Category Archives: Daily-Ink

Mixed emotions

It’s the last day of the winter break. Tomorrow everyone heads back to school. I always find the last couple days before heading back a bit of a reset. The rush of the holidays is over, and my willingness to start something new is extremely low. In the last couple days I’ve watched more television with my wife than I have the rest of the 2 weeks of the break.

That said, I’m not begrudging the return to work. I’m excited about starting up again. I’m looking forward to seeing students in the building and hearing about their holidays. I’m already thinking about things I want to accomplish this term.

Part of me would love to have another week off, and part of me can’t wait to get back to a regular schedule. It’s a mixed feeling and one that sits heaviest on me on the day before I head back. I don’t always know how to balance the different emotions I feel on this day. I kind of just drift through the day, wondering if I should spend time catching up on things like email, or doing something… anything… that says ‘you are still on holidays – enjoy!’

Inevitably, I end up doing ‘not enough’ of either. In actuality, that’s not true, but that’s the emotional rollercoaster I go through every last day of an extended break.

Lifelong friends

I got a ‘Happy New Year’ text from a high school friend yesterday. We connected recently and went to a concert, and while we don’t see much of each other, I consider him a good friend. We met in Grade 10. By the end of Grade 12 and all through Grade 13 (a mandatory step before university in Ontario in the 80’s) he and I used fake ID and would go try different beers in pubs downtown. We also went to the occasional concerts together. He’s European and his parents would were quite relaxed about us drinking. They would buy us alcohol for gatherings at his house, and they’d only ever check in with us once a night, just to make sure no one was drinking and driving. Now we both live out west, but he’s on Vancouver Island and I really don’t see him much.

Getting the text today made me reflect on an interesting insight. I have some pretty awesome friends that I don’t see very often. Geography is the main reason, but it’s not the only reason. I’m also not great at reaching out. That said, every connection, every phone conversation, every coffee, every walk, every meal, every social gathering where I connect with these lifelong friends is a treasure.

Like family, lifelong friends can always be relied on, loyal, and loving… without expectation and with full hearts. But they should not be taken for granted. I’ve come to realize that I need to share just how much I value them as people I love, appreciate, and admire. We don’t do enough of this… I don’t do enough of this. It’s much easier to count on someone silently than to outwardly take the time to share how much you value them.

Now I just need to follow through and share my appreciation.

The digital wall

What is it about the internet that gives people permission to be awful and mean to others? I follow an astrophysicist on social media. She’s brilliant, and makes great content. She also posted a rant about all the misogynistic comments she gets from men commenting on her rather than her content. I’m not sharing any more details because it looks like she took the video down.

This is just one of many examples of people behaving badly from the safety of behind their keyboards. Many don’t even hide behind an anonymous profile, no they are just openly rude, mean, and/or sexist. I don’t understand the desire to do this? I don’t understand how a digital profile somehow creates the permissions to do this?

Would these people say the same things if they were physically in a crowded room with the person they are actively being inappropriate with? In most cases I would guess not. But somehow their keyboard acts as a digital wall separating them from their bad deeds.

I wonder what these people would think if someone was saying the same rude things they are saying online to one of their family members? Would that be enough to stop them? Would they think it was ok if a person spoke like them to their daughter? What would it take to make them realize what jerks they are being?

I’m pretty sure Neil deGrasse Tyson doesn’t face the sexism the female astrophysicist I mentioned above does. I bet the internet is a very different place for these two people with similar jobs. The inequity is magnified on the digital, social media front. The blatantly sexist and rude comments of yesterday-year are still alive and well on the internet.

I’m not the one getting the worst of it, so I don’t see it that much. Yet it still bothers me. I’d hope to see a change for the better soon, but I’m not terribly optimistic. In fact, I think it will likely get worse before it gets better. I hope not, but I think so.

Rethinking sleep

I probably shared this before, but as a 30 year old, new to teaching, I got used to very little sleep. I’d routinely get 5 or less hours sleep for several nights in a row. A friend and colleague who struggled when he had less than 8 hours sleep told me that I was burning my candle at both ends and that I was going to die 10 years younger because of my lack of sleep.

That night, some time after 1am, I sent him an email basically explaining that I’d done the math and if I lived to 70 and he lived to 80, then I would have been awake longer than him.

Now in my mid 50’s I definitely need more sleep. I also notice that I really don’t function as well when I’m tired. However I still struggle to get 6.5-7hrs sleep most nights in a week. My weekly average is probably closer to 6 than 7 hours nightly. And my sleep is a little more interrupted too.

And this is despite the fact that every medical professional I follow and learn from speaks about the value of sleep. I know I don’t get enough of it. I know this isn’t a healthy choice. Yet I’m still up late writing this and I’m going to be up before everyone else in my family tomorrow morning.

I need to rethink this. I need to schedule longer sleep times… and I need to go to sleep now.

Sweet dreams.

