I love the lack of sound sometimes when it snows. The sound of an absence of sound is what I’m trying to describe. There is a kind of muffled silence that is produced by snow silently landing around you, while all surfaces are covered by puffy snowflakes.
It’s empty, but not like a void.
It’s silent, but somehow not noiseless.
It’s solitude without loneliness.
It’s the sound of snow falling, but there is no sound.
Image by Sheila Stewart
I don’t know too many people that have truly found balance in their lives. Time always seems to be in short supply, and there has always been more to do. Sometimes we need to make trade-offs, we need to prioritize what we really want to do, and be willing to give up on other things we don’t value as much.
I’m now approaching 2 years of keeping track of my fitness, reading and writing, meditation, and intermittent fasting tracking. It was another great year of meeting my healthy living goals… but it didn’t come without trade offs.
I got into archery a few years ago, but I haven’t shot an arrow in a year and a half, other than one visit to a friend up north, and we shot recurve, rather than my compound bow. I am pulling my bow out in a couple days, and while I’m excited to shoot again, I don’t have set plans to keep shooting after the holidays, because I’m not sure I can fit regular archery time into my schedule.
I have barely written on my Pair-A-Dimes blog, and did not start podcasting regularly as I hoped I would. But I’ve written here on my Daily-Ink every day since July, 2019. I’m wondering if I can give up some weekend time to podcast, because I really enjoy the learning conversations that I have.
Over the coming days, I’m going to reevaluate my healthy living goals and do another year-end reflection. However, I find myself wanting to add new goals and not take any old goals away. I find myself wanting to do more rather than making trade offs: Keeping all my previous goals AND write more, AND podcast, AND do archery, AND…
The reality is that I can’t do it all. There needs to be trade offs, there needs to be sacrifices, or my goals will be nothing more than wishful thinking… And I’ve made too much progress in reaching my goals the past two years to undermine the next year with too much on my plate.
I have this curse on me. It goes like this: Whenever I do a repair job, I will never go to the hardware store just once. More often than not, it’s three times per job.
Last weekend I replaced the insides of one of my toilets. Hardware store visit 1: buy the replacement items. Visit 2: a pair of pliers large enough to remove a large, seized nut and pick up a replacement flexible water hose that I should have bought in the first place. Visit 3: replace the flexible water hose with the same length hose but a wider screw nut… I thought it was a universal size, it wasn’t and I lost the 50/50 chance of picking the right size the first time.
Today it was replacing the silicone seal around the kitchen sink. I asked the guy at the store what I needed, and he recommended the best sealant to get. After doing all the prep I decided to look up how to get the best bead on my silicone line on YouTube. The last time I did this years ago, it was messy. Three videos later, the secret was obvious: use non-ammonia glass cleaner after putting the bead down, then the excess silicone won’t stick to my finger or smear on the counter or tiles. So, back to the store a second time to get the glass cleaner. I almost count this second visit as a win, since it was only two visits and not three.
I remember replacing a faucet not too long ago. I was so proud of myself for only needing one visit to the store, but once I started the water up, it constantly leaked. I purchased a faulty faucet. Back to the hardware shop I went and had to repeat the entire replacement a second time.
Cursed.
I am not a handyman. I know that attitude sucks. I know I should believe in myself. But I believe in the curse.., and the curse has got me. If anyone knows any voodoo to reverse the curse, I’m open to trying it.
Tomorrow is the first day of Christmas holidays, making today the last school day of the 2020 calendar year.
It seems like ages ago but back in February, I had just finished 2 years of running 3 schools. It was absolutely exhausting and I was, for the first time since becoming an administrator, ready to quit. It was too much. Thankfully my job was adjusted and I knew that I could stay on and feel for the first time in a couple years that I could do my job.
Then the pandemic hit, we went to remote learning, I had some responsibilities to support others added to plate, and I found myself in online meetings for over 4 hours each day. It was overwhelming for everyone, and my crazy schedule continued. It felt like I couldn’t catch a break.
Summer finally came, with the cancellation of a trip to Europe. We still had a good summer, but it was nothing like we had planned.
Since September things have been better at school, with students coming daily, but the stress of the virus is ever present .Things still remained off kilter and very busy. There has been nothing normal about this calendar or school year. Nothing.
I know we aren’t out of the woods yet. It will take several months to get the vaccine out and schools are not the initial priority. But in my head I have been telling myself, ‘Things will get better by January 2022,’ I have been preparing for 2021 to be ‘2020 Part 2 – The Sequel’. I didn’t think we’d see vaccines start to role out until summer, or even September ’21.
So, while hoping for things to go faster, I’ve been preparing for another whole year of this. Seeing the vaccine already out before the end of 2020 has filled me with enthusiasm about how much better than expected 2021 can be.
Yes, we must proceed with caution. No, the pandemic isn’t over… but 2020 feels over. And while I throw a metaphorical middle fingers at the year, I will look back at it over this break and try to find the silver linings this year has brought us. What have we learned? What can we carry forward? What can we value and appreciate more as we slowly head back to normal? I am happy to see the year end with optimism for the future… optimism that I did not expect to have.
