Monthly Archives: June 2023

June fatigue

I’m tired. My routines are a mess. I’m playing constant catch-up rather than being on top of things. That’s June in a nutshell. So much to do, so little time.

The good news is that we have grad tomorrow. And while it’s going to be a 12+ hour work day, it’s also going to end on a really positive note. So, as I lay in bed writing something I usually write 16 hours earlier, (if I was on a regular routine), I am thinking about how I can revitalize my routines and and make June a little less crazy.

Routines and positive habits are self-fulfilling. They add energy to the system rather than drain them. And on that note, I need to get off my screen and get enough sleep for a big day. If you see another post in about 8 hours, that’s a good sign that I good to bed and am back on track. Two things that help with June fatigue are my regular routines, and at least 7 hours of sleep. June is now 66.6% done… only 1/3 more to go!

Grad speech

For our small school we invite the entire community to watch our grad. So since our first grad in 2016, I’ve written a completely different grad speech each year. I have a former student who has seen at least the last 5, and he is very honest about what he thinks of them… and I value his feedback.

This year I’m struggling with the topic. I usually have the frame of the speech completed by now, if not the whole thing written. I’m still deciding on my theme. So, tonight I write, tomorrow I rehearse, and Wednesday I am on stage sharing it. I don’t mind a tight timeline, but I do wish I was a little further along right now.

In the end, it’s not about me, it’s about the grads… I just want to share something not too long, and respectful to our grads and our community. And maybe, if I’m lucky, get a small chuckle or two. Wish me luck!

I think therefore…

I think therefore I… reflect, plan, worry, and I delude myself. I think therefore… I am not. I am not existing in the moment when I’m not thinking in the moment. Instead I am creating an illusion of what was or what will be. This is not the counter argument to René Descartes’ “I think therefore I am”. It is a commentary on what we actually think about. Thinking about the past and future does not negate our existence, but thinking about anything other than the present moment is more about existing than living.

This is why there is so much appeal to exhilarating experiences. It’s hard to worry about anything more than the present moment when we are skydiving, bungee jumping, river rafting, rock climbing, dancing, playing music, having sex, or even playing a competitive sport. These moments demand our moment-to-moment presence, they give us the ‘I am’ experience of being the thinker.

But more often than not we are thinkers thinking about moments other than now, and thus not fully living. It’s a useful exercise to meditate, to take a moment to be singularly aware of the moment. To be present in the present. Here. Now. There is irony in the fact that not thinking and just being is to be more present, more in the ‘I am’ state, than when in a thinking state. I think therefore I am… distracted. Whereas when I focus on my current experience and I am in the present, then I am here, and I am now. I am truly living.

You’re so vain

The lyrics of a Carley Simon song say, “You’re so vain, you probably think this song is about you.”

I’ve heard again and again that this song is about James Taylor, whom she dated before she wrote this song. I’ve also heard that Warren Beatty believes it’s about him.

We all think that other people are thinking about us, that people are paying attention to us. In reality each person (to some degree) sees the world as revolving around them. This is especially evident in kids. It starts at a very young age when they play hide and seek, and they cover their own eyes believing that if they can’t see you, then you can’t see them. But then, all the way into their teens they see the world only through their eyes.

Then the grow up a bit, and they understand that the whole world isn’t seen from their perspective. Yet years later a small, passing joke about this now teenager may get a single laugh, and they believe that the entire world is laughing at them. Humiliation reigns when everyone else has already moved on to the next thing. 

Adults aren’t always better. They make a mistake and the closest they can get to an apology is “I am sorry you feel that way, that wasn’t my intention.” That’s not an apology, that’s ignorance of the hurt that you actually did. The unsaid part of that attempt at an apology is, “It’s absolutely your fault that you didn’t understand what I meant”. And I’m not sure who would consider that a real apology?

That’s vanity for you. In a young child it’s seeing the world only through your eyes. As a teenager it’s believing everyone is watching you. And as an adult it’s the belief that you are misunderstood but it’s not your fault. 

It takes humility to understand that you’re not all that important. It takes empathy to understand that other people think differently than you. And it takes honesty to recognize that your perspective is just one of many. Integrity isn’t built from a vain point of you, it is built from understanding that while the things you value are important, it’s also important to value the thoughts and opinions of people you care about.

And as cautionary tale, people who are vain do not deserve the same respect as those who are humble and wise. There is a difference between being humble, and being a pushover to people who do not give others the same respect that you do.

