Tag Archives: humour

Awful(ly funny) voice-to-text

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I hate the iPhone voice-to-text. I’m never ‘going to’ say ‘gonna’. And I definitely didn’t intend to send the following text to my wife:

“Yes, chat later I’m in the middle of sex right now. No problem for me to come.”

Context: I was at the gym working out, and my wife was going to run an errand later, and was asking me to help. I was in the middle of a SET!

Not 20 minutes later I was trying to tell my wife we could meet a friend at 11 but instead of, “Tell him eleven, maybe?” Voice to text changed it to, “Tell him I love him, maybe?” At least I caught this one before hitting send and corrected it.

Perhaps I need to enunciate my words more clearly. But dang, I’m so grateful that the first mistake was sent to my wife and not a colleague at work. I think my voice to text mantra needs to be, ‘Speak, EDIT, then send’ from now on!

New study: ‘Stupidity is Contagious’

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Is this the newest epidemic?

New study: ‘Stupidity is Contagious’

Some very interesting findings have come from a new study:

  • Researchers at the Institute for Cognitive Decay claim stupidity spreads “at rates comparable to the common cold, but with longer-lasting effects.”
  • Dr. Helen Tropp, lead researcher:
    “It turns out stupidity is highly contagious, especially when transmitted through phrases like ‘I did my own research’ or ‘That’s just your opinion.’”
  • Study participants who spent just 10 minutes in a room with someone spouting conspiracy theories lost an average of 12 IQ points, some “permanently.”
  • Exposure is not limited to in-person contact: scrolling through the ‘For you’ section of X (Twitter) carries “a 73% risk of infection.”
  • In rural test sites, researchers noticed “stupidity clusters” forming, which they compared to “wildfires fueled by bad takes, energy drinks, and supplements promoted on ‘Bro Culture’ podcasts.”
  • One experimental group was forced to binge-watch reality TV marathons—nearly half had lowered basic math test results afterward, and 12% struggled to write in complete sentences when asked to summarize episodes in a paragraph.
  • Professor Alan Greaves, epidemiologist:
    “We tried developing a stupidity vaccine, but test subjects refused it, saying they ‘don’t believe in science.’ At that point, we gave up.”

And if these ‘research based’ bullet points weren’t enough ‘evidence’, let me be explicit in saying these were all Chat GPT inspired, following a response to my request for them stating, “Here’s a bundle of fake “facts,” bogus statistics, and ridiculous quotes you can mix into your parody piece.” I tweaked them a little, but none of them were my ideas.

Stupidity travels at the speed of laziness.

Stupidity isn’t contagious, lazy thinking is. We no longer live in a world where information can be taken at face value without some level of fact checking. Our bullshit detectors need to be left in the ‘on’ position. And we need to be sceptical of evidence, be that evidence in favour of or against what we believe.

It can be a quote, an AI generated video, or even a person of influence that you have followed and admired, but who was equally duped (or lazy) in their gathering of information… Misinformation, fake “facts”, and downright intentional falsified data is everywhere these days, and if we are lazy with our diligence, it’s easy to contribute to the spread of information and lies.

So while this study was made up, it seems to me that if we are lazy in the way we consume (and share information), as many people seem to be, this really is leading to the spread of stupidity.

Canadian measurements

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I saw this very funny post on social media:

Americans: I use miles and pounds

Europeans: I use kilometres and kilograms

Canadians: [snorting a line of assorted measuring systems] I’m 5’8, I weigh 150lbs, horses weigh 1000kgs, my house is an hour away and I drive 80 km/h to get there, I need a cup of flour and 1L of milk.

What amazes me is that despite living in 2 worlds, with a mix of pounds and kilograms, miles and kilometres, Fahrenheit and Celsius, I am absolutely useless at converting between these measurements. It’s 20° outside, I have no idea what that is in Fahrenheit. I heat my wife’s latte milk to 170°, I have no idea what that is in Celsius. My wife’s weight scale is in kilograms and no matter how many time I weigh myself on it, I need Siri to convert it to pounds for me.

You’d think that I’d learn, but no, I just blindly choose the system of measurement that I’m used to and am completely oblivious to the conversion to any other system.

Am I the only one?

Old jokes, new format

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Build it and they will Like, Follow, and Share… the newest craze to hit the internet is nothing more than a rehashing of old ideas in a new format. By now everyone has seen the Bigfoot videos where an AI Bigfoot is doing a selfie vlog and telling jokes as well as doing ridiculous antics. If you haven’t seen them, Google ‘Bigfoot Vlog’ and they will show up in droves. I’ve notice a few things. While a few of them are refreshingly funny, most of them rehash really old jokes, many of which are based on racism, sexism, or tropes that have all been done before. It’s literally just old jokes in a new format.

But they work. They get the click, likes, and shares. They are going viral. And they are creating copycats that are now doing the same thing, using AI, but with people rather than Bigfoot. Videos that are mostly 100% realistic and yet still sit somewhere in the uncanny valley of almost right, yet not fully. And again, just rehashing old content in a new format.

