Monthly Archives: March 2022

Crash and burn

It’s the last school day before the March break. My ‘to do’ list at work will require a bit of focus to accomplish, but it is achievable… at least if the general day-to-day interruptions are manageable, that’s an unknown that is just part of the job. The good news is that beyond an email home to students and parents before the break, I don’t have anything pressing, that can’t wait until after the break.

All that said, something that often happens when I reach this point in the year, or at the winter break, is that the first couple days of the break I just crash and burn. I fall into a mode where I sleep more than I usually do, and I feel extremely lazy. And sometimes I literally get sick. It’s like my body holds out for the break, then says ‘You made it! OK, you can let go now’, and I get sick.

However, in previous years, I would usually not be sticking to my healthy living routine right now. I’d have the mentality of, ‘ I’ll get back into shape over the break.’ But this year I’ve done some form of exercise 19 out of the last 20 days. Usually I am metaphorically burning my candle at both ends, but I’ve been intentionally getting to bed for an average of about 7 hours of sleep (I usually get 6 to six-and-a-half). And I’m of the mindset that I’m looking forward to the break, not ‘I need a break’.

While saying this all out loud doesn’t mean that my body still won’t crash to some level, it didn’t this past winter vacation, and I feel like I’ve been able to break the crash and burn routine to start my holidays. The next couple days will tell the tale. Now it’s time for my morning meditation and then on to my exercise bike… I’ve got to maintain the positive patterns that are helping break this cycle.

Cone of silence

When I was a kid I used to watch Get Smart, a ridiculous comedy about a bumbling secret agent who seemed to always accidentally solved his case. Whenever his boss was going to tell him something top secret, Max, agent 99, would insist on using the cone of silence… a device that succeeded in preventing them from hearing each other, and could always be heard from the audience’s perspective, outside of the cone.

I sometimes try to put myself in a cone of silence, not watching the news, not paying attention to social media posts related to news events, not discussing anything related to the news. I try to block things out for a couple days and just live in blissful ignorance of the world beyond my daily life.

Does it work? Not always. But every now and then it’s fun to try.

Opportunity not Obligation revisited

I wrote about the idea of offering people ‘Opportunities not Obligations‘ back in November 2019. I have used this a lot since then. It’s one of my favourite social hacks to allow a person to feel guilt free about turning down an opportunity. (Read the post to really understand what this is all about.)

I want to add something to this now, some advice to the person saying it… if you use this phrase and the person declines the opportunity, well then you need to let it go. You need to be authentically okay with the person not accepting the opportunity. Otherwise, your follow-up will undermine the good intentions of the phrase.

If you say, ‘Are you sure’ Or ‘that’s too bad’, or if you ask again, then you are making the thing you offered feel more like an obligation. You are making the person feel like you are disappointed or let down.

“This is an opportunity, not an obligation.”

When you use the phrase authentically, then it is freeing to both you, the asker, and your friend, the receiver. No apologies needed, no guilt. But if you aren’t authentic and you will be disappointed, then this isn’t a helpful phrase to use.

“The purpose of a system is what it does.”

I just went back to my very first blog post, originally written on March 29th, 2006, and added with a reflection to DavidTruss.com 2 years later. “The purpose of a system is what it does.”

First of all, it’s hard to believe that I’ve been blogging for 16 years! At the time of my reposting this first post onto my own website, I wrote about my 2 year journey to that point, “As I approach the two year mark since first blogging this, I can honestly say that becoming a blogger has been absolutely transformative! I feel like I’ve learned more in the past 2 years than I have in 22 years of one kind of institutional learning or another.“

Now going back to the point of that post, I wonder what the purpose of our current systems are?

Social media seems to be about gaining and keeping attention at any cost.

Governments seem to be about managing risk in wasteful ways.

Law seems to be about expensive litigation with justice sometimes prevailing.

Education seems to be about ranking students for university.

Higher education seems to be about putting students into debt to pay for credentials.

Of course there are exceptions, shining examples of how things could be. But how many of our systems do things that, if you look at them you think, that’s not the purpose of that system? And if the results aren’t what we want, if our systems keep giving us unintended results, at what point do we recognize that these results are the purpose of our systems? And then, what do we do about getting to the real, intended purposes?

Travel plans

I’m heading to visit my parents during the March break. I’m looking forward to it. It will be wonderful to see them, my sisters, and other family.

But hopping on a plane in less than a week got me thinking of a planned holiday that was cancelled almost 2 years ago. We were going on a Mediterranean cruise with stops in Spain and Italy, and holiday stops in Spain and Portugal. Covid stopped that and all other holiday travel.

I thought about this trip and how much I love going to new places I’ve never been before. I love the newness of the environment, I love exploring different foods and flavours. I love the touristy sights, but also the side trips off the beaten track. I love the adventure.

There is a saying, ‘No matter where you go, there you are.’ But I want to see more of the world. I want to visit new places and see new things. And I also want to do trips where I connect with family and friends.

Travel is a luxury. It is also a gift. It’s a way to expand your horizons and have relationships grow richer. I’m looking forward to the world opening up more. Thoughts of travel help me escape the pandemic, and news about war. No big trips planned yet, but the planning is part of the fun. I have no idea where the next big holiday destination will be, but I’m hoping Spain or Portugal might be back on the radar in the next year or two… it’s probably not something we could do this summer, but it really is good to be thinking about travel again.

No vs Know

Sharing some wisdom from George Couros and his mom, who always told him ‘it never hurts to ask, because the dreams you have are sometimes just a question away’. Here is the quote, and I really love it:

“It’s better to hear ‘no’ than to never know.”

