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Parents Today

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It’s a catchy title, ‘Parents Today’, an invite to go on a rant and share how society has changed and how parents are the problem. And, yes, this is a bit of a rant, but I want to start by saying this is a trend, not an issue with every parent… but it is indeed something I’ve seen more and more of.

That said, I’ve shared before, and I still believe that parents are our partners in education, and I believe it really does take a community to raise a child. And when we work together as educators and parents we can do great things. I’ve seen this in action. We had two sisters thrive at our school. One of them was able to train 20+ hours a week at her sport, still had time in Grade 12 to follow her passions, compose, produce, and sing an entire album of songs, and get high enough grades to get into the university program of her choice.

Her younger sister joined us and was quiet, and I wasn’t sure if she was enjoying herself. Then at the second PAC (Parent Advisory Council) meeting, her mom pulled me aside afterwards to have a private conversation. She got teary-eyed and thanked me and asked me to thank the teachers. She said that this was the first time in her younger daughter’s entire school experience that she wanted to go to school. She said school from preschool to grade 8 was joyless for her daughter, it was a chore to get her to school, and like pulling teeth to get her to say anything nice about her schooling.

She told me what a delight it was to see her daughter waking up and wanting to go to school. What a joy it was to have her come home and share what she was learning. How heartwarming it was to see her smile when she spoke about school. Her mom didn’t realize that this was equally heartwarming for me and my staff to hear.

We can get things right.

But in all honesty, sometimes we don’t. Sometimes we can have challenges where a kid struggles and we have to work together to make things better. And again, when we approach challenges as a team, we can often make things better. Not always, but frequently… and this is where the rant sneaks in. I’ve noticed that it could be a lot more frequent if it wasn’t for (some) parents today.

We have parents that overshare information and humiliate their children in front of us. They embarrass their kids with private details that makes the kid feel too ashamed to look to educators for support and assistance.

We have parents that blame educators for a student not learning something. Who expect every possible accommodation for their child, and literally expect us to take the challenge out of learning. They fail to see that learning doesn’t stick when there is no effort associated with the process. They’ll watch their kid spend hours on a video game to perfect a level, then the same kid will put zero effort into an assignment and it’s the educator’s fault because he or she doesn’t understand how their kid learns.

We have parents who see themselves as their child’s friend and advocate, and will not parent them when they need a parent. They will let their child have a device in their room so they can play games or socialize until 3am, then claim it’s too hard to get them to school in the morning. ‘Turn off the wifi? Take their device away? We couldn’t do that.’ Make them go to school tired to understand the consequences of their actions? ‘Oh, no. My kid needs his rest, he’d be too upset if we did that.’

We have parents defend their child, claiming they did the work themselves, even when it’s obvious that they cheated or plagiarized. ‘Just so you know, I was sitting next to her when she wrote that.’ Actually lying to protect them like that is some sort of favour. It doesn’t matter that the child can’t define several of the words used, or that all other writing done in a supervised environment is both structurally different, and reads as if it was written by someone with a weaker vocabulary.

In each of these examples, the parent thinks they are doing their child a favour. They believe they are being advocates. Meanwhile, rather than working with educators to help their child, they are adversarial, confrontational, and/or passively harming their child by not being a parent.

The rise in number of parents I saw doing these kind of things in my last decade of education was concerning. Parents will spend more time getting Chat GPT to argue a case for their child’s ‘defence’ than they will actually parenting their child, or listening to a teacher. They will hear only their child’s perspective and come into the school with metaphorical guns blazing to defend them when the issue was minor and could have been resolved with a simple inquiry. They will send a scathing email to a teacher, realize there was a misunderstanding and then send a meek apology or no apology at all when the small concern is cleared up… Then they wonder why a teacher’s future communication to them doesn’t seem warm and caring… and claim that the teacher doesn’t like their kid.

As a principal, no matter how upset a parent was, I always started a meeting thinking, ‘We are on the same team, we both want what’s best for their child/our student.’ I’ve had hard conversations with teachers, students, and parents as a result of those conversations.

But the hardest conversations where with parents who I had to walk on eggshells around because their child, who was not being a good student, was being ruthlessly defended… And anything I said to suggest their kid had work to do was dealt with as evidence that a collective ‘we’, everyone at school, was at fault… Meanwhile I had a team of exasperated educators doing all they could with a supportive lens.