Paying with our attention

I got this message from Amazon yesterday:

This notification and specifically, ‘We ‘aim’ to have meaningfully fewer ads…’ says three things to me:

1. We are making our service worse (or more expensive) than what you have now.

2. ‘You are our product’. Meaningful ads means they are using our streaming data to target us with ads that are more likely to influence us, which also gets more value for them from their advertisers.

3. ‘Fewer ads’ is their way of saying, ‘Not many at first, but we’ll gradually increase them at a pace that doesn’t suddenly piss you off’.

Movie theatres used to have 5 minutes of previews, then 10, then 15. Then there were ads for the concession stand thrown in. Then ads for items sold in the concession stand, then partner brands… And now when you pay for a movie, the ads start when the movie is supposed to start… that way they ensure a captive audience. You can bet that advertisers pay more for a quiet, attentive, popcorn-eating, phone-silenced-and-tucked-away viewer than they do a commercial-skipping viewer sitting at home with many other options and distractions.

Advertisers pay for our attention. And they pay well. We are the product. Google sells our information and attention, so does Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok. The more of our attention they can sell, the more data they collect about us, the more they make.

‘We aim to have meaningfully fewer ads…’ is a lie. It’s decorated like it’s doing you a favour, but it’s about maximizing profits. It’s about you being the product and advertisers being the customer.

‘We’ll be right back after these messages’… (Insert profit-making content here)… This is the process we pay and continue to pay. Our attention is the product; The advertisers are the real customers.

Conversation hog

I had a conversation yesterday and upon reflecting on it I was a bit of a conversation hog. What made me realize this was that I asked a question and upon hearing the initial response, I immediately shared my similar experience. However in doing so, the conversation never got to the person fully answering my question.

I basically jumped in with a related story and took over the conversation. This undermined my initial question and the whole conversation. It’s not like I was rude, but I also wasn’t very polite. Why ask a question if I’m more interested in my own response rather than the person’s I’m asking?

Unfortunately I didn’t recognize this until after the conversation was over, and we had parted ways. Still, this was an excellent reminder that after I ask a question, the need to shut up and listen. I need to engage with the person I’m with in a way that is fully focused on hearing, and less on relating and sharing my own connections, especially when I’m asking for their story. That isn’t to say I can’t make a connection later, but the key word there is ‘later’.

Listen first. Seek to understand. Engage in their story, and when their story has been shared, only then should I consider interjecting my own story, and only if it adds value to the conversation.

Listen first.

Hello 2024 – Healthy Living Goals

A new year, a new plan.

I’ve learned a lot about setting goals and keeping them since I started my Healthy Living Goals back on January 1st, 2019.

I picked up the book Atomic Habits around then, and it both reinforced some good systems I had in place and also gave me new and powerful insights to keep my good habits going. I used a year-long calendar to track my goals and continued doing this for ’20, ’21, and ’22, but decided I didn’t need it for 2023. And while I did a fantastic job with my fitness. I did however develop a herniated disc in my neck that set me back quite a bit at the start of the year, but I came back with a new focus and feel that my body has responded and recovered. But on a less successful note, I totally let my meditation commitment slide.

For 2024 I’m going back to my calendar, and I’m publicly sharing my goals, because I know it’s a good external motivation for me to make my goals public. Here they are:

1. An average of 6 workouts a week. 20 minutes of cardio, stretching, and at least one body part pushed to 3 hard sets.

2. Meditation: A minimum of 10 minutes daily, and one day for longer than that, (tracked with a black dot on my daily sticker when I at least double the 10 minute minimum).

3. Writing my Daily-Ink every day… Continuing my streak from July 2019. While this is already a consistent daily habit, I think it’s great to have one goal on my calendar where I have a continuous streak running.

4. More writing/creating: My goal will be to write, or edit videos (a project with my uncle), or doing something creative, 3 times a week for at least an hour. Most if not all of this will be on the weekends, but I also plan on making more time for myself daily.

How will I find more time in my week? I plan on being on my phone less. A lot less. I haven’t always been great with my phone habits but I think it got worse in 2023. I’m going to cut my scrolling. I’m going to start writing blog posts on my laptop rather than phone. I’m going to schedule time when my phone is on the counter rather than on me.

I rarely watch TV, I don’t watch sports, I think I can meet my above goals by sticking to current habits and just using my time better. I’m writing this (admittedly on my phone) on New Year’s Eve. I tried before, but unsuccessfully, to write at night rather than in the morning, so that I have more time for things like meditation and stretching when I wake up.

So there you have it. I do have a few physical goals beyond regular workouts. But having just spent 6 and a half months getting my left arm (almost) back to full strength, because my herniated disc pinched a nerve that seriously impinged the strength of most exercises I did with that arm… I consider these goals secondary, and may cautiously change these if they push me too hard.

