Writing is my artistic expression. My keyboard is my brush. Words are my medium. My blog is my canvas. And committing to writing daily makes me feel like an artist.
I’m on cloud 9 after shooting a 280 in archery today! I thought it would be a long time to get here. In fact, six days ago I hit my personal best of 270 and this is what I shared here on my blog,
So now I have set a new goal of 275, with no score of 7 or lower on any arrow. Next after that will be a 280 with no score of 8 or lower.
I did have five 8’s, so I didn’t completely jump to my second goal, but I leapt right over my first goal.
Here is today’s journal entry:
I don’t know how long it will take to repeat this, but I’m going to enjoy the moment and celebrate these victories while they are coming faster than expected. No new goals for now, just consistency. I still have to achieve this score without any 8’s. After that I know the improvements will slow, but for now, I’ll just keep this childish grin going… and celebrate a surprise success!
I had a student in my gym class, a very long time ago, who was the biggest victim of bullying in the school. I was always having to look out for him, but not so much because kids would outright pick on him, but rather because he was a danger to himself. I know what this sounds like, it sounds like I’m blaming the victim… And this can be a very sensitive topic, but it is something that happens often.
This kid would call a much bigger kid stupid after the bigger kid messed up a play. He would pester someone who wasn’t involved in the play, away from the ball. He would kick a ball out of bounds for no reason. He would constantly put himself in compromising positions almost as if he was using himself as bait.
This kind of behaviour is really challenging to deal with. It seems that some kids want and need attention and are somehow internally rewarded by any attention – good or bad. This ‘attention at any price’ motivation is challenging to understand. Often when positive attention was given to this kid it was almost always followed by seeking negative attention… as if the positive attention wasn’t enough.
Give the kid a compliment, minutes later he’s egging on someone. He scores a goal, moments later he’s picking up the ball rather than kicking it, and stopping the game. He gets a point in capture the bean bag, and in the next play he keeps running after he is tagged. It’s like, ‘that attention was good, but it’s gone and I need more’.
I can only understand this behaviour as attention seeking, because I can’t understand it through another lens. I don’t see any other benefit to the behaviour. It only makes sense to me as attention seeking. But I don’t know why a kid sees this as positive? And it plays out in many ways, and not always with kids like this who help to make themselves targets of others.
Please know that there are many times that students are picked on unfairly, and bullying is an issue that is dealt with in schools all the time. Many students do not deserve the wrath they face. Bullies have often been victimized themselves in some way, and they too are often attention seeking, with a difference in that they seek attention through power. I’m not saying in any way that a victim of bullying deserves to be bullied.
What I am saying is that we don’t always know or understand how or why some people will choose to seek attention? And, this behaviour can often invite negative attention as much as positive attention. Maybe being hated feels better than being ignored. Maybe someone’s anger feels better than their disdain. Maybe feeling something is better than feeling nothing at all.
When I’m dealing with misbehaviour, I always try to understand the motivation behind the behaviour. Often that’s where the healing has to start. But when the motivation seems to be attention, it can be really hard to understand what is behind that need, and how the behaviour meets that need. I find negative attention-seeking perplexing, and don’t always get to the heart of the issue.
The hardest part of it is that the negative behaviour that draws the attention often brings desired consequences… For example, a kids draws an inappropriate picture on another student’s work. This is dealt with by a teacher and the teacher’s consequences are a form of negative attention that completes the attention-seeking loop. So, the consequence given enforces the attention-seeking behaviour, rather than teaches any kind of positive behaviour change.
I can’t say that I’m particularly good at finding the root cause of attention-seeing behaviour. It’s not always apparent or obvious. Students can be complex; their wants and needs can be hard to understand. When it comes to seeking negative attention, I don’t think students always know or understand their own motives, and even if they do, they struggle to articulate these motives in an uncomfortable conversation with adults. It can really be challenging to deal with students who seek negative attention or desire attention regardless of whether it is positive or negative.
