Community & Friendship

As I head to retirement, I’ve been thinking a bit about community and friendships.

When I think about my friendships I’ve come to the realization that of the friends I keep in contact with regularly, they all date back to my first few years of teaching (25+ years ago) and before (university and high school). It’s a little shocking to realize that I haven’t added very close friends for the second half of my life. I have great friends and am not actively looking for more, but that’s still a surprising thing to recognize.

I have friends I connect with when I go back to Toronto, one friend from university here in BC that I try to see regularly despite our very different lives and schedules, and then my friends I met in my early teaching career. And in thinking about retirement I’m very interested in fostering community among these friends.

When there isn’t a sport or a club that we are all members of, how do we make sure we connect regularly? What do we do to build community. My university buddy and I try to make sure that we have experiences and don’t just meet to reminisce. Another buddy and I do the Coquitlam Crunch weekly and try to work out at least one more time a week together. My wonder is, what else can I do with friends to ensure we build community, and grow together rather than apart?

Bad interviewee

I just listened to one of my favourite podcasters interview a brilliant man, and it was awful. The podcast was:

Eric Weinstein (Ex-Harvard Physicist): The Collapse Has Already Started! Jeffrey Epstein Was A Front! On The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett.

Steven asked some great questions and Eric was intent on not answering any of them directly. In two and a half hours of constantly waiting for it to get better, the interview went nowhere.

If you asked Eric to be interviewed again with the soul intention of derailing the interview, he would be hard pressed to do a better job than this version.

It was so sad. A brilliant man on a meandering rant about how people can’t say what they want to say, and yet all he wanted to say was absolutely nothing meaningful.

That’s 2.5 hours of disappointment I can’t have back. I’ll continue to listen to the DOAC podcast, but I’m really done with trying to listen to Eric Weinstein… which is sad, because I think he has a lot of interesting things to share, but he seemed totally unwilling to do so.

Infrastructure as Afterthought

I sent this in an email to my MLA:

I want to express my concerns over infrastructure in Coquitlam. Specifically, we are seeing considerable growth in already busy corridors: North Road and Como Lake, Ioco Road, Austin Avenue and soon Rocky Point. What used to be single family homes are now multiplex townhouses and highrises. These are already some of the busiest roads in Coquitlam and now we are significantly increasing the density and thus adding a lot more traffic. It seems that supporting this added traffic is an afterthought. 

For example, just east of North Road on Como Lake are two streets, Tyndall and Clearmont, that have added a large number of people going to those streets, and they both lack left turn lanes. This is already a traffic slow down and it will only intensify as projects complete and new residences are added. These are just two examples of how traffic flow in our cities is going to drastically worsen as density increases. I can only imagine how bad traffic will get in the coming years if there isn’t a plan to deal with this sooner rather than later. 

I understand the need for increased density. I just wonder why it always seems that road infrastructure is an afterthought? Sure, you can add bike lanes, and promote public transit, but when you add hundreds or thousand people to a community, roads and infrastructure need to be proactively considered rather than trying to fix this issue as an afterthought.

A good day

Sometimes a day just comes together. Today was one of those days. Good friends, family time, good food. And good moments of solitude.

No big exciting highs or solemn lows, just being present with the people around me, and with myself.

A good day.

Stuck in traffic

I soooo love my 7 minute commute to work! Today I had to drive into town and back, and the 40 minute drive took me almost an hour both ways. Sure I’m only talking about a mere 20 minute addition each way, but that’s 2 hours of driving in traffic.

I was alone and listening to a podcast one way and had company the other way, so it was my boring… but I am spoiled with the fact that I rarely have to drive in heavy traffic and I hated it.

Send me on a 3 hour drive with minimal traffic, no problem. But put me in heavy traffic for an hour and I’m questioning my life choices. I don’t know how people can do this five days a week.

Did I mention how much I like my work commute? I feel so lucky to have it!

Room with a view

I am not someone who gets tired of looking at a beautiful view. If I ever move out of my current home, the view will be a priority. Ideally I would have a view of the ocean.

