Tag Archives: reflection

Our online persona

No one shares all of who they are online. We share snippets, frozen moments, and smiling images. Some share to learn, others to reflect, others to seek attention. What’s clear is that we are not our public or online persona.

Writing and sharing daily, I’m keenly aware that I share a lot more than others do. How is this perceived by others? I’ve had some surprising feedback, some of it good, some of it disappointingly bad. I’ve even had it questioned if this was somehow taking away from my work day. That would have made me laugh if it wasn’t, at the time, so upsetting. I wrote a scathing retort that will probably never leave my drafts. It was cathartic enough just to write it.

And that’s what I’m reflecting on now, what do we chose to share and what do we keep to ourselves?

What do I keep to myself? What do I blog about? What do I expose? What do I hide?

A few years ago I went through 6 months of chronic fatigue. My family and coworkers knew, they had to know because I wasn’t running at full capacity no matter how hard I tried… but I didn’t really share any of this online until I found out it was from an extreme Vitamin D deficiency, and I was on the road to recovery.

I can remember going to a conference once and meeting a blogger whom I read regularly and admired. I was so excited to meet this person who ended up just being an ordinary guy who really didn’t want to talk about anything I was interested in talking about. It was a huge let down. This is especially true because before meeting him, I’d connected with so many amazing people at conferences who felt like instant friends, and whom I loved meeting face to face. I had met so many people that I felt I knew, and who exceeded my expectations as wonderful human beings. This guy just let me down.

But did he? Did he let me down or did I expect too much? Had I built him up to be something he wasn’t? Did I imagine him to be more than he was? Did I imagine my online interactions meant more to him than I should have?

On the flip side, who have I let down, disappointed, and even unintentionally ignored? Who has met me and thought, ‘Oh, that’s not the guy I thought he would be… that’s not the online Dave that I know.’

Whether we want to admit it or not, we don’t put our whole selves online. We refine our online persona by intentionally editing things out. We may not see ourselves the same as the Instagram teen deleting images that don’t get enough likes, but in some way we are one and the same. We choose to put some things ‘out there’ and we choose to leave some things out.

I have a friend who shares the most incredible photos of themselves having a wonderful time on Facebook, who I know is unhappy and struggles with depression.

I have another friend who in the past over-shared a tremendous amount of information about themselves. I was concerned and mentioned this to them. The response: “I’ve had people thank me for being so honest, and sharing things they are afraid to.” They were over-sharing in my eyes, not in theirs. It was beyond my comfort zone, not theirs. It was an uncomfortable level of sharing for me, not for them.

I can see that we are not our online personas. They are different than us. Even though this persona can say a lot about us… they don’t always say what we think they say.

How intentionally different to you is your online persona?

Do I keep going?

I was looking forward to celebrating a year of Daily-Ink on July 16th… however, I just checked and my first daily ritual post (this time around) was on July 6th, 2019. The anniversary has come and gone!

Do I keep going?

I think so.

I need to make some changes though. I’m not happy writing for the sake of writing. If I don’t have something worth saying, I don’t want to fill the (public) page for the sake of filling the page. That said, if I skip a day here and there, I know what will happen: I will get busy, I will put writing on the back-burner, I’ll miss more days, and my daily habit will disappear.

I know myself enough to know that if I don’t commit to do this daily, it will not be something I’m consistently doing a year from now.

I know so. I know that I will keep going.

What I might do is skip a day or two, here or there, with respect to choosing to write publicly for my blog. What I won’t do is skip a day of writing. As long as I’m honest with myself and dedicate to writing every day, I’ll be happy. It took a long time to finally get my Daily-Ink going, and now over a year later… I’m not going to stop.

Not so open book

It’s interesting to see how much of themselves people are willing to share online. Intimate family moments like the moment parents ask a foster child if they would like to be adopted. Moments of despair, hoping for human connection. ‘Angry Karen’ moments, though admittedly these are seldom shared by the targeted ‘Karen’. Requests for prayer for an unwell relative. Wedding proposals, break-ups, bedroom/bathroom humour, and embarrassing situations that are personal, and confidential, until posted online.