I know I’ve been writing a lot recently about QAnon, anti-makers, and anti-vaxxers. I’m going to continue that today with a bit of a rant:
Is it just me that thinks these conspiracy theory spinners are just idiots? I mean one crazy idea leads to another, which leads to another. They tie so many BS ideas together that you can’t keep track. And when one idea is debunked or one deadline for catastrophe is missed, it doesn’t diminish their fervour for the next conspiracy… debunking one idea does not phase their beliefs on the topic or any other topic, despite the fact that they are the ones making the connections. What’s worse, they seem to always want evidence, but refuse to believe any evidence provided is real.
Is it just me that thinks police should take water guns filled with blue food colouring to anti-mask protests and spray it all over them? If protesters are going to endanger themselves, let’s paint their faces blue for a couple weeks so that we can keep our distance from them when they return to normal society. That way when they come back from the protest and put masks on, and we usually can’t tell they were participating in risky behaviour, we would still know to keep very clear from them.
Is it just me that thinks we should enforce travel bans on people that refuse the vaccine? And while we are at it, if they end up in a hospital with expensive covid related issues after refusing the vaccine, they should have to pay medical bills for being stupid and adding an unnecessary burden to the Canadian economy.
Is it just me that wonders how in an age of unlimited information, stupidity can travel faster than intelligence? What is it about the human brain that makes not just dimwits, but also otherwise smart people too, believe that every government leader can be absolutely corrupt and yet only a single whistleblower is brave enough to come forward? The news is filled with scandals all the time. Humans don’t know how to keep a secret, but somehow there are cabals filled with rich people who live lives surrounded by servants, who can keep global conspiracies a secret for decades.
Is it just me that wonders if the threat of terrorism is greater from within our borders than from outside? That anti-common sense, extreme nationalist, and hate groups pose more of a threat to our societies than fundamentalist religious wing-nuts? The internal threat of stupidity is greater than the external threat of tyranny.
Is it just me that is fed up with cliff jumping lemmings calling me a sheep? I feel like I’m calling out the morons the same way they call out people who actually care about things like actual research and scientific facts. I know that this little rant won’t change anyone’s ridiculous beliefs in conspiracy theories, and will do nothing more than convince these delusional idiots that I’m somehow lost, or blind to some fantasy land reality they live in. But I feel good getting this little rant off my chest, and I’ll work on more convincing arguments again after today.
Here is the thing… it feels good to rant sometimes, but is it just me that thinks dialogue is the only way forward? That we actually have to engage and try to convince people that their loony ideas are wrong? Am I the only one that thinks it’s not good enough to roll your eyes and let these people believe their baseless theories without providing counter arguments? The answer to the spread of bad ideas is to counter them with good ideas. It’s painful to engage, but if we don’t have dialogue, if we don’t provide counter arguments, then we really are sheep, or lemmings… Then we are allowing a small group of small minded people to influence and engage with more people likely to follow them down a path of poor thinking. Is it just me that thinks this?
I have been writing, mediating, and exercising regularly for quite some time now. Writing and meditation are daily, while the workout is usually 5 days a week. I set my alarm for somewhere between 4:30 and 5:30 and I get up, peek at social media, then start writing.
I used to meditate first, then I realized that I wasn’t mediating as much as I was planning what I wanted to write. So I switched to writing first. Some week days I end up writing a bit more than planned and those days sometimes end up as my skipped workout days, or my workout becomes my 20 minute cardio and nothing else. I don’t ever let this happen 2 days in a row.
Recently though, it has been a bit of a scramble. I seem to be stuck going to bed later and waking up at the later end of my window. I then start my morning by checking out news and social media longer than I should before I begin writing. Today I realized that this has become part of my routine. It’s no longer a quick check to see what’s going on, it’s the first of four steps:
Procrastinate on social media, write, meditate, then workout.
This added step has made me more rushed in the morning. I’ve even skipped shaving a bit more regularly (easy to do when the only place you don’t wear a mask is inside your own office). The social media procrastination does, sometimes, inspire my writing. But more often it is just a waste of time. It’s interesting how a routine of focus and discipline can be slowly undermined by a bad habit. It’s easy to make distraction, procrastination, and entertainment part of a routine, without realizing how easily this can distract from the reason you developed that routine.
With just two more mornings of this routine before I start my two week holiday (when I won’t be getting up so early), I think I’m going to have to stick to a strict schedule to keep myself from wasting a large part of my days on a routine I usually keep to under two hours. And when I return in the new year I will need to be more disciplined about what my routine really entails.
Lazy habits form much easier than disciplined habits, and it becomes easy to make distraction part of a regular routine.
First of all, let me get a couple things out in the open.
