Tag Archives: connections

Content trumps people

Social media has changed. Whether it’s Instagram or Facebook Reels, Youtube Shorts, or TikTok’s ‘For You’ page, we no longer follow people, we follow viral videos. Content trumps people. Trends and clicks determine our feed, not who we know; who we choose to follow. And for things we share, our followers are less likely to see this and more likely to Like and Share something from people we don’t know.

Algorithms, not our online community, determine what we see, what we relate to, and what consumes our attention. I’m in Spain and now every one in four TikTok videos on my page are in Spanish, I’ve seen a mom of a young child sharing what her life is like after moving from America to Spain twice now. Not because I follow her, but because the TikTok algorithm thinks this is what I want to see.

What does this mean for us? Social media influencers will be less influential… probably a good thing. But this will also mean we are more distracted and less connected. How this changes the landscape of our digital lives is likely to be an overall negative in the short term, and ‘to be determined’ in the long term. Time will tell.

Yes, I Wordle

But I don’t share my results publicly. I have two places that I share results like today’s…

On a family WhatsApp chat with my mom, sisters, daughters and nieces, and on a text message with a couple good friends in Toronto. What I don’t do is share my results on social media. There’s nothing wrong with choosing to do so, it’s just that I share in the context of other people wanting to see my results rather than a blanket share with anyone in connected to on my socials. That’s my choice.

It’s a fun thing to do, and I normally do it just before writing this daily blog post in the morning. I find it an enjoyable way to get my brain going in the morning.

Here are my stats, with a false solved-in-one solution.

The reason for the false solved-in-one is that before I started my routine of regularly doing Wordle my daughter was stuck on one and showed me what she had up to the point. I said, “I think I know the answer”, to which she replied, “Don’t tell me.” So, I went to the Wordle for the first time and punched in my guess, solving it in one try. I did not know Wordle tracked your progress without an account and so my first ever try now shows up as a 1 without the context of me working off of my daughter’s 3 or 4 attempts on the same word. I have had 3 or 4 fails, 2 of which were in a single week.

When I first saw Wordle I only saw the solutions shared and thought it was a silly game, but I’ve grown to really enjoy doing them, and I love that it creates conversations and connections with two groups I otherwise wouldn’t connect with as frequently. So while you won’t see me sharing my results on social media, I have become a dedicated fan of this word game.

Old friends

It doesn’t matter if you haven’t seen each other for months or years, when you connect with long-time friends both time and distance melt away. There is no awkward silence, no getting up to speed, the friendship just moves forward as if it was just yesterday that you last connected.

I don’t have many friends like this, but I cherish the ones that I have. They are my family, just not by blood. As I get older, I value these connections more… Maybe because they happen less frequently, maybe because I see how precious such friendships are. Moments spent with good lifelong friends are moments that accumulate to keep life feeling rich and fulfilled.

The trick is not to wait for special events to get you together. Find opportunities to meet, to holiday, to connect for no other reason than to be together. Special events don’t happen often enough, and while distance and time may disappear when you connect weather it has been a short or long time apart, the longer apart you spend, the less time you’ll have together. So, make the time for the friends that matter.

Unscheduled meeting

I got a text message from my buddy Mark this morning:

I figured one of two things, either a fun opportunity or he needed some help, maybe moving some furniture or something? Either way, I responded as soon as I saw the message. I then got invited to go kayaking. And despite having a planned agenda for my day, I agreed and met him an hour later. We had a wonderful couple hours on the water.

This got me thinking about two things: First of all, I don’t see enough of my friends. Secondly, when I do see them it is always an effort to coordinate and plan everything. Besides meeting my buddy Dave weekly to walk up the Coquitlam Crunch then have coffee, I really don’t see anyone unless it is planned well in advance.

Meanwhile, I live in an amazing place with so much to see and do around us, and I almost never take advantage of my location or see my friends.

My advice, call a friend you haven’t seen in a while and connect to go do something. I thank Mark for doing that with me!

Resonance

Strum a guitar near another guitar and the second guitar’s strings start to vibrate.

Jim Rohn says that ‘you are the average of the five friends you hang around with’. This resonates with me. This resonates like the guitar.

Even these words combine to resonate as you read them, some with understanding, some with agreement, some with doubt, some with disagreement… Once read, the words resonate.

What do you do when you come across someone that doesn’t resonate? Do you pluck your own strings harder, louder, so that you drown out the sound the other is creating? Do you try to hear what they resonate with? Do you try to find a way to mutually resonate? Do you leave them be?

We can strive to resonate, or we can choose dissonance. Consensus or conflict. We can create music or noise.

I know that I want to positively resonate with others, but I also find myself seeking dissonance and distance, from those that do not resonate with me. Dissonance when others resonate with hate, and harm others. Distance to showboating, antagonists, and stupidity.

Resonance, dissonance, and distance. There is a time and place for all three… but what I seek, what fills my heart is finding ways to resonate with family, friends, and those that I can assist and support. Seeking resonance fills me with harmony and gratitude, and I’m grateful for all the wonderful people that want to resonate with me.