I’ve never been one to keep a consistent journal, but here I am approaching a year of journaling on my Daily-Ink, and I’ve come to realize that I keep some things intentionally out of this reflective space. Not just things I can not share:

“Many challenges in schools can be summarized as: a) Someone was treated unfairly; b) Someone felt that they were treated unfairly; c) A decision that affects more than one person was deemed unfair. Put another way: actions, perceptions, and circumstances in relation to fairness are imbalanced. The moment I dissect one of these scenarios on my blog, I have the potential to undermine any resolution that may have come out of it. I would be unfair and disrespectful to some of the people involved.”

…not just these things that affect the lives of others, but things that directly affect my personal life. It’s not that I’m harbouring some big secrets, it’s just that I choose to keeps certain personal things personal.

This makes writing hard sometimes, because the things that are weighing heavy on my mind are not things I want to write about… but normally this is where my inspiration comes from. So, I sit looking at my blank screen, wondering what I’m going to write about, and deliberately choosing not to write what comes to mind.

Still, I prefer this to being a completely open book. I think some things are best kept to myself, or in my family… definitely not to be archived in a blog post, or for others, shared in a viral video. In my opinion too many people over share, without thought, simply because they can. I share a lot, but a few pages won’t ever be open, at least not here.

Appreciating your family

Sometimes it’s easy to take advantage of the people that are closest to you; to leverage the fact that they are just ‘always there’. The very people that would do anything for you in a time of need are the same ones who you expect to be there without showing any gratitude.

Sometimes it is easy to get frustrated by your family; to roll your eyes and think ‘here we go again’, rather than seeing things from their perspective. The very people that most appreciate you for who you are do not always get treated as nicely as a stranger would be treated.

Sometimes it is easy to be triggered by your family; to be immediately upset by something they say or do, something that you would tolerate far more by someone unrelated.

There is the saying, ‘familiarity breeds contempt’, think of the first word in the phrase: familiarity. It is the family, that you are in close association with, that you know best, that can lead to a loss of respect, or lead to disrespect, from close awareness of faults or repeated behaviours that you don’t like.

It only takes an absence of these people in your lives, through time, geography, or death, to help you recognize that your familiarity also breeds love, compassion, and appreciation for those that love you, and that you love. Familiarity breeds love. Familiarity breeds compassion. Familiarity breeds appreciation. Or at least is should.

Who in your family can you show gratitude for today? What’s stopping you?

Finding the good in people and in situations

I like to think of myself as an optimistic person. In my job I deal with a lot of students, teachers, parents, and principals. I start these interactions with a simple premise: ‘these are good people, look for the good in them’. When someone is upset, they don’t tend to express that upset well. That’s not a measure of their character, it’s usually circumstantial.

Yes, there are some angry people in the world, but most people are good. Some are more selfish (both knowingly and unknowingly); some are more single minded about certain issues; some feel like there are injustices against them (and some of these are well justified, while others aren’t).

But coming back to people being inherently good, and my usual disposition towards others, I think that I’ve been in a bit of a rut for a while. I know where it comes from, I’ve thought about this a lot. I was stuck in a spot where I was running three schools and always felt like I was letting two of the down, if not all three. I was exhausted. Two years in, I felt like I didn’t want to continue. Then in February I was given a few different responsibilities and one school was taken away from me. It was a sigh of relief. I thought, not only can I do this, but I want to do this (again). Then the pandemic hit and my responsibilities escalated again!

Last week was a bit of a crescendo. On top of my own duties I had to spend a good eight hours on something that fell on my lap. I found myself complaining in front of a teacher and stopped myself. I called a good friend and ranted. Then I asked someone to get me some work to do before Friday when I had support. That work arrived Saturday. It’s done now, and I’ve put in proper supports going forward. But that same good friend checked in on me and I ranted again.Admittedly, ranting to someone in confidence did make me feel better. But it also made me think, why is that now a thing I need to do?