When people meet me, they don’t often know that I’m an introvert. I used to spend hours living in my own head, and I still go there too often. Solitude is my friend, and I’d rather hang out with one friend, maybe 2, but I tune out crowds and would rather be alone than be in a group.

As a kid, and early into adulthood, I would build scenarios in my head about what could happen, but I wouldn’t speak up. I’d turn down opportunities that would have been great. And I’d not ask a simple question that could have opened doors for me, or provided my with opportunities. I’m still learning how to ask for help rather than doing a lot of work myself.

It’s not even that I fear the ‘no’, it’s the idea of asking that holds me back. So, maybe that’s why I love this so much… because I can think of many times in my life that hearing ‘no’ would have been better than not knowing.

Question my answers

Here is a wonderful quote from Derek Sivers, in a podcast interview on ‘Far Out‘.

“I like to ask myself questions, and then most importantly I like to question my answers. I like to doubt myself, and I assume that I am accidentally lying to myself. I assume that the person speaking is a liar, meaning me. So I like to dissect my beliefs and habits and actions, and see if they might be hollow.”

Later he talks about wanting to do something for a really long time and says that if that’s the situation you are in, then you really don’t want to do it. That is to say, if you really wanted to do something, then you’d do it. If you keep saying you want to do it but you don’t, you aren’t being truthful to yourself.

What do you really want to do? Whatever your answer… question it!

—–

I’m a huge fan of Derek, you can find his books, blog, and podcast all here: https://sive.rs.

The view from the summit

One of my favourite sayings, that I learned from a former Hare Krishna devotee is, “There are many paths to the top of a mountain, but the view from the summit is the same.” I was at a professional development session about restorative practices last week and I shared this quote in a circle.

This little saying reminds me of three things. First, good people are good people. If they are on a good and kind path, it doesn’t matter what their faith, background, or ideology is. If they are on a path to being the best they can be, if they are doing their part to make this a better world for themselves, their friends, and their community, well then they are on a good path. It doesn’t have to be the same path as me.

The second interpretation of this quote is that sometimes it’s good to take the 2,000 foot view of things, to not get lost on your own path, and not see that others’ paths are going in the same direction. A good example of this is when dealing with upset parents. It’s easy to get lost in the issues, but if you pause and look at the issue from above, suddenly you can see clearly… you both have the best interest of their child in mind… you both want the same thing. With this perspective, it’s easier to see the forest through the trees. It’s easier to not focus on your own path, but a mutual path. The view from the summit is not hindered by the path.

When it comes to faith and religion, I think of this quote as meaning there are many ways to seek God, or to be spiritual. The biggest issue I have with religions is their fervour that there is only one path to God. That seems ridiculous to me for 2 reasons. First, how many 2,000+ year old religions are now dead? How many people lived before modern faiths even existed? Surely God cared about some of those people that lived before the ‘one true religion’ even existed. Surely He/She cares for people today who are good and righteous, but have never been exposed to that one religion. And secondly, if a benevolent God were truly that concerned about a specific unyielding faith, then He/She would have given us scriptures that were more universally interpreted and less framed in the era and geography they came from. Just think about the animals mentioned in religious texts, and whether they should be eaten, not eaten, or sacrificed… these animals had relevance not to a wise God, but to the people at the time that these people wrote the scriptures. No scripture is written well enough to be the words of God, they are all so obviously written by people.

“There are many paths to the top of a mountain, but the view from the summit is the same.”

A Buddhist, a Christian, a Hindu, a Muslim, a Mormon, a Jew, an Atheist… each one of these can be good people on a path to a kinder world, and each one of these can be selfish jerks that are of a belief that somehow their faith or ideology makes them righteous and heaven bound or makes them better than others. What if they just saw each other on the same mountain, and all heading to the same summit?

I like the view from the top of that summit!

Slowly coming together

We’ve been living through a renovation since mid November and as we approach the completion it is great to see everything coming together. Drywall and flooring are done. Cabinetry is almost completely done, appliances are in, with one delayed shipment. Dust still everywhere.

We will still have to wait until late April or early May for all of our furniture to arrive, but we will have a working kitchen in about 2 weeks. That’s when things can start to get back to normal. And while it may take a couple months to settle back in, it feels good to be at a place where the end is in sight.

Living through an entire floor renovation isn’t very convenient. But we can already tell that the end result will be worth it. The biggest leap was deciding that we are going to live here for quite a while longer, and so let’s make it the place we really wanted. After that, it’s just really about not blowing the budget by too much, because there are always things you can add, always upgrades that look appealing.

But now is not a time to focus on that. Now is a time to appreciate what we’ve done and to see the vision we had for this place when we started. We have a home that we can enjoy for years to come, and while the process has been challenging, the final results will definitely be worth it.

Good people

I was reminded yesterday that there are a lot of good people in this world. I’m not going to share the thing that led me to this, it’s not my story to tell. But the world seems pretty messed up right now. There is strife, upset, and war dominating our news feeds. And yesterday the kindness of strangers made a difference for a person I care about.

In our day to day experience we meet so many good people. We work with good people. We walk by good people. We spend our free time with good people. I watched a news clip about a Canadian woman who flew to the Ukraine to help support displaced orphans. Good people.

There are so many good people in this world. You are probably one of them. Thank you. And yes, I’m talking to YOU. Not some other person, you. Thank you for being inherently good. It makes a difference to the people you are surrounded by… and thus it makes a difference in the world.

You are good people. 😀