Tag Archives: reflection

My, my, time flies

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My oldest kid turns 25 today. How did I get to be old enough to have a daughter that old? I only ask that question partially in jest, because there is a part of me that is really baffled about how fast time flies by. I remember holding her in my arms for the first time, her first words, and her first steps. Did all that really start a quarter century ago?

With age, time goes by faster. I think it has to do with reference to the length of our lives. To a 10 year old, 5 years is half of a lifetime; to a 15 year old, 5 years is a full 1/3 of a lifetime. To a 60 year old, 5 years is 1/12 of a lifetime. So that same 5 years is relatively shorter as we get older, and represents less significance to our overall lifespan.

I think about how much my life changed from ages 26-31… I moved to BC, met my wife, started my career in education, got married and bought a house. Then we started a family and the next 5 years are a blur of joy, stress, and core memories of our kids having first experiences.

In comparison, the last 5 years have felt a lot more like status quo, and have seemed to fly by a whole lot faster. I can remember the excitement of starting a new school year, and now it’s already just a week away from the Christmas holidays… where did the last 3 and a half months go?

I remember my mother-in-law saying to me that she didn’t know where the time went, and how she felt that she was a young person in an old body. I think of that now because about 26 years later I realize that I’m almost the age she was when she told me that. Is this just a cycle of life that the older we get, the more we recognize that time speeds up for us?

Today my oldest daughter turns 25. This is a reminder to me that I’ve got to value the time I have, and to spend it wisely… no matter how fast it seems to fly by.

Create experiences

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This is something I’ve thought a bit about over the years. As time passes, and I’m looking ahead at retirement, I think about the time I have left with family and friends. I wonder how do I create experiences rather than just reminiscing? When we meet up, are we doing something together or are we reflecting and sharing stories of the past?

This isn’t to say reminiscing isn’t enjoyable, but simply identifying that this shouldn’t be what we do every time we get together. Are we doing something active? Are we doing something novel? Are we creating opportunities to experience something new? Are we designing our time together or just letting time pass.?

It’s easy to live a life of ‘rinse and repeat’, going through the day-to-day routine and taking both people and time for granted… ‘they will always be there’… ‘there will always be more time’. There is comfort in those beliefs, but also caution. Are we just going through the motions of life with little emotion? Or are we creating experiences that will give us future reasons to reminisce the next time we meet?

Down speed, up incline

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A little nerdy workout reflection:

When I walk on a treadmill I usually go at 4 to 4.2 MPH, (I don’t bother clicking to km, miles is the default on my treadmill). For the past couple months I’ve been walking at 3.8 with a 34lb weight vest, and increasing the incline. But every time I increase to 7.5 or higher, I end up holding the handrails for most of the time I’m on those increased inclines.

Today I forgot to increase my speed from my 2 minute warmup at 3.6 and was able to do most of my walk at a 7.5° incline. I also did 4 minutes at 12.5°, but did hold the handrails then (actually the front rail so I’m not pushing down as much as levelling myself). Still the increase in my ability to maintain the 7.5 incline, for most of the 30 minute workout, and mostly without assistance, was impressive after feeling stuck trying to do this for so long.

I’ll do this a few more times then try at 3.7, then shortly after back to 3.8 MPH. But that’s still to come. For right now I am just surprised that this little adjustment made such a difference. It’s so important to mix things up a bit when you want to see gains in workouts.

Intersections revisited

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There are some things I write here on Daily-Ink, and when I read my own writing a month or two later I barely remember or even recognize my own writing. I wrote that?

But there are other things I write and I remember. There is one post in particular that I think about regularly. Tonight on (another) walk with my wife we reached an intersection where we were crossing the road. Perpendicular to us, on the cross street’s sidewalk, were two men who reached the intersection exactly the same time as us. We all slowed down to let each other pass. They were the only other people walking anywhere near us and sure enough we intersected at the one place our paths crossed.

Despite thinking about the following post regularly, I hadn’t actually re-read it in a couple years. I didn’t consciously remember that it also started with a walk with my wife, but what I do remember, what I reflect on when it regularly happens, is that we are somehow drawn to these intersections.

~ ~ ~

October 27, 2021

Human intersections

Last night I went for a walk with my wife. Minutes from home we were walking on a quiet, empty street that doesn’t have sidewalks. Then a car approached from in front of us. We started to move to the side of the road, and noticed car lights coming from behind us as well. The cars crossed paths right where we were on the edge of the road, having had to slow down to cautiously make space for us and the other car. Then we continued our walk with no cars approaching us from either way until we arrived home.

I find it fascinating how we seem to be drawn, pulled to intersecting points with other people. For the amount of times someone walks by our house, or the front of my school when I arrive before any students, I’m amazed how often I have to wait for a pedestrian to walk cross the driveway before I can make the turn… amazed that as I wait, I can see no other pedestrians for an entire block.

