Tag Archives: kids

Parents as Partners

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This week we had a student IEP (Individualized Education Plan) meeting with a family. It was a meeting that really could not have gone better. It involved both parents and an advocate, myself and three teachers. From start to finish the meeting was focused on one thing: how do we work together to provide the best possible environment for their child/our student to thrive?

When everyone has the same objective, it almost always makes a meeting go well. But sometimes it’s clear that it isn’t just the objectives that are similar but also the approach, and then it’s easy for strategies to be put into place and for everyone to come out of the meeting feeling like we truly are partners working together.

Way back in 2009-10, when I was living in China and working as a principal in a foreign national school, I shared a series in my school newsletters that I called ‘Parents as Partners’. While some of the links I shared no longer work, the messages still hold true.

I started the post saying this:

“I firmly believe that “It takes a community to raise a child” and so without cooperation and communication between a school and their parent community, ‘we’ cannot fully support our children and their learning. That said, I often wonder about how we can more meaningfully engage parents in a way that they want to be engaged.”

You can head to that post to see some of the ideas I shared… and you are welcome to use anything there for yourself, editing as you see fit.

Parenting adults

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As an educator, I’ve seen the struggle some parents have with creating boundaries. For example, there are parents who don’t parent because they don’t want to undermine their friendship with their kid. They don’t parent their kid, they raise a buddy. From my experience, this is not good parenting of a school-aged kid. Kids need parental guidance, not just a supportive friend.

As a parent of two young adults, things change.

My wife and I took our youngest out for a birthday dinner last night. It’s hard to believe that my baby girl is 24! During the dinner she made a simple statement, “I’m so glad you two aren’t just my parents but friends I want to be around too.”

That hit a chord with me. My kids aren’t just my kids anymore. They are adults who I enjoy being around, who I want to spend time with, who I miss when I don’t see them. It’s not just that they are my kids, it’s not just that I’m their parent, they are amazing people I want in my life.

That simple statement said so much. It made me feel lucky, blessed. My wife and I raised two awesome kids, and they in turn have given us the ultimate gift in return… they enjoy our company as much as we enjoy theirs. ❤️

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Ps. All that said, I’m still Dad, they are still my kids, as my youngest reminded my by sending me a TikTok about all the things she’ll never learn to do… because that’s a dad’s job! 😆

Digital dog sitter

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I went to a store yesterday after work. It was a cold, rainy evening and already dark at around 5:30pm. I picked up the couple items I came for and headed back to my car. Just as I was getting in, I heard a dog barking at me from inside the car next to me. When I looked over, I saw the dog in the back seat and a note on the electric car’s digital display that read:

My driver will be back soon

Then in smaller font:

Don’t worry! The heater is on and it’s 20°C

With the 20°C in very large font, which could easily be read from a distance.

Considering the taboo normally associated with leaving a pet unattended in a car, I thought this was very clever. Highlighting the temperature of the car removed any concern that the dog’s life is in danger from overheating, and noting the driver will be back shortly eases any anxiety for dog lovers who might worry for the dog’s wellbeing.

This also made me think of kids we see today being babysat by technology. The parent in the grocery store handing over their phone to the kid sitting in the front of the grocery cart. The kid in the back seat of a car watching a movie. The kid at home on the iPad while dinner is being made.

What will this look like when we have robots ‘adding value’ to these experiences? Will dog owners send their pets for walks while they step into a store, with the robot babysitter cleaning up the poop the dog might do on the walk? Will kids be playing in the back yard with their robot babysitter rather than having their eyes glued to a screen?

And is this an improvement to what we have now?

I think for dogs it will be, but I wonder about this for kids? What kinds of bonds will kids build with their robotic babysitters? Will we be able to tell when a teenager has been raised more by robots than by humans? What amount of robot time will be considered too much? Will a parent who lets a robot babysit their kid for hours and hours be judged like a dog owner who left his dog in a hot car?

When we think of robots that we will soon have in our homes, we think of the conveniences they will provide. What happens when one of those conveniences is helping to raise our kids? What impact will it have? There’s a difference between dog sitting and babysitting that makes this question very interesting. And while I find the the digital note in a car telling everyone the dog is comfortable and will be attended to soon quite clever, I’m not sure how clever it will be to have robots attending to our kids more than their parents do.

