Tag Archives: kindness

The gift of giving

Recently my family was able to help out another family. It wasn’t something we did ourselves, a community of people stepped up to help, we simply coordinated the support and did our part to contribute.

There is both a selfless and a selfish aspect of giving. The selfless part is that you do something kind without wanting anything in return. The selfish part is that you feel really good doing it. That is the gift you get, when you give.

A while back I worked in a very needy community and I was always surprised to learn that some of the needy families were the same families that volunteered in soup kitchens or in the community regularly. They were happy to give their time to help others. I realized that they often received charity, understood how much it was valued, and wanted to do the same for others.

They understood the value of getting gifts and wanted to do the same for others. Not having money, they gave their time. Interestingly, I think that when you give your time, rather than just money, the gift you receive as the giver is greater.

It’s weird to talk about giving as a selfish act, perhaps the better word is rewarding. So I’ll end by saying that giving to others in need is a rewarding act, it feels good, and nourishes you as much as it does those in need.

Find ways to reward yourself by giving to others.

What the new year does and does not bring

The new year brings an end to a difficult year.

The new year does not bring any tangible changes as a result of our planet crossing an arbitrary point in our rotation around the sun.

The new year brings hope, for a heard immunity against Covid-19, thanks to a number of different vaccines.

The new year does not bring any immediate relief from the spread of Covid-19, with a greater threat of spread due to a more contagious new variant coming out of the UK.

The new year brings resolutions and promises of self-improvement and ambitious goals.

The new year does not bring any promise of fulfilling these new goals without a dedicated effort to change habits and behaviours.

The new year brings a political and ideological shift in power in the United States.

The new year does not bring a promise of less divisiveness in the American people who seem too ideologically divided.

The new year brings inconsistent approaches to dealing with the virus, from being scarily too open to being confusingly too locked down.

The new year does not bring any promise of clarity about how best to deal with the virus while we wait for widespread vaccine distribution.

The new year brings continued paranoia and conspiracy filled misinformation, shared virally on social media.

The new year does not bring any way to meaningfully combat the spread of bad ideas.

The new year brings anticipation for a better year than 2020.

The new year brings promise of post pandemic world.

The new year brings opportunity for positive change.

The new year brings us more of the same, unless we choose to think, say, and act differently.

Let’s be different, better, more loving, kind, and caring… to ourselves, our community, and our environment. We do not get to choose the world we live in, but we do get to choose our impact on it and those in our community we share it with.

Potential Humanity

We live in an era of incredible potential. And yet when I opened my news feed this morning this is what I saw:

A misogynist Op-Ed that was clearly written with malice.

A racist group causing harm and violence.

An extremist left group doing the same.

An anti-mask gym owner saying he’ll continue to pay fines to keep his gym open.

A politician calling covid a ‘hoax pandemic’.

The largest iceberg ever, that broke off in 2017 thanks to global warming, is heading to islands likely to cause an ecological disaster.

Crazy.

When I think of the potential of humanity, I think of benevolence, creativity, generosity, love, and kindness.

When I open the news I see hate and ignorance. Today these stupid headlines came (except for the iceberg) from the country south of our borders. A country that’s supposed to be about equal opportunity, liberty, and justice. A country divided into two camps so opposed to the other side that they see the other as enemies more than neighbours (or I should say neighbors).

What does it mean to be human? What potential do we have as a species? What could we accomplish if we work together? What kind of world would we live in if we focused on what’s possible?

We can be better as a species. We can be peaceful. We can be kind. We can be loving. We can be more human.

Falling fairies

It was meant to be funny, but it was mean. Not one of proudest moments as a dad.

My oldest daughter was three, and we were outside, playing in the fresh snow on a weekend morning. The snow was deep, but way too fluffy and soft for a snowman. I went over to the huge tree in our front yard, covered in snow, branches laden with powdered snow, and decided it would be funny to shake the snow onto my daughter. A harmless joke.

I called here over. ‘Come here’.

