Writing is my artistic expression. My keyboard is my brush. Words are my medium. My blog is my canvas. And committing to writing daily makes me feel like an artist.
I’ve been doing daily meditation for about a year and a half now. Just 10 minutes in the morning. I used to do it right away, but I found that if I wasn’t done my daily write, that’s what my mind would go to. So now I usually write first. Yet even with this order, I struggle to stay focused for just 10 minutes. My monkey brain can’t stay quiet.
I understand that meditation isn’t about thinking about ‘nothing’. I understand that meditation is a process of ‘returning to my breath’, meaning recognizing that my mind has drifted and recentering it on my breathing. I understand that when I notice I’ve drifted, that I should not attach anger or frustration to this, simply notice and refocus.
Yet, I can have days like yesterday where I barely spent 2 out of 10 minutes focussed on my breath and the rest of the time drifting. I’m not sure I was able to focus on my breath for more than 3 breaths before my mind was on something else. I’m realizing that I’m still just a beginner. I’m wondering what I need to do differently?
I’m aware that I need to let go of my expectations, but I’m also someone that wants and expects results. These opposing goals are not very Zen. They don’t help each other. I have so much still to learn or maybe just to understand… just not sure if my monkey brain is ready?
“To you love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.” Oscar Wilde
This quote was said in my daily meditation today on the Calm App. It struck me as something that is so easy to forget. We strive to be better. We are never satisfied with where and who we are. We want to be better, fitter, thinner, wiser, more in control, less wasteful, happier, kinder, more than we are.
This striving to be more than we are is good… as long as we are also happy with who we are right now. Without acceptance of ourselves we can’t be our best selves. Say that out loud and let it sink in:
“Without acceptance of ourselves we can’t be our best selves.”
Who admires you most? See yourself through their eyes for just a moment… Now let that moment linger for a while. Celebrate who you are. You don’t have to share that you are doing this with anyone, but if you honestly do this, you will be putting your best self forward into the world.
I’ve been meditating daily since January 5th, 2019, but yesterday I broke the streak. I’m aware from my use of an app that there might have been a few times I missed my meditation, but I count a meditation after midnight as being on the day before, because it’s still part of my day, and I’ve done that a few times in the past year. Yesterday was an unusually low day for me, and I completely forgot to meditate.
I woke up tired and went to join a friend for breakfast rather than starting my day with my regular routine. After a wonderful breakfast I came home and did nothing other than talk to my dad, eat lunch with my family, and sleep until dinner. I changed to go work out, but never made it. I wrote my Daily-Ink just before dinner sitting on the couch, and after dinner I flaked out on the same couch.
It’s the first Saturday (or any day) in a while that I’ve done so little. I give myself permission to have a low energy day. But I also need to get back to my routines. Yesterday was the first time ever that I didn’t earn a single sticker on my healthy living motivation chart. But as I shared in my year-end reflection of my healthy living goals:
The best time to start a new streak is RIGHT NOW.
Yesterday, I missed my meditation. I skipped my workout for the second day in a row (for the first time this year). And although I did my writing, I didn’t do my reading (audiobook), and this was missed for the first time this year. I also missed my time restricted eating window with my breakfast meeting, but I don’t usually try to do this on weekends anyway.
Today, after hitting publish on this post, I’m headed to meditate and work out, while listening to an audiobook. I might get a second workout and meditation in today as well. I’m not going to overdo it, but I might start my new streak with a bit of an exclamation point.
Permitting myself to have a day like yesterday doesn’t mean I have a new low point to measure myself against. It doesn’t have to give me permission to fall to this kind of low again anytime soon. It was simply a low day, and the inspiration to start a new, long streak. And that streak begins right now!
My video follow-up that I filmed yesterday morning:
The 5 tips I shared:
1. A year-long calendar poster. You get to see at-a-glance how you are doing and you can motivate yourself to meet your goals at the end of the week if you are not on target.
2. The best time to start a new streak is RIGHT NOW. I mentioned this in the video, don’t wallow in disappointment. There are only 3 weeks (starred) in the chart below that show weeks that I didn’t get at least 4 workouts in. I didn’t let those weeks define me.
3. Reduce friction. Here are 3 examples:
My stickers and sticker chart are right next to my treadmill. I make it easy to track and see this.
I have a pair of runners and a shoe horn in my exercise room. I never have to look for my shoes, and I don’t need to tie them, the shoehorn allows me to slide my feet in while still being tight enough to run in. Also, my headphones, and all equipment are where I need them… Always ready, and I never need to search for them.
Don’t exercise at your maximum every day. Some days I push really hard, and some days I go at 75%. A day when you are feeling low, give yourself an effort break, but don’t give yourself a break from actually doing exercise. If you end up doing 3 workouts at a lower effort, you’ll have the drive to push when you feel up to it. Make the friction about how hard you work out, rather than if you are going to work out or not.
4. Share your goals with others. You are more likely to hold yourself accountable if you have made your goals public. That’s partly why I did my original post in January, and promised in that post that I would do this update.
5. Be vigilant at your busiest times. It is really easy to say, “September is too crazy”, or “I’ll get started as soon as things calm down.” There will always be an upcoming busy time to deal with. Things won’t calm down (sorry, but you know this is true). If you want this to work, make it work when you are busiest and the rest of the year will be easy.
My year long calendar I used to track my goals:
Summary of the percentage of days that I achieved my goals:
Workouts: 63% (57% would have been an average of 4-days a week. I only did less than 4 days a week 3 times during the year.)
Time Restricted Eating: 48% (71% would have been the max, or 5/7 days a week).