Slight of mind

About 15 years ago I played around with card and slight of hand magic. I’d practice while watching TV, and I’d watch ‘how to’ videos to improve. I gave it up only because I found I needed constant practice or I got rusty. It felt like too much work to do really well. But for a short time I could pull of some really cool magic tricks. One of my friend’s kids only knew me as Magic Dave.

One of the most important parts of a good magic trick is the build-up, or the backstory. Suggesting that what you are about to do is mysterious is a lot different than saying ‘I’m about to trick you”. Another key aspect is actually pulling the trick off in a smooth way that doesn’t leave room to question how it was done. Story, mystery, then evidence. And when the story is good, people want to believe.

People want to believe. That’s why conspiracy theories pull so many people in. It’s not because they are dumb, it’s because they want to believe and so they are looking for clues that fit the story. One of the best ways to pull off a magic trick is to promise that you are going to reveal how it’s done, but then still leave some mystery on the table.

Conspiracy theories promise to show you behind the curtain, or under the table. Then they ask the mysterious question, “Why are they hiding this from us?” And the ‘they‘ that are mentioned are the government, or the military, or scientists. This becomes the thing to question. And that’s the slight of mind trick. It’s not the (usually bad) evidence they are sharing that should be questioned, what should be questioned is why are they hiding this from us?

Faith in the story becomes more important than facts, because facts can be falsified or manipulated by ‘them‘. They have the money and the resources to pull the wool over your eyes. They want to keep you in the dark. They can’t be trusted.

What’s never considered is how many people would have to be lying. If you tell two people a secret it’s no longer a secret. For example, it’s one thing to say that NASA is lying about the the moon landing. But to believe that every single person in NASA, and every astronaut that has been in space, and that every person working on ground control are choosing to keep that a secret is to believe the impossible. To follow one misguided person making false statements and saying, this is the only person brave enough to tell the truth’ is to be pulled in by mystery and intrigue, but not by reality. Because in reality the ‘they‘ that are keeping things secret are just far too numerous to keep anything a secret.

Watch my hands. See the coin disappear into thin air. It’s only possible because you believe, or because matter isn’t what it seems to be, or because I can move the coin back in time or… [insert reasons explained as evidence here]. Follow the story, the mystery, and the evidence is more believable. It doesn’t matter that I misdirected you, it only matters that the story is compelling and that you are left with questions.

As an aside, learning what I did ruined the magic of magic for me. I see magic tricks that baffle people and I make several immediate assumptions about how it’s done, and I no longer marvel at the trick anymore. This makes me question the pushers of conspiracy theories, do they really believe or do they just like performing these slight of mind tricks and fooling people?

The time myth

“The myth is that there isn’t enough time. There is plenty of time. There isn’t enough focus with the time you have. You win by directing your attention toward better things.” ~ James Clear

it doesn’t matter how good I get at managing time, I am still someone that could focus it better. I woke up at 4:52am this morning, 8 minutes before my alarm. My routine has begun: Wordle to get my mind going, writing (this), meditation, 20 minutes cardio listening to a book or podcast, 10 minutes stretching, 10-15 minutes of strength exercises, and in the shower by 7am. I could be done faster, but this is a great routine, and some days I can be up at 5:30 and still get it all done. Five years ago the only thing I did before heading to work was get ready for work.

So my mornings are routined, and while I could probably do things a little faster, I arrive at work feeling like I’ve already accomplished something good with my day. When I get home, that’s my down time. And some days I can’t get myself to do very much. Sometimes this is totally understandable. Two days ago I didn’t get home until after 7:30pm, after my PAC meeting. And yesterday I didn’t get my writing done in the morning, and had to run a couple interviews that went until 6:30pm, so on both days I basically did nothing beyond work late and catch up on things I missed.

Having said all that, there are definitely days when I can ‘direct my attention toward better things’. Things like getting home in time to go for a walk with my wife. Things like chores that get pushed to the weekends and make them feel like they go by too fast. Things like reading, writing, and being creative. Things that fill my bucket and make me feel like I’m doing ‘better things’ with my time.

Time is limited and finite. We spend a good bit of our time on earth unconscious, a fair bit of time sustaining, cleaning, and caring for our bodies. The time we have left need not always be efficient, but it should be well spent… And when it’s spent focused on a task rather than than being squandered, that’s when it feels like we are really living.

Grammar Police

Today I opened a file in the online version of Microsoft Word and this ‘Editor’ showed up on the right column of the screen:

Of the 4 suggestions, the first one was an acronym that I did not need to explain or change. The second one, conciseness, was a good suggestion. The formality was the use of don’t rather than do not, which I decided to leave in, and the vocabulary suggestion was also something I decided to leave as-is, although the mentioning of it was valid. Had this been a more formal document, I would have made the suggested change.

