Tag Archives: tradition

Tradition is peer pressure from dead people

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I wrote the title of this post and stuck it in my drafts months ago. I just had to google it to find the source:

“Traditions are just peer pressure from dead people.” ~Eliot Schrefer

While I don’t fully agree, and think certain traditions can build camaraderie and community, I also see the point of this perspective.

Is a tradition something that adds value to an experience or is it just a way to hang on to old ideas and ways?

Is a tradition a chance to feel connected to a special experience, like graduation, or is it simply a formality with little to no meaning?

Is a tradition simply a pompous way to keep change at bay, or is it something that provides a new group with an experience they want to pass on with pride?

I think too often the word tradition is used as a mechanism to pass down ideas and ideals that are no longer needed. And while we can think of ceremonial traditions as ways to create a shared experience, other traditions, around doing things the old ways because somehow things were better ‘back then’… are really just like peer pressure from dead people.

Merry Christmas

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I grew up in a small Jewish community in Barbados. It seems like an odd place for Ashkenazi Jews to be located, but there is a Jewish cemetery on the island dating back to the 1400’s.

However we weren’t Jewish, we were Jew-ish. I shared this previously,

And as for being a Jew, I think most Jews would say that I am not Jewish. You see, Judiasim is a matriarchal religion and my Grandmother, my Mother’s Mother, is to this day a Catholic. She was happily married, a role model marriage like few I’ve seen, to my Jewish Grandfather until he died.

So my mom grew up with a Christmas tree and told my dad that having a Christmas tree was something she and her kids had to have. My dad, esoteric rather than religious, was fully on board. In my childhood there were a lot of jokes about our Hanukkah bush (Christmas tree), and my dad’s favourite joke, telling the more Jewish members of the family that they could eat the Christmas ham because the pig was circumcised.

No matter how I look at it, Christmas, Hanukkah, Pass-over, and Easter were no more religious than Thanksgiving. They were opportunities for family to gather and to celebrate each other’s company.

So no matter what your faith, or what holiday you celebrate this time of the year, have a wonderful time with family and friends.

Cheers to you!

Family recipes

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Today was a good food prep day. We are hosting my mom as well as my sister and brother-in-law and their kids for dinner tomorrow, and the making of the feast started today. I haven’t cooked a turkey since some time before we moved to China back in 2009, and with the guidance of one of my secretaries, I decided to try a brine.

That’s what I started my day with, then went on to make two family recipes I’ve never done before. First was our baked stuffing, and then my mom’s baked peas & rice. Working side-by-side with my mom, we spent most of the day in the kitchen.

The stuffing is ready for the fridge until tomorrow, and the rice is coming out of the oven before I finish writing this.

There is something special about traditional family recipes that make them a treasure to eat. I remember the first time I had Christmas at a girlfriend and her parent’s house, and being totally disappointed that I didn’t have ‘our’ stuffing, ‘our’ corn pie, and ‘our’ rice (there wasn’t even rice, just mashed potatoes). I was so disappointed!

Since then I’ve lived provinces away from my family for 30 years, and I’ve gotten used to new foods and new traditions. But tomorrow… Tomorrow I get to feast on some family favourites, and maybe even start a new tradition with brined turkey.

Happy holidays and happy feasting! I hope everyone gathering over the holidays will get a little taste of home. 💜

‘Tis the season

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Today I put our Christmas lights up outside. We used to have all white lights but they are about a dozen years old and I decided to replace them, and got a couple multi-coloured strands. It’s amazing how much better LED lights have become. It used to be that running outdoor lights actually added to your electric bill, but now two entire strands of 100 lights are less than a single 60 watt bulb from 25 years ago.

I like the tradition of putting lights up, and I enjoy seeing neighbourhoods lit up for the season. When it gets dark before 5pm, it’s nice to have the darkness filled with little sparkling lights. That said, our house is pretty basic compared to some houses.

Tomorrow we put up our tree. That’s new too, replacing a tree we bought in 1999. This one comes with built-in lights. We have decorations that we buy for each family member every year, and they are the main decorations for the tree with only a few regular globes added. My wife and I first bought ornaments of a skiing couple when we were dating, then bought ourselves and our first daughter each an ornament the following year, and we’ve now done so for all 4 of us ever since.

It’s that time, of lights and decorations, and brightening up the gloominess of winter.

It became a tradition

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When my wife and I got married, one thing that became clear is that I’m the gift wrapper out of the two of us. It’s not that my wife can’t do it, she just has little patience for it, and I’m somewhat OCD about tight corners and even folds.

A little over 20 years ago, I was wrapping stocking stuffers for my two small daughters and I was using this cheap roll of tape that we had. It was awful, I would have been better off using Post-its than this useless roll of tape that wouldn’t tear on the perforated edge, and wouldn’t stick to anything but itself.

I complained incessantly to my wife about this crappy tape as I wrapped gifts. “If this is going to be my job, we need to have good tape, either we have Scotch Tape or I’m not doing this job!” Yes it was hyperbole, but this tape we had was driving me nuts and it made a fun job into a chore.

Well, my birthday is just over a month before Christmas and the next year when I opened my presents, there was a 3-pack of Scotch Tape poorly wrapped in wrapping paper. “Thank you,'” was my genuinely happy response. It was such a thoughtful gift, I loved it. And there were no complaints come time to do the Christmas wrapping.

20 years later I still get Scotch Tape as one of my Birthday gifts. This year I got a six-pack, my guess is that it was on sale. We won’t go through 6 rolls in one year, but it’s tradition now, and even if we have some left in the house, there are two things I can be certain about… when I open my birthday presents next year one of them is going to be at least one roll of Scotch Tape, and I will be sincerely appreciative of my gift.

