Tag Archives: reflection

A Simple Reset

It took a whiny rant yesterday to help me reset my frame of mind.

I rethought the rut I was in last night, after I had a massage. Usually my massages are painful ordeals, working out deep muscle knots, but most of my discomfort was from muscle soreness from working out. This is really unusual because I generally deal with a lot of back discomfort, verging in pain. So, my workouts haven’t been as lazy as I thought. Then I looked at some not too old archery scores and I truly am happy about where I am right now in my progress.

Sometimes it doesn’t take much to set my brain on a bit of a tailspin, but overall I see myself as a positive and happy person. I work in a school with some truly amazing students and teachers. I have a wonderful office staff. And I come home to an awesome family.

I’m blessed, and when I get into a rut like I did yesterday, I need to get over myself and appreciate how truly lucky I am.

The weather is wonderful all this week, and it’s going to be a great day today!

Removing the obstacle

Since buying my new bow, I haven’t had a new personal best score. I’ve made a lot of adjustments and changed arrows, and have learned a lot, but my best score hasn’t moved up. One challenge I’ve had is that the fatter arrows I purchased are harder to keep on my tiny arrow rest while I draw the bow. I start to pull the string back, and the arrow bounces off of the rest and I have to let down the bow, reposition the arrow, and draw again. With a 50 pound bow, those extra draws that are unsuccessful get really tiring.

Yesterday I went to the archery store just before they closed and they installed my drop-away rest that I had on my old bow. This rest isn’t a tiny ‘V’ blade that the arrow sits on, it’s a big ‘U’ that cups the arrow and drops down and out of the way before the fletching at the back of the arrow hit it.

I then went and shot a round. First I had to recalibrate my sighting and get my bow adjusted to the slightly different location of the new rest, then I shot 30 arrows and scored a 278.

My personal best is a 280. Looking at my score card, the first round, when I was still adjusting my sight was the only round that I didn’t score at least one 10 or X in the round (you always score high to low score as opposed to by the order the shots went in). Also, I only shot 3 arrows outside the yellow 9-ring.

I shot two 8’s and a 6. The 6 was a really bad shot that I know my mistake. Part of the issue was I hadn’t lined everything up properly and was trying to readjust myself at full draw of the bow. I should have let down the bow and restarted, but having had the old rest where I kept having to redraw with the arrow falling off, I was accustomed to fighting through to avoid this. An old habit I’ll gladly break soon.

Still, if that 6 was even an 8, my other worse score on the card, I would have tied my personal best on my first attempt with this arrow rest on my bow. I know that not having to draw the bow so many times, frustrating me and tiring me out, will go a long way in getting me to my new personal best score.

After a couple weeks of dedicated shooting over the break, I saw no progress in my score. Then I remove one obstacle, and I shoot the best I have in a while and get close to my personal best. This reminds me of the quote, ‘the obstacle is the way’. That thing getting in your way is the thing to figure out, or it becomes the path forward. I thought I could persevere and learn to use the tiny ‘V’ blade but couldn’t. The archery shop has ordered a wider blade for me and I might try again… it is a better rest than the drop-away one. But for now, I’ll use this one, I’ll draw my bow back 30 times to shoot 30 arrows, rather than 100 times, and I’ll smash my personal best score very soon.

That BS kid

I was one of those kids. You know the type, every report card my marks were somewhere between average and good, with comments about me not meeting my potential… The ‘BS’ grade of ‘B’ but only a ‘S’atisfactory for effort, rather than ‘G’ood. With a few exceptions the marks could have been ‘A’s. It got worse in university where my marks became further divergent, with me getting ‘A’s in the courses I liked and ‘C’s in the ones I didn’t.

It took my Teacher Ed degree at 29 years old before my marks started to actually represent my abilities, and even then it was partially because I surrounded myself with people who pushed me. I can still hear Anna-Christana’s voice, “Dave, look at our calendar, we have 3 big things due, one on Thursday, two on Friday next week, so you need to start at least one of them this weekend, ok?”

It took me almost two decades of schooling to figure it out on my own before starting my Masters. And now, despite knowing these kind of students, despite being one of these students, I still don’t know a magic formula to move a ‘BS’ to a ‘BG’ or an ‘AG’. As a side note, it’s not as much about the ‘A’ mark as the ‘G’ for effort, that I’m really interested in seeing… change the effort, grades will eventually follow.