I find it fascinating that we can now have Artificial Intelligence edit our work as we type. We’ve had it all along with spell and grammar check putting red and blue lines in the text, but this adds a whole new element and nuance to what was previously done. It’s also interesting that ‘Inclusiveness’, and ‘Sensitive Geopolitical References’ were a couple of the refinement options.

I’ve already used Chat GPT to edit an email for me, simply rephrasing what I’d already written, but I haven’t asked it to respond to any emails for me… yet. I’m not sure I’m comfortable doing that right now. But I do like these features that make my writing look better. At some point I know I’ll be putting these blog posts into an AI editor, but for now, I like the process of writing and publishing in a limited time and being both creative and quick. If I start a long editing and proof-reading process for my daily blog, I doubt that I would maintain the daily nature of it. So, I’ll hack away, and you’ll find the occasional errors, and more than occasional run-on sentences. Because while I like these grammar and editing tools, I also like the free-flow of writing and I’m not publishing a book that can’t be edited later when an error is pointed out. For now, I’d rather spend my time thinking and writing, and leave the editing for more formal work. Still, it’s nice to see these tools get better, and I’m sure I’m make more use of them in time.

Basically, right now I’m thinking of these grammar police tools as a traffic stops, and soon I’ll see them as friendly traffic cops helping me get on my way more smoothly.

Grade 9 for a day

Today a group of Grade 8 students who will be joining our school next year are spending the day with us at our school. Our Grade 9’s have planned the day for them. Our school only takes a few students from each of our middle schools so students arrive at our school in September knowing very few other students.

While students will be nervous today, this event really breaks the ice for students when they join us in September. It allows them to arrive at their new school already knowing a bit more of their community, both students in their grade, and older students who have already welcomed they to our community.

It’s a long day for me because we also run an after school barbecue for parents followed by our Parent Advisory Committee meeting in the evening. But I love days like this. I enjoy seeing our students welcome other students to our school. It’s fun to see the nervousness of the new students fade away throughout the day. And it’s great to feed our community.

Last year we only ran this event for an afternoon, and we didn’t run it at all during the two covid years before that. So it’s nice to bring back the full tradition, and to provide this community event again. It adds to the welcoming feeling to our school, gives our Grade 9’s an authentic leadership experience, and gives our future students a great sense of our school community.

Long slow road

I know it’s going to take time. I know I have to go slow. My herniated disc no longer hurts and I’ve been completely off meds for a week and a half. But I can tell that the pinched nerve in my neck is still an issue. My left arm is still very weak, and I get an annoying tingling sensation in my forearm that feels like a bug landed on me. It happens in the same spot every time and I still slap it like it’s a bug every time I feel it.

I’m back to doing my cardio. I’m stretching every day. But I was on a great path physically that was completely disrupted. I regretfully redistributed some weight that took me 2.5 years to get in the right places, and with my careful path forward it will probably be a year to year and a half to put it back where it belongs.

That’s a bit of a hard realization, although I know it’s the smart thing to do. Younger me would have been determined to speed that up. Younger me would probably have re-injured my disc in the attempt to ‘recover’ faster. The challenge now is to stay the course, keep my positive habits, and stay motivated even when the improvements are too small to see.

I am the tortoise not the hare. The road ahead is long and slow. And there isn’t a finish line as much as there is a healthy and hopefully pain free lifestyle to enjoy along the way.

A matter of perspective

Dogs smell things that we can’t. Cats see better in the dark. Time passes more slowly for flies. Many animals have faster reaction times than us. And on top of that, our eyes lie to us, filling in blind spots and colour. And then there is our minds… Our learned habits and expectations… Our patience or lack of patience. Our demeanour, and our tolerance for errors, cleanliness, and even each other.

All these things suggest that the world we see is unique just to us. Us as a species as well as us as individuals. I look outside and I see a plant with yellow leaves, someone else sees that the leaves have some green in them too. Still another person can name the plant, and someone else is more concerned that it need watering or pruning. In every case it’s the same plant.

There are so many things I’ve been dealing with recently where perspectives are completely different. I can see this from perspective, but I’m finding it challenging helping others to do the same. Sometimes this is because I lack the skill to do so. Sometimes people aren’t willing to consider other perspectives. And sometimes it’s a combination of these two things.

I often wonder, what am I missing? What am I not seeing? How can I share what I do see meaningfully? How can I better understand the differing perspectives? How can I illuminate an issue so that differing perspectives come a bit more together?

These are not easily answered questions. Or at least that’s my perspective… which I might need to change. 😀