Author Archives: David Truss

Sometimes a push is needed

I’m not a fan of the cold. I share this fact openly. I’ve also shared that I do a weekly walk with my buddy Dave called the Coquitlam Crunch. Well here is my text conversation with Dave last night:

I’m going to be totally honest, I was fishing for the opportunity to skip the Crunch. But here’s the thing… it was fine! I dressed warmly, we had ‘clamp-ons’ to put over our shoes to grip the snow, and I’m really glad that we did it. That was crunch number 92 since we started back in January 2021.

It’s good to have friends that don’t let us have the easy out. So often our anticipation and avoidance is actually worse than doing the thing we need to do. And when we don’t want to do it, friends can either help us step up, or they can keep us in the ‘easy zone’. Easy to do and good for us are seldom the same path.

The right friend knows when to push… and that friend is far better than the one letting you off the hook, or worse yet, talking you out of the better path.

Holding on unnecessarily

Sometimes it’s hard to let go.

Someone asks you about your day, and the first thing that goes through your mind is the thing that bothered you most.

“How was your meal?” It was really good, but…

An inconsiderate driver doesn’t let you merge and you are agitated for the next 20 minutes.

It takes practice letting go of negative thoughts. We hold on to unhelpful experiences unnecessarily. We almost cherish them. ‘Look at me. Look at how I’ve had to struggle. See what I have to put up with. Recognize my hardship.’

The real hardship is self-inflicted.

It’s not what happened to you, it’s what you hold onto. It’s also what you let go of.

What was the best part of your day? What was your favourite part of the meal? Boy, I’m glad I’m not that guy that didn’t let me merge, poor guy probably isn’t living his best life… I’m grateful that most people I deal with aren’t like him.

When you are used to holding on to the hard parts of life it takes a bit of mental gymnastics to transform your way of thinking to a more positive outlook. Accept a compliment, don’t downplay it. Find someone to thank. Choose to let go of the frustrating part of the day that you want to bring up and relive, and instead remember a shared laugh, a kindness, a success.

It’s not what happened to you, it’s what you hold onto. It’s also what you let go of.

Dreams and goals

A few years back I had hoped to learn how to do an unassisted handstand for at least 30 seconds. But after a while I stopped training for it. I know I have the strength for it now, but I simply haven’t put the time in practicing the necessary skills. I could tell you all kinds of reasons why I never followed through, but the reality is that anything I share would be an excuse I could have avoided or worked around. So what’s the real reason? It was a dream but not a goal.

I like the idea of it, I’m just not willing to do the work. In the time since then I’m fitter, stronger, healthier, and I’d even say more capable. But I didn’t give it the time it needed. I didn’t put in the required work. Maybe one day I will, but not right now.

Sometimes it’s hard to admit to yourself that a dream was just that, a lofty idea about something that might happen, and not an actual goal. But admitting this is quite comforting in a way. I have hit a lot of health-related targets in the past few years, I’m happy with my progress. Sure I could beat myself up about failing to achieve a dream… or I could realize that not every dream is something I have to strive for.

This isn’t trying to make the point to give up your dreams, or to strive. On the contrary, it’s to recognize that when you have too many things you are dreaming about and trying to bring into reality the less likely you are to achieve any of them. I think the questions to ask are:

Do I really want this?

How hard am I willing to work for it?

What’s the next step?

And,

What’s the plan?

Because a dream won’t become an achievable goal until you can answer these questions, implement a plan, and develop the habits that dedicate time to your dream. Some things are better left as dreams, while others should get the time they deserve. But that shouldn’t stop you from dreaming… just know the difference.

Buying loyalty

You are offered a free ebook, but it’s not free, it includes confirmation of your email and now you are on their email list. You are buying a coffee, groceries, or clothing and you share your loyalty card to earn points and free products..

‘Have one on us on your birthday!’ – the price is your name, email, phone number, date of birth, and maybe even address.

The discounts and rewards change, and each time they do, it’s free advertising for the company. Double points days and bonus point items give you a sense that you are saving money. You are spending a little less, but you aren’t saving anything.

Loyalty isn’t always about shopping, sometimes it’s about information. E-mail lists, Reddit and Discord communities, and Facebook groups all offer the inside scoop. Membership means access to information and insights, and you can choose to pay or not. Maybe a book will be for sale at some point. You can join the Substack for free, and only pay if you want to. Watch on Twitch for free or pay a little monthly. Watch a livestream on TikTok for free, or pay with nominal donations of digital hearts and roses.

Discounts, free items, and only pay if you want to… but know this, your loyalty is being purchased. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but there is a price you pay, even if it’s just for your attention.