In high school, favourite teachers of mine could get me to put more effort into things, but they didn’t decide to be a favourite teacher, I decided. That speaks a lot to the importance of relationships in teaching, but kids don’t always meet you there. Yes, we can excite these students about a project that are in their areas of interest. Yes, we can give them more choice in assignments and ways to demonstrate learning, but at some point they need to step up too.

I wish there was a secret I could reveal. I wish I could look back in time and say, ‘If only I had done this‘, or i’If only someone had provided me with that‘, well then things would have been different. Maybe there is something, but for me it was my age and my willingness to put the effort in. Until then, learning on someone else’s agenda was pretty much BS to me.

Limbo

I was in our local drug store yesterday and they were taking walk-ins for the covid-19 vaccine. People just needed to be 55 years old or older to get it. I’m a year and a half too young and so I couldn’t get mine. It was wonderful to see, but also so frustrating that I still have to wait. I know it’s not a quick fix, I know I work in schools where students will not be vaccinated for quite some time. I know we will have strict protocols right through the end of June, and potentially when we start up in September again. I know all this, but I feel like I’m in perpetual limbo waiting for my turn to get the vaccine.

I also wonder about all the people choosing not to take the vaccine. Vaccines are not perfect, but neither are countless over the counter drugs that people use every day. For instance, ibuprofen is a drug many people take way too frequently and can be very bad for you.  Here is some information about ibuprofen:

“Regular use of ibuprofen may eventually cause:

  • kidney and liver damage
  • bleeding in the stomach and bowels
  • increased risk of heart attack.”

And, “NSAIDs such ibuprofen can increase the risk of heart attack or stroke in people with or without heart disease or the risk factors for heart disease.”

In a global pandemic, no vaccine is going to be perfect, but the fear mongering and paranoid opportunists have pushed the anti-vax stupidity to what would be comical levels if the consequences of their stupidity weren’t spreading so quickly. I’m frequently surprised by people sharing concerns about the vaccine who seem to have very limited understanding of what research has been done, people who confuse RNA with DNA, and people who cherry pick their information from biased news sources and spout their bias as ‘facts’.

All this leads me to think that when I finally get the vaccine, while I’ll sigh a little sigh of relief, and while I’ll do a little happy dance… I just might find myself in the same limbo a while longer. I’m not sure it’s going to bring me as much comfort as I would like it to.

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Meanwhile, as a PSA… Keep taking your Vitamin D!  (See ‘Vitamin D and Covid-19‘ and ‘Vitamin D could save your life‘.)

Missed opportunities

Here are some missed opportunities in naming things that are absolutely hilarious. TikTok continues to be a 1/2 hour break in my day that is far better than any TV show I can think of.

This silly minute-long video made me think a bit about some bigger missed opportunities. I wish I travelled more when I was younger. I wish that I took up martial arts when my aunts and uncles did. I wish I learned another language. But then there are many things that I can think of that I ended up doing, like moving to China, starting and sticking with water polo, despite sucking at it to start, and more recently, starting archery, because I’ve just always wanted to do it.

Overall, I like to think of myself as someone who grabs at opportunities rather than letting them go by. That hasn’t always been the case… and maybe it still isn’t in some ways… but I think that believing that I’m someone who seizes rather than misses opportunities is a better belief system to have.

Grab that opportunity that you know you’ll miss later, if you miss it now that it’s here in front of you. What are you waiting for?

The same moon

It’s 10:30 pm and I’m sitting in my hot tub. My phone is in a clear waterproof bag and I’m sitting on the edge with my feet in, to end my session. Usually I listen to podcasts or my book while enjoying my hot tub, but today I put Greta Van Fleet’s second album on and looked up at the sky. The moon is out and bright enough to give me a shadow.

It’s nice to see the night sky, stars, and moon since my last several hot tubs were all under rain or heavy clouds. As I stared up at it, it dawned on me that it is very unlikely that I was the only person on earth looking at the moon at that moment. How many of ‘us’ were taking a moment to look at the same moon? It’s a simple question with an impossible to know answer.

We all race through this stark, empty, and insignificant part of a truly vast universe on a tiny planet… together. The next time you look up at the moon ask yourself, “Who else might be looking at the moon right now?” Do this and the world seems smaller, more connected.

Two decades

I’m current listening to a book set in the late 1800’s. The protagonist is a 17 year older girl in a poor neighbourhood in London. Life was tough, dirty, and inconvenient. It made me think of how much things have change since then.

After pondering this for a while I got to thinking about a time much closer to now, 2001. Just two decades ago, back when I had a computer in the back of my classroom, but the tracker ball was missing from the mouse. iTunes began, but no one was using it until the iPod came out later in the year. 2001 was three years before Facebook; Four years before YouTube; 5 years before Twitter; Six years before the iPhone. Paper maps were still the most convenient way to find your way around when driving, and my wife and I shared a cell phone.

This all seems prehistoric now. With changes that have major impacts on our lives happening so quickly, just imagine how different our lives could be two decades from now!

Tech patient rather than savvy

I spent hours today trying to figure out some technology that was new to me. Hours.

Google and YouTube didn’t help. I spent unnecessary money buying an app I didn’t need. I asked for help. I finally got far enough that youtube can help me, but I’m done for the day.

I get stuck trying new things and get single-minded about it. I dig, I try, I fail, I try something different, I fail again. People always ask me for tech help and think I’m tech savvy. I’m not. I’m patient, I’m persistent, I’m stubborn, and I want to know how things work. Sometimes it feels like a gift, today it felt more like a curse.

1,000 more arrows

I’ve been struggling to shoot well with my new compound bow, but yesterday I shot the best round since getting it. I’m still off of my personal best, and I am still a little inconsistent, but I was able to more than double the amount of times I was able to score a full 10 points with a shot. And although I didn’t score as well the second round, I was finding the bullseye more in that round.

Now I’ve started to find a flaw in my execution. I seem to have a lot of movement, beyond the desired movement, just after I trigger the release. This is challenging to figure out, but easier to fix than when you just don’t know what you don’t know. At least I’m at a point where I know it’s my error and not just mysteriously wondering what my bow is doing (because I can’t recognize what it is that I’m doing wrong).

Part of my problem is target panic. That’s when you see that your sight is perfectly lined up with the bullseye and you try to rush the shot. For me, it’s a whole body experience, and I sometimes buckle a bit, with my bow hand not holding strong and my hands come slightly closer together. This is an awful movement in archery, and one I have to work on getting rid of. While it doesn’t happen a lot, I don’t know when it’s coming until I’ve already experienced it.

The cams on a compound bow create a ‘wall’ where you hold the shot where there is a let-off of the weight that’s pulling the string. So my 50lb bow, at full extension, has a 75% let-off and I’m only holding 12.5lbs, while a person with a recurve bow would be holding the full 50lbs. My job is to keep my extension and hold the bow ‘hard’ against the wall, but still be relaxed and not be stiff… Yet, also not be so relaxed that I let myself buckle when I see the bullseye lined up.

I know progress will be slow from here, but at least I’m in a good headspace where I can see a path forward. I’m going to make many more bad shots, but the good shots will be more frequent. I’m finally not just floundering and feeling like I’m not improving. Now I just need to keep shooting. 1,000 more arrows, then 1,000 more after that…

Headspace

Yesterday I spent a good part of the day inside my own head. I don’t know if I’m the only one that experiences this sensation (or rather lack of sensation) or if it’s a quirk of the human condition we all experience? I was able to do my job, and I could interact with others, but I felt more like an observer than a participant. I wasn’t fully present.

This isn’t a headspace that I particularly enjoy. It is one where I don’t feel fully engaged in the world. I feel like a visitor in a foreign land, a stranger that vaguely understands my surroundings. I have to work to stay focused on a conversation because my thinking is too loud but not terribly interesting. I feel somewhat disengaged, not just from others but from myself.

Thankfully, the feeling is gone this morning. I don’t like to spend too much time ‘there’. It’s like the world outside my head is a movie that I must watch, but don’t really want to. Reading this now I feel like this should be titled head-case rather than headspace and wonder if someone reading this will recommend psychotherapy… but I also suspect that others will fully understand this experience. Is it really just me, or do others have these moments too?

I imagine for some people this can feel scary. For others, comfortable. For some they can put themselves here, for others they can’t leave. For me it is infrequent, it is not something I can talk my way out of, and it seldom lasts more than a day. It’s just a headspace that I sometimes get into… a mode of observing my own participation in the world around me, yet not feeling present.