Digitally (Dis)connected

One thing that I really enjoy doing is going to conferences. When I go, I learn so much… not just from the sessions, but from conversations that I have while at the conference. Here are three examples from SXSW EDU in Austin back in 2017:

David Jakes

Jeff Richardson



Miguel Guhlin

A decade ago I’d chat with these guys, and other amazing educators regularly on Twitter, and when I’d get to a conference I’d meet them and it was like I was a distant friend that hadn’t seen them in a while… even if it was the first time we met. In fact, I’d meet educators face-to-face for the first time and we’d hug like long lost friends. This conference was only the second time meeting Jeff and we roomed together.

I’ve made some amazing connections through Twitter. It was rich online conversations which built up the social capital and made meeting face-to-face so special. However I’m barely on social media anymore. This blog gets auto-posted to my social accounts, but beyond that I do very little to engage socially with my digital friends.

I got an email from Barbara Bray inviting me to a Breakfast Social she hosts at ISTE, but I’m not going to New Orleans this year. This invite got me thinking about all my digital friends and how disconnected I am from them. Other than Kelly Christopherson and a few others who I connect with on Twitter around daily fitness, I really don’t engage in social media at all. There are so many educators that I used to ‘speak to’ on a daily or weekly basis who I just don’t connect with anymore.

I miss the camaraderie, the conversations, the learning, following links to educational blogs, and the fun banter that was around the early days of Twitter. But I don’t know if it’s just Twitter that changed or if it was me as well? I just hope that when I start heading back to conferences that I’ve built enough social capital that I’ll still feel the amazing connection I have felt in the past when I meet these awesome digital friends face-to-face.

Doors of perception

We don’t see the world exactly as it is. We see the world through the spectrum of white light, and our eyes fill in the blank spot in our vision that is created by our optic nerve. Other animals can see in the ultraviolet spectrum. We can’t sense an earthquake tremor as quickly as birds. We can’t smell as well as our dogs, we can’t see in the dark as well as our cats. We appreciate different shades of colours that some animals can’t see. In fact, our culture and upbringing affects our appreciation of colours and our ability to distinguish colours from one another.

All this to say that we don’t see the world as it really is. Our senses are so powerful, yet they limit us. And that’s before our biases even creep in. Politics, religion, science, mind altering drugs, diet, confidence, insecurities, mood… so many things alter the way we see the world.

We don’t see the world as it is. We are quite literally delusional. Our perception of the world is one-of-a-kind, uniquely different than everyone else’s. This is useful to remember when we can’t come to a mutual understanding. When we disagree on a perspective, it isn’t just that we don’t see eye to eye, it’s also that we are seeing from different eyes.

Understanding this, we need to be more patient with each other. More open to different views. More appreciative about where others are coming from. Our perception of the world is different than others, and always will be… no matter how wide open we think our perceptual doors are.

Appreciating true friends

I’ve had a couple really enriching conversations with two really good friends recently. They have made me contemplate the value of a true friend.

You can share who you are in full confidence. You can listen and connect in ways that are far beyond the banter of story for story or ‘that reminds me of’ conversations which are more on the surface.

You walk away feeling you know them, and yourself, better.

You know time in between visits won’t reduce the connection, but you also don’t want too long to go by before you connect again.

There is nothing quite like time spent with a true friend.

The great disconnect

I call it the best book I never read. It’s called Bowling Alone and the premise is that we used to have communities that tied us together, church groups, book clubs, and bowling leagues, but now we don’t participate in these communities so everyone bowls alone. This is a fascinating idea, it seems very relevant, but the book itself reads like a boring textbook and I put it down once I got the premise.

I think this is why dating apps have done so well. If you are young and single, and don’t meet someone you are interested in at work or school, you are essentially bowling alone.

But I think the disconnect goes beyond dating and meeting a partner. I think there are too few opportunities beyond the work week to feel connected to friends. Connecting isn’t usual, it’s reserved for special events. Remember in the pre-cellphone era when people would quite literally ‘drop by’ because they were in the neighbourhood? When is the last time that happened?

Now, meeting for coffee is something planned a week in advance. A dinner? Let me check my calendar… How’s the 15th sound, does that work for you? No? Ok, the 22nd then?

It’s interesting that while technology has in many ways brought us together, we’ve slowly moved apart. I live far away from my family, and many of my friends. I don’t pick up my phone and call them nearly enough. I plan opportunities to connect far in advance. I don’t bowl, and yet I bowl alone.

Breaking bread

Last night I had dinner with online principals from other districts in the province. We are on the online principals association executive, and this was the first time we met face to face in over 2 years. Yes, we are all comfortable with technology and communicating online. Yes, we’ve connected online several times over the last couple years. But there is something really special about connecting face-to-face and breaking bread.

Maybe in a decade or so we’ll be able to meet virtually online and have a full out of body experience, with avatars sitting next to each other and each of us wearing googles that allow ourselves to see the visited environment from a first person perspective. We might even be able to simulate the experience of shaking hands. At some point in the future we might be able to have an experience that feels just like we are together when we are not.

These virtual world experiences are something I look forward to. I’d love to sit in a room with my parents more than once a year. But I won’t be able to taste my mom’s cooking. I won’t be able to break bread. So while the promise of technology advancing so much that we can better simulate being together in a virtual room when we can’t be together is very promising, it won’t replace actually getting together in every way.

I still want to connect with people face-to-face when I can. Not just to eat with them and to taste good food, but to have that human connection that has been mostly absent for the past couple years. I’m excited about technology being able to get us together in new ways, to improve the opportunities of connecting in more meaningful ways, but not to replace actually getting together when we can.