Schools can still work when there is a kid or two with parents like this, but I watched their number rise. I saw the pressure it put on educators… especially after the challenges of Covid. We are at a time when kids need the whole community to support them, and I’m seeing too many parents work against rather than with the school community.

It’s these kinds of parents that are one of the biggest problems in education today.

Parents as Partners

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This week we had a student IEP (Individualized Education Plan) meeting with a family. It was a meeting that really could not have gone better. It involved both parents and an advocate, myself and three teachers. From start to finish the meeting was focused on one thing: how do we work together to provide the best possible environment for their child/our student to thrive?

When everyone has the same objective, it almost always makes a meeting go well. But sometimes it’s clear that it isn’t just the objectives that are similar but also the approach, and then it’s easy for strategies to be put into place and for everyone to come out of the meeting feeling like we truly are partners working together.

Way back in 2009-10, when I was living in China and working as a principal in a foreign national school, I shared a series in my school newsletters that I called ‘Parents as Partners’. While some of the links I shared no longer work, the messages still hold true.

I started the post saying this:

“I firmly believe that “It takes a community to raise a child” and so without cooperation and communication between a school and their parent community, ‘we’ cannot fully support our children and their learning. That said, I often wonder about how we can more meaningfully engage parents in a way that they want to be engaged.”

You can head to that post to see some of the ideas I shared… and you are welcome to use anything there for yourself, editing as you see fit.

Special events

Last night we had our first real ‘live’ event at the school in years. Last week we did our grad in a local theatre, but yesterday’s event was in our own building. We invited our incoming parents and students to an information session, then we had an outdoor BBQ for them and our PAC, followed by our PAC meeting.

While the PAC meeting went on, a group of our current grade 9’s continued the tour and did activities with our new students. Being a very small school, and having students come from across the district, some students are coming to us knowing at most 3 other students, and in some cases like from out of district, they might not know anyone else. An event like this helps calm the nerves for attending in September.

Before the event, our Grade 9’s were so excited that I thought they might scare away the first few kids that arrived. They were thrilled to be running an event like this. But they settled down and were awesome ambassadors to the school. I loved their presentation to the students and parents. It covered our schedule, the kind of courses we have, the culture of the school, activities, and more than a couple laughs.

After 2 years of feeling very locked down, this event was uplifting. It reminded me of the big events we used to run, like our open house that would host over 200 people, and our all-day event for new students. Next year I look forward to our iHub Talks where we bring in guests and have presentations for students and parents, and hosting an inquiry showcase where all our students present their projects to parents and families.

What’s really unique about these experiences are how much our students do to organize the day. Today our school will be given over to students who are running a LARP – a Live Action Role Play. Student organizers have developed the entire storyline, and have fully planned the day. This is a fabulous way to end the school year, and I’m really excited about what next year will bring.

Holiday message

After sharing our Superintendent’s holiday message attachment, and the link to find the latest district pandemic response, this was my holiday message from the principal that I sent out yesterday:

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Beyond our control:

It’s was a bit hard today to hear that new restrictions are being implemented or re-implemented to deal with the Omicron variant, and that we still seem to be in pandemic rather then endemic times. In the Fall of 2020 I ruled out any recovery for 2021 and started saying, “Things will start to get better in January 2022.” Even in July of this year, as we were dealing with the Delta Variant, I wrote in my daily blog that I was still optimistic. I thought my timeline left room for error, but I was wrong. Still, while things may not be better in January, I hold a lot of optimism about what 2022 holds in store for us. I hope you do too. 

Within our control:

We all need to do our part. The holiday season is a time when families get together, and students connect with friends. We all need to do this with caution and follow the requested guidelines. When we think about the good of the greater community, we all benefit. “Be safe, be smart,” is my new mantra I share with my daughters, and I share it with you now too. Let’s all do our part.

Story time:

I wear two hats as Principal, one for Inquiry Hub and one for Coquitlam Open Learning (COL). My responsibilities for COL dominated my attention for the past couple weeks. While I was running around trying to do too many things at once, one of my teachers reminded me to ‘be present’ when I was trying to do two other things while also carrying on a conversation with the teacher. This was a good reminder for me.

I have a mentor who I was talking to, many years ago, about trying to juggle everything I was dealing with. The metaphor I used was that I keep adding things to the back of my truck, and things were starting to fall off. My mentor said, “Stuff, not people.”