Large vistas and the open ocean speak to me. I feel energized by them, and yet calmed by them. I can hear the silence of the openness, I can feel the emptiness of the space.

If I can’t find an affordable a place with a view, I guess I’ll just have to prioritize this on my holidays.

A little perspective

Sometimes things don’t go as planned. You think everything is trucking along and life surprises you. Humbles you.

It’s a good reminder to appreciate what you have. We complain about the simplest of things. We don’t take the time to say, ‘thank you’. We focus on the negative instead of all the positives.

Meanwhile there is so much to appreciate and value. And this is what we should focus on.

Iterate, iterate, iterate

We’ve all heard the phrase, “If at first you don’t succeed… try, try again.”

That’s the right idea but the wrong language. It should be, “If at first you don’t succeed… iterate, iterate again.”

Because we all know another saying too, “Do you know what the definition of insanity is? Doing the same thing again and again, and expecting a different result.”

We don’t need to try again, we need to iterate, again and again… Tweak, adapt, adjust, fine-tune, modify, tailor, refine, reshape, alter, and/or calibrate. And to do all this we need to embrace failure as learning.

Trying the same thing again just won’t do.

Making Progress – 11 Tips to Success

Yes, another fitness post. Yes, another post about building good habits.

Is it just my algorithm or is everyone getting a lot of posts, reels, TikTok’s, and/or YouTube shorts about fitness, wellbeing, and longevity?

Everyone is an influencer now, telling you how to drop weight, tone abs, and build muscle.

Here is what I’ve learned… none of this is mine, it’s all learned from others. These are 11 things that can help you transform your body for the better. (Disclaimer: I’m not a doctor, don’t play one on the internet… these are things that have worked for me. Consult real experts, especially if you have health challenges.)

