Author Archives: David Truss

In a rut

My mind is a flutter. I seem to be hopping from idea to idea. At work my secretaries and I joke about me having a squirrel brain when I get like this. I start a task, get interrupted, and then don’t remember the task until much later. A student comes to ask me a question, and I can’t remember what I was doing after they leave.

Today I had to redo my meditation because I fell asleep. Then the second time the 10 minute session ended I realized I completely failed to listen to the last few minutes or focus on my breathing, and had to go back to it again.

I don’t like when I get like this, because it’s like I’ve had too much coffee, and am overstimulated. But rather than fight it, for today’s post I’ll try to embrace it and I’ll throw ‘this and that’ out in a stream of verbal diarrhea, here goes:

I got my personal best score in archery, beating my old record by one… then repeated that score. I should be thrilled. My accuracy is way up. Yet I’m mad at myself because I started both record-breaking scores with two of three shots being 8’s. And in my second round, I ended with an 8, or I would have beaten my new record rather than tied it. Oh, and I’m also mad at myself because rather than celebrating my personal best, I’m upset about these things and can’t seem to let myself celebrate the success.

Workouts are still floundering, even now I’m writing this later than usual and will have to rush my morning routine. So much for getting back into it like I’ve shared here recently. I tell myself I’ll push harder, but I really don’t. I think I need to try something really different to break this cycle. I’m usually someone that can self-motivate, but right now I feel like I need someone else to light a fire under my ass.

I finally finished a 28.5 hour audio book. It was a wonderful story but it still took me almost three months to listen to, despite enjoying it. I listened to so many books the last couple years, and this year I’m listening at a snail’s pace. I’m also behind on podcasts. I just don’t squeeze the time out of the day like I used to.

I’ve been ‘working on’ a visual that puts together some of the things we do in order to share the Heroes Journey of a student at Inquiry Hub… except I’ve been too busy at work and am actually not working on it. It’s more of a decoration on the whiteboard behind me in my office than it is a work in progress. I look at it, I haven’t really added much to it recently.

My eating habits haven’t been great. My sleeping habits haven’t been great. I’m clueless as to what’s going on in the world because not only do I not watch TV, but I’ve tuned out of social media too.

I sound like a basket case reading this over, but I’ve caught up on my email backlog, and have been tackling my ‘to do’ list at work diligently, even if sometimes lacking focus. I’m functioning pretty well, yet focused on the things I’m not doing rather than the things I’m doing well. I haven’t laughed enough recently. I haven’t felt a sense of real accomplishment. I haven’t even enjoyed my distractions.

Yet, in the grand scheme of things I’m being productive, I’m staying healthy, my family is healthy, I’m listening to good books, I’m meditating, I’m improving my archery skills. There should be a lot to celebrate, or at least appreciate. Cognitively I understand this. But I don’t know how to give myself a break and appreciate all these things?

Well, I better get my butt to my home gym and go through the motions of working out. I’ll listen to a podcast while I do, and maybe some motivational music. I’ll get out of this rut soon, but for now I’ll just go through the motions, which is better than letting myself slip.

Waiting in Limbo

I’ve gotten terribly tired of waiting. I want to stomp my feet, and scrunch up my face, and whine like a petulant child until I get my vaccine. When is it my turn? How much longer? What about me?

Oh, I know that the protocols will still be there; restaurants will still only be takeout; I won’t be suddenly having friends over; and, I’ll still be wearing a mask for some time. I know my day-to-day life won’t change much after my first shot. But getting that shot can’t happen fast enough for me.

It’s the next step forward. Its movement away from a year-plus-long state of limbo, and towards the promise of normalcy… even if we are still far away from things going back to normal.

It’s getting closer to happening but it feels like each day is exponentially longer as I wait my turn. It makes me feel impatient, frustrated, and melancholy. I know that’s all in my head. I know that thinking about it stretches my perception of the days before it happens even longer. That doesn’t seem to matter. What matters is that I’m still waiting. And yes, I’m still being cautious, I’m still trying to stay positive, I’m still taking my Vitamin D… and I’m still waiting.

Results are in

I did DNA testing with 23andMe and the results are in. I didn’t expect or get any surprises in my heritage: I’m 55% Ashkenazi Jew, 20% Chinese, and the remainder is split between British and Southern European. My grandparents are a Polish Jew, a Ukrainian Jew, Chinese, and a mix of English with Spanish and Portuguese (my grandmother who thought her father secretly had some Jewish in him, which could explain the above 50% Jewish results). So, my wife’s description of me as a Chinese Jew from Barbados remains a fitting description.

It’s interesting that the category ‘Ashkenazi Jew’ doesn’t break down further, but even though my two grandfathers lived in neighbouring countries, they seem to have come from the same roots. And having been persecuted and ‘othered’ since the Middle Ages, as well as the desire to marry within their own faith, I’m not surprised that there wasn’t a lot of mixed blood in that part of my heritage.

