Tag Archives: patience

Slowly coming together

We’ve been living through a renovation since mid November and as we approach the completion it is great to see everything coming together. Drywall and flooring are done. Cabinetry is almost completely done, appliances are in, with one delayed shipment. Dust still everywhere.

We will still have to wait until late April or early May for all of our furniture to arrive, but we will have a working kitchen in about 2 weeks. That’s when things can start to get back to normal. And while it may take a couple months to settle back in, it feels good to be at a place where the end is in sight.

Living through an entire floor renovation isn’t very convenient. But we can already tell that the end result will be worth it. The biggest leap was deciding that we are going to live here for quite a while longer, and so let’s make it the place we really wanted. After that, it’s just really about not blowing the budget by too much, because there are always things you can add, always upgrades that look appealing.

But now is not a time to focus on that. Now is a time to appreciate what we’ve done and to see the vision we had for this place when we started. We have a home that we can enjoy for years to come, and while the process has been challenging, the final results will definitely be worth it.

Getting technical

While others see me as tech savvy, I know that I’m not. What I am is patient, and willing to experiment. That’s different than savvy. Why do I say this? Because I struggle. I get lost, I make mistakes. I screw up. A lot!

Whenever I’m doing something technical, I have to go painfully slow, or I have to take one step forward and two steps back. This isn’t about me trying to be humble and under-representing my skills, it’s a reality that I’ve come to accept. This is most evident when I try something new. I’m the guy that misses a step, or tries something that I’m too novice to try.

I can remember when I first tried blogging. I’d play with the HTML and quite literally break my blog. Then I’d spend a couple hours on the back end, going way over my head to try to get something besides an error page to show up. But I figured it out. I muddled through.

Sometimes these trail and error escapades left me pulling my hair out, other times laughing at myself, and sometimes feeling like I wanted to cry (especially if my mistakes cost me money unnecessarily). But I try, and I try, and I try. And unlike the song, I find that my attempts create amazing opportunities to learn… and despite the frustration, my attempts at bring more technical than I am are very satisfying.

Waiting in Limbo

I’ve gotten terribly tired of waiting. I want to stomp my feet, and scrunch up my face, and whine like a petulant child until I get my vaccine. When is it my turn? How much longer? What about me?

Oh, I know that the protocols will still be there; restaurants will still only be takeout; I won’t be suddenly having friends over; and, I’ll still be wearing a mask for some time. I know my day-to-day life won’t change much after my first shot. But getting that shot can’t happen fast enough for me.

It’s the next step forward. Its movement away from a year-plus-long state of limbo, and towards the promise of normalcy… even if we are still far away from things going back to normal.

It’s getting closer to happening but it feels like each day is exponentially longer as I wait my turn. It makes me feel impatient, frustrated, and melancholy. I know that’s all in my head. I know that thinking about it stretches my perception of the days before it happens even longer. That doesn’t seem to matter. What matters is that I’m still waiting. And yes, I’m still being cautious, I’m still trying to stay positive, I’m still taking my Vitamin D… and I’m still waiting.

Tech patient rather than savvy

I spent hours today trying to figure out some technology that was new to me. Hours.

Google and YouTube didn’t help. I spent unnecessary money buying an app I didn’t need. I asked for help. I finally got far enough that youtube can help me, but I’m done for the day.

I get stuck trying new things and get single-minded about it. I dig, I try, I fail, I try something different, I fail again. People always ask me for tech help and think I’m tech savvy. I’m not. I’m patient, I’m persistent, I’m stubborn, and I want to know how things work. Sometimes it feels like a gift, today it felt more like a curse.

What does it mean to be tech savvy?

A number of years ago, I wrote this:

 I am not Tech Savvy! If I had a pair of dimes for every time someone said, ‘Dave, you are good with computers, can you help me with this…” then I could retire early. I’ll explain this with a tangent example: The fact is that I happen to be a very good driver. Put me behind the wheel of a car, even in a snow storm, and I’ll get you to your destination safely. However, don’t ask me to do anything more to the car than put gas or windshield washer fluid in it… maybe check the tire pressure… that’s it! Give me a working computer and I can do pretty good there too! Not because I’m savvy though… just because I spend hours trying things.