  1. Weight Loss: The only thing that matters, more than fitness, more than what you actually eat, is being in a calorie deficit. That’s it. If you are in a deficit you will lose weight. Period. Full stop. End of story. So choose an app that tracks what you eat and use it religiously. Want to eat more? Exercise, burn calories, and you can have more calories that day, and still be in a deficit.
  2. Track your workouts. Choose a minimum amount that counts as a workout and track them. Here is one rule that is simple if you build a routine, and hard if you aren’t actually tracking: Never miss 2 days in a row. You can make up other rules or requirements as you see fit, so long as you NEVER break your own rules. One break gives permission for other breaks, then habits are lost and you are stuck trying to be disciplined. Habits are easy, discipline is hard. Track your progress and you will ‘see’ your habits, which will help you perpetuate them.
  3. Protein and Creatine. There is a 99.9% chance that you are not eating as much protein as you should. Quite literally if 1,000 people read this, there would only be one of you actually eating as much as 1 gram of protein per pound on the scale. That’s my goal and I still don’t regularly hit it. Protein is good for the body AND the brain. Same with creatine. Creatine reduces muscle soreness after workouts, and is one of the most studied supplements. Less than 1% of the population can have digestion issues with it. Probably not you and there is literally no other down side and huge upsides to taking it.
  4. Train most of your cardio in ‘Zone 2’. What is Zone 2? If you tried to talk normally while in that zone, it would be challenging to catch your breath, but if you were told at the end of your workout that you had to keep going at the same pace for 5 more minutes you could maintain that pace. So many people think they have to kill themselves with high heart rate cardio blasts. Still do this once per week to improve your Max Vo2, but 80+% of your cardio should be in Zone 2. My tracking requirements are a minimum of 20 minutes. I walk on a treadmill, on an incline, with a weighted vest most days. This is much lower impact than running, and I can still get in the zone. You want better weight loss gains? Cardio tip: Don’t eat before cardio. You want to drain your glycogen reserves and get to fat burn. Food reserves will be used as energy before fat. No food reserves means your body gets to fat burn faster. Mind you, this is moot if you aren’t in a calorie deficit.
  5. Weight train. Lift and carry heavy things. Muscles are quite literally things that you use or you lose. Research shows a direct correlation between larger muscles and longevity. Grandma or grandpa who can do a pull-up and deadlift their own weight are not the ones who are going to stumble and break their hips. They are also more likely to be cognitively’ ‘there’ compared to their sedentary peers.
  6. Weight lift your muscles completely to fatigue. This is called hypertrophy training, you are wanting to build muscle. First, because larger muscles means a longer (healthier) lifespan. Secondly, you are literally telling your body to stay young. Building muscles demands your body to be in ‘growth mode’ rather than in sunset mode on your way to the grave. Pick at least one muscle group and work it to failure. Personal secret: 90% of my workouts are done in 40-45 minutes with 20 minutes cardio and 5-10 minutes stretching. How do I get it ‘all’ done so quickly? Besides cardio and stretching, I just work one muscle group but I work it really hard. Yesterday was shoulders. I did 4 sets of free weight shoulder press (1st one at 1/2 weight for warm up, then 3 progressively heavy sets to 10-12, but the last set I could only get to 9). Then lateral raises, again ending with a set to failure. Today was biceps. Seated curls, then standing hammer curls, then 1 set of elastic ban Bayesian curls to fatigue. In both day’s examples the sets took 20-25 minutes. Tomorrow I’ll do abs and legs to give my upper body a rest, then chest the following day. I love when I go to the gym with a budy and workout more body parts in a workout, but I share my example to emphasize that you can make progress doing an entire workout in less time that it takes to watch a show on Netflix. That said, this is minimal volume and I know I’d make more gains if I did more.
  7. Stretch. I don’t believe you should ever stretch cold. That’s why I do cardio first. Research says that to slightly improve muscle gains, do weights before cardio. But on my daily (early morning) routine, I want to stretch before weights, and I want to be warm when I stretch. I’ll pass on tiny gains to get a routine that works for me. Stretching makes you feel better and more mobile, and helps to reduce injuries. It’s also a way to feel a connection to your body.
  8. Meditate. I cheat and meditate on the treadmill. I clip the emergency stop clip on me, hold the rails, close my eyes, and do a guided meditation. I find the physical activity a distraction that helps me reduce my mind wandering, and this also gives me more time in my tight morning routine because I’m double dipping. Meditation is not a state of quiet mind, it is a continual state of quieting the mind. It’s not about no distraction, but a state of coming back from distraction. Beyond that I’m years into my practice and still a rookie. Get meditation advice elsewhere, but take my advice and start a regular meditation habit. (I track this like I track my fitness, with stickers on a year-long calendar.)
  9. Have a workout buddy. I only get to workout with someone about once every couple weeks. I wish I could do more because being with him pushes me to be better. But even when I don’t work out with him, he and I keep each other accountable. We can share our highs and lows. I tell him I had a shitty workout, he congratulates me on showing up. I hit a personal best, I can share it with him and he’ll celebrate it with me, without it feeling like bragging. It’s our victory. Find someone to share you journey with.
  10. Routine, routine, routine. Build your habit so that you don’t require discipline. My favourite example of reducing workout friction and thus making my routine easier is my workout shoes. In my small basement gym I have workout shoes and a shoehorn. My shoes are pre-tied tight enough to walk (or run) on the treadmill, and I can still slip them on with the shoehorn. Why? Because I hate tying shoes and I hate getting on the treadmill with one shoe feeling tighter than the other. This was a pain point. What are your pain points? Remove them. You workout after work? Routinize having your workout bag by the front door the night before. Then put it on the passenger seat as a visual reminder when you get in the car after work. Reduce the friction and the habit will form, and then you’ll get used to showing up.
  11. JUST SHOW UP! The most important days in the gym are the days you don’t want to show up and you do anyway. These are the days that make the habit an actual habit. These are the days that make a routine an actual routine. The days you had to drag your ass into the gym and do the bare minimum are more important than the days you hit a personal best. And as a bonus, some of the days that you drag yourself in might also be a personal best day when you finally got there. Showing up then becomes a habit, and it no longer feels as hard to do on the hard days. Because if you ‘just show up’ enough on the hard days then showing up no longer feels like work. It’s a self-perpetuating cycle… But the early hard days are the toughest. Go back to tip 2 and Never miss 2 days in a row.