The ‘thing that fell on my lap’, well if I look at it from the outside, my lap made the most sense, and part of the time I had offered up. The ‘work to get to me before Friday’, well the person who asked for it on Saturday is doing his best in a new environment.

These things always happen. The difference that has me upset isn’t about them, it’s about me… and I have the power to change that! Maybe that’s the only thing I can change. I can manifest anger and upset, or I can recognize that people all around me are doing the best they can with the skills they have. I need to reflect on who else I can empower to do some of the things I do. I need to contemplate what I can and should say ‘no’ to. I need to find ways to frame things so that I don’t need to vent as often as I have recently.

It’s not what happens, it’s what you do that makes a difference.

What could have been

I feel it every year.

It’s the last official day of school, an administrative day. Students picked up report cards yesterday and teachers wrap things up today. This is the day that I look back and think of what could have been. I think of the lost opportunities, the missed potential, the goals unmet.

I know I’ll look back and see the accomplishments as summer begins, but for some reason this day has always been melancholy, and sadly nostalgic (if that makes sense). It’s weird. I don’t tend to be the kind of person that holds regrets and wallows on missed opportunities, but this day always harbours feelings that the year could have been better. Specifically, on this day I look back and feel that I could have, and should have, been better and given more of myself to the school year.

It’s a feeling that’s hard to shake, through the goodbyes and the well wishes for a wonderful summer. It will go away, but today it sits with me, now and throughout the day ahead. Oh, what could have been! It sounds sad, but in a way, it holds me accountable and makes me want next year to be better. There are “promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep.”

While the past holds many successes, and the future holds much potential, today I sit with what could have been.

Final week of school

This time of year is always challenging. The days are filled with loose odds and ends being tied up, and I’m usually both nostalgic about the wonderful year it has been, while also disappointed that we didn’t do more. How did our little Grade 9’s of four years ago graduate so quickly?

I’m going to miss our graduating class next year, but in all honesty, I’ve been missing them since the March break, when remote learning began. This has been a whirlwind few months and while I usually try to hold on to these final days and cherish them, I find myself thinking, ‘Let’s just get this year over and done with!’

This isn’t a typical year-end feeling for me. I want to see yearbooks passed around. I want to see students hugging each other goodbye. I want to hear the exciting summer plans of students and teachers.

I want to feel like there is some normalcy to the end of the school year. Instead, I find myself being underwhelmed, tired, and wanting to reach Friday as soon as possible. Just admitting that makes me feel disappointed. I think part of this feeling is that so much effort was put into making last week special, that it already feels like the year has ended. The grad – celebrations, the final presentations, even a virtual brunch organized by one of our teachers.

It isn’t that this year wasn’t special, it’s just that it already feels over. And so admittedly, I’m ready for a break, and while I still have a couple weeks of finishing the year off, a part of me feels I’m already done.

I don’t think I’m alone in feeling this way.

No more Daily Ink posts on my personal FB page

If you read my Daily Ink post via my Facebook Story, or on my wall, please follow my Pairadimes Facebook page. If you read my blog post somewhere else, just skip to the last paragraph.

As I approach a year of Daily-Ink blog posts, after leaving this blog dormant for a while, I’m reflecting on the process. One thing that I like about when I hit “Publish” on my blog is that it gets auto-posted to Twitter, LinkedIn, and my Pairadimes Facebook page. Then I manually go to the FB post on my page and add it to my FB story and my FB wall. I’m no longer going to do this. The challenge is that I often write my post either the night before it gets posted or I write it in the morning over an hour before I post it, (I like to have it done before my morning meditation and workout).