Meditation: 100% (possible that I might have missed a maximum of 2 days).
Reading & Writing: 86%, 26 books (listened to), and 168 blog posts (mostly through a daily blog since mid-July).
My challenge to you:
Grab a 2020 calendar from Staples, Amazon, or where ever you shop for things like this, and get the new year off to a healthy start!
“Can we get to the place where there is no place to get to” ~ Michael Stone
I’ve been mediating daily since January 5th. It isn’t something that I feel I’m particularly good at, even months later. I wrote earlier about Embracing the suck, and although I know that on many levels, embracing this idea isn’t helpful, I have still stuck with it.
But in today’s meditation Tamara Levitt, on the Calm App, spoke about this idea of embracing that if we are trying to make something happen, then we are not accepting what is in this moment. Wanting to not be distracted is different than noticing I am distracted and focusing on my breath as a place to choose to put my attention. Rather than pulling away from the distractions, choosing to recognize them and letting go and accepting a new moment in time.
Even now I want to write that during meditation, ‘My distractions get the best of me’, when I know that’s counter to what I just said… this is a learning journey. But I thing it’s good to shift my thinking and realize that the journey isn’t to anywhere specific. I don’t have a destination, a place to go…. Rather I have thousands of moments along the journey to remind myself of this, and to embrace where I am, not where I’m trying to get to.
How much time do we spend ruminating on the past? …Anticipating or anxious about the future? …Thinking about possible scenarios and reenacting different outcomes to decisions or conversations? …Wondering how our lives could be different, if only…
How much time do we spend hiding from the present moment without knowing that is what we are doing? Are we really procrastinating, or are we outright avoiding? Are we creating new possibilities, or are we avoiding inevitable realities? Are we rehearsing alternate options, or creating unachievable fantasies?
What do we do to unintentionally avoid the present?
What can we do to intentionally be present?
Stop. Breathe. Breathe again deeply. Feel the oxygen reach your extremities. Smile. Now decide what you will do right now.
To seize the day, you must first seize the present moment.
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
How many special moments can we count in our lives? What deserves that honour?
Yesterday was my 21st wedding anniversary, surely that counts, as would my wedding day, and the birth of my wonderful children.
But what about that salted caramel ice cream I had last night with my family? What about my conversation with a colleague during a break in our meeting yesterday? What about the wave I got out of the driver’s side window when I let a car in ahead of me?
What about getting off my treadmill after giving myself a physical push with some interval training? Or listening to an insightful passage in an audio book? Or feeling my body relax during meditation?
What about a shared laugh at dinner? What about listening my my daughter recap her day? Or even sending a funny cartoon to a friend via text?
What about watching a sunset? Or petting my cat who pushes his nose against mine? Or a delicious meal?
A hug. A smile. A laugh. A quiet breath? A silent walk. A happy exchange with a store clerk. A supportive conversation with a friend?
We can reserve special moments for only sparse, special, and momentous occasions, or we can choose to celebrate a hundred or even a thousand special moments every day. These moments may not necessarily take our breath away, but they can be celebrated; a reason to smile; an impetus to value life; a moment to appreciate.
In this way, every day can be wonderful. How man special moments will you decide to have today?
Yesterday I went on a little fishing trip around Alice Lake, just north of Squamish, BC. Spoiler alert, I didn’t catch anything.
Before I began, I did my daily meditation on a log that extended into the lake, then I started my walking loop on the shoreline trail. There weren’t many places to stop and fish along the trail, but I enjoyed the quiet of each stop. It was late afternoon on a cloudy mid-week day and so the parking lot was bare, and there were few swimmers in the lake or hikers on the trails.
Nearly 3/4 the way around the lake I saw a log several feet from the shore and parallel to it. The log served as a harbour from the wind that rippled the water beyond it. The contrast on the surface was stark. On the far side, the lake was rippled and murky. On the shoreline side the water was smooth as glass, a mirror for trees and the sky above. The log served as the dividing line, separating the two distinct surfaces as if the log were a rift between two different realities.
It didn’t seem real. One lake, two very different surfaces, a single log creating the separation. I began to think of how we can do this in our minds. We are surrounded by chaos, or distractions, or by the stresses of work, and yet we can tuck these distractions away, for a moment with loved ones, or for a favourite hobby, or for a quiet moment alone. We can compartmentalize moments of stillness in times that are not remotely still.
We are capable of this, but do we do it enough? Do we create the time and space for our minds, or parts of our minds, to be still?
I’ve been meditating for at least 10 minutes every day for just over 6 months… and I suck at it.
There are days where I can’t concentrate on my breath for more than 3 breaths without my mind wondering off to a myriad of topics from the mundane to the ridiculous. This is when, in the past, I’d just give up. Before this attempt, I’ve never lasted more than a week without getting frustrated and quitting meditation.
Then in a number of podcasts (and audio books) I listen to I kept hearing things like: meditation isn’t about emptying your mind, it’s about bring yourself back when you realize your thoughts have drifted; And, meditation isn’t about a destination, but rather about the journey.
I tried to change my self-talk, but when I’m 9 minutes into a guided meditation and the guide says, “For the last minute I want you to…”, and I feel like I’ve been scattered for the full 9 minutes, the feeling of ‘I suck’ comes back whether I want it to or not.
So, rather than fight it, I decided to embrace it. Six months in, I still suck at meditation, but I’m less and less upset with my distractions. I’m more tolerant with myself when I recognize I’ve drifted into distracted thinking.
I couldn’t convince myself that I was getting better until I accepted and embraced the suck.
**UPDATE: August 12, 2019 – found this image and thought it was worth sharing:
