Tag Archives: Life Lessons

Nothing and Everything

The earth has been around for 4.55 billion years. Homo sapiens for about 200,000 years.

200,000/4,550,000,000 *100= 0.0043956043956

Humans have only been on earth for 0.0044% of the earth’s history. Or if you look at the age of the one universe, 13.78 billion years, humans have only existed for 0.00144% of all time.

For a little more perspective, a single 100 year life is lived for only 0.00000073% of all time. Insignificant. Our lives are not even a blink of an eye in the grand scheme of the universe. Nothing.

Yet for us, it’s everything. It’s all we know. It’s all we have. It’s no wonder people want to believe in an afterlife… why, there simply has to be more… or so the thinking goes. But regardless of your beliefs, this life is unlikely to go past 100 years. Life is so short and fleeting. This begs the questions:

Are you passing time, or are you experiencing it?

Are you completing tasks or creating memories?

Are you treating life like it is nothing, or do you realize that, for you, it is everything?

Back to (almost) normal

Tonight, at the Inquiry Hub grad, will be the first time in a few years where I’m going to be talking to a live audience larger than a classroom. This is just another example of things going back to normal… except in 2019, when I spoke it was to an audience of most of the students and parents from our school. This year we only invited the grads and their parents, not the whole community.

The reason for the bigger audience in 2019 is that our grad isn’t just a grad, it’s an annual celebration with awards and we used to invite everyone. But the school was smaller and in 2020 we were planning to move to a bigger venue before the pandemic cancelled the big event. For 2022, after 2 years of grads crossing the stage individually with just their family in the audience, we chose this year to host only the grads at this event and to stream the event live for everyone else.

This is probably something we’ll do from now on. Times change. Traditions change. What’s ‘normal’ changes. That’s the theme of my speech, that normal changes, and this could be a good thing. We don’t have to go back to what used to be pre-pandemic. We can change things up, make things better, blend old and new.

When my family moved to China it was a major culture shock. Things changed for us drastically, and we adapted. When we returned from China, that was a really stressful point in my marriage. My wife and I fell back into old habits, but we weren’t the same people anymore. It was a major adjustment and a lot of work to create a new connection and relationship that wasn’t just the version from two years previous.

This is an exciting time to be living in, we’ve just had a very foreign two year experience, and now we’ve got to decide what do we keep from the pre-pandemic experience, and what do we change, for the better, thanks to living through the pandemic experience?

What’s the new normal that’s better than the old normal?

Measuring success

Pull out a ruler and measure how happy you are. Start a stop watch to measure your success. So many people measure success by their ability to achieve goals, but many of these same people reach their goals only to realize the goal wasn’t enough, they need more:

  • You won a tournament, but you still aren’t world champion.
  • You made your first million, now you need to make 10 million.
  • You a ran a personal best time, what’s the next goal?
  • Target reached? Look ahead to yet another target you haven’t yet achieved.

There’s nothing wrong with trying to be better. Nothing wrong with creating smaller targets on a path to larger targets. It’s good to have goals that push you to be your best. But what happens when you reach a final target? Is there always one more target to add? Is there always one more achievement you haven’t measured up to yet?

Maybe. And that’s ok, because that drive is what makes you so successful. But what does success feel like? Is it a sense of achievement or a sense of never being enough? When you hit a critical target on your journey ‘to’ success does the celebration feel great, or empty?

Who helped you along the way. You did you hurt or lose along the way? How much do these other people matter? How much of your time was focussed on your targets versus the people that helped you reach them? What else did you have to sacrifice?

Is success measured by what you did, or how you feel about it, or how others perceive you? What does success look like and feel like to you? How do you measure success?

How long does it last?

Who else benefited?

Where does happiness or fulfillment fit in? What achievements really matter? And how do you really measure these things?

Take a moment and celebrate where you are right now. Maybe, just maybe, success is reaching a point where you don’t have to do more to feel good? Maybe, just maybe, success is not a destination you haven’t yet reached… because if every measure of success has another target ahead of it, you’ll never feel successful enough. I may or may not know you, but I’m willing to bet you deserve more than that. If you don’t feel successful, maybe you are measuring the wrong things.

Everything is an 11

I don’t know what has changed but it seems that whatever the concern is that people have, on a scale of 1-10 that concern becomes an 11. Anything bigger than a 6 out of 10 just skips on by 7-10… if it’s more than a 6 it’s an 11.

No nuance, no compromise, no quarter.

Miscommunication? No they lied to me!

Apology? Not enough, I want retribution!

Compromise? No, full concession!

‘Why aren’t you following up on this right now, can’t you see that this is the most important thing in the world? This… This is an 11/10.’

I’m not saying it isn’t important, but I am saying that escalating concerns like this doesn’t often get the result people want. Animosity doesn’t enhance cooperation. Anger doesn’t promote resolution.

I’m reminded of the saying, “When you have one eye fixed on the destination, you only have one eye with which to find the way.”