“Pardon?” I asked.

He responded, “Stuff, not people. When things get really busy, and you can’t do everything, things will ‘fall off the back of your truck’. When that happens, make sure that it’s stuff, and not people.”

My teacher reminded me of this. I was trying to do many things, and in my effort, I was not attentive to the person, while I was being attentive to the ‘stuff’ I was dealing with.

At this time when we don’t have a lot of control over imposed restrictions, and doing what’s best for our community, we do have control over our own attention. Students and parents alike, when you are having a conversation, put your devices away. Have technology free meals. Play a board game instead of watching TV. Be present with each other… that’s the best gift you can give each other.

Happy holidays to you all… Be safe, be smart,

Dave

The Resilience of Students

We had our final PAC meeting of the year last night for Inquiry Hub. At the end of the Principal’s Report I did a quick ‘Thank You’ to parents, students, and teachers. One thing I mentioned when I talked about the students was resilience. I am so impressed with how resilient students were this year.

We’ve had students deal with family hardships that no kid should have to deal with. We’ve had students who have had their own struggles that they need to face. We’ve had students who have struggled previously that have stepped up and found ways to be more successful. These students are especially resilient, and may not even realize it.

We’ve also had many students who have come to school every day and just made the most out of this year. In many respects it has been a challenging year, one where things did nothing go as expected. But students have come together and created community. They have supported each other. They have found ways to thrive.

And they’ve learned so much! I’m absolutely impressed with some of the inquiry projects that were done this year. And when I’ve watched student presentations, I’ve seen slides that are so well put together that you would think they were going to a design school. They aren’t just putting information on a page, they are conveying a coherent story. While this is usually something we consistently see with seniors, this is now something that we are seeing at every grade.

And students are committed to helping each other. They have come together and showed how much they care for one another, and supported each other. The examples I can think of are plentiful, but also a little too specific to share here without asking permission. The point being that during a global pandemic, when I’d expect to see more individual concerns for student well being, I’ve instead seen resilient kids coming together to help each other.

We don’t always give kids the credit they deserve. They are amazingly resilient and at a time when many people are dealing with hardships greater than they normally have to face, our students, our kids, have been dealt a challenging school year and have made it through this year surprisingly well.

I can’t wait to see what these kids do when we are able to provide them a full school experience next year… it’s something I really look forward to. I’m already excited about what September will bring.

Is it just me?

I’ve seen incredible understanding, kindness, and patience in schools this year. I’m a bit worried about the kids who worry, and I wish classes could mix, but it seems everyone is being so considerate.

Maybe it’s just the honeymoon stage, but I’m impressed with the gratitude and thoughtfulness of digital communication I’m seeing. I’m noticing appreciation from families for what is happening… even if it isn’t ideal, or what could have been possible without so many restrictions.

This doesn’t show up in the news. This isn’t what makes headlines. Schools are resilient places. Educators are caring people. Students want to do well.

Everyone is stepping up.

It’s only the start of the journey, and it may be a bit of a bumpy trip… but everyone is doing the best they can (students, educators, and families) and that is making a noticeable and positive difference.

Is it just me, or are others noticing this too?

Dave and Dave podcast 28

7 Parenting Tips During Covid-19 – Video Version

I recently revived my podcast. I’ve had conversations with Kelly Christopherson, Jonathan Sclater, Joe Truss, and Dave Sands. Because of COVID-19, I can’t sit next to people to interview them for my podcast. I couldn’t do that for Kelly in Saskatchewan or Joe in California anyway, but for sure that would have been the preferred approach to interview Jonathan and Dave. For all 4 of these interviews I used Zoom, and Dave and I were talking last week about the idea of also putting the podcast out on video. So, here it is, my podcast with Dave Sands in video form.

Description: This is the video version of Podcasting Pair-a-Dimes #28 with David Truss. My guest is Principal Dave Sands. We discuss 7 tips to help parents, who are supporting their kids learning at home (as a result of remote learning due to COVID-19). The 7 tips are:

    1. Manage Expectations
    2. Make a Schedule
    3. Minimize Distractions
    4. Learning occurs everywhere
    5. Set daily and weekly goals
    6. All screen time is not created equal
    7. Model learning.

I think this topic is relevant almost everywhere in the world right now, and I believe that we discussed some great tips for parent, not only when dealing with their kids learning at home, but also in general to support their kids success at school.