Expect a lot more of this. Also expect world crisis to be leveraged for the same attention. You’ll see bombing in the middle east that’s actually just AI video. You’ll hear government leaders and celebrities saying outlandish things, except it won’t really be them. You’ll see alien landings, meteor landings, and even plane crashes that didn’t happen but were rather prompted into video reality.

When we get tired of the jokes, we’ll just start to get fooled more and more by AI drama that is invented to draw our attention. But for now, the jokes will come. They will get more inappropriate and cross lines a person wouldn’t with a video of themselves. And as attention wanes they will get more extreme, more tasteless, and so abundant that we’ll just be tired of them… as I am already tiring of them.

Those Gen X… and their use of ellipses

The Generation X’s ‘casual use of ellipses‘ is something I am… unapologetically guilty of.

It’s not just about leaving something unsaid… the pause often feels better if it’s longer than a comma… and yet a colon or semicolon just doesn’t work as well.

A single sentence sometimes flows better than two… even though there might be a second idea that makes the sentence too disjointed or too long to read in just one go.

And sometimes the stream of consciousness flow of ideas invites the use of an ellipses, a thoughtful, momentary pause, to help the idea along without another kind of punctuation getting in the way… while still keeping the stream flowing despite a change in sentence tense.

And if you are a generation that thinks us old, and wants to tease us about our archaic use of punctuation, there is another Generation X trait that I happen to hold in situations just like this… I don’t care. If you don’t like it… you don’t have to read what I write. Don’t worry… I won’t be offended.

Oh, and for those of you that actually don’t care about how I use ellipses, I do apologize for my overuse of it above. It doesn’t always have to be used.

The (backhanded) Compliment

She approached me with a glowing smile “Mr. Truss can I take a picture with you?”

“Of course.”

It was just a few minutes after convocation was over and she’d crossed the stage and received her diploma.

“You were my favourite principal ever… actually no that’s not it… you were my least obnoxious principal.”

“Well thank you, I’m honoured.”

Most people would call that a backhanded compliment, but when you are talking to a neurodivergent student, and you’ve worked with a few of them, you see the real compliment. You really are honoured by it.

After all, despite the words said, here is a student, graduated and thrilled a to be moving on, and she wants to take a picture with me.

The Finger

At almost any other school this would have been an immediate suspension. But this was an alternate school, and attendance for this high needs kid was more important than a consequence that kept him out of school. He had already been sent home the day before and it was the morning of the next school day. I had the kid in my office with his foster mom. We discussed what was done, the seriousness of it, and laid out future consequences if it were to happen again.

This kid sat silently staring at me the whole time. In the year and a half or so that I’d been principal of the school I think he’d never kept eye contact with me for more than a second, but now his stare was unwavering. His foster mom, whom he had a very good connection with, spoke on his behalf while he sat staring at me, no emotion expressed on his face.

This was a first offence and I didn’t believe it would happen again so I looked at him and said, “All you need to do now is tell me that you won’t do this again and you can head to class.” He sat and stared. In these situations I allow a lot of silent pause time. I don’t get uncomfortable with silence nearly as quickly as others, so I waited. It only took four to five seconds then he moved.

He slowly took his hands out of his pockets, staring at me the whole time. Then looking me right in the eyes he said, “Every time I see your face, my fingers get a boner.” And his hands made fists resting on his legs, with both his middle fingers stick up in the air at me.

His foster mom breathed out a sigh, and said under her breath, “Oh Jesus,” as she turned her head to look out the window. I bit my cheek. I wanted to burst out laughing but that would have been the wrong kind of encouragement for this kid. I bit harder, forcing myself not to laugh, trying to show as little affect as this kid was showing me. He slowly lowered his finger boners and tucked his hands back into his pockets.

Silence.

“All you need to do is tell me that you won’t do this again and you can head to class.”

Silence.

He stared. I waited. The wait time didn’t seem to bother either of us, but his poor step mom looked tortured. It had to be about a 10-12 second pause. An eternity of silence in the moment. Then he spoke up.

“I won’t do it again… can I go now?”

“Yes.”

The only further consequence was that I didn’t get any eye contact from him the rest of the year. At first I would walk in the room and see him turn away, and I wouldn’t address him at all, I gave him space. Later I’d greet him with a ‘good morning’ just as I would any other student, and he’d turn away and ignore me. It took until June before he’d even acknowledge that I was in the room.

He graduated that year without any other incidences.

Naturally Funny

I mentioned yesterday that I was introducing one of our Principal retirees at a dinner last night. It was about a 4-minute bit, and it went well. I know my friend appreciated it. It was heartfelt and struck a good cord with him and his family. I knew it would because I know him well enough to get it right.

What it wasn’t was funny. I have a good enough sense of humour with family and friends but I’m not naturally funny. The introduction before mine was absolutely hilarious. It wasn’t only funny, it was completely respectful and relevant to the person he was introducing. It was absolutely delightful to listen to.

I love how some people are naturally funny. It’s a gift. If I tried to pull off half of the things that were said in this humorous introduction, they really would not have worked in the same way. But also, if that’s what my friend wanted, he wouldn’t have asked me.

