Tag Archives: introvert

Introvert at a party

Leave a reply

Sometimes the introvert in me really comes out… or rather shuts me in. In a social setting I can find comfort in a one-on-one conversation, but feel totally removed from a larger group discussion. It’s like a switch goes off and suddenly I’m no longer a participant but a distant observer of everything happening around me.

I don’t feel isolated or secluded. It’s not like I’m trapped somewhere I don’t want to be. I’m not suddenly feeling left out or alone, I am simply not fully engaged in what everyone else is doing. It’s not sad, it’s a comfortable place that is just one step removed from the present, or rather presence of everyone else.

A joke is told, I hear the laughter, I smile. It’s like I’m watching a sitcom, and I’m not part of the laugh track. I get and appreciate the humour, it just doesn’t hit me like something that would make me laugh. If someone asks me a question, I’m right there to respond, but it feels like it is filtered through a vail from the outside, remote yet not far away. I answer politely but I’m not fully engaged.

This is not a place I choose to go. It doesn’t happen all the time. It’s just a consequence of being an introvert. A loud and busy gathering is not a comfortable place, so I recede to a place inside myself that is more comfortable and I engage with the outside world from there.

Still happy to be with people I like. Not fully disengaged, but also not fully present. A slightly distant observer rather than full participant. An introvert in an extraverted world.

No vs Know

Sharing some wisdom from George Couros and his mom, who always told him ‘it never hurts to ask, because the dreams you have are sometimes just a question away’. Here is the quote, and I really love it:

“It’s better to hear ‘no’ than to never know.”

When people meet me, they don’t often know that I’m an introvert. I used to spend hours living in my own head, and I still go there too often. Solitude is my friend, and I’d rather hang out with one friend, maybe 2, but I tune out crowds and would rather be alone than be in a group.

As a kid, and early into adulthood, I would build scenarios in my head about what could happen, but I wouldn’t speak up. I’d turn down opportunities that would have been great. And I’d not ask a simple question that could have opened doors for me, or provided my with opportunities. I’m still learning how to ask for help rather than doing a lot of work myself.

It’s not even that I fear the ‘no’, it’s the idea of asking that holds me back. So, maybe that’s why I love this so much… because I can think of many times in my life that hearing ‘no’ would have been better than not knowing.