One final thought. While I’ve seen significant progress in the past 2 years, I’ve been on this path for 6-and-a-half years. I initially saw a good weight loss and small muscle gains, but it took the addition of creatine and a higher protein diet before I saw the most recent gains. Day-to-day I really haven’t seen a lot a gains anywhere. I share this because many people get discouraged when they don’t see the gains or fat loss immediately. Here are two things to think about related to looking for gains: First, if you are gaining muscle while losing fat, muscle is heavier than fat. Don’t focus on the scale, focus on the habits. And second, if you aren’t getting stronger, you are not really training your muscles to fatigue. These gains are slow too, but if you can only do 10 pushups and 2 months later that’s still your max, you probably could be training harder. If you walk on the treadmill at the same speed and incline every week, with no incremental increase and it still feels just as challenging, you probably aren’t working hard enough. Don’t look for gains weekly, but set goals for progress and even if you don’t hit them, make sure you are trending up. Trending up is often slower than you hoped, but as long as the trend is up… you are doing great!

And finally… if you see something that I’ve gotten wrong, please tell me and help me in my learning journey.

What if forgiveness prevailed?

I think the two most noblest of traits are compassion and forgiveness.
Compassion because it links us to others in a way that we lose ourselves.
Forgiveness because more than any other trait, it can not be faked
and true forgiveness is to see love even in the faults of others.
5 years ago I wrote about 7 sins:
  1. Gluttony
  2. Envy
  3. Pride
  4. Lust
  5. Wrath
  6. Greed
  7. Sloth

And in a concluding post I said that I was going to share 7 virtues. I haven’t done that yet, maybe one day I will. The virtues I chose at that time were:

  1. Love (including Chastity and Loyalty)
  2. Discipline (including Patience, not just Diligence or Temperance)
  3. Empathy (including Compassion)
  4. Integrity (including Honour and Courage)
  5. Kindness (including Charity),
  6. Humility
  7. Forgiveness

I remember intentionally putting Forgiveness last because I wanted to end with the noblest of virtues. I put Forgiveness on this pedestal because I think you can ‘go through the motions’ of the other virtues, but not forgiveness. You can virtue signal, intentionally or unintentionally, with the other virtues and have those virtues develop, but when it comes to forgiveness there simply isn’t an easy way to act it and have it grow. For example, you can do loving things towards someone, and eventually develop a love for that person. You can fake discipline and after a while that practice become disciplined. But if you aren’t truly forgiving, if you have hesitations, then they will be revealed… You can’t fake forgiveness. It doesn’t grow with time. You are either open to it, or you aren’t. You can half love someone, you can’t half forgive someone.

That said, I’ll hold off on discussing other virtues for a future date. Right now I am looking at a world where forgiveness is a lost art. Vengeance is everywhere. People want to say, ‘I told you so’. Social media is all over FAFO. Changing your mind (especially in US politics) isn’t met with compassion, nor forgiveness, but rather finger-waving and anger. The amount of variations of, “Oh sure, you only realize now that it affects your life”, that I’ve heard on social media posts is disconcerting. There is no room for forgiveness.

I understand why. Forgiveness is the ultimate virtue and not easy to attain. It requires love, empathy, and kindness. It is an affront to integrity, and the humility shared by those that did harm seldom seems like it’s enough to warrant forgiveness. Forgiveness is hard to fake and even harder to authentically give.

However, forgiveness is the best way to build a stronger bond than was there before. It is a place where real change can happen. The danger is that is also makes the forgiver more vulnerable to be hurt again. It requires trust. That’s what makes it so difficult to give.

Currently, I see a window of opportunity for real change to happen. I see hurt and disillusioned people openly admitting that they made a mistake. But I don’t see compassion. I don’t see forgiveness. I see hurt creating a gulf between the people who seek forgiveness and those who could, but do not forgive. And while I understand the hurt, while I see the fear of forgiving and being hurt again, I also see a golden opportunity being missed. Where there has been a great divide, there can be agreement. Where there has been opposing factions, there can be common ground. Where there has been arguments and yelling, there can be dialogue and discussion.

At this perilous time I have but one question: What if forgiveness prevailed?