With news like, ‘January has been the worst month for Covid-19 deaths in the US’, and ‘Getting the vaccine doesn’t mean you can travel’, it is a bit of a reminder that we are not out of the woods yet. Now a year into the pandemic, (we just had the anniversary of the first covid case in Canada), it feels a bit like Groundhog Day, the Bill Murray movie where he wakes up repeatedly on the same day.
Keep wearing a mask and keeping socially distanced… Keep your bubble small, avoid unnecessary public outings and travel… Meet digitally whenever possible. These are things we are used to hearing and doing. And while a year into this pandemic we might be a bit tired of doing these things, it needs to sink in that 2021 could be a whole lot of the same.
My thoughts: If everything goes well, it could be September before we get close to vaccinating enough of the population to truly ease up on our personal restrictions. More likely, we are looking at January 2022. That’s another year away. I think things will get much better, but the path will be slower than everyone wants.
That’s tough to think about when it feels like we’ve been in limbo for such a long time already. It’s tough to keep diligent and be thoughtful about always being careful. But it’s necessary.
Set some personal wellness goals and set aside time to be outside and/or meditate. Make the year ahead one where you improve or enjoy yourself in some way. Take up a hobby or interest that doesn’t require other people. From scrapbooking, to reading fiction, to tinkering around with electronics, to buying a 3D printer, to knitting, to watching award winning movies from the 80’s and 90’s, to flying drones, to running 5 or 10km regularly, there are things you can do that promise to be rewarding or entertaining. While social opportunities are not available, we need not have our minds remain in limbo. 
That said: Be patient. Be smart. Be diligent. Be well. Stay safe.
“What stands in the way becomes the way.” ~Marcus Arelious
Sometimes a quote like this can just grab and take hold of you.
What’s in the way of you feeling good about yourself? Is it your weight, well then that becomes your focus and you don’t feel good without knowing if this measurement is going in the right direction… fast enough. But no matter how fast, you aren’t ‘there’ yet… there’s more to do… more work, more sacrifice, more time, before you can be happy.
What’s in the way of feeling accomplished? What are you too busy to get to? What do you need to do first? How do these things that get in the way become the way? How do you go for days forgetting what it is that makes your work enjoyable? Tasks become your day… ‘To Do’ lists fill your calendar, and what you really want to accomplish doesn’t get done.
When you focus on the things in the way, those become your focus. How much of our lives are spent with our attention on the things right in front of us, and not on the things we value or think are important to us?
How do we look beyond what’s in our way and truly find our way?
After 17 years underground, the periodical cicadas are ready to resurface. These insects somehow know that 17 seasons have passed, and will be triggered to the surface by the warmth of a spring day… after skipping, yet counting, 16 other springs.
How is this information passed from one generation to the next? What is written into their DNA to give instructions like this? It’s one thing to hibernate for a winter, still another to sit dormant in the soil for 17 years.
Nature holds many secrets. There are many interesting things that happen in the natural world: salmon leave their birthplace in freshwater rivers and come back to the same location after 2 years of living in the salty ocean; monarch butterflies travel yearly from Canada to Mexico; some frogs can freeze for long periods and come back to life after warming up again.
It’s amazing that even today we are discovering new insects, new scientific anomalies, new discoveries about the world we live in, and the incredible mysteries of life. This year, millions of periodical cicadas are going to awake from dormancy after 17 years, molt, mate, and return to the soil for another 17 years. Incredible!
I’m removing Twitter, LinkedIn, Facebook, TikTok, and Instagram off of my phone until Sunday February 7th, 2021. That’s two weeks of shutting down the social media tools I engage with on some regular daily or weekly level. Staying on my phone will be WhatsApp and Snapchat because they both have family group chats that I engage with, without having other interactions beyond family.