It’s Halloween

For most people Halloween is a kid thing. Kids dress up, go to school, and go trick or treating in the evening. For educators Halloween doesn’t end in your teens. No, it means dressing up year after year after year.

I love seeing students come up with imaginative and elaborate costumes. But if I’m honest, I am a bit tired of dressing up every year. That said, I’ll do it and I’ll make the most of it. I’m not grumpy about it, it will be fun. But if I’m honest, I’m looking forward to not making the effort anymore when I hang up my hat and retire.

Still, the day brings joy when I see other people so excited about the day. I’ve seen shy kids come out of their shell, artistic kids truly express themselves, and some kids will take it to the limits and really ‘wow’ you.

Although I’m in a high school, almost all the students will be dressed up. And on that note, for those of you that see older, high school aged kids coming to your door tonight for trick or treat… let them be kids!

Please don’t comment, “Aren’t you a bit old for this!” Or anything like that. Are they dressed up? Did they knock on your door? Great! Let them be kids and give them some candy. What’s wrong with an 18 year old celebrating Halloween? Would you rather they were at a park setting off fireworks and underage drinking?

Halloween is one day a year when older kids just get to be kids. Let them celebrate without feeling judged. It doesn’t matter if a kid is 5 or 15, if their costume looks amazing, let them know. If they are playing along, you play along too. Let every kid enjoy Halloween.

Knowledge, wisdom, and sorrow

I was watching a show on TV and one of the characters said, “With wisdom comes so much sorrow,” and this struck me as a familiar phrase… so I Googled it. What came up in the search was Ecclesiastes 1:18.

For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief.

This struck me as quite insightful, and made me think about the youth of today. They grow up watching musicians , stars, and influencers showing them a world that seems unattainable. They watch their parents watching and discussing the news which only shows conflict, tragedy, crime, and war. They are cautioned about strangers and parents monitor or are aware of where they are the entire day out of care and concern.

They are constantly knowledgeable of the dangers of the world, of the inequity, and of their stature compared to others including, and especially the famous people they could never be like. And yet, they lack the wisdom to put this all into perspective. So what’s left? Sorrow, emptiness, sadness, and grief.

Happiness is fleeting, it’s temporary, it’s even planned and slotted into blocks of play time and sports. Then some parents put so much pressure on performance at those sports events, or even music practices, that these are not even fun. However done well with supportive parents as well as good coaches and teachers, sports, dance, and music can bring joy. These activities can show the rewards of hard work and effort. They can provide a counterbalance to the exposure to other more negative aspects of a child’s life. Perhaps that’s also what video games do?

Schools can feed both of these perspectives. They can be places where students shine, or they cower. Students can feel restricted or they can feel they have opportunities to own their own learning. The same can be said for their homes.

I’m left wondering, are most kids over-exposed to information and knowledge that does not serve them well? Does this knowledge bring them happiness and joy or grief and sorrow? Do they lack the wisdom to put this knowledge into perspective? I think that can be as true for adults as it is for kids. Maybe that’s why there are so many self-help books.

We need to seek joy, and to share opportunities for others to find it… especially the youth of today who are bombarded with knowledge without the wisdom to put all that information into perspective.

Milestones

Today my youngest turns 21. It sounds so cliche to ask ‘Where does the time go?’ And yet it feels like a legitimate question.

One day you are bringing a bundle of joy home from the hospital… The next you are making sounds for them to repeat.

First steps, first time on a bicycle, first time without training wheels, first big fall from a bicycle.

First day of school, first day of middle school, high school, university.

Thousands of firsts, thousands of milestones, skipping past as fast as a skipping rock across a pond.

The firsts may come farther apart now, but they are to be cherished. Each ripple, a new moment, a new milestone, a new memory.

Culture and kids

I was visiting the Philippines back in 2010, my kids were 8 and 10. We went to the beach and immediately they wanted to build sand castles with me. I spent about 25-30 minutes playing then told them I was going to sit with their mom for a bit. I’d had enough. They wanted me to play longer.