“Why”

I gently pulled a branch lower. “Come over here.’

“Why”

‘If you listen carefully you can hear the tree fairies sing.’

My daughter came over, trying to listen, and I shook the branch. Puffy snowflakes came falling down into her. This wasn’t a dump of snow, it was a powdering, but still, a solid covering of her toque and face.

And then the tears came so fast that I couldn’t even laugh. Thank goodness because that would have been meaner that it already was. I gave her a hug and she cried on my shoulder. I realized my mistake and hugged her tight. At this point I did laugh embarrassingly, but held it in, my body shaking as I held back the noise, still hugging her and hiding my guilty grin. ‘Oh, I’m so sorry sweetie, it was just a joke.’

My mistake wasn’t dumping snow on her, that would have been funny. It was the comment about the fairies that was hurtful. I played on the gullibility of a three year old who really believed she was going to hear a tree fairy. When I tricked her, it wasn’t just a prank by dad for the sake of a joke, it was a betrayal, and a disappointment that made the betrayal actually hurt.

She got over it pretty quickly, and we were back to playing and having fun a few moments after the tears. Now that she’s almost 21, I’m sure this isn’t a scarring memory that she’ll end up needing therapy for, but it was not a great parenting moment for me.

We don’t always realize the way we hurt people with the things we say. To us it’s nothing but a lighthearted joke, a little poke, a passing comment. But to the receiver it can be more. It was falling fairies, not falling snow, that really hurt my daughter.

We don’t always see how our words and actions can really affect others. We say ‘It’s not a big deal’, others feel it really is. We see misunderstanding, others see malcontent. We see honest mistakes, others see betrayal. What others hear and feel is far more important than what we think they hear and feel.

And sometimes a sincere apology, or even a hug, can go a long way in mending fallen feelings.

—– —– —– —– —–

A related story, “T’was two nights after Christmas… A story of lost innocence.“

How hard is it to be considerate?

I love Starbucks pumpkin scones. Since they are seasonal and I haven’t had enough of them yet this year, I talked my wife into picking up Starbucks on the way to our walk this afternoon… it doesn’t take much convincing:)

We walked into the store and lined up behind just a couple people. Then the person behind us came in without a mask. A server said to him, “Excuse me sir, we have a mask policy in the store.”

He responded, “I have a breathing condition, I can’t wear masks.”

I’ll be honest, I rolled my eyes at this. Then another customer spoke up and called him an ‘@$$hole’. I thought that was uncalled for. It’s one thing to be upset, still another to just attack the person.

When my wife was ordering, I saw an employee giving the mask-less customer a $4 gift card, and apologizing to him, saying that he shouldn’t have to hear that in the store. A very thoughtful gesture, and the customer responded that it was ok, and that he doesn’t let comments like that bother him.

Then this unmasked customer’s masked wife or girlfriend joined him in line and later while we were waiting for our drinks, I noticed two things that the unmasked customer did that I thought were quite inconsiderate. First, he waited inside, while his masked partner went outside to wait. Second, he leaned around the plexiglass separating the employees from the customers and made a couple different requests (for a glass of water and something else I didn’t hear).

I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that he is one of the rare people that can’t actually wear a mask for less than 7 minutes to order a coffee. Sure, he can have that. But what about wearing a visor? What about respecting the protective plexiglass that was put there to separate employees from customers? What about having your partner line up for the drink and staying out of the store? Or what about having her wait inside while you wait outside after the order?

I didn’t say anything to him. Maybe I should have, but he’d already had a rude interaction with another customer and it’s not in my nature to escalate conflict. But I think the mask-less customer could have been more considerate towards everyone in the store.  And I think it’s just a matter of courtesy that the rude customer didn’t need to be such an @$$ himself.