In a car you are turning left and must wait for the one car coming the other way to pass.

At a shopping plaza you go to open a door to a store and the one other person in sight is coming through the door the other way.

On a path in a park, you are walking faster than the people in front of you, and as you go to pass them, other people are approaching from the other way crowding the path at your takeover point.

I think we find ourselves at these intersections at a rate that is greater than probability would suggest… The likelihood of such intersections happen far more than just by chance. Like magnets passing one another, there is a pull towards others, an unseen force that draws us into each other’s path. It isn’t a case of bad timing, it’s not that we are unlucky and forced to slow down, wait, or squeeze by someone else. It’s actually just the opposite. We naturally seek each other out on some unconscious level. We are drawn to human intersections.

Saying it again

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Today I was going to write about the benefits of increasing protein in my diet, especially as I age. I came up with the title, ‘The Power of Protein’, but that sounded familiar so I searched my blog and found a post by that name, on this topic, written this past January. Then I thought about writing about ‘rinsing and repeating’ old ideas, but that seemed familiar. A quick search of my blog led me to ‘Rinse and repeat’, but I wrote that over 4 and a half years ago, in February 2020.

I ended that post saying,

“I’m sure this will happen again. I will have moments when my creative juices are flowing and I’ll share fresh ideas… or at least fresh ideas to me. And I’ll have moments when I end up recycling or repeating older ideas. The process of writing every day will lead to some repetition, hopefully though, the ideas I choose to repeat are worth reading and thinking about again. I probably won’t re-share this idea of sharing my repeats again even if I catch myself, but if you catch me doing this, please feel free to let me know.”

But I think enough time has gone by to be able to bring this topic up again. The reason is a bit of a realization (in two parts). First, I think some ideas are worth emphasizing. Saying or thinking something once doesn’t always sink in. Sometimes I need reinforcements, and the writing process reinforces my thinking. For example, while I eat more protein than I did a year ago, I still don’t eat as much as recommended by people like Dr. Rhonda Patrick or Dr. Peter Attia. So writing about this again makes me think about increasing my intake.

Secondly, I’m not some guru that knows a lot about everything. I have passions and interests and that’s what I enjoy writing about. So when I’m writing about some topic yet again, I’m ok with that… Because I’d rather write about something I’m passionate and interested in, rather than forcing myself to write about a topic I’m less interested in, just to add more variety to my writing.

It’s more of a ‘rinse and re-emphasize’ rather than repeat. So, despite previous saying, “I probably won’t re-share this idea of sharing my repeats again even if I catch myself.” I just did it anyway. And I’m doing it to emphasize a different point: I will repeat myself! But when I do, I’ll do my best to emphasize some aspect a little differently. I’ll attempt to enlighten rather than digress… to rinse out new ideas, rather than just repeat them.

Typecast

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I’m watching a Jason Statham movie. Now this is a guy who has been typecasted as a specific kind of hero: The lead actor who will beat people up, shoot them, and either bend the law to his favour or be on the wrong side of the law and yet still be the guy you are rooting for.

Not everyone gets typecast quite as strictly as Jason, but watching this movie got me thinking… How do people typecast me? What do they expect from me? And do I deliver as expected?

I think so. I don’t think I surprise too many people. I’m pretty consistent, and don’t feel I need to be performative. Actors get typecast into roles and have to play those roles. Regular people just are the roles they become. Sure there are bumps along the way, and I certainly did a few uncharacteristic things in my teens and early 20’s, but since then I’ve been pretty much what people expect of me.

That’s not a bad thing. Well for some people it might be. As a simple example, some people are known to always be late, lateness becomes expected. There are more serious things that people might not want to be known for, but there are many, many things that you can be typecast as which are positive.

You can be loyal, kind, fair, reliable, loving, thoughtful, even playful. The question is, if you were an actor, how would you be typecasted? If you don’t like your own response to that question, maybe it’s time to play a new role.

Blackberry season

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For me blackberry season is bitter sweet. I love the taste, and enjoy picking and eating them, but they are also a reminder that summer is coming to an end. Blackberries, or blackblellies as my oldest daughter first called them, are so unique.

I’ve already shared that,

“Blackberries are a unique fruit. I can eat a handful of raspberries, strawberries, or blueberries, and it doesn’t matter how many I put in my mouth, I enjoy them all the same. That’s not the case for blackberries. Blackberries taste better when you have one at a time. Two blackberries in your mouth are not as enjoyable as just one.”

So, carefully, watching for thorns, I search for ripe berries. I pick them and place them one-at-a-time in my mouth… and I savour every one. Yes, summer is coming to an end, but I have the joy of blackberries to help soften the blow.