Online rather than cancelled

It started to snow massive snowflakes just before 3pm. I looked at the forecast and after a lull at 5pm there was a good chance of the snow continuing to fall for a few hours. Our school is at the lowest end of the city, not far from the Fraser River, and so when it’s snowing here, it’s a lot worse elsewhere… including at my house only 3.5 kilometres away.

We had a Parent Advisory Council (PAC) meeting scheduled for 7pm. I called my PAC Chair and she and I decided to move the meeting online, rather than hybrid as we’ve offered the rest of this year.

I sent a quick email out and we made the switch. Turnout was similar to when we have the meeting blended… and no one had to drive in our hilly city where snow ploughing doesn’t always happen in a timely manner. As it turned out, the snow wasn’t as bad as it could have been, and we probably could have held the meeting at the school. However, it could easily have been bad enough to cause issues for parents coming to and leaving the meeting.

Five years ago we would have either kept the meeting as planned with a poor turnout, or postponed the meeting. The idea of hosting the meeting online would not have been something we would have considered. But last night it was ‘business as usual’ with a full agenda and everyone meeting from the comfort or their homes.

A few weeks back I was in a meeting that someone was stuck in traffic for, and he listened in from his car. Before that, I was home with a bad cough, and was still able to join in remotely for a meeting that I really wanted to attend. It’s interesting how practices can change in a relatively short time. This can also have negative consequences, like expecting someone to join a meeting remotely even when sick or on vacation (not just by expectation, but also from a sense of obligation). But it can also be extremely convenient, saving hours of transportation time. I’m running a meeting on Friday and while 12 principals from across the province will be meeting at my school, most will come from nearby, and another 8 will join us online, saving themselves from ferry and plane trips, or from very long drives.

There is real value in meeting face-to-face and online meetings can be void of that connection you have in a physical meeting… but the convenience of meeting online is pretty amazing, and when it comes to things like inclement weather, a switch to remote instead of cancelling is a pretty good option!

Time and attention

This is going to be one extremely busy week. I don’t usually get stressed out about about my schedule but I’ve got so much going on, pulling me in so many directions, that I get tired just thinking about it. Just cancelled a meeting I want to do, but know that it’s optional. This week is about focus and clearing my schedule for the big items.

Sometimes I can get a bit lost in doing the little things and in following the most recent issue in front of me. This week I need to keep my attention on the ‘must do’s’ and stay focused. Distractions need to be at a minimum. What I have control over is my attention. What I pay attention to gets my time. It’s a simple formula, but not always easy to follow… especially as a school administrator.

Sometimes emergent issues rule the day. Many times the priorities of others become my issues. But there are days when I need to look to others for support. Times when I need to ask others for help. And this week, I need to focus my attention on the things that need to get done right away. What I pay attention to gets my time… and this week time is precious.

Monochromatic cars

In a world of flashy outfits and accessories how has the car remained a single colour for so long? I understand that for some people resale value is important, but there are a lot of old cars out there just waiting to become someone’s work of art. We live in a world where so many people do things to stick out, but car paint has stayed monochrome. One colour per car.

I think this is going to change a lot in the next few years. We are going to see some crazy looking cars, and people will use them to express their identity, their uniqueness. Maybe not just artwork, maybe different colours for different parts of the car. Shades of a colour accented with darker hues on fenders and over wheels. A complementary colour on the hood.

It’s coming. Flashy cars for flashy personalities. And crazy artwork for people wanting to express their love for creativity. It’s just a matter of time.

The 4 ‘D’s leading to office discipline

It was early on in my first job as a vice principal. The position was in a middle school just a few kilometres away from the middle school I taught at for 9 years to start my career. Our secretary came to tell me that a student had been sent down to the office. I sat down with him in my office and he told me why he was sent there.

“Really, that’s all you did?” (I was sure he was leaving something out, I’d never send a kid down to the office for this.)

“Yes!” He said defensively.

We worked out an apology, and rehearsed it, and I sent him back down to his class. Minutes later he was back up at the office. I looked at him quizzically and he quickly responded to my unspoken question, “Mr. Truss, I did exactly what you told me to!”

After a bit of back-and-forth I took him back down to the class and waited for a an appropriate moment to talk to him and the teacher together. It became very evident that she had no interest in letting him back in the room. This surprised me for two reasons:

First, as mentioned, this minor altercation was nothing me or my peers at my previous middle school would ever have sent a kid to the office for. In my eyes, sending a kid to the office was essentially telling the kid, “I cant manage you,” which takes away any leverage I may have the next time this student has any challenging behaviour.

Secondly, why not take him back? I verified with the teacher that the students wasn’t downplaying the behaviour, he was apologizing, and he wanted to come back to class. But the teacher was not interested. I offered to come in with him and that got us passed the impasse.