I don’t know if it’s a natural gift or if people genuinely work at it, but I love listening to someone who can get a whole crowd laughing. What I do know is that’s not me. I’ll throw a one liner in here are there but I fully recognize that I’m not naturally funny, and I stay in my lane and don’t try to be. Just like watching a natural entertainer is enjoyable, watching someone try to be when they are not is painful. I’ll leave the jokes to those who know how to deliver them… and get the laughs.

If I had the time

Here’s a great comic by @MrLovenstein:

On the same topic, I printed this and stuck it to my home gym wall by my exercise bike, after I read it in James Clear’s weekly email last March:

Author Julia Cameron on how to find time to write (or do anything, really):

“The “if I had time” lie is a convenient way to ignore the fact that novels require being written and that writing happens a sentence at a time. Sentences can happen in a moment. Enough stolen moments, enough stolen sentences, and a novel is born — without the luxury of time.”

Source: The Right to Write

Sometimes I’m brilliant at making the time for things. I’m up every day between 5 and 5:30am, I write these posts (if I didn’t the night before), I meditate, I do a workout, all before I get in the shower to start my work day. Recently I was challenged to do 2,000 pushups in February. I started on the 3rd, and as of yesterday I’d done 80 pushups for 10 straight days. I might take today off before doing another  800 in the next 10 days. Then a last break before 5 straight days and hitting 2K on the 29th. That’s the plan. If I forget and miss a day, guess what… I’ll make it up and still make sure I hit the target.

For other things I’m notoriously bad at finding the time. Tidying up my closet is a great example of that. I seem to know how to mess it up, but I never seem to have time to organize it. Some days I get home and my back is sore, but I’ll sit uncomfortably on the couch and think about getting in the hot tub until it’s too late and I just skip it. My blog drafts usually have a whole bunch of idea starters for when I get stuck, but now it’s filled with longer writes that I’ve started and don’t seem to have the time to follow up with. Drafts used to be drafts, now they are just good ideas that have died from a lack of taking the time to expand on them.

If only I had the time… would I use it? Would you? How convenient and comfortable is this lie? The reality is that if it’s important enough, there’s probably time for it, time we can find, time we can make, rather than making up excuses.

More bubble wrap

Back in 2009, while living in Dalian, China, I wrote ‘Bubble Wrap‘ about how overly protected we are in the West compared to other places in the world. Here is the first half of the post:

“After a month in China, I’ve come to realize that North Americans live in a bubble wrapped world.
In the ‘Western’ world we walk around oblivious to our surroundings, going about our business feeling safe and secure. I don’t mean safe in the sense of being cautious of others, since in actual fact, I have always felt safe in China (other than in the occasional taxi), and in fact Dalian feels safer than downtown Vancouver or Toronto when I’m out late at night.  I mean safe, in the West, in the sense that there are laws and bylaws and rules in place to make sure that we are ‘protected’ from unexpected harm: Guardrails and warning sign and lit-up crosswalks with pedestrian controlled lighting abound.
In the bubble wrap West we occasionally read or hear about someone who slips right next to a ‘wet floor’ sign or trips on an uneven curb and they end up blaming and suing others: “It wasn’t safe”, “It was faulty”, “The step was too high” or “The railing was too low”. Our day-to-day environment is safe, secure, sheltered… and sterile.
In China, things are different. Pedestrian walkways are a suggested crossing location and give no rights to the pedestrian. White and yellow lines on the roads are mere suggestions for where a pedestrian should stand as cars zip by at speeds up to 60km/hr, the occasional horn blast reminds you not to make any unexpected moves.
Here, doorways have immediate steps going up or down as you cross the threshold. You must walk with your eyes on the curb as a missing tile, or a sudden step may appear, unexpected by Western terms but fully expected here.”

Since then, I think things have gotten worse rather than better when it comes to safety. Case in point, the ban on cell phones in schools that has happened in other provinces and is about to happen in British Columbia. I can understand that they are a distraction, and I have no problem with schools or teachers having policies about using them appropriately and at appropriate times. But when one of the issues being discussed is student protection, a ban is not the answer.

As quoted in the Premier’s announcement:

“Today, kids live with different challenges than they did a generation ago, and they face them all in the palm of their hand,” said Premier David Eby. “While cellphones, the internet and social media help us connect with each other, they also present risks that can harm kids. The impact and influence of these tools is so great, and the corporations so powerful, it can be overwhelming for parents. That’s why we are taking action to protect kids from the threats posed by online predators and the impacts of social media companies.”

This reminds me of the filtering of websites, which I also was quite opposed to, (beyond porn and gambling as easy examples of things that should not be in schools, as compared to social media and web tools that were being blocked at the time). How do we help teach things like appropriate use when use isn’t allowed? Both my posts that I link to relate to issues at school, but here is another, totally unrelated and quite humorous example:

Last night I went to a washroom in a hotel in downtown Vancouver and saw this sign above a urinal.

Seriously?

We need a sign above a urinal… one that flushes with the water running along the walls of the basin we pee in… to remind us not to drink it. Oh, and not only because that’s not a smart or normal thing to do, but because the water is ‘non potable’?!?

Silly warnings, silly bans, silly attempts to bubble wrap the world.