Year End Headspace

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I can’t escape it. The end of the school year always fills me with melancholy. I don’t mean melancholy defined as ‘sadness and depression’ but rather ‘pensive reflection or contemplation’. Whether I consider the year good or bad, great or average, it doesn’t matter, I still feel I should have done more. I measure not so much my success but rather I face the loss of opportunity to have accomplished even greater things: Better connections to students and teachers; more engagement with the learning in classrooms; better work/life balance; and even more time out of my office.

It was a good year. It was made especially good because last year was such a challenge with my health among other things that were emotionally draining. And despite it being a really good year this year in comparison to the last, the melancholy fills me. I contemplate what else I could have done. I don’t allow myself the satisfaction of the year being positive, and the year ends not in celebration but in contemplation.

So, I’ll wallow in this feeling for a while. I’ll consider the ‘could have beens’ and the ‘should have beens’, and I’ll sit with the lost opportunities for a bit, as I do my year-end cleanup. Then in the coming weeks I’ll be able to look back with a clearer mind, and more positive perspective on the school year that was. But that appreciation can’t seem to arrive until I’ve gone through this contemplative headspace. It’s a year end process that I seem to require myself to go through, and today is the day it has decided to hit me.

Frame of mind

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Yesterday I didn’t work out. I planned to but things just got in the way, including my lack of motivation. I don’t need motivation today because weekdays I have a habitual routine and I know that I’ll be working out after I publish this. But weekends are often off schedule and motivation is required. I didn’t have it yesterday.

That said, I’ve only taken one other day off in about a month, and two days are not a big deal to miss out of 30. I intellectually know this, missing my workout wasn’t a big deal. Yet because I intended to work out, I didn’t have the right frame of mind about my missed workout. If I woke up feeling awful like I did last week, head pounding, and needed a break, that’s ok. But waking up with full intention to do my daily exercise and then not doing so feels like a failure.

Yesterday I had to help my wife with a task on her computer. It’s something I’ve done many times but the setup on her computer was different and this simple process took 3 times as long as it should have. I was frustrated. I was speaking to the computer as if it was an animate object that could hear me. I swore. I got angry. I wanted to throw the laptop across the room. It was stupid, and worse yet the whole thing still only took about 5-6 minutes to do. I should never have let this minor slow down get to me, but I wasn’t in a resourceful frame of mind.

Yesterday I ended the day with a meditation. I lay down with headphones on in the spare bedroom and woke up 50 minutes later not having heard any of the last 1/2 of the 20 minute session. I didn’t even realize I was that tired, but the meditation was actually just a nap. Instead of accepting this, I was upset that I chose to lie down and allowed myself to fall asleep. I went to my bed but rather than falling directly back to sleep, I was up and disappointed about missing my meditation, and then was missing sleep as a result. That’s far from a meditative frame of mind, and certainly not why I meditate.

Each of these minor things could have felt different if I was in a different frame of mind. Each of these were unnecessary stresses that I allowed to build up in me. They really weren’t reasons to be upset. They weren’t moments that I needed to fret about. They were not things that needed to set a negative mood or to perseverate about.

Sometimes resourcefulness takes too much effort. It’s easy to beat yourself up rather than to frame things in a positive way. Sometimes the frames around your thoughts are rigid. Cold. Unkind. You would give anyone else a break, give them an opportunity to slip up, or not follow through… but yourself, no, you don’t give yourself the opportunity.

Get it right, or be disappointed.

Failure is not an option.

Mistakes are something other people can be forgiven for.

Results are required. Now.

This is not a healthy frame of mind. It does not provide any benefits, and it steals joy. It’s better to be gentle. All it takes is seeing outside the frame. I’ll push hard on my workout today. This morning I already redid the same meditation I slept through yesterday. And I see the futility of being upset at my wife’s computer. The poor framing is easy to see today, the trick is to see it in the moment, and to be kinder to myself when I don’t have the right frame of mind.

Naturally Funny

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I mentioned yesterday that I was introducing one of our Principal retirees at a dinner last night. It was about a 4-minute bit, and it went well. I know my friend appreciated it. It was heartfelt and struck a good cord with him and his family. I knew it would because I know him well enough to get it right.

What it wasn’t was funny. I have a good enough sense of humour with family and friends but I’m not naturally funny. The introduction before mine was absolutely hilarious. It wasn’t only funny, it was completely respectful and relevant to the person he was introducing. It was absolutely delightful to listen to.

I love how some people are naturally funny. It’s a gift. If I tried to pull off half of the things that were said in this humorous introduction, they really would not have worked in the same way. But also, if that’s what my friend wanted, he wouldn’t have asked me.

I don’t know if it’s a natural gift or if people genuinely work at it, but I love listening to someone who can get a whole crowd laughing. What I do know is that’s not me. I’ll throw a one liner in here are there but I fully recognize that I’m not naturally funny, and I stay in my lane and don’t try to be. Just like watching a natural entertainer is enjoyable, watching someone try to be when they are not is painful. I’ll leave the jokes to those who know how to deliver them… and get the laughs.