Tag Archives: kindness

Generosity is rewarding

I have a picky rule about Christmas. No lights, no music, no decorations until after my Birthday (November 21st). The rule isn’t about me being selfish about my birthday, it’s about me being selfish about Christmas. When Christmas Day rolls around I want to still be interested in hearing Christmas music, and enjoy the sights and sounds. I find the joy fades by Christmas Day if I feel like I’m celebrating for over a month.

Today my wife and I wrapped stocking stuffers, and I could see the thoughtfulness of these tiny gifts my wife bought out kids. It reminded me of how much joy there is in giving, and not just in receiving gifts. In fact, I think there can be more joy in giving than receiving.

I was reminded recently of an employee I hired at Starbucks. The best employee I ever hired, but I had to break a rule to hire him. The policy was every employee is interviewed by two people. The problem was this eager young man could barely speak English and he was so nervous that he did an awful job. But I trusted the customer who recommended him, a high powered lawyer with a ton of integrity, and I saw through this kid’s nervousness. He turned out to be amazing, and everyone on staff loved working with him.

Several months later his visa renewal was denied and he had to leave. It was really sad. He insisted on taking me out to dinner on one of his last nights in Canada as a ‘thank you’. He knew I gave him a break, I answered more than half his interview questions for him. It was obvious how bad it was and I still gave home the job. His work ethic paid off with dividends, but he was still grateful.

He took me to one of the most expensive Japanese restaurants in Vancouver, where we had about 10 or 11 courses. He stuffed me and complained that Canadians don’t eat enough. After dinner he gave me a bunch of gifts including a Gortex, waterproof jacket (I rode my bike to work daily, and my jacket was looking a little worn), a tennis racket, and other items that easily added up to more than his salary for a week. I felt bad accepting it all on top of this expensive meal we just enjoyed.

I really felt bad as the gifts kept coming out… then I saw it… the joy on his face. He was loving the moment. And I started to share his joy more than my guilt.

There can be great joy in giving as well as receiving gifts, and in some instances, the greater joy comes from giving. Enjoy being kind this holiday season!

A short clip on kindness

Take a couple minutes out of your day and enjoy this story by @therichb on TikTok: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZM8xFUYDm/

It’s amazing how small acts of kindness can spread joy, not just for the person receiving the kindness, but for the giver as well… even if it’s done without recognition.

Here’s another video to make your day:

Spread love and kindness, it’s good for you!

From faith or with faith?

This isn’t meant to be a critique of any specific religion, and it’s not a criticism of having faith in your beliefs. It’s a simple question: What should religions really teach us?

All religions have benevolent followers who act out of kindness and love. Support for family and community is a driving force for them.

All religions have unkind and unlikeable followers who act out of selfishness and self-indulgence. A lack of care for others well-being is inherently in their goals and aspirations.

Many people have benefited from a church or religious community supporting them. A sense of greater belonging strengthening their identity with like-minded people.

Many people have suffered in religious wars, crusades, and attacks from foreign people with foreign beliefs. A sense of alienation, a world of slavery, forced conversion, or death follows the invasion.

Do we need religion to act kind and benevolent? Could we be loving, caring and community-minded without a holy scripture? Could we be good people without faith in an organized religion, without a scripture to point the way?

Does goodness come from following a faith, or does a faith promote the goodness already inherent within us?

We can coexist with people of different faiths being loving and kind to one another. We can see the good in others who approach their faith with benevolence, even if their faith is not the same as ours. And if a faith prevents this, is that a benevolent God to follow? Can we seek peace beyond our faith, with those from outside our faith?

Do we learn to be good from our faith, or do we need to better understand how to be good to everyone beyond those that share our beliefs, as well as those that do? For it seems to me that in this day and age, if one’s faith does not promote openness and love beyond that faith, the faithful need to question how much good that faith brings them?

The gift of giving

Recently my family was able to help out another family. It wasn’t something we did ourselves, a community of people stepped up to help, we simply coordinated the support and did our part to contribute.