These goals include:

  • 30 pull-ups (I did 15 today for my first set and 10 on a second set). When I first had this goal it was also along with the goal of 60 pushups… I did that one morning last month. 💪😀👍
  • Bench 225 lbs (two 45 plates on each side of the bar). This is something I did (albeit not for full sets) at the start of the year, but I have a way to go to get back there, and even further to be doing full sets at that weight.
  • A 30 second unassisted handstand. I have had this (unattained) goal for a number of years. I was on a roll until a minor shoulder injury, then never got back to trying.

Again, these are goals that may change but I wanted to put them ‘out there’. My fully committed goals are the 4 numbered ones above. I’m truly excited about what 2024 has in store!

Goodbye 2023

I’m glad to see you go! 4 months of pain from a herniated disc and dealing with my father’s death at the same time is not something I enjoyed. I also didn’t do my yearly healthy living calendar this year and basically stopped meditating.

So I’ll buy a new calendar today, I’ll refocus my healthy living goals… and I’ll look forward to 2024.

2023 can kiss my derrière:)

I’m thinking positive thoughts and planning to have a healthy, productive year ahead. May 2024 be a great year for you too!

Digital distraction

Last night we went out for a wonderful dinner. I’m the restaurant we had a booth next to a round table which had a mother and 3 daughters. I’d guess the kid’s ages to be about 7, 12, and 14. My youngest daughter was sitting next to me and whispered, “They are all on devices.”

When I looked, the 7 year old had an Anime video playing on her laptop, which was about 8-10 inches (20-25cm) from her face. The 12 year old had over-ear headphones on and was endlessly scrolling on social media. The 14 year old was opposite me and all I could see was that she had one earbud in, on the far side of her mom, and she was bouncing between drawing (she definitely had some art skills) and scrolling on her phone.

The whole table sat in what was mostly silence, eating slowly. This continued from the time they sat down until we left the restaurant.

My daughter then pointed out the table behind us where a boy, about 5, had his face over a tablet, his face lit up from the light off of it, since he was so close to it.

It’s the era of digital babysitting, digital distractions, but creating distraction from what? Mealtime, family time, conversation, social engagement? …All of the above.

I think this form of distraction is fundamentally changing the way we socialize and this will affect our sense of family, community, and culture.

What happens when our screens become more important than the people around us?

Money matters

I remember in Junior High school when I could buy a bag of potato chips for 25 cents. Then there was a jump in price, with a smaller bag being sold for 35 cents. That was a big jump and it took a while before paying more for less became the norm.

There are distinct times in my life when I recall these kinds of jumps. Like when it was crazy to see gas be over 50 cents a litre, then the price jumped above 70 cents and when it dipped back down it never went below 55 cents again. Give us gas at 71.9 cents a litre for 2 months and suddenly we are quite happy to see 55.9, like it’s a bargain price. Now I’m checking my tank to see how much gas I have when the price is under $1.65, because that’s too good of a price to pass up.

I get that prices need to go up, but what I don’t understand is how this is happening while simultaneously banks, oil companies, and grocery chains are recording record profits. It’s literally a case of gouging the consumer and blaming inflation.

Rants aside, I’m up at Whistler with my family, my mom is visiting and has never been up here. We are staying in a wonderful hotel, a surprise gift from a friend, and my kids can’t get over the way people spend their money. Here, room service for 2 would be a fancy meal for all 5 of us… and no we didn’t order any, we just looked at the menu.

A day of skiing for our family, with 2 parents and 2 adult kids would be $1,200, and if the kids were under 19, $1,100, and under 12 would be $900. Most families are here for 3-4 days of skiing. Many have flights to pay for, and hotels here are not cheap!

But for some people, spending $15,000 to $25,000 for a vacation is… normal. For others that’s a significant portion of their yearly salary and out of the question.

It’s funny, you always hear, ‘money can’t buy happiness,’ and while I agree with that, there is something affluence does buy, it buys a sense of freedom. Money matters because when you have a lot of it, you don’t have to think as much about your spending. You want something? Buy it. You need something done quickly? Pay someone to do it for you? However, when you don’t have the freedom to buy whatever you want, when the cost is prohibitive, money really matters.

Prices have jumped significantly since Covid. There are more people struggling to make ends meet. There are more people choosing not to go out for dinner because the cost is just too excessive for a family. There are people who used to ski at Whistler who have been priced out of that option. There are many more people who don’t make a purchase without thinking of the cost. They don’t have the freedom to spend without thinking of the consequences of a purchase.

That’s what affluence buys, it buys free buying power that doesn’t feel nearly as free for less affluent people. Monet matters less as you get more. I’m not sure what the sweet spot is, where the transition happens, and I’m not sure I ever will. I just know I’m at one of those price jump times where I’m going to need to adjust to the price jumps wherever I look… I’m just not sure I’ll be adjusting to these new price ‘lows’ any time soon. It’s a time where money matters for a lot of us.