1. Yes, I’m getting the vaccine. Vaccines are a proven technology that saves lives.
2. And yes, I’m pro-choice. Women have a right to choose if they want to bring a life into the world or not, and religious beliefs shouldn’t be imposed on others that do not have those beliefs. (Ie, if your religion tells you differently, you can choose to follow those beliefs.)
Given these points, I think there are people that agree with me, who are choosing bad arguments to justify these points.
Bad argument #1: “I don’t care what’s in that vaccine, I’d do anything to get out of these lockdowns.”
This argument takes all the science and care people have done to study the vaccine and ensure it is safe and lumps it into a category of, “Anything is better than this.” With the word ‘anything’ including all kinds of fear and misinformation about what could happen after taking the vaccine. This argument says nothing of the efficacy of this vaccine, or any vaccine. This doesn’t focus on how many millions of flu vaccines have been taken yearly for decades, and the lack of any statistically harmful effects, juxtaposed to how many people die from flus each year… or how many people have already died, and will continue to die, or have lifelong adverse effects from covid-19.
Bad argument #2: “If you really are pro-life, then why are you against social programs that would support single moms, and why aren’t you willing to adopt a child that a mother isn’t ready or able to raise?”
This argument suggests there could be a perfect world, where every expectant mother could have choices to have the baby, and thus not need the choice to not have it. Absolutely, there should be better social programs to give expectant mothers more choice when faced with an unwanted child. But the idea that if those external choices are all there, the mother will then no longer have a choice to not have the child… this is no longer a pro-choice argument.
Both of these arguments are examples of taking positions unhelpful towards making a valid intended point or choice. Both do not convince anyone with opposing views that they should change their minds. They are bad arguments that do not help support the very points they are making.
Want to argue with someone that disagrees with you? Start with a valid argument that actually supports what you are saying.
I understand that atoms are made up mostly of empty space, but I don’t understand how solids can feel solid when they are made up of atoms that are mostly just empty space?
I understand that we are all made of stardust, but I don’t understand how every atom that I’m made of has come from different parts of the universe?
I understand that our cells don’t live longer than 10 years, and that every cell that I was born with has been replaced at least 5 times, but I don’t understand how that’s possible and I’m still me?
I understand that the more I learn, the more there is to marvel at, and the more that I don’t really understand.
We live in an era of incredible potential. And yet when I opened my news feed this morning this is what I saw:
A misogynist Op-Ed that was clearly written with malice.
A racist group causing harm and violence.
An extremist left group doing the same.
An anti-mask gym owner saying he’ll continue to pay fines to keep his gym open.
A politician calling covid a ‘hoax pandemic’.
The largest iceberg ever, that broke off in 2017 thanks to global warming, is heading to islands likely to cause an ecological disaster.
Crazy.
When I think of the potential of humanity, I think of benevolence, creativity, generosity, love, and kindness.
When I open the news I see hate and ignorance. Today these stupid headlines came (except for the iceberg) from the country south of our borders. A country that’s supposed to be about equal opportunity, liberty, and justice. A country divided into two camps so opposed to the other side that they see the other as enemies more than neighbours (or I should say neighbors).
What does it mean to be human? What potential do we have as a species? What could we accomplish if we work together? What kind of world would we live in if we focused on what’s possible?
We can be better as a species. We can be peaceful. We can be kind. We can be loving. We can be more human.
I went for a walk this morning. Met two friends and we had a social distance walk. We chatted about work to the halfway point then I instituted a push-up rule on the way back: first person to talk shop does 5, next one 10… etc. One buddy did 5, I did 10, and we talked about family and favourite movies and series the rest of the time. First face to face connection with anyone outside my family in weeks.
Came home and showered and went for another walk with my wife. Just did my meditation and cleared my mind some more.
Beyond that I had more than 5hrs sleep last night for the first time in a week, as it seems my insomnia is lifting. Even with the lack of sleep through the last week, Friday at work was incredibly productive. I haven’t had a day with so many things checked off my ‘to do’ list in months.
And now I’m m listening to one of my new favourite songs on repeat, created by one of our students at Inquiry Hub. I find that a single song on repeat helps me write. Usually I pick one without lyrics, but this one works for me.
Even though I missed my workouts Wednesday and Friday from shear exhaustion from insomnia, I still made my 5-a-week minimum. And, I can feel that my period of maintenance is ending and I’m ready for another push. I’m a year and a half behind my goal to do a one-minute unsupported handstand… maybe that’s my goal again after finally feeling fully recovered from a shoulder injury.
Traditionally this weekend is a wipeout. I’m exhausted and the Christmas break can’t come fast enough. I already have at least 55 hours of work scheduled next week with after school meetings booked, and I can’t think too much about the break because it is still far away. So I won’t think about that.
Instead I’ll think about my batteries feeling charged. I’ll do a chore I had put off until the holidays, and get that out of the way now. I’ll write some more… and hopefully sleep for a solid 7 hours tonight. Despite feeling fully charged, I’m going to keep myself metaphorically plugged in, while I feel the power surging in.