So, daily I have this task that I need to remember to do… and it becomes a chore rather than something I want to do. It also makes me feel like I’m ‘plugging my blog’, saying “Look at me!” And while I love comments and engagement on my blog, I do find I write better when I focus on the writing itself and not an audience of readers. Having my Daily-Ink blog automatically go to Twitter, LinkedIn, and my FB page is enough. Please follow my posts at one of these sites if you normally read my blog on my Facebook wall. Today is the last day I regularly share my posts on my FB wall or on my story.

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And as a special request to all readers, I do love your comments! Comments make the blogging experience better. However when I get a comment on Facebook or LinkedIn, or in a a tweet, they are fleeting. They end up on my timelines, never to be seen again. However, I go back to my blog posts often, and a comment there becomes part of a historical conversation that becomes part of the blog. So as a special request, please comment on my blog posts rather than in social spaces. ~ Thank you!

More than academics

Last night we did a livestream of iHub Annual, a yearly celebration that includes presentations, awards, and our Grad. It was one hour long, but it took a couple hundred hours of work to put together, including running the social distancing grad celebration a couple nights before. It didn’t go perfectly, there were a few kinks, but overall it went very well! Our awards at our school are minimal: Leadership & Community service, inquiries, and the Grade 12 ‘Spirit of Inquiry’ Award, for the grad or grads who exemplify what it means to combine leadership/community and also produce amazing inquiry projects.

Highlighting the service to our community (the school or greater community) is something that makes me appreciate what schools do beyond academics.

It’s interesting to think of how remote learning has interrupted the feeling of community, but we still try to bring kids together. One of our teachers started a watch party of the livestream on Teams, and going to check out the chat conversation afterwards was heartwarming. The students watching were complimenting the student performances, congratulating the award winners, and sharing in the celebration of the night. It really was powerful.

This morning a video, Numb – a short film by Liv McNeil, was shared with me:

While remote learning works for some, for others it just isn’t school. I think about how much of what we highlight in our year-end celebration has to do with community, compared to a focus on academics… and it really makes me think about how much more of school is about belonging, and well-being, and community. That isn’t to say academics isn’t important, it’s just that school does so much more than give students final marks on a transcript.

Community and Belonging

Yesterday 18 Inquiry Hub grads crossed the stage and received their high school diplomas. They then went to a room and stood behind a camera for a quick 3-5 minute interview. I watched them all, hearing what they had to say about their experience at our school. Time and again I heard them speak of enjoying the community and relationships they built with each other.

I know we have challenges at the school and things can always be better, and I know that in a small school, things can get cliquey, but we have been able to foster a lot of cooperation and acceptance of very different groups.

One of our students who has thrived at our school was actually out of school, taking online courses having been completely dissatisfied with her previous school experience. She was coming to our building to do testing, (I’m principal of the online school too, and Inquiry Hub shares a room with the online school to offer testing twice a week). She said that when she came in for testing she could feel the positive atmosphere from the school and knew that it would be a good place for her.

We’ve had educators come through to visit the school and they have said the same thing. This has been a constant. It even happened 4 years ago when we were struggling to build community with two student groups that felt more like factions than cliques. It was weird, here we were struggling to build community and even bringing in an elder to do a circle, and a couple days later four educators from Alberta spend a morning with us, and when I meet them at lunch they told us what a great vibe they had, and what a positive learning environment it was.

As I said, we are far from perfect, but we strive to help everyone feel like they belong. Our school special events and celebrations are run with a lot of student input and organization. But this has been much harder to do with students mostly learning remotely. The iHub Annual tomorrow night is usually 90% student run. This year its being run by me and two former students hired to assist. Their expertise will go a long way in making the event special, and since they are brothers they can work closely together while we still respect social distancing expectations. It will go well, it won’t be the same as a team of students both running the event and training the younger students, which normally happens this time of year for us.

With the likelihood of school starting up in a limited capacity in September, I wonder what we will need to do differently to foster that sense of community and belonging? It’s harder to build community than it is to sustain it, and so we will need to intentionally think about what we do to keep our positive sense of community going next year.