Further to this, I think that when things escalate to 11, the chance of reaching that destination that was the original goal moves farther away. Reactionary, angry, point-for-point volleying of minutiae doesn’t allow for solutions to be found.

I have two friends that I’ve known for decades. One of them is always having to deal with incompetence around her. It’s unbelievable how much the people around her screw up. And if you ask her how her day is going, the idiot that screwed up is what she’ll tell you about.

I have another friend who always has things go her way. She’ll have an issue with something not going well and the first thing she’ll say is, “I’m sorry, I’m really trying my best not to be a Karen, but this doesn’t seem right.” She’ll specifically say things like, “I don’t need you to fix this for me, I just thought you should know.” And she gets thank you’s in the form of gift cards, free food, upgrades, etc.

For the first friend, everything is an 11, and she has to deal with 11’s all the time. For the second friend nothing is over a 7, and by the time things are done, they are actually a 2, or not even an issue anymore.

Maybe, just maybe, short of losing life or limb, nothing is an 11… And if you believe that, maybe, just maybe, you will find that life is a little easier, and happier, when you don’t ramp things up so much.

What’s the end goal? How can you get there in a way that makes you and the other person feel good about the outcome? I doubt you can do that while you are at an 11.

The opposite of depression

I shared a quote by Derek Sivers yesterday. It came from his podcast, which was actually him being interviewed on another podcast, Cathy Heller – Don’t keep your day Job.

In the podcast with Derek, Cathy says this:

“I feel like the greatest human need is people want to feel seen. But really when it comes down to it, what I’ve also noticed is that the opposite of depression isn’t happiness, it’s purpose. And so somehow when we help other people feel seen, and we give that to other people, that’s like the greatest feeling and then you do feel seen.”

A lightbulb went off in my head when I heard, “The opposite of depression isn’t happiness, it’s purpose.”

Happiness is fleeting. It doesn’t sustain itself, not like depression can. Happiness isn’t a formidable foe to depression. But purpose is. Purpose can be maintained, and sustained. Purpose doesn’t dissipate when something goes wrong, like happiness does. Purpose forces you to look forward, to look ahead, to see promise beyond the moment.

The opposite of depression is purpose.

Actions, not words – Derek Sivers

I’m a fan of Derek Sivers. He’s someone who seems to have really figured out how to live life meaningfully and I think he lives a joyful life. Other people I follow live good lives, but I’m not sure they are truly happy. I think Derek is a rare kind of person that finds joy wherever he looks. He does what he wants to do, when he wants to do it, and is brutally honest with himself about what he really wants to do. I don’t think he spends a lot of time thinking, I really want to do ‘this’. He just decides to do it.

I’ve written specifically about him a couple times:

And I’ve mentioned him a few more times.

I listened to him on a podcast and this really hit a chord with me (related to his idea about goals, shared above):

“I have a concept that says that your actions reveal your values better than your words. So no matter what you say you want to do, your actions show what your values really are.”

How often do we have goals or plans that we never get to?

‘I’m going to start this project after…’

And no matter what we say next, something else comes up to delay us.

Or, ‘I really want to do this but…’

And after the ‘but’ comes an excuse about not having time, money, resources.

Do you really want to do it, or is it just wishful thinking?

I wanted to do a daily blog for years. I started this ‘Daily-Ink’ in 2010, but I didn’t really decide to do it until 2019. For 9 years it was wishful thinking. Then I decided: it’s not that I want to be a writer, I am a writer… and the way to be a writer is to write every day. So, it’s not even 6am yet, and I’m done my daily write.

Actions, not words… Or in my case the action of consistently writing words. 😃

No matter where you go…

More than half a life ago I had a girlfriend that was a fair bit older than me. She was very well travelled, including a solo trip to Africa in the early 80’s. While I haven’t seen her in almost 30 years, I still remember one of her favourite sayings, “No matter where you go, there you are.”

That saying is said by a lot of people, but I finally understood it when she said it. There is no escaping yourself. If you are kind in life, you’ll be kind in a sunny destination spot. If you’re a jerk, you’ll be a jerk at a touristy landmark. If you feel lost, you won’t find yourself on the peak of a mountain. You take whomever you are, wherever you go.

So whether you seek adventure, excitement, relaxation, or rest, it’s your own expectations and hopes that will determine what kind of trip you have. Disappointment because the room wasn’t quite what you expected, or although the room wasn’t what you expected the view was spectacular and made up for it? The food was more expensive than expected, or the food was pricey but you would have paid double for that red snapper last night? Are you looking for disappointment or are you looking for opportunities to see, hear, and feel positive experiences in a foreign land?

No matter where you go, there you are. Sometimes it takes travel experiences to truly understand what that means. As the world opens up, I hope people find exactly what they are looking for when they travel… just make sure you are looking for the right things.

