that usually caused us upset.

Now, I don’t want to go around causing others to be upset, but I do need to breath and rethink how I’m coping with traffic. Hopefully my family members won’t be needing to tell me to ‘chill’ again any time soon because I’m throwing nasty commentary towards other drivers.

Here comes the rain again…

Do you remember the song by Annie Lennox?

“Here comes the rain again
Falling on my head like a memory
Falling on my head like a new emotion.”

I’m camping and the forecast for later tonight is for heavy rains. (I’m actually writing this the night before publishing it, so technically I’m talking about last night.) Usually I’ve got tarps perfectly set up to ensure we stay dry, but this site had limited options for tying up the tarps and I’m uncertain how well my set up will hold up to heavy rains. The morning will be damp, but how damp we will have to wait and see!

That said, we live on the wet, west coast of BC, and being on the edge of a rainforest, we are no strangers to rain.

Isn’t it interesting how our perspective on something like rain can be so dependent on our situation. Think of how this can affect our thoughts and actions?

A drizzle of rain can be insignificant on most days, but not at an outdoor wedding.

A short downpour of rain is insignificant in your car, but not so much fun on your bicycle commute to work.

A 75 millimetre downpour of rain at night is insignificant at home, but a much bigger concern in a tent when you haven’t done a good job with your tarps.

However, in the grand scheme of things, we are just talking about getting wet. Be it a sprinkle or drenching, we can get dry again quickly.

So, we have a choice to let the weather dictate our thoughts and actions, or we can recognize that getting wet is not that big of a deal. Either way, here comes the rain again…

What do you see?

When you say that you like nature, do you like viruses, cancer, and decay?

When you say that you enjoy the city, do you enjoy traffic, higher crime rates, and sewage systems?

When you say that you love someone, do you love their idiosyncrasies, failings, and character flaws?

When you say that you are interested in something or someone, what do you see? What do you choose to overlook?

When something or someone bugs you, how much does your disposition affect what you see?

Someone just took the last piece of a cake… are you pissed off that you didn’t get it, or genuinely happy for the friend that did get it? How much does a small decision like that affect your mood? Or your attitude towards your friend? Or your overall happiness in the next hour?

You have incredible power to decide what you see, and to create a universe in your mind based on these decisions.

What are you choosing to see, and what kind of life are you living thanks to these choices?

Beyond Good ~ Seth’s Blog: Moving beyond teachers and bosses

We train kids to deal with teachers in a certain way: Find out what they want, and do that, just barely, because there are other things to work on. Figure out how to say back exactly what they want to hear, with the least amount of effort, and you are a ‘good student.’

We train employees to deal with bosses in a certain way: Find out what they want, and do that, just barely, because there are other things to do. Figure out how to do exactly what they want, with the least amount of effort, and the last risk of failure and you are a ‘good worker.’

via sethgodin.typepad.com

Good enough is not good enough!

So many things about the structure of our schools today promote this… promote the next generation of worker bees who drone on and do ‘what needs to be done’ instead of ‘what’s possible’.

How do we UN-standardize our schools?

It starts with the smallest of points…
“A paragraph ‘needs’ to have 5 sentences.”
… Which produces a class full of mediocre 5 sentence paragraphs.

To the biggest of points…
“I can’t“
… Whether this is a response from a teacher or a student.

As Seth says at the end of his post: “The opportunity of our age is to get out of this boss as teacher as taskmaster as limiter mindset…”

What are our students capable of if we foster their creativity and get tests and curriculum and scheduled blocks and ‘busywork due the next day’ out of the way?

How do we move beyond educators as taskmasters?

Good enough is not good enough!