Sushi and pizza

We had our Thanksgiving dinner last night. 15 of us enjoyed a wonderful sushi feast.

When my family lived in Dalian, China we didn’t have an oven. Both Christmas days that we were there we had Pizza Hut for our Christmas dinner.

Most families have traditional meals like turkey, roasted ham, or other holiday foods that they want year after year. Our family went out for Harvey’s hamburgers today for our American family that miss this fast food burger joint, living south of the border.

Earlier this week my sister made a Caribbean peas and rice dish, a family favourite, for us. Also, I made an Asian stir fry rice dish, and we also went for Beaver Tails, because my mom was craving them.

Our family are not big on traditional foods, but we really enjoy large meals with more food than we need. I think that’s why I love leftovers so much. We don’t need turkey, and we don’t need fine dining. Just give us sushi and pizza, and a holiday or family event as an excuse to get together.

Grade 9 for a day

Today a group of Grade 8 students who will be joining our school next year are spending the day with us at our school. Our Grade 9’s have planned the day for them. Our school only takes a few students from each of our middle schools so students arrive at our school in September knowing very few other students.

While students will be nervous today, this event really breaks the ice for students when they join us in September. It allows them to arrive at their new school already knowing a bit more of their community, both students in their grade, and older students who have already welcomed they to our community.

It’s a long day for me because we also run an after school barbecue for parents followed by our Parent Advisory Committee meeting in the evening. But I love days like this. I enjoy seeing our students welcome other students to our school. It’s fun to see the nervousness of the new students fade away throughout the day. And it’s great to feed our community.

Last year we only ran this event for an afternoon, and we didn’t run it at all during the two covid years before that. So it’s nice to bring back the full tradition, and to provide this community event again. It adds to the welcoming feeling to our school, gives our Grade 9’s an authentic leadership experience, and gives our future students a great sense of our school community.

80 Crunches

In January of 2021 my buddy Dave Sands and I decided to do the Coquitlam Crunch, an uphill trek along the power lines on the north side of our city. It includes a segment with 450+ steps, and at the top we take a small circular detour that makes the walk feel more like a round trip than just up then down again. We started doing this at the height of the pandemic when we really weren’t socializing at all, and this was a great place to meet that was outdoors, or we would not have gotten together.

We enjoyed it so much that we made it a weekly event. Early on it was every Friday, rain, shine, and even snow. Later, we switched to Saturday mornings, and we treat ourselves to breakfast at Starbucks afterwards. Today we did our 80th walk together since we started.

That’s 400 kilometres we’ve travelled. But it’s not about the distance, it’s the time together that really matters. We naturally and unintentionally created a routine of ‘talking shop’ (talking about work) at the start of the walk, and usually ending that part of the conversation by the time we reach the top of the stairs, barely half way up. Then the rest of the walk is filled with conversations about life, the universe, everything, and anything.

When we started, this was like therapy. We had been bottled up with pandemic restrictions and just having someone outside our tiny family bubble to talk to was such a boost to our mental health. While it still serves that purpose, it’s also so much more. I’m looking forward to keeping this tradition going, and hitting milestones like 100 Crunches and 1,000 kilometres… and beyond.

What’s a tradition that you have with family or friends that you plan to keep for a very long time?

Back to (almost) normal

Tonight, at the Inquiry Hub grad, will be the first time in a few years where I’m going to be talking to a live audience larger than a classroom. This is just another example of things going back to normal… except in 2019, when I spoke it was to an audience of most of the students and parents from our school. This year we only invited the grads and their parents, not the whole community.

The reason for the bigger audience in 2019 is that our grad isn’t just a grad, it’s an annual celebration with awards and we used to invite everyone. But the school was smaller and in 2020 we were planning to move to a bigger venue before the pandemic cancelled the big event. For 2022, after 2 years of grads crossing the stage individually with just their family in the audience, we chose this year to host only the grads at this event and to stream the event live for everyone else.

This is probably something we’ll do from now on. Times change. Traditions change. What’s ‘normal’ changes. That’s the theme of my speech, that normal changes, and this could be a good thing. We don’t have to go back to what used to be pre-pandemic. We can change things up, make things better, blend old and new.

When my family moved to China it was a major culture shock. Things changed for us drastically, and we adapted. When we returned from China, that was a really stressful point in my marriage. My wife and I fell back into old habits, but we weren’t the same people anymore. It was a major adjustment and a lot of work to create a new connection and relationship that wasn’t just the version from two years previous.

This is an exciting time to be living in, we’ve just had a very foreign two year experience, and now we’ve got to decide what do we keep from the pre-pandemic experience, and what do we change, for the better, thanks to living through the pandemic experience?

What’s the new normal that’s better than the old normal?

Colonial noose

“New Zealand male lawmakers are no longer required to wear a necktie in parliament after the rule was dropped following a Maori MP’s protest, calling a tie a ‘colonial noose’.” (Reuters)

I’ve always hated neck ties. What kind of society are we in where we teach young boys that, to be formal, you must tie a noose around your neck and make sure it is nice and snug?

What a ridiculous fashion accessory.

I wore a tie almost every day for 2 years in China. As a principal there, it was an expectation. I wear one once every one to two months here, only when I am entering a meeting where I feel it is important to be formal, such as when I’m representing my district, or my schools in a formal way.

If I can avoid wearing a noose, I will. I know others that wear them all the time. I don’t judge them in any way, it’s fine if they want to, choose to, like to wear them. But I get no pleasure in wearing them myself. I don’t feel dressed up in them, I feel constricted. I feel like an animal in a choker collar.

The only time a tie should be worn is at a costume party when dressed up as someone from a time long past. Or maybe at a ball or Galla, like wearing a cummerbund with a tuxedo. Beyond that, I’d love to see the ‘colonial noise’ disappear from regular formal wear.