Author Archives: David Truss

Being tough vs having high expectations

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In your schooling you’ve probably had some really tough teachers that gave you no slack or leeway, and some of them you might have liked and others you didn’t. What made them tough and likeable versus tough and unlikable?

I think it comes down to high expectations, consistency, and connection.

• When a teacher has high, but realistic expectations the message is that they believe in you and your capabilities. But this is individualized, not every student can achieve the same thing, but every student knows the difference between a teacher wanting them to do better rather than just expecting results they know they can’t achieve.

• When a teacher is fair and shows consistency, students feel respected. Favouritism undermines morale, and invalidates the integrity of the classroom. High expectations can’t be mixed with greater strictness for some students without them feeling picked on.

• When a teacher connects with students and shows genuine interest in them high expectations becomes an honour not a challenge. Students recognize that the teacher wants them, expects them, to be successful… and believes in them.

Having high expectations, being fair and consistent, and genuinely caring and connecting with students can build a classroom environment where a teacher being strict comes across to students as wanting to get the best out of them, and believing in them. But take any one of these three things away and being strict can seem mean, unfair, or even vindictive.

It’s a pretty special classroom where students are all held to a high standard and they feel like their teacher sincerely wants the best out of all of them… and believes in them.

What Is There To Fear?

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Do you ever notice that people who have near death experiences seem to have a new lease on life? It makes me think that the fear around death is misguided. We shouldn’t fear death nearly as much as we should fear not living. Death is inevitable. And while I personally hope it is still quite distant, it really isn’t avoidable. What is avoidable is not really living. 

Not really living can be quite cliche. It’s living to work, not working to live; It’s counting the days to the weekend, your next vacation, or retirement; It’s eating for sustenance without enjoyment; It’s counting the minutes rather than spending them; It’s fearing to chase your dream; Wishing, but not doing; watching rather than participating; Wondering where the time went and lamenting; Hoping for different results, but not doing anything to get them. 

What is there to fear? It’s not death, it’s just not really living… which is something you always have control over. And if you take control, well then there really isn’t much to fear, is there? 

 

Dear Grocery Store

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It’s time to enter the 21st-century and provide intelligent search in your stores.

Create an App that is a shopping list that automatically sorts products by the aisle that they are in. Have sensors that the app detects so that once in that isle, you can see right where the product can be found.

Yes, I know you make a lot of extra money selling stuff because people are searching, can’t find their products, and see other products to pick up, but here’s a better way to do it!

You have an extreme amount of data about what people buy together. Instead of relying on them accidentally stumbling upon something as they search, use the data you have:

1. Put things together that people have bought together on their past shopping experiences. There are hundreds of millions of orders you have already tracked on every receipt you’ve ever printed and stored. Yes, that might be challenging for someone who doesn’t use the app, however, you’re going to design the app so that it would be stupid not to use it.

Who knew that people who bought tacos also bought mango curry sauce… you do because the data says so. So, why not put them next to each other in the grocery store?

2. Use the bottom 1/4 of the App to a) suggest related items when an item is added to the list, and b) show related items or data-suggested items while looking for the next item on the list.

3. Personalize suggestions based on individualized purchase history. If someone adds taco shells regularly, remind them about taco shells or salsa the next time they buy ground beef.

4. Make the App features great. Make it ideal for other lists too, make it indispensable. Add features that might suggest other items if you are on a diet. Or let a vegetarian know that a sauce has meat products and suggest another one that doesn’t.

5. Don’t game this too much. We aren’t stupid. If we see that every item you suggest is by Kraft, or we see the same items again and again that your App is pushing to us for advertising kickbacks, we’ll know the App is made for you and not for us. Here’s a magical idea, don’t just say you put the customer first, actually put them first!

The days of forcing people down every isle for them to buy more products are over… or they will be for you if you competitor takes this App idea before you do.

Antecedent to: Forever or a Failure

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Yesterday I wrote:

It’s Not: Forever or a Failure

Starting something and doing it for a while, then changing your mind is often seen as a failure. When in fact, it’s very possible that continuing on and being unhappy would be far more of a failure. Yet from the outside, sticking with it looks more like success than the person who changes their mind, and is ready to challenge themselves in new, interesting, and exciting ways.