Then a family with a mom, dad, and 3 or 4 year old kid came and sat near us. The kid had a shovel and her dad had a spoon, and they started playing in the sand. We stayed on the beach for well over an hour, probably closer to 2 hours and that dad was on his hands and knees or squatting next to his kid playing in the sand the entire time. I think they were speaking Tagalog so I didn’t understand the conversations they weee having, but this dad was engaged with his kid the entire time. During that time, I played with my kids in the sand for another 20-25 minutes.

I remember telling my wife that this guy was making me feel like a crappy dad. I was amazed how his little girl was the center of his attention for so long. It makes me wonder about how our culture and our upbringing influences the raising of our kids?

Visiting Thailand around that same time we stayed for a few days in a resort with tree house rooms near a national forest. The first morning we went to breakfast and there was a makeshift playpen, for a kid who wasn’t quite walking age, near where we ate. When we arrived at the restaurant, the owner was sitting in the playpen with the kid. He left when another worker came to tend to the kid. Then later we saw his wife doing the same thing. We assumed it was their granddaughter. My wife asked if this was the case and we were told no. One of the cook’s mother’s was sick and couldn’t take care of her kid, and so she had to bring her baby to work… they were just all taking shifts when they could so the employee could do her job.

One of the best parts of travel is seeing how some cultures differ from our own, and appreciating that their lifestyles include little things that we can learn from. And I think you can learn a lot about people by watching how they care for their kids, and kids in their community.

They are so grown up!

When our kids were young my wife and I had our travel systems to make everything go smoothly. I managed the bags, she managed the the passports, our kids had their backpacks, and we’d wiz through security lineups and seldom had any issues. Then I was usually the one with directions but my wife would take that rôle sometimes, like in France where she speaks the language and I don’t.

This trip to Spain and France my oldest daughter took full control of this. She is fluent in French and very capable in Spanish. She organized which buses and trains to take, what routes we took following Google, and when we drove an hour and a half down the coast in France, we took her car and she drove.

It was awesome to see her in full travel guide mode and I fully enjoyed taking the back seat (figuratively and literally in taxis) and having her run the show. I made sure she was ok with the responsibility and there was one evening in Spain when she said she didn’t want the responsibility and I took over, but other than that, she was in charge.

Our kids also planned events on our trip. We went to a Flamenco show in Barcelona and a tour of the Royal place in Madrid, both organized by our girls. And we went to a fancy restaurant on Christmas Eve and they treated.

It’s awesome to see your kids grow up to young adults. We said goodbye to our oldest this morning and my wife, youngest daughter, and I are on our way home. We had to hike several terminals over when we arrived in Paris for our connecting flight and my daughter pushed the luggage cart. These are small things but they make me a proud parent to see these independent young women contributing to our family adventures.

A dad’s secret

I love this.

I saw this TikTok last night and it really warmed my heart. A dad kept a childhood secret from his kid until she was 32 and had her own kids. Her dad would take her and her siblings to the beach to go shell fishing, but would go to a souvenir shop first and buy pretty shells. Then he’d throw them in the ripples of waves to be found.

How did she finally find out all these years later? Because he started doing it for her kids, his grandkids. Here is the video.

I grew up on a tropical beach. I still remember the joy of finding a beautiful, unbroken shell. I wish I did this for my kids… and one day I hope to do this for my grandkids.

No more teens

Tomorrow is my youngest daughter’s birthday. As of tomorrow my daughters will be 20 and 22, and I will no longer be the parent of a teenager. It has been incredible to watch these young girls transform into young women. They are still two wonderful kids in my eyes, but they are so mature, and grown up too.

I still remember holding them both in my arms for the first time, watching their first steps, and reading them bedtime stories. It doesn’t seem all that long ago… not all that long ago for me, but an entire lifetime for them.

I’ve been writing a letter to them in my head ever since my first daughter went off to university. Soon I’ll have to get it written down. For now it’s just an idea about first and last experiences. Perhaps I’ll share it here, but only with their permission… I’m writing it for them, they are my audience… my two grown up girls that will forever be my babies. The teen years may be over, but they are my kids and that will never grow old.