I commend the Starbucks employee for doing something good… something considerate. I just wish others could do the same.
______________

More posts on wearing a mask:

I’d rather be a sheep than a lemming

Wear a mask

I don’t agree to disagree

When bad ideas go viral

Smile with your eyes

Some people

Today I had a funny interaction in a store. I was returning an item and an older gentleman decided that the lineup was too big and came along side me to make his purchase at the returns/customer service booth. Although he arrived just after me, I said he could go ahead of me. However Mrs. Persnickety working at Returns wanted to send him back. I was the only other person and I said it was ok, I’d wait. She rolled her eyes and let the old guy go ahead of me. When it was time for him to pay he struggled to find his Visa card and she helped him with another eye roll and an impatient tone.

When it was my turn, she curtly told me, the item had been opened, so I could only get exchange or store credit rather than a refund. I said I’d take a look around for exchange and her response was, ‘it has to be this value’ which I took as not getting store credit if it was less, so I took the store credit before looking to spend it, knowing I wouldn’t have to spend the credit all at once like I thought she was suggesting.

Overall Mrs. Persnickety was curt and a little unpleasant. She seems like one of those people who would be better off not working in the customer service department. Her exchanges with both the older gentleman before me and with me could’ve been a lot nicer with just a little bit of effort.

I went in the store and didn’t see anything to buy, so on the way out I saw that she was not serving anyone and so I asked her a clarifying question. “Is the store credit just for this store or can I use it in British Columbia as well?” I would’ve been happy with either response, if it was only the local store I would give the credit to my parents, and if I could use it across the chain, in BC, then I would take it home with me. Her response was that I can use it in any of the stores in Canada.

Then she asked me where in BC I was from, and started to tell me all the different cities where she had family in BC. We had a nice short conversation about how much she liked going there to visit, and how much she enjoyed the weather there. I said, “I used to live here in Toronto, however I have to say that the humidity is really getting to me this past week.”

She admitted that the heat was really bad this summer, and then said to me, “The worst part about the heat is how grumpy it makes some people.”

I agreed, with a little chuckle, and left the store.

Thank-You-Message-for-Lisa-B-Post

Positive Messages Make a Difference

My niece, Lisa Bouliane, wrote the following post on Facebook. She is a nurse in a large hospital in Vancouver, BC. I asked her to open the post up (beyond just sharing with friends) ,and if I could also share it here. It speaks for itself:

Lisa Bouliane – March 23 at 9:14 PM

I was biking home from work at VGH tonight and passed this message on the sidewalk. Thank you. I continued biking past down the road, before realizing I was tearing up at the message. I knew I had to circle back and take a picture to share.

I work in a critical care area of the hospital where the workplace has been a whirlwind of emotions and preparations. We are madly implementing safety measures for both patients and staff, for the impending increase of covid positive patients that will be admitted over the next couple of weeks. Working at the hospital is a highly emotional place as it is and now tensions are even higher, with a general feeling of the calm before the storm.

After another long and stressful 12 hour day, to come outside and see a message of appreciation touched my heart. This simple message on the sidewalk eased a sense of stress and anxiety I hadn’t realized I had been taking home with me. It immediately relaxed me and reminded me that we are all being impacted in numerous ways by this virus. It reminded me to be thankful to my amazing hard working colleagues, as we all go through this journey together. It reminded me to be thankful that I am young and healthy, and able to continue going to work to help others. It reminded me to be thankful for the people and support that I have in my life during these difficult times. I’ve had friends and family deliver food to me as the grocery store was emptied out while I was at work all week. I’ve had a bottle of wine left for me at home as a token of appreciation. I’ve had a friend loan me puzzles for something to do on my days off. I’ve had numerous messages from friends in health care and my sports team, and old friends and family members reach out online saying thank you for all I am doing. These gestures, both big and small, mean a lot to health care workers right now. We are stressed, and working in the unknown right now. The acknowledgement that we are working hard to keep you, ourselves, and our loved ones safe and healthy is warmly received.

I’d like to thank this mystery message writer for taking time out of their day to leave a mark of positivity on the world. Such a simple gesture, a simple message, touched my heart more than I’m sure you intended to.