There is both a selfless and a selfish aspect of giving. The selfless part is that you do something kind without wanting anything in return. The selfish part is that you feel really good doing it. That is the gift you get, when you give.

A while back I worked in a very needy community and I was always surprised to learn that some of the needy families were the same families that volunteered in soup kitchens or in the community regularly. They were happy to give their time to help others. I realized that they often received charity, understood how much it was valued, and wanted to do the same for others.

They understood the value of getting gifts and wanted to do the same for others. Not having money, they gave their time. Interestingly, I think that when you give your time, rather than just money, the gift you receive as the giver is greater.

It’s weird to talk about giving as a selfish act, perhaps the better word is rewarding. So I’ll end by saying that giving to others in need is a rewarding act, it feels good, and nourishes you as much as it does those in need.

Find ways to reward yourself by giving to others.

What the new year does and does not bring

The new year brings an end to a difficult year.

The new year does not bring any tangible changes as a result of our planet crossing an arbitrary point in our rotation around the sun.

The new year brings hope, for a heard immunity against Covid-19, thanks to a number of different vaccines.

The new year does not bring any immediate relief from the spread of Covid-19, with a greater threat of spread due to a more contagious new variant coming out of the UK.

The new year brings resolutions and promises of self-improvement and ambitious goals.

The new year does not bring any promise of fulfilling these new goals without a dedicated effort to change habits and behaviours.

The new year brings a political and ideological shift in power in the United States.

The new year does not bring a promise of less divisiveness in the American people who seem too ideologically divided.

The new year brings inconsistent approaches to dealing with the virus, from being scarily too open to being confusingly too locked down.

The new year does not bring any promise of clarity about how best to deal with the virus while we wait for widespread vaccine distribution.

The new year brings continued paranoia and conspiracy filled misinformation, shared virally on social media.

The new year does not bring any way to meaningfully combat the spread of bad ideas.

The new year brings anticipation for a better year than 2020.

The new year brings promise of post pandemic world.

The new year brings opportunity for positive change.

The new year brings us more of the same, unless we choose to think, say, and act differently.

Let’s be different, better, more loving, kind, and caring… to ourselves, our community, and our environment. We do not get to choose the world we live in, but we do get to choose our impact on it and those in our community we share it with.

Potential Humanity

We live in an era of incredible potential. And yet when I opened my news feed this morning this is what I saw:

A misogynist Op-Ed that was clearly written with malice.

A racist group causing harm and violence.

An extremist left group doing the same.

An anti-mask gym owner saying he’ll continue to pay fines to keep his gym open.

A politician calling covid a ‘hoax pandemic’.

The largest iceberg ever, that broke off in 2017 thanks to global warming, is heading to islands likely to cause an ecological disaster.

Crazy.

When I think of the potential of humanity, I think of benevolence, creativity, generosity, love, and kindness.

When I open the news I see hate and ignorance. Today these stupid headlines came (except for the iceberg) from the country south of our borders. A country that’s supposed to be about equal opportunity, liberty, and justice. A country divided into two camps so opposed to the other side that they see the other as enemies more than neighbours (or I should say neighbors).

What does it mean to be human? What potential do we have as a species? What could we accomplish if we work together? What kind of world would we live in if we focused on what’s possible?

We can be better as a species. We can be peaceful. We can be kind. We can be loving. We can be more human.

Falling fairies

It was meant to be funny, but it was mean. Not one of proudest moments as a dad.

My oldest daughter was three, and we were outside, playing in the fresh snow on a weekend morning. The snow was deep, but way too fluffy and soft for a snowman. I went over to the huge tree in our front yard, covered in snow, branches laden with powdered snow, and decided it would be funny to shake the snow onto my daughter. A harmless joke.

I called here over. ‘Come here’.

“Why”

I gently pulled a branch lower. “Come over here.’

“Why”

‘If you listen carefully you can hear the tree fairies sing.’