Yesterday @AubreyDiOrio tweeted:

And I responded:

Then @RobHeinrichs replied to me saying:

We are all good at different things that we are also not necessarily experts in. Our mindsets really do matter. Our willingness to be patient, ask questions, and tinker also matter.

When I say I’m not tech savvy, it means that I don’t know how to code or do programming. It means I can’t build a computer without a manual, a dozen YouTube ‘How to’ videos, and phoning a friend. It means that when I see an error, I can only fix it with the help of Google… if I can fix it at all. It means I point people to tech support after I’ve failed to help.

Yet I’m asked tech questions all the time. I’m looked at to solve problems that I don’t know how to solve when I’m asked. But I’m willing to put in the time, research, and energy to figure it out… and I’m not afraid to ask for help myself. That’s not savvy, that’s patience and effort, all dressed up to look like savvy… it’s a fun outfit, and you can wear it too.

The beautiful slug

It was the summer of 1997 and my wife and I were here on the 70km West Coast Trail with her parents and a couple that are family friends, who are few years younger than her parents. It had rained horribly the weeks before we left and just a week earlier some people had to be helicoptered out after two rivers flooded too much to pass through. So, we were prepared for the worst, but arrived to sunshine and heat that made each day less and less muddy.

We planned 6 nights, some people do the trip in 4, so we took our time and enjoyed an extra night at the prettiest of the stops, at a beautiful falls. My wife loves to keep a fast pace and with a pack on, she struggles to go slow. She’s also someone who speeds up going up hill, or when she sees the finish line… she can really move when there is a goal in front of her.

It was day 3, we were heading to the falls and we were pushing ourselves with our longest distance to travel when something happened… Four of us were well ahead of Ann’s parents and her mom fell. She didn’t hurt herself, but with the pack on she fell in a way where she was pinned down and struggling to get up. Ann’s dad is a bit hard of hearing and didn’t hear her calling for help, and when we looked back she was just getting up after struggling out of her pack.

That’s when we realized how heavy her pack was. She was fit and trained well for the trip (which she had done already) and decided to take the burden of more weight than she should have. Two new decisions were made at this point. First, I would take some of her weight – though my pack was heaviest, I had much of the food so it was already lighter then when we started. Second, we decided that my wife’s parents should not be at the back of the group.

The next day my wife was going crazy going slowly at the back with me. As I mentioned, it was still very muddy from the rains the weeks before and her parents were overly cautious as they traversed the muck. Where I would just slosh through, ankle deep with my gators on (think rain coats for your ankles and shins), her parents would carefully and thoughtfully choose the route with the least amount of mud. Makes perfect sense when you’ve got a heavy pack on and going through the mud is a bit of a balancing act.

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About two hours into our walk my wife said, “I can’t do this, I’ve got to go ahead,” and I told her to go on ahead, I’ll stay at the back. About 3 hours in, I was feeling like my wife did. I’d slosh through the mud then lead against a tree and watch my wife’s parents gingerly traipse around the mud, calculating each step. While I understood their need to be careful, watching them go so slowly when I was standing with a heavy pack waiting for them started to feel like work I. Just. Wanted. Them. To. Speed. Up! Every muddy section became a long slow chore of waiting and I was getting frustrated.

Then we reached a slow muddy section and after getting to the other side of it I saw a branch the perfect hight to rest my pack on while it was still on my back. This took all the pressure off my shoulders without me having to remove the pack. It felt great and as I took a deep breath I looked down at my feed and saw the most unusual slug. It was mostly yellow, but it had a bluish purple section as well. If it wasn’t moving I would have been sure it was fake. How did this ugly little animal have such beautiful contrasting colours on it?

After seeing the slug, I started to look around and really see the trail that until then was just a path to our next destination. Suddenly I was noticing birds, leaves, plants, colours and sounds, that before this point were just things in the background. Suddenly they were in the foreground. I no longer felt any need to rush. I was no longer waiting for my wife’s parents, I was traveling with them. I was enjoying the journey.

It was a big shift thanks to a small, beautiful slug.