I will continue to blog every day, and these blog posts will auto-post to Twitter, LinkedIn, and Facebook (to my Pair-Dimes page, not my personal wall, so please follow if FB is where you usually see my blog posts). Feel free to chat with me in my blog comments, but comments on other platforms won’t be seen by me.
There is no specific reason I’m doing this, other than curiosity. I want to see what I miss, and how I will use my time. I think I’ll end up with more audio book and podcast listening time, and I’m hoping that I’ll write and meditate more. Time will tell.
I actually deleted the Apps Sunday night, and I wrote everything above before going to bed. This morning I realized that one thing I’ll need to think about is how I get news? Normally I start my day in Twitter Search looking at the News tab and trending hashtags to get a sense of what’s happening in the world. This has been my strategy for a couple years because television and radio news are not designed to inform as much as to keep you watching and listening. And while I read some print news on my phone, it tends to be focussed on the coronavirus or US politics these days… and it seems to be more commentary and opinion than actual news.
In the end, I won’t have missed much if I’m tuned out of the news for two weeks. And although I’m not always in the room, my wife does watch evening news on tv. I will survive just fine with less news along with my social media vacation.
Interestingly, I came across some Coronavirus news this morning and did a little math with the stats. It seems that while the US has vaccinated 20.5 million people, Canada has only vaccinated 0.817 million. Looking at populations, my math tells me that the US has vaccinated 6% of their population while Canada has only vaccinated 2%. What’s the first thing I thought of doing with that info? Tweeting it… my social media vacation has already started to curtail my behaviour.
I’ll share my vacation experience and reflections on February 7th.
In the summer of 2016 I took up archery. It was a goal of mine for many years, but it took going through 6 months of chronic fatigue to convince myself to actually follow through. Before getting a diagnosis and path back to being healthy I had many, “Is this the rest of my life?” depressing thoughts, on exhausted days of constant tiredness. Recovering from this, I realized that if I didn’t start archery then, I probably wouldn’t ever start.
Fast forward to 2018 when my job intensified and I dropped archery, but at the start of 2019, started myself on a health kick. Now, for 2021, part of my healthy living goals includes 100 days of archery, (that’s an average of 1.9 days/week over the year). And today I shot my 11th day in the first 24 days of the year, so I’m well on my way.
A 300, or ten rounds of 3 arrows with a maximum score of 10 per arrow, would would be a perfect score. So now I have set a new goal of 275, with no score of 7 or lower on any arrow. Next after that will be a 280 with no score of 8 or lower. At that point I’m looking at only hitting the yellow circle of a Vegas target every time. (For scale, the yellow 9-ring is about 3 inches or less than 7¾cm diameter, and the tiny X-ring inside the 10 is about the size of a penny.)
The challenge now is that each goal is incrementally decreasing the range of error, while also being exponentially harder to do! Today was the first day that I scored 2 rounds in one day, and my first score was a lousy 250, with three 7’s and one complete miss (outside the blue 6-ring). I’m not consistent yet at 270 and while I might hit a lucky 275 soon, it could be weeks or months before I’m consistently hitting all shots inside the 8-ring.
As I get better, individual improvements will take longer and longer. Three things are helping me right now.
Improvements are still coming quickly, so I’m seeing rewarding results.
I have some good coaching from someone significantly better than me.
I’m exceeding my expectations around how often I’m practicing.
So, being keenly aware that things will get harder; that it will be more and more challenging to hit my targets, I am going to take the time and celebrate when I hit my goals.
I chatted with a friend recently and he said, “Imagine having a job that you just arrived at on time, left on time at the end of the day, and you didn’t have to think about work while you weren’t at work.”
I have to say that while I might romanticize that work/life balance, I also don’t know too many of those jobs that would appeal to me. Even if I had some kind of existential crisis and quit my job, I don’t think I’d find a new job like that anyway. So my focus for work/life balance is about finding the time to do things that fill my bucket… things that make me appreciate my home and work life; My family and friends; My health and mental well-being.
This isn’t an easy journey to do well. Living through a pandemic doesn’t make it any easier. So, find reasons to be joyful, do activities that are enjoyable, spend time (physically and digitally) with those you love.
I don’t think solitude helps, unless you are somehow enlightened. I don’t think sloth, laziness, or a bag of potato chips helps. Connections do help. Making time for others you care about is something that helps to balance you. Who can you connect with right now?
How many students are being rushed through the curriculum?
How many are doing hours of homework to keep up with the quarter system or blended or online learning?
How many are doing well, out of sheer effort?
How many are going to get ‘A’s because they are compliant and do what the teachers ask?
How many are reading textbooks but haven’t had time to read for pleasure?
How many students are being successful at ‘doing’ school? But not doing big projects, sports, theatre, or lunches with their friends.
Sometimes the ‘successful’ students are not thought about, because others take so much time and energy. But how many students are doing well despite the education they are getting?
It is wishful thinking to hope that people will not be fooled again by QAnon. This is a sad but true statement. The reality is that people are natural puzzle solvers who seek to make connections. We want to make sense of the world, and this leaves some people vulnerable to suggestions that there are connections that are not really there.
Our brains extrapolate, they naturally extend ideas. This has made us incredibly inventive and creative people. This has not helped us distinguish fact from fiction. This is where extrapolation goes very wrong. I think the problem is that while our brains are seeking to extrapolate and extend ideas, they are stimulated towards possible connections and simultaneously let down our bullshit detectors. Our brains really struggle to seek new connections while at the same time make good judgements about those connections we are seeking.
Have you ever played 2 Truths and a Lie?
Try to pick out my lie:
1. I’ve illegally bungee jumped off of a local bridge.
2. I cheated on, and successfully passed, the LSAT.
3. I stole a neighbour’s car when I was 17, dented the fender, and put it back without him knowing I took it.
Which one did you pick?
I know this doesn’t paint a very nice picture of me. I wanted you to see my dark side. Now before you even pick the lie, you are probably extrapolating things about me and the kind of person I really am. You also probably extrapolated that statement #3 was a truth because it is more believable and more detailed than the other two.
However, here is a strategy I used: I told 3 lies. In one easy step, I could’ve convinced you that 2 lies are true. It’s that easy to convince someone of a lie… or in this case 2 lies.
I’ve never bungee jumped, never wrote the LSAT, and never stolen a car. But had I not told you that, had I picked one as the lie, you probably would have believed the other two. What’s scary is, the more you know me, and the more credibility I have, the easier it is for me to fool you.
Here is an example in the media: This is how people like Tucker Carlson can dupe viewers over and over again. In this article, Fox News lawyers argued in court that Carlson is not ‘stating actual facts’ about the topics he discusses and is instead engaging in ‘exaggeration’ and ‘non-literal commentary.’
They argued this in a libel lawsuit where Carlson was being sued and, “The Court concludes that the statements are rhetorical hyperbole and opinion commentary intended to frame a political debate.” Fox News told the court that this is what Tucker Carlson does, he doesn’t report news… and the judge agreed and they won the case. Think about this! Fox News said Tucker Carlson’s show is not news, but just exaggerated opinion.
However, he is broadcasted on a ‘News’ show, that gives him credibility. To a fan of his: He is in ‘your’ living room with you 5 nights a week. And he feeds you tiny little, often convincing lies… or should I say ‘exaggerated opinions’. Next you go to even less reliable websites and you hear the Tucker Carlson lies being repeated. Other lies are added to the things you know are true because you heard it on Fox ‘News’ from your buddy Tucker Carlson, and you extrapolate that these must be true too.
That’s right Dave is a car thief, oh and he cheated on the LSAT’s, and I seem to recall that he illegally jumped off a bridge too… The other interesting thing about our memory is that we don’t often remember what the lie was and we can easily put the lie in with the other ‘truths’.
Some people eventually catch on.
Many others will get fooled again. It’s sad but true.