I’m looking forward to exploring this a little further. I’m also interested in digging into other health aspects of the results.

fitness slump

I recently gave myself a big fitness goal, and then the March Break hit. Week one I stuck with things, week two I took a lazy dive. I’ve been on that lazy dive for a second week and today was supposed to be the day I broke it and started again. It wasn’t.

My motivation seems to be at an all-time low right now. But I know what I need to do. I need to ‘let go’ of the goal, and just get my butt into my gym. I need to allow myself to go through the motions and feel low… but still get in the gym and do something. I didn’t get back to things today. I will get myself back on the treadmill and lifting weights, or doing chin ups, tomorrow morning. Sometimes it’s ok just to go through the motions, but it’s not good to let myself avoid workouts. When I do this, it becomes an unhealthy loop.

So tomorrow morning, I won’t push myself on the treadmill. I’ll do some low weight with high repetition exercises. I’ll add a sticker to my chart, and at least 4 more in the weeks to come, so that I’m back to 5 workouts a week. Hopefully some time this week or next, I’ll feel more motivated and get back to my goal… but for now the goal is to just show up.

Tied my personal best

Today I a shot a 280. The last time I scored a 280 was January 30th with my old bow. I still had a few inconsistent shots, but in a way that is good news. If I clean up those loose shots, I’m going to easily beat this score.

I also found a great app to score for me. It gives you the option to mark the spot on the target where your arrows landed. Then it tallies the score and shows you a final set of targets with all your shots marked on it, and also a set of targets for each round.

I still have so much to learn, and hopefully this app will help me see patterns in my shots that will help me. And now ‘I just need to shoot my next 1,000 more arrows’, my mantra on this wonderful learning journey I’m on.

Habits vs Distractions

The kids that are perfectionists, work for hours on something that was good enough long before they consider the work to be finished.

The kids who loves to do research collect so much of it that it becomes overwhelming.

The kids who are easily distracted spends too much time catching up on work that should already have been handed in, and are perpetually putting off work that should be done now.

The kids that stress about the class they don’t like, spend less time and energy on the classes they enjoy.

The kids that work on more than one thing at once end up doing less of everything as they bounce from task to task.

The kids that should ask the most questions ask half as many as the kids that really don’t need to ask, but want to make sure they understand, or are doing things correctly.

It’s not always a lack of trying, it’s not always a lack of effort. It’s the lack of the understanding of where to put effort, what to do next, when to ask for help, and when to either remove distractions or remove themselves from distraction.

But the good news is that habits are learned. Success can provide as much serotonin and reward stimulus as distractions do… but only if the habits are in place to make the rewards consistent. Otherwise, video games, social media, and the illusion that multitasking is actually a thing, trump the rewards of good habits.

Sometimes we give kids too much choice, too much time, too many extensions. Sometimes what they need are high expectations, and hard deadlines. Sometimes they need a teacher checking in on them, asking to see work in progress, and giving timely and precise feedback. Sometimes kids need teachers to help them with their plan of action, and then hold them accountable to the plan.

Because sometimes the appeal of distractions are too strong, and giving a kid time to choose what they should do next isn’t really giving them a choice. Because sometimes distractions are too strong, and kids are not really choosing, they are falling back in the habit of doing the things that feed their brains with serotonin. They don’t get the same rewards from hard work, because they don’t have the habits to ensure that hard work pays off. Sometimes we need to make the choice for them, then instead of praising the work, we need to ask them how they feel getting the work done. Sometimes we need to help build good habits for them, because the alternative is to let the distractions win.

Many years later…

Somewhere between the years 2000 and 2002 I taught a grade 8 art class. I was teaching a lesson on drawing faces with pencil and one student was a far better artist than me. She could really capture the details of the face, and not just be anatomically correct, but also bring life to her drawings. However she was hesitant to go dark with her work. It lacked contrast. Her drawings were like beautiful but faded photocopies.

“Don’t be afraid to go darker.” I would say. She would try and the image would get ever so slightly darker, but still look faded.

“Darker!” I would say.

“It is!” She would retort.

“Not enough, go darker.” Or, “You know what I’m going to tell you!”

It was a banter that went on all year, because no matter what we did in art, she had a pencil journal that she also worked on. Again, her work was beautiful, but too light.

Fast forward to yesterday, and this former student, now a friend on Facebook, did a tribute drawing of an older photograph, of a loved one. (It’s 5:30am, and I haven’t asked to share the story, so I’m not sharing names or details.) The drawing is beautiful with rich dark highlights, and still has her soft touch that brings her drawings to life.

I commented on the photo:

“Beautiful. Nice to see that you are no longer afraid to use rich dark shades 😜”

She replied,

“NO joke, I was actually hearing you repeat to go darker/not to be afraid to commit to it and smiling about how this many years later your teachings still come out 😊”

And,

“I even wondered if you’d consider it dark enough 😆 glad to see I’ve made progress with it!”

My response,

“It really is, and you’ve captured [your subject’s] sparkle… not easy to do in a drawing. I love it! ❤️”

I truly enjoy interactions like this. They warms my heart. They remind me of why I wanted to be a teacher, and make me miss being in the classroom.