Now everyone take a deep breath. We are all in this together. Please take care of yourselves and be thankful for the small things in life, like a simple chalk message on your way home. Be kind to others, wash your hands, and stay home!!

Thank-You-Message-for-Lisa-B-Post

7-Sins-Collage

Here are the 7 Sins, and here come the 7 Virtues?

In January, I wrote a series of posts called the 7 Sins:

  1. Gluttony
  2. Envy
  3. Pride
  4. Lust
  5. Wrath
  6. Greed
  7. Sloth

I plan to write a series of 7 Virtues over this coming week, in addition to my regular daily posts, then auto post them the following week while I take a social media break. I will be deleting my Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram Apps off of my phone and only using my phone or a laptop with notifications turned off for my sabbatical. On that note, if you regularly read this blog from my Facebook Story or Facebook Timeline, please ‘Like’ this FB page, because during my social media break I won’t be manually adding the posts to my Story or Timeline. You can also get Daily-Ink by email.

Here are 7 Virtues that I am thinking of writing about: (The order might differ.)

  1. Love (including Chastity and Loyalty)
  2. Discipline (including Patience, not just Diligence or Temperance)
  3. Empathy (including Compassion)
  4. Integrity (including Honour and Courage)
  5. Kindness (including Charity),
  6. Humility
  7. Forgiveness

Am I missing anything? Any suggestions?

Good people

While you wouldn’t know it from watching the news, our world is filled with many amazing people. Some gestures are big, others small, but so many people are inherently good.

In the last 24 hours:

  • I watched a video of a senator in the US demanding that testing for Coronavirus be free regardless of a person’s medical coverage.
  • I saw a news clip of exhausted doctors and nurses working tirelessly in hospitals in Italy, where the Coronavirus cases are growing exponentially.
  • My wife received an adorable thank you letter from a student, thanking her for ‘pushing me to my limits and above’ and for being ‘a teacher I will always remember and love’.
  • I received an update from a former student who is going into family medicine because she ‘loves the idea of getting to know patients over a long period of time… and being the ‘first line’ of care’, and thanking me for my influence.
  • A subscription-based podcaster emailed to say that if the pandemic puts anyone into financial need, they can email for a free subscription.

We are heading into a time of uncertainty, when our social and medical services will be stretched. Some people will be scared, others desperate. I hope that the good in people shines through, and that people will come together to support those in their community who are in need.

The Kindness of Strangers

Imagine you are walking with your kid in a foreign country. You’ve just flown in and arrived downtown by public transportation, suitcases in tow, and you are a 5 block walk away from your hotel. Your kid steps of a curb incorrectly, you hear a pop, and a scream, and there is your kid, buckled just off the edge of the curb, ankle in hand, crying. Any movement of the ankle results in a scream of agony.

You move off the road and a few people have gathered to help. They tell you there is a hospital just 3 blocks away, and point in the opposite direction of the hotel. You realize that you need to carry your kid and there is no way you can also carry all of your suitcases.

You look up at one of the strangers around you and say, “Can you please do me a favour? Here is my business card, can you please take my bags to our hotel and ask them to store them until we get there?” The person agrees. They head to the hotel, suitcases in tow, you head the other way to the hospital holding your kid.

What are the chances that your bags will be at the hotel when you return from the hospital?

– – –

I was listening to The Tim Ferriss Podcast with his guest, magician Penn Jillette, and Penn had some interesting insights into the kindness of strangers.

He said he doesn’t believe in evil, and that if you look at the vast majority of people in the world they are good and kind.

If someone seeks you out to ‘help you’, their motives might need more scrutiny… but if you get to randomly choose someone, anyone, to help you, then the odds are unbelievably high that this stranger will be good.

—

Going back to the scenario:

What are the chances that your bags will be at the hotel when you return from the hospital?

I’d guess pretty close to a hundred percent, what about you?

What does your answer tell you about the kind of world you believe we live in? What experiences have you had to prove or disprove the belief in an inherent kindness of strangers?