Today I share an antecedent to this:

Stick to it! Don’t quit too early. The forever analogy above, and trying something new instead, relates to things you’ve done for a long time and feel committed to. But new things deserve time, effort, and some fortitude in times of difficulty.

It’s easy to make excuses why the new path you are on, or the new hobby you are trying, is too hard or to decide the learning curve is too big. It’s easy to rationalize giving up too quickly. Any new and worthy task or routine takes some grit to stick with. When you’ve given the new thing a few months, or even a few years, that’s when the idea that it need not be ‘forever or a failure’ comes into play.

Before that, when things are still relatively new, there needs to be a time commitment. After time has permitted a long term cost-benefit analysis, only then is quitting not a failure, and continuing forever could be more detrimental and less rewarding than moving on.

Doing new things can be scary, and it can be easy to justify or rationalize or even irrationally reason that continuing on in an activity is too hard, or not worth the effort. Leave a new habit or practice or hobby too soon and a failure is a failure. Continuing on too long, or not quitting because you are scared to vary from your comfort zone can also be a failure.

It’s a delicate dance of time… don’t be afraid to put the time into something new, and really give it a chance… and don’t spend more time on something than is necessary just because these are the same dance steps you’ve been doing for a long time.

It’s Not: Forever or a Failure

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Starting something and doing it for a while, then changing your mind is often seen as a failure. When in fact, it’s very possible that continuing on and being unhappy would be far more of a failure. Yet from the outside, sticking with it looks more like success than the person who changes their mind, and is ready to challenge themselves in new, interesting, and exciting ways.

Unselfish Giving

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I have a family member who isn’t a doctor but has volunteered to go help doctors provide surgeries in a rural part of a poor country, where the locals can’t afford or don’t have access to some of these lifesaving procedures. It will be a very rewarding experience, but it’s also something that won’t feel like a vacation. It will be challenging, especially during triage when some patients will be turned away. Still, I know that this will be a very rewarding experience for her.

That’s the amazing thing about unselfish giving. The reward is worth the sacrifice. Unselfish giving is innately rewarding. On the other hand selfish giving comes with an expectation of reward: Accolades, attention, recognition, appreciation. These things might also come with unselfish giving, but they aren’t expected. And for an unselfish giver, there is no false modesty in receiving recognition, in fact there might even be embarrassment.

The difference between unselfish and selfish giving is in the external expectations. Selfish giving needs the external reward and unselfish giving only requires internal rewards. Both can get the external rewards, however when the selfish giver doesn’t get them, they feel cheated and less joyful, whereas the unselfish giver can receive no external rewards or attention and be equally if not more joyful for not having to face the unwanted attention.

Ironically whether a kindness is given for selfish or unselfish reasons, a good is still being done. And recognition is probably deserved either way. It’s only when the recognition isn’t received that the true value of giving unselfishly really shows up.

In the end, I believe that unselfish giving is inherently more rewarding, more joyful, and more fulfilling. But motives are not that important as long as good is being done… and so if someone wants praise for doing something good, well, do the unselfish thing and give it to them.

Changing Our Opinions…

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I recently wrote Certainty Versus Evidence, and concluded with, “Seek out wise people who are smart enough to be humble, and uncertain, and as curious as you are… And don’t let yourself get stuck in concrete thinking.”

It really comes down to the idea that we need to be willing to change our opinions and our point of view when more information comes our way.

This means:

  • We need to respectfully listen to alternative points of view.
  • We need to ask clarifying questions.
  • We need to challenge our own assumptions.
  • We need to be humble enough to recognize that we don’t know everything.
  • We need to keep learning.

It always surprises me the that changing of one’s opinion is seen as weak. To me it’s a sign of strength. Openly admitting that you’ve changed your mind based on new evidence is a superpower. It means you don’t have a fixed mindset.