We are lucky to live in an age where we can connect with former students and celebrate their marriages, the birth of their children, or just check in with them when things aren’t going their way. And it’s so much fun to know that we can make small differences in their lives, long after they’ve left our classroom.

Removing the obstacle

Since buying my new bow, I haven’t had a new personal best score. I’ve made a lot of adjustments and changed arrows, and have learned a lot, but my best score hasn’t moved up. One challenge I’ve had is that the fatter arrows I purchased are harder to keep on my tiny arrow rest while I draw the bow. I start to pull the string back, and the arrow bounces off of the rest and I have to let down the bow, reposition the arrow, and draw again. With a 50 pound bow, those extra draws that are unsuccessful get really tiring.

Yesterday I went to the archery store just before they closed and they installed my drop-away rest that I had on my old bow. This rest isn’t a tiny ‘V’ blade that the arrow sits on, it’s a big ‘U’ that cups the arrow and drops down and out of the way before the fletching at the back of the arrow hit it.

I then went and shot a round. First I had to recalibrate my sighting and get my bow adjusted to the slightly different location of the new rest, then I shot 30 arrows and scored a 278.

My personal best is a 280. Looking at my score card, the first round, when I was still adjusting my sight was the only round that I didn’t score at least one 10 or X in the round (you always score high to low score as opposed to by the order the shots went in). Also, I only shot 3 arrows outside the yellow 9-ring.

I shot two 8’s and a 6. The 6 was a really bad shot that I know my mistake. Part of the issue was I hadn’t lined everything up properly and was trying to readjust myself at full draw of the bow. I should have let down the bow and restarted, but having had the old rest where I kept having to redraw with the arrow falling off, I was accustomed to fighting through to avoid this. An old habit I’ll gladly break soon.

Still, if that 6 was even an 8, my other worse score on the card, I would have tied my personal best on my first attempt with this arrow rest on my bow. I know that not having to draw the bow so many times, frustrating me and tiring me out, will go a long way in getting me to my new personal best score.

After a couple weeks of dedicated shooting over the break, I saw no progress in my score. Then I remove one obstacle, and I shoot the best I have in a while and get close to my personal best. This reminds me of the quote, ‘the obstacle is the way’. That thing getting in your way is the thing to figure out, or it becomes the path forward. I thought I could persevere and learn to use the tiny ‘V’ blade but couldn’t. The archery shop has ordered a wider blade for me and I might try again… it is a better rest than the drop-away one. But for now, I’ll use this one, I’ll draw my bow back 30 times to shoot 30 arrows, rather than 100 times, and I’ll smash my personal best score very soon.

That BS kid

I was one of those kids. You know the type, every report card my marks were somewhere between average and good, with comments about me not meeting my potential… The ‘BS’ grade of ‘B’ but only a ‘S’atisfactory for effort, rather than ‘G’ood. With a few exceptions the marks could have been ‘A’s. It got worse in university where my marks became further divergent, with me getting ‘A’s in the courses I liked and ‘C’s in the ones I didn’t.

It took my Teacher Ed degree at 29 years old before my marks started to actually represent my abilities, and even then it was partially because I surrounded myself with people who pushed me. I can still hear Anna-Christana’s voice, “Dave, look at our calendar, we have 3 big things due, one on Thursday, two on Friday next week, so you need to start at least one of them this weekend, ok?”

It took me almost two decades of schooling to figure it out on my own before starting my Masters. And now, despite knowing these kind of students, despite being one of these students, I still don’t know a magic formula to move a ‘BS’ to a ‘BG’ or an ‘AG’. As a side note, it’s not as much about the ‘A’ mark as the ‘G’ for effort, that I’m really interested in seeing… change the effort, grades will eventually follow.

In high school, favourite teachers of mine could get me to put more effort into things, but they didn’t decide to be a favourite teacher, I decided. That speaks a lot to the importance of relationships in teaching, but kids don’t always meet you there. Yes, we can excite these students about a project that are in their areas of interest. Yes, we can give them more choice in assignments and ways to demonstrate learning, but at some point they need to step up too.

I wish there was a secret I could reveal. I wish I could look back in time and say, ‘If only I had done this‘, or i’If only someone had provided me with that‘, well then things would have been different. Maybe there is something, but for me it was my age and my willingness to put the effort in. Until then, learning on someone else’s agenda was pretty much BS to me.

Back to it

After a very restful March break, I’m back at it tomorrow. While the break was wonderful, and a part of me wants to just curl up in bed for another week, another part of me is excited for some busy normalcy.

It’s interesting, but I seem to get more of what I want done when I’ve got more on my plate… the very times that I wish I had more time, are the times when I get stuff done.

I’m looking forward to seeing staff and students. I’m looking forward to getting back into my morning workout routines. I’m looking forward to thinking about education in ways that I haven’t been too thoughtful about over the break.

The end of the year will come quickly now, and I know that in a few short months I’ll wonder where the time went. But for tomorrow, the focus will be catching up and connecting with my community, and then the ‘To Do’ list can officially start on Wednesday.