A tribe of #FitLeaders

For the last month I’ve been sharing some workout photos and conversation with other #FitLeaders on Twitter:

https://twitter.com/pam_mahood/status/1518706635832578049?s=21&t=kGq3G-MX5cZrhqzNpeCdzw

I didn’t follow the schedule.

I’m not sure if anybody did, and that didn’t matter to any of us. What mattered is that we shared; We worked out; We knew we had each other to look to for support.

I’m not aware of anyone training for something specific, we are just looking to stay fit. Like I said in a tweet:

Fitness is a lifelong journey and the destination is a more healthy tomorrow.

Find your fitness tribe, and get active. Future you will thank you. As Kelly says:

Take care of body, mind, sprit, and connection.

Negative conjecture

Part 1: The world is out to get me

I was fairly new to administration and I was dealing with a student who had parents who seemed to believe the entire world was out to get them. Everything that happened to them and their child was not by mistake or circumstance, or by choices made by their kid or themselves, these things were planned and designed to make their life difficult. In my dealings with them I too was part of the problem, I was an extension to the system trying to knock them down. So were the teachers and youth worker. We were all, in their eyes, conspiring to make their lives miserable.

Imagine living your life thinking and believing that you were a victim of the world. How would that impact your daily life? What would your thought process be when something, or in your eyes everything, doesn’t go your way? Imagine believing that everything that happens today is simply evidence of the continuation of everything bad that has happened before.

Part 2: The things we didn’t do

I spent a lot of (younger) years wishing I had taken up karate. My uncles and an aunt trained and I watched them. Now decades later they are instructors and leaders in their club back in Barbados. I was a tiny 7-year old kid when they started, and my mom didn’t want me getting hurt. Later, in high school, I took up water polo and that led me to some amazing experience that I wouldn’t trade for the world. Coaching water polo is what inspired me to become a teacher. I’m not sure I would have followed either path had karate been my thing as a kid. I no longer look at this as a regret.

How many people do you know that define the world by what they didn’t do, on what they missed out on… on what could have been. How many people imagine the life choices they didn’t take, and see that life as so much better than their own?

I remember an English teacher in Grade 10 who told us how he was good friends with Jim Henson, the creator of the Muppets, and how Jim asked him to join along on this new venture. This teacher told us he didn’t regret his choice, but it was late enough in the year and we knew him well enough when he told us this, that we could hear the regret and disappointment in his voice. Strange that this is just about the only thing that I remember from this class.

Regret, disappointment. These thoughts define some people. People who live in a world that could have been, and never will be.

Part 3: The things that never happened

How many scenarios have gone through your head after you dealt with a scenario poorly? There was the thing you did and said, and there were so many other things that you could have done, could have said. ‘I wish, oh how I wish I could have handled that differently’. But your imagination doesn’t stop there. No, you go over the scenario again and again. Each time something different, something better happens in your mind. Your mind is filled with events that never happened; un-lived experiences; fictitious, more successful experiences.

Epilogue

Today is a new day, with new choices and new opportunities. We are shaped by our past, but our past is not our present. We learn, we grow, we make new choices. The world does not conspire against us. New opportunities will present themselves. Our choices we make can be different and better than the choices we made in the past. We are better off living our lives with positive conjecture… The world will conspire with us, not against us.

All the world is an improv stage

Think of the roles you play in life: A child, son or daughter to parents… Sibling. Student. Friend. Employee/Boss. Boyfriend/Girlfriend. Husband/Wife. Parent. Caregiver….

We take on so many roles in our lives. And when we take them on, we do so without an instruction manual. We play the role, not knowing how to really do it. You can be trained for a job, but not for every scenario you face. You can model yourself as a parent based on what you’ve seen other parents do, but your child will challenge your skills in unexpected ways.

Every role you take on will put you into situations where you are going off script, you are improvising to the best of your abilities. Sometimes nailing the role and making great choices. Sometimes bombing and making decisions that make the role harder.

All the world is a stage, and we are all actors, playing parts we learn as we play them. Some people play certain parts really well, while they flop in different roles. Not too many people, if any, are able to play each of their roles without struggling somewhere. We admire those that put on a show and do things really well. We complain about those that can’t or don’t play their role well. We often lack confidence that we can do our role well enough.

We are far more critical of how we play our roles compared to others. We often feel like we are the only ones acting… everyone else has a script. But there is no script. There is no one path, improv doesn’t work if everything is set up. It has rules to keep going well. It’s better to support the actors around you than it is to cut them off. It’s better to understand that you share the stage than trying to go solo.

It’s not about getting everything right. It’s about helping others when they are lost for their lines, their roles. It’s about sharing and laughing. It’s about enjoying the performance, even when it’s challenging. It’s about taking on new roles, and trying new things.

The world is your stage. The play is your playground. Improvise your roles as best as you can. And remember that others are improvising theirs roles too. Work with your fellow actors to create the best performance you can. But remember it’s all an act, and if you aren’t playing a role that works, change the role or change the way you act in it. All the world is an improv stage, and so you get to write the script as you go. Enjoy the performance, you only get one.