The difference between this and being gullible is that you aren’t easily persuaded, but rather data driven. You aren’t blindly believing new information, you are discerning, measuring, calculating, and being inquisitive.

We aren’t having our minds changed, we are changing our minds.

It’s not hard to do this when your new opinion fits with the views of those around you, but if that’s not the case, a simple change of opinion could be very challenging. I think both Copernicus and Galileo would agree with me.

It’s a big step to openly change your mind on a challenging topic. It takes strength of mind and will to do so, and it is a sign that you are willing to learn and grow. Certainty is the enemy of understanding, compassion, and growth. Ultimately if we are willing to change our opinions, we are willing to change and grow.

Holding Secrets

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We all have secrets, things we are told in complete confidence.

Secrets are a privilege to be heard. Hold on to them and you are a trusted, valued friend. Integrity is understanding how to keep a secrets to yourself.

The easiest way you can think of it is, ‘This story is not mine to tell.”

And the follow through is simply not telling the story, the secret to anyone. Trust is earned, integrity is built from consistency, and friendship is enriched from holding things in confidence.

If you can’t hold a secret, you are a gossip, not a friend. If you can’t hold a secret, you also can’t meaningfully call yourself a friend.

What inspired me to share this idea? I can’t say… it’s not my story to tell.

Certainty Versus Evidence

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We are living through an epidemic of certainly at the expense of evidence.

Selectively chosen facts are sprinkled on emboldened ideas that sit like concrete, embedded deep in the minds of people who are certain they are right. Contrary evidence is tossed aside. If it doesn’t fit my truth or my world view then, it’s wrong, it’s misinterpreted, it’s fake news.

When scientists discover galaxies that are too large for the age that they are, considering when they were born, early in the development of the universe… it makes them ponder the theories they hold. Scientists are excited by this puzzle. What’s at play here? Is it a challenge of our evidence collection or are there other theories that may be better? This is the thrill of being at the forefront of science. It’s the idea that we continue to learn and reformulate our theories and make them better.

But to certainty focused, evidence lacking, non-scientific ‘experts’ (in their own minds), this new data is a chance to mock scientists; To emphasize that ‘they don’t know anything’ about the universe. This new evidence isn’t scientific evidence but rather proof that all science is wrong. These new galaxies are evidence of a higher power, or worse, a flat world.

We have people selling water bottles that make hydrogen water that’s somehow supposed to be better than just drinking water. Every commercial for supplements or diets or exercise plans tell you how the evidence is clear and this is the product that will transform your life.

I recently saw this fascinating video about a bug that shoots acid from its butt as a defensive mechanism. It was a totally interesting and engaging video for over 2 minutes, then it started into an unexpected conclusion of Intelligent Design and became an anti-evolution propaganda video that I had to stop watching. But I did wonder how many people bought into this, and I peeked at the comments which were filled with comments like, ‘God is amazing’.

‘Follow your own Truth’, with a capital ‘T’. Cherry pick your evidence and strengthen your certainty. That’s what it seems more and more people are doing these days. The certainty epidemic is growing and it’s getting harder and harder to sift through the BS, and actually know what evidence to follow.

The only anecdote is to stay curious and ask questions. Seek out wise people who are smart enough to be humble, and uncertain, and as curious as you are… And don’t let yourself get stuck in concrete thinking.

In living and loving memory

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My dad died a year ago today. In all honesty I haven’t thought that much about it today other than seeing a chat in WhatsApp from my sisters this morning and then I just got off the phone with my mom.

The thing is, I don’t want this to be a day that I hold as special in my memory. I was in agonizing pain with a herniated disk, and I didn’t get back in time to say good bye when he took a turn for the worse. February 26th is his birthday, and that’s a living, loving day to remember my dad. The day of his death had no other significance before his death, and frankly I will only track it to ensure I chat with my mom.

It’s holidays, family dinners, and adventures together that I want to remember. I want the moments I hold dear to be ones that keep his memory alive, and the anniversary of his death doesn’t make that cut. In the coming years I’ll write more about my dad, but this is probably the last time that I mention him here on this day. I’ll choose more meaningful days and/or more meaningful memories.