Monkey brain

I’ve been doing daily meditation for about a year and a half now. Just 10 minutes in the morning. I used to do it right away, but I found that if I wasn’t done my daily write, that’s what my mind would go to. So now I usually write first. Yet even with this order, I struggle to stay focused for just 10 minutes. My monkey brain can’t stay quiet.

I understand that meditation isn’t about thinking about ‘nothing’. I understand that meditation is a process of ‘returning to my breath’, meaning recognizing that my mind has drifted and recentering it on my breathing. I understand that when I notice I’ve drifted, that I should not attach anger or frustration to this, simply notice and refocus.

Yet, I can have days like yesterday where I barely spent 2 out of 10 minutes focussed on my breath and the rest of the time drifting. I’m not sure I was able to focus on my breath for more than 3 breaths before my mind was on something else. I’m realizing that I’m still just a beginner. I’m wondering what I need to do differently?

I’m aware that I need to let go of my expectations, but I’m also someone that wants and expects results. These opposing goals are not very Zen. They don’t help each other. I have so much still to learn or maybe just to understand… just not sure if my monkey brain is ready?

The tech won’t always work… and that’s ok.

I’ve been ‘playing’ with digital learning and technology for a while now. My first blog post was in 2006 and my first podcast was in 2012. It’s Sunday night and I published a podcast over an hour ago. It usually takes a while to get onto iTunes, because first it has to go to a podcast hosting site called Blubrry. I did this a week and a half ago, and it went to Blubrry and then to iTunes pretty quickly. But tonight the new podcast won’t move to that first step, and I have no idea why? Even after I ‘ping‘ the website, (even though that should happen automatically), my post won’t go to Blubrry. That’s the frustrating thing, I don’t think I did anything different but somehow it won’t work. It might need time, and everything will be fine in the morning by the time this is published. It might not and I’ll have a whole lot of troubleshooting to do.

I do podcasts for fun. I do podcasts to learn. I’ll learn from this, but right now it doesn’t feel like fun.

Educators, as you head into the new world of ‘remote learning’, while we cope with social distancing, empty schools, and COVID-19 continuing to keep us physically separate, please realize that the technology doesn’t always work as planned. It doesn’t always work for the neophytes, and it doesn’t always work for the people like me that think they know what they are doing. When you get frustrated, and you will, remember this: Remember a time when you were really excited to teach a lesson. You stayed up late figuring things out and setting up the handouts for kids. Then you got to school and the photocopier jams horribly. You have no time to get your printing done. Dang! Your whole plan is done and needs reworking. At that point, you didn’t say to yourself, “That’s it, I’m never using the photocopier again!” That would be silly.

You’ll try using some technology for the first time and it won’t go as planned. You’ll try doing a video conferencing lesson and it will flop. You’ll have students doing things you didn’t expect them to do. And you’ll work it out. You’ll connect with your students. You’ll laugh at yourself and they’ll laugh too. You’ll get a lesson or two from a student that knows more than you. And soon, you’ll feel much better about the technology and the strategies you are using.

Oh, and even then, there will be times when the technology doesn’t work… and that’s ok.

The long game

I’ve never been a flexible person. My hamstrings are tight piano wires and my back often feels 15-20 years older than I do.

Recently I’ve been spending more time stretching during my workouts and I’m seeing positive results. Very. Slow. But. Positive. Results.

Stretching is a good example of a long game. Short term benefits and positive results are only seen in the first week or two, then the improvements slow right down. The stretches don’t get easier, they get harder. And still, the results slow down.

How many things can we put in this ‘long game’ category? I think there are many! Flossing our teeth is example. There is research that suggests this isn’t just good for your teeth and gums, it can extend your life. So why is it so easy to ignore this late at night when you just want to brush your teeth and go to bed? Another example, diets are the quick fix, healthy eating and living is the long game.

I can’t pretend to know the secrets to playing the long game well, if I did, I would be able to touch my toes now, after years of stretching, but I’ve only been focused on stretching for a couple months. And, I’m behind on my goal to be able to do handstands because I hit a plateau and haven’t been as committed.

Part of playing the long game for me is making it public. I need to feel accountable to others, to give myself external motivation, for when the internal motivation just isn’t enough.

So now, it’s time to do 20 minutes of cardio followed by light weights and stretching. Because my healthy living goals are part of a long game.