My daughter came over, trying to listen, and I shook the branch. Puffy snowflakes came falling down into her. This wasn’t a dump of snow, it was a powdering, but still, a solid covering of her toque and face.

And then the tears came so fast that I couldn’t even laugh. Thank goodness because that would have been meaner that it already was. I gave her a hug and she cried on my shoulder. I realized my mistake and hugged her tight. At this point I did laugh embarrassingly, but held it in, my body shaking as I held back the noise, still hugging her and hiding my guilty grin. ‘Oh, I’m so sorry sweetie, it was just a joke.’

My mistake wasn’t dumping snow on her, that would have been funny. It was the comment about the fairies that was hurtful. I played on the gullibility of a three year old who really believed she was going to hear a tree fairy. When I tricked her, it wasn’t just a prank by dad for the sake of a joke, it was a betrayal, and a disappointment that made the betrayal actually hurt.

She got over it pretty quickly, and we were back to playing and having fun a few moments after the tears. Now that she’s almost 21, I’m sure this isn’t a scarring memory that she’ll end up needing therapy for, but it was not a great parenting moment for me.

We don’t always realize the way we hurt people with the things we say. To us it’s nothing but a lighthearted joke, a little poke, a passing comment. But to the receiver it can be more. It was falling fairies, not falling snow, that really hurt my daughter.

We don’t always see how our words and actions can really affect others. We say ‘It’s not a big deal’, others feel it really is. We see misunderstanding, others see malcontent. We see honest mistakes, others see betrayal. What others hear and feel is far more important than what we think they hear and feel.

And sometimes a sincere apology, or even a hug, can go a long way in mending fallen feelings.

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A related story, “T’was two nights after Christmas… A story of lost innocence.“

How hard is it to be considerate?

I love Starbucks pumpkin scones. Since they are seasonal and I haven’t had enough of them yet this year, I talked my wife into picking up Starbucks on the way to our walk this afternoon… it doesn’t take much convincing:)

We walked into the store and lined up behind just a couple people. Then the person behind us came in without a mask. A server said to him, “Excuse me sir, we have a mask policy in the store.”

He responded, “I have a breathing condition, I can’t wear masks.”

I’ll be honest, I rolled my eyes at this. Then another customer spoke up and called him an ‘@$$hole’. I thought that was uncalled for. It’s one thing to be upset, still another to just attack the person.

When my wife was ordering, I saw an employee giving the mask-less customer a $4 gift card, and apologizing to him, saying that he shouldn’t have to hear that in the store. A very thoughtful gesture, and the customer responded that it was ok, and that he doesn’t let comments like that bother him.

Then this unmasked customer’s masked wife or girlfriend joined him in line and later while we were waiting for our drinks, I noticed two things that the unmasked customer did that I thought were quite inconsiderate. First, he waited inside, while his masked partner went outside to wait. Second, he leaned around the plexiglass separating the employees from the customers and made a couple different requests (for a glass of water and something else I didn’t hear).

I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that he is one of the rare people that can’t actually wear a mask for less than 7 minutes to order a coffee. Sure, he can have that. But what about wearing a visor? What about respecting the protective plexiglass that was put there to separate employees from customers? What about having your partner line up for the drink and staying out of the store? Or what about having her wait inside while you wait outside after the order?

I didn’t say anything to him. Maybe I should have, but he’d already had a rude interaction with another customer and it’s not in my nature to escalate conflict. But I think the mask-less customer could have been more considerate towards everyone in the store.  And I think it’s just a matter of courtesy that the rude customer didn’t need to be such an @$$ himself.

I commend the Starbucks employee for doing something good… something considerate. I just wish others could do the same.
______________

More posts on wearing a mask:

I’d rather be a sheep than a lemming

Wear a mask

I don’t agree to disagree

When bad ideas go viral

Smile with your eyes

Some people

Today I had a funny interaction in a store. I was returning an item and an older gentleman decided that the lineup was too big and came along side me to make his purchase at the returns/customer service booth. Although he arrived just after me, I said he could go ahead of me. However Mrs. Persnickety working at Returns wanted to send him back. I was the only other person and I said it was ok, I’d wait. She rolled her eyes and let the old guy go ahead of me. When it was time for him to pay he struggled to find his Visa card and she helped him with another eye roll and an impatient tone.