When I started writing this, my intention was going to be on empathy and growth in understanding that not every student, teacher, or principal is just like me, and how important it is to understand this. But as I was sharing the story above I remembered my 4 D’s that led to the rare occasions I’d send a kid to the office. I wrote about this back in 2008, and I’ll share them here:

________

In 9 years as a teacher I have made very few classroom issues into office issues. I have 4 D’s that I think are issues that should be dealt with at an office level. The first two D’s are cut-and-dry/immediate office issues. These are ‘no-brainers’, you break these rules and you go to the office!

1. Drugs- Alcohol is included in this category;

2. Dangerous- Not just weapons, but physical violence too. The best policy is a zero-tolerance policy… We don’t solve problems this way.

The next 2 D’s have some grey area between being an issue for the office and being an issue that I handle myself. They are:

3. Defiance- an absolute refusal to participate and/or co-operate. If you don’t come to class prepared to learn, or if you aren’t willing to participate with the class… If you can’t offer me 5% of what I am offering you, then that probably hinders my ability to give everyone else the time and attention they deserve. I obviously can’t help you, so there is no reason for you to be here. I’ve only ever had one student absolutely refuse to engage in learning to this point. I honestly felt that it was a disservice to keep him in the class and made this the reason to send him to the office. (I have used this as ‘leverage’ with other students in the past- not an ideal strategy, but sometimes a student needs to know that you have limits);

and the final ‘D’,

4. Disrespect- If you are going to treat me, or others in a way that is hurtful, if you are going to ‘injure’ others emotionally/socially… then we have a problem. Hitting someone, or physically hurting someone puts you in the ‘Dangerous’ category and becomes an immediate office referral. Disrespect on the other hand is a little different. If you emotionally or socially injure someone then you are defying one or two of our school beliefs : Respect and/or Inclusion.

________

In ‘administering’ these rules, #3 and #4 had to be pretty extreme to get sent to the office. Otherwise, I handled them myself. But that’s me. Some teachers would be faster to send students away to be dealt with out of class. I just always felt that the most important relationship was between me and the kid. So, while #1 and #2 were likely immediate grounds for an office visit, #3 and #4 only resulted if the relationship was broken such that the defiance and/or disrespect didn’t allow me to be the teacher anymore. At that point the student is clearly a disruption to the class and I’m unable to manage it.

I think in my time as a teacher, I could count on one hand how many kids I ended up sending to the office, but looking back now, I probably should have asked for help a few more times. It’s good to try to hold on to the relationship with a kid, but sometimes a little help and support could go a long way. And I think having clear lines of what constitutes needing that help is a good place to start.

Chilly outside

I really don’t like the cold. I am the Caribbean kid who used to get out of the ocean when it started raining because the sun was covered by a cloud and the ocean was too chilly for me. I need to warm tap water up to rinse my mouth out after brushing my teeth. I sleep with a toque on because my head gets chilled.

There is a cold streak here and I just want to spend the day under the covers. I won’t have to spend much time outside, basically just getting to and from the car and that’s already feeling like too much. Yes, I’m whining. No, it’s not that bad. But sometimes I wish I’d never left Barbados. Or that I came to Canada much younger so that I wouldn’t know anything different.

I’ll bundle up. I’ll brave the cold. I’ll remind myself that it really doesn’t get too cold here compared to other parts of the country… but I’ll also whine a bit. ‘Baby it’s cold outside’. And I don’t like it.

You don’t know

One of the challenges of being an educator… Sometimes you don’t know.

You don’t know that the way you say something triggers a kid.

You don’t know that a kid missed breakfast, or that they didn’t have anything in the house they could have for breakfast.

You don’t know that after school they have to fend for themselves, and maybe a younger sibling too.

You don’t know how abusive a parent is.

You don’t know how stupid a kid feels.

You don’t know how crippling perfectionism is.

You don’t know the root cause of misbehaviour.

You don’t know the bullying was happening until it went too far.

You don’t know how important your validation is.

You don’t know how hard the learning challenges really are.

You don’t know that the distracted kids really wants to pay attention but the distractions are too loud in their heads.

Sometimes you don’t know what you needed to know about a kid to be a better teacher for them.

Ah, but then sometimes you don’t know…

How appreciated you are. How much you are looked up to. How valuable your connection is to a kid for whom you are the only caring adult that listens to them.

Sometimes you don’t know that the joke you shared in class was the only smile a kid had that day. That you make a kid feel smart. That you are the only person to give a kid a 4th chance because life isn’t baseball and no kid deserves only 3 strikes.

Sometimes you don’t know how valuable you are to the kids, the families, and the community you serve.