Tag Archives: humility

Changing your mind

Leave a reply

Should be a reason to celebrate, because new learning occurred.

Should occur at least occasionally, or you probably aren’t growing.

Should be cathartic not embarrassing.

There’s nothing wrong with having strong opinions. There’s nothing wrong with speaking with conviction. But when faced with new, better information it’s ok to change your mind; update your ideas; adjust your perspective.

Let your flexibility, not your stubbornness define your stance. It’s not only ok to admit that you’ve changed your mind… that’s part of being a thinker, a learner, a member of a pluralistic society, a decent human being.

You’re so vain

The lyrics of a Carley Simon song say, “You’re so vain, you probably think this song is about you.”

I’ve heard again and again that this song is about James Taylor, whom she dated before she wrote this song. I’ve also heard that Warren Beatty believes it’s about him.

We all think that other people are thinking about us, that people are paying attention to us. In reality each person (to some degree) sees the world as revolving around them. This is especially evident in kids. It starts at a very young age when they play hide and seek, and they cover their own eyes believing that if they can’t see you, then you can’t see them. But then, all the way into their teens they see the world only through their eyes.

Then the grow up a bit, and they understand that the whole world isn’t seen from their perspective. Yet years later a small, passing joke about this now teenager may get a single laugh, and they believe that the entire world is laughing at them. Humiliation reigns when everyone else has already moved on to the next thing. 

Adults aren’t always better. They make a mistake and the closest they can get to an apology is “I am sorry you feel that way, that wasn’t my intention.” That’s not an apology, that’s ignorance of the hurt that you actually did. The unsaid part of that attempt at an apology is, “It’s absolutely your fault that you didn’t understand what I meant”. And I’m not sure who would consider that a real apology?

That’s vanity for you. In a young child it’s seeing the world only through your eyes. As a teenager it’s believing everyone is watching you. And as an adult it’s the belief that you are misunderstood but it’s not your fault. 

It takes humility to understand that you’re not all that important. It takes empathy to understand that other people think differently than you. And it takes honesty to recognize that your perspective is just one of many. Integrity isn’t built from a vain point of you, it is built from understanding that while the things you value are important, it’s also important to value the thoughts and opinions of people you care about.

And as cautionary tale, people who are vain do not deserve the same respect as those who are humble and wise. There is a difference between being humble, and being a pushover to people who do not give others the same respect that you do.

I don’t know

I tend to be a confident person when sharing my opinion, and that can be both a strength and a weakness. But recently I’ve been struck with a pretty big dose of “I don’t know?” Especially around the future of the pandemic we are facing, and when things will start to look ‘normal’.

When will the peak happen?

When will schools and most stores open again?

When will sporting events and concerts start again?

I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know.

Will social distancing in some capacity linger for months going forward?

Will COVID-19 resurge next flu season, before a vaccine is created?

How normal will the new normal be?

I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know.

What I do know is that we all have to do our part. I know that this experience would have been a lot harder if we couldn’t communicate with loved ones digitally. I know that worrying about things we can not control is unhealthy.

It’s not helpful to dwell on the unknowns and one thing seems clear: Even the experts aren’t sure of the best course of action right now. Considering this, it’s ok that I don’t know either.

7-Sins-Collage

Here are the 7 Sins, and here come the 7 Virtues?

In January, I wrote a series of posts called the 7 Sins:

  1. Gluttony
  2. Envy
  3. Pride
  4. Lust
  5. Wrath
  6. Greed
  7. Sloth

I plan to write a series of 7 Virtues over this coming week, in addition to my regular daily posts, then auto post them the following week while I take a social media break. I will be deleting my Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram Apps off of my phone and only using my phone or a laptop with notifications turned off for my sabbatical. On that note, if you regularly read this blog from my Facebook Story or Facebook Timeline, please ‘Like’ this FB page, because during my social media break I won’t be manually adding the posts to my Story or Timeline. You can also get Daily-Ink by email.

Here are 7 Virtues that I am thinking of writing about: (The order might differ.)

  1. Love (including Chastity and Loyalty)
  2. Discipline (including Patience, not just Diligence or Temperance)
  3. Empathy (including Compassion)
  4. Integrity (including Honour and Courage)
  5. Kindness (including Charity),
  6. Humility
  7. Forgiveness

Am I missing anything? Any suggestions?