When it was my turn, she curtly told me, the item had been opened, so I could only get exchange or store credit rather than a refund. I said I’d take a look around for exchange and her response was, ‘it has to be this value’ which I took as not getting store credit if it was less, so I took the store credit before looking to spend it, knowing I wouldn’t have to spend the credit all at once like I thought she was suggesting.

Overall Mrs. Persnickety was curt and a little unpleasant. She seems like one of those people who would be better off not working in the customer service department. Her exchanges with both the older gentleman before me and with me could’ve been a lot nicer with just a little bit of effort.

I went in the store and didn’t see anything to buy, so on the way out I saw that she was not serving anyone and so I asked her a clarifying question. “Is the store credit just for this store or can I use it in British Columbia as well?” I would’ve been happy with either response, if it was only the local store I would give the credit to my parents, and if I could use it across the chain, in BC, then I would take it home with me. Her response was that I can use it in any of the stores in Canada.

Then she asked me where in BC I was from, and started to tell me all the different cities where she had family in BC. We had a nice short conversation about how much she liked going there to visit, and how much she enjoyed the weather there. I said, “I used to live here in Toronto, however I have to say that the humidity is really getting to me this past week.”

She admitted that the heat was really bad this summer, and then said to me, “The worst part about the heat is how grumpy it makes some people.”

I agreed, with a little chuckle, and left the store.

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Positive Messages Make a Difference

My niece, Lisa Bouliane, wrote the following post on Facebook. She is a nurse in a large hospital in Vancouver, BC. I asked her to open the post up (beyond just sharing with friends) ,and if I could also share it here. It speaks for itself:

Lisa Bouliane – March 23 at 9:14 PM

I was biking home from work at VGH tonight and passed this message on the sidewalk. Thank you. I continued biking past down the road, before realizing I was tearing up at the message. I knew I had to circle back and take a picture to share.

I work in a critical care area of the hospital where the workplace has been a whirlwind of emotions and preparations. We are madly implementing safety measures for both patients and staff, for the impending increase of covid positive patients that will be admitted over the next couple of weeks. Working at the hospital is a highly emotional place as it is and now tensions are even higher, with a general feeling of the calm before the storm.

After another long and stressful 12 hour day, to come outside and see a message of appreciation touched my heart. This simple message on the sidewalk eased a sense of stress and anxiety I hadn’t realized I had been taking home with me. It immediately relaxed me and reminded me that we are all being impacted in numerous ways by this virus. It reminded me to be thankful to my amazing hard working colleagues, as we all go through this journey together. It reminded me to be thankful that I am young and healthy, and able to continue going to work to help others. It reminded me to be thankful for the people and support that I have in my life during these difficult times. I’ve had friends and family deliver food to me as the grocery store was emptied out while I was at work all week. I’ve had a bottle of wine left for me at home as a token of appreciation. I’ve had a friend loan me puzzles for something to do on my days off. I’ve had numerous messages from friends in health care and my sports team, and old friends and family members reach out online saying thank you for all I am doing. These gestures, both big and small, mean a lot to health care workers right now. We are stressed, and working in the unknown right now. The acknowledgement that we are working hard to keep you, ourselves, and our loved ones safe and healthy is warmly received.

I’d like to thank this mystery message writer for taking time out of their day to leave a mark of positivity on the world. Such a simple gesture, a simple message, touched my heart more than I’m sure you intended to.

Now everyone take a deep breath. We are all in this together. Please take care of yourselves and be thankful for the small things in life, like a simple chalk message on your way home. Be kind to others, wash your hands, and stay home!!

Thank-